A/N: Hello all. This crackfic was written by two bored girls when they were high (on caffeine). It is meant to be amusing to the disturbing side, so please do not flame us. Thank you!
" " - speech
' ' - thoughts
( ) - random author inserts
Note to JenJen: WE HOPE YOU LOVE IT! BWAHAHAHAHA! XD
The Young and the Restless
It was a sunny day and the birds were chirping (excuse the lameness). Orochimaru looked outside the window and decided he was bored. He began reflecting on his anguished life; how he was abandoned as an infant because of his demonic demeanour, and went on to contemplate suicide.
"Jiraiya!" Their sensei, Hatake Shishika (Kakashi's grandfather, cough) called out, "the textbook is on your desk, not on Tsunade's breasts."
The class howled in laughter. Orochimaru scoffed at the stupidity of his fellow classmates.
'One day I'll rid the world of all idiots,' he thought to himself, 'why would Jiraiya stare at her anyway! Isn't my mysteriousness and self-pity much more appealing!…Wait a second, I did not just think that!'
Orochimaru blushed and went back to staring pensively out the window.
On the other side of the room, Tsunade whacked her book against Jiraiya's head and hissed, "Stop dreaming, I'll never fall in love with you!"
Jiraiya smirked, "If only you knew what goes on in my dreams."
"Ewww!" Tsunade screamed in shock as the whole class turned to look at the bickering couple at the front.
"Keep that for Sex Ed class and please concentrate on the bunshin no jutsu," the sensei scolded.
The class went quiet and Tsunade turned away in irritation. Smirking, Jiraiya once again fell into his daydream of sweeping valleys and towering mountains. (hint, hint).
'Mmmm… /censored,' he thought.
Tsunade, purposely ignoring the monkey next to her, inconspicuously shifted her vision towards the back of room, where a certain handsome youth sat next to the window. She gazed at his long, silky, dark hair and longed to stroke it. Abruptly, Orochimaru lost interest at whatever was outside, and looked towards where she was sitting. Tsunade's face heated up.
'Ohmygackt! He's looking at me!'
The puddle outside finally dried up, so Orochimaru was left with nothing to stare at. His attention returned to the class, as he focused once again on the white-haired boy at the front, who was again pre-occupied with Tsunade's chest regions.
'Maybe I should grow boobs.' He mentally slapped himself for thinking such obscene thoughts. 'I do not swing that way!'
Feeling a little left out, Jiraiya averted his view to whatever Tsunade was occupied with at the back of the room. Here, he was greeted with a pair of Hufflepuff yellow eyes that were staring at him with disturbing intensity.
Orochimaru was momentarily stunned as Jiraiya suddenly turned his attention onto him. He felt blood rushing to his head (Coldplay! Yay!) and became uncomfortably aware of his appearance.
'Did I remember to shave my legs this morning!' he thought in horror.
Thinking that Orochimaru was looking at her, Tsunade was embarrassed and delighted as Orochimaru's complexion turned from a stale turnip to that of a flaming beetroot. Happy with her achievement, Tsunade became determined to make her first move.
Abruptly, the bell rang and the class concluded.
That was the first and last time Tsunade has ever confessed her love to anyone.(We know that this may not be accurate, but shut up.)
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
Fin.