Against All Odds
Chapter I:
Yearning for a Lost Love
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters.
It wasn't unusual these days for her to cry. For the slightest memory would break her heart and she would soon have the tears rolling down her cheeks against her best efforts to restrain them. This happened often too, because everywhere there was a reminder of him. Every room in this house he had sometime been. On the wall were pictures of their youth. Upon her work table were a voluminous amount of metals and tools that brought upon a recollection; how could they not cause her to remember him? His presence was everywhere. But she knew she shouldn't continue these tears. She needed to wash her face of their essence forever.
Was it not he who decided to leave her all alone? He and his brother had just up and left. That was not uncommon of them. They had not even been so kind enough to say farewell. That would not had been the first time, either; they had not said a word of their departure when they had burnt down their past to begin their journey. However all those times they had always come back for one reason or another. This time, however, they would not be returning. They were not in this world, this dimension any longer.
She knew she should forget them; forget him. After all they probably had all ready done that of her. "Stand up and walk forward," he would say, yet she could not obey that advice. For just the thought of it was only another reminder of him. Oh, how pitiful of her to remember at words meant to forget. No matter how many times her mind would utter it; no matter how many times she would stop and say aloud, "Forget him!", she could not. She knew deep within her being that the thought was an impossible feat. His image would haunt her for eternity!
Love? Was that what it was? Perhaps. A love beyond the ties of friendship for she didn't think of his brother nearly as much. She so longed to be near him, to spend time with him, to feel the closeness they shared when she adjusted his auto-mail. Such fruitless thoughts. He would never return; he was gone and somehow she would just have to accept that. Maybe she'd just walk through her life as she walked through this house: alone.
There were many reasons for his face to pop into her mind, but today a new one had surfaced. She had just finished speaking to a new customer, who needed an auto-mail replacement for his foot from ankle down when it occurred. This person had left and she had walked over to the calendar that hung above her worktable to write down the agreed upon date of the craft's completion. Unconsciously she had avoided any reminder of him, which had become so natural by purposely attempting it many times that she no longer even noticed she did. When she raised her pen to write the assignment a certain date caught her eye that whirled his image around in her head. Her heart beat increased slightly and her eyes watered. The date the auto-mail was to be received by its owner was his birthday; Edward's birthday. A tear silently rolled down her face as her mind finally comprehended what her heart had all ready realized.
So there she now lay upon her work desk. Her cheeks were flushed and tear-stained and her eyes were puffy from continuous weeping that had not ceased since the incident that had happened several hours ago. She should not be crying she knew. There was work to be done; no time for tears. Yet she could not help but cry. What a silly thing to be sad for. She knew he must be well and happy. He was with his brother after all. But it was because he was not with her that brought out her sorrow the most. And maybe he had not wanted to be. He had not even bothered to bid her farewell. Thoughts of his life-wherever it was-only brought more tears to her eyes. What was stopping him from falling in love with someone that was not she? Absolutely nothing. She was but a shadow in his mind and he was a grown man now and no longer on such a mind consuming quest that time for love was quite probable. Jealousy was it? But of course. These were phantom figures she could not challenge. And if they were not ghosts she wondered if she had the strength to challenge them? There had always been obstacles between them. He had wanted nothing but to return his brother to normal and so she had stood back, never moving forward enough to break the boundaries between friendship and something more. Now the thickest wall stood between them. And it was one she could not breech even if she tried.
So why be sad over something impossible to reach? Why be envious of a phantom rival? There was nothing to look forward to; nothing to speculate; nothing to work for; nothing to love; there was nothing anymore. And should not nothing be easy to forget?
She gave a few more sniffs before she lifted her head and looked upon her uncompleted work. Scattered about her work desk were tools of all sorts: wrenches, screwdrivers, hammer, levels, drills, chuck-keys; numerous screws and wires; and sheets and pieces of metal of all lengths and thickness. In no way did the work even resemble any body part. Uncompleted was an understatement. She had barely even begun the task at hand. However working on building auto-mail wasn't the best remedy to bid farewell to his image from her mind. She needed to be away from all that reminded her of him. Even if it was only for a small while and afterwards the tears flowed once more. But for just awhile she needed something fresh. This work had to be completed and she couldn't let things like this prevent that. A break was in order. She just needed to be out of this house. A little walk would be nice.
It didn't take her long to change from her work clothes to apparel for daily life. She slipped on a pair of black pants and into a white shirt. She quickly brought her long blonde hair up and clipped it so that it resembled a bun. She looked in the mirror that hung on a wall in her room afterwards. Her cheeks were still flushed and she looked awfully tired. She had been crying for so long its effects had taken their toll on her. With a sigh she walked away. There was nothing more she could do about her appearance and it would soon away. At least there wasn't that many people that could see her. She was to get away from what brought these tear and need not think of their effects. She smiled in attempt to cheer herself. She grabbed the little money she had (It just wasn't coming in as it was when Ed was a customer) and placed it in a bag along with other items, checked on Pinako, and gave Den an affectionate pat before she walked out the door, without bothering to clean up her desk.
The land was glowing outside; Autumn had made it turn gold. The sun's bright rays shimmered everywhere and the ocean above was a solid blue. Such a beautiful day. The fields were a crisp yellow and not far in the distance she could see sheep grazing and hear them baaing happily. She began to make her way down the path that connected her home and the rest of the small town of Resembool. Where was she going? It did not matter. Just to give her mind freedom of his memory was all she desired. That matter was easier said than done.
Not only the home she had spent her hours in, but this entire town pressed the image of him onto the foremost part of her mind. Everywhere they had been together at one time or another. There were the memories of innocent childhood play days everywhere. A time when the thoughts that lingered silently within the far depths of her mind were not present. A time when she didn't have to long and cry for his companionship, for he was there. Everywhere she looked was an open door to a memory. She could she the figures laughing and running and dancing before her. She stared at the tree to her right and saw it in an instant: figures climbing up upon it with wide smiles. To the left was the path which led to a cave that they had claimed the three's own secret space.
She sat down by the riverside and wrapped her arms around her knees. She knew this spot well. Ed would always go look for Al here after a fight. They used to play here as well-all three of them. The visions danced before her just like they were really happening. Children-two boys and one girl- were splashing each other with water. They were running playfully from each other and laughing so happily. Such sweet memories, but bitter nevertheless. They made her feel so warm that she smiled, yet at the same they tore her away to the point that tears threatened her eyes. How could she feel this way? If they were forgotten she'd lose the pain, but the joy would be gone as well. Was she to live the rest of her days like this? Forever was she to be haunted by his image? There was no escape from that face. Her entire life was just a reminder of him. Perhaps she was doomed. Yes, doomed to always remember, to always hope for an impossible future, to wish for him, to forever love him and always wait for his return that would never come, and never get what she desired most. She was trapped; chained to a fruitless love. She was standing on one side of a mirror with no way to shatter the glass and all she could do was look through to the other side and see whom of which she yearn for, but never reach him.
Her eyes had narrowed in thought and she and pulled her legs tighter to her chest. The water she starred at she did not really see. Its current was gentle and brushed against the shore a few feet from her, but she took no notice. She was much too deep in her mind. Why did it have to be this way? she internally shouted. Why? Such a simple thing she wanted: him. Even if he would never say the words she wanted his heart to speak, she didn't care. Just the gift of his companionship was enough. The images of the children vanished and she saw only his figure. He was smiling at her and speaking in words she could not hear, but her heart felt them. He was coming towards her now and speaking those inaudible words. His face was so gentle. Next thing she knew he was directly before her and was bending down towards her. Face coming closer. Lips coming closer…
"Um…excuse me."
In an instant his image disappeared and the warmth that had suddenly overcome her went with it. She whirled around with her eyes wide to look at who had spoken. She cast her gaze up as to where the voice had originated from. She saw a man with emerald eyes that sparkled in the glowing sun and luscious brown hair that fell around his face gently. He wore a blue uniform; he was a member of the military. He smiled sheepishly down at her and revealed his perfect white teeth. Yes, he was handsome, perhaps even one might say elegant, but he was not Edward and so she was not aware of his charm and surly there was no skip of her heart when their eyes met. Strange, though it was, for someone of the military to be addressing her.
"I'm sorry to have frightened you," he said with that shy smile as he stared down at her shocked expression. "Are you from around here?" She nodded and looked at him carefully, for what could he want? "Ah, good," he continued. "You see, I'm a bit lost." So he was in need of some assistance, but that only pushed a new question: Why was the military in Resembool? There certainly wasn't much going on here. Again he continued, "Do you know how I could get to the train station from here?" That was all he needed? Directions to the station? Then what had he been doing here? Was he only visiting or was he up to other actions? It did cause her to feel a little uneasy.
She did not answer immediately. She was in too much of a state of shock for that. He had surprised her greatly. She flushed when she realized she must look silly with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide, just staring at him. Then she quickly began to tell him the directions after receiving an odd look from him.
"Thank you very much," he said with a bright smile once she was finished. "I'd be wandering around for hours if not for you." He waved her farewell and began his departure.
"You're welcome," she muttered as he left. She shouldn't had been so suspicious of him, she knew. He had done nothing wrong as far as she could tell and if he had done a wrong it was because of the leash the military had on him. He seemed like a kind man and had only needed help. Is this how one becomes when pain has plagued his or her heart? Does a person only anticipate that there will be more pain? That she greatly wondered, but that was not a path she wanted to live. Nor did she want to live a life where she covered herself in a mask of happiness when sadness is what she really felt. This was all his fault! Oh, why did he have to leave? Why? She felt the tears sting at her eyes.
No! She shouldn't cry, but she couldn't help it. Just like how easily the memories and fantasies had been pulled from her mind with but a few words, he had been taken away. And so easily. Where to? She did not want to know. Whether it was to another land or to death it was best left a mystery. Was her life not something to cry for? Why could she not be with him? It was all she wanted, but yet an unreachable goal. The tears fell from her eyes and she tucked her head down into her arms and her grip tightened around her legs. Each tear she shed she regretted. She had promised not to cry for him anymore, as she did everyday. It was not worth it. He was not worth it. If he had wanted her he would not have left.
Finally her tears ceased. But she had spent a great time weeping. It was all ready midday when she had went for her little stroll and now night was quickly approaching. It was getting chilly too. She soon mustered the strength to rise to her feet and with one final look at the ocean of memories that flowed gently through this small town she began to walk home. There was work to be done and that auto-mail wouldn't put itself together.
"Blast you, damn thing!" someone yelled not far away. A loud bang followed. Winry turned her attention to the sound. A large vehicle stood a little way's off the trail to her right. It was pulling a great amount of crates, which were emitting many strange noises: roars, growls, whines, twitters, scratching noises, and sounds of plodding, mixed in with numerous other variant sounds. It was evident of animals. This vehicle's engine was steaming. Behind it were trailers and trucks that pulled different crates, all containing unseen beasts. All the automobiles were decorated in a similar fashion, with lively vivid colors and designs and paintings. People were standing around the broken truck. One man was kicking it and cursing at it, sounding almost as wild as the creatures' cries. Curious of all this, Winry walked a little closer.
"What are we going to do now?" one woman said in a very concerned tone. "We have to be in Central by early morning."
"I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with it!" The man who was previously cursing replied and gave one of the truck's tires another kick for emphasis.
"Can't we do anything?" asked a younger man. "We'll be in serious trouble without the profits from that show."
"Don't worry so much," said a voice. All the people present looked behind them into the forest of brightly painted trucks and trailers and cries of animals. A little old woman emerged from behind the steaming truck. She was barely taller than Pinako and had an ancient look about her. Her face was winkled and her nose had the similarity to that of a classic witch. Her eyes were frightening, but almost invisible by the coverage of age. They seemed like they could pierce through one's soul to reveal his or her darkest secrets. Beady little balls of mystery they were that were threatening just to look at. "Fate is in our favor today." Those frightful eyes turned to Winry and instantly the young woman felt ice cover her body. All the other men and women near the truck turned to look at her as well. Her breath caught in her throat and she could not move any part of her body. Even her heart felt as if it had stopped beating. All these people were looking at her so intensely that all thought vanished from her mind. Only emptiness and darkness remained.
The old woman spoke, "Don't be alarmed, dear." Her gaze softened and a small smile came to her ancient lips.
Suddenly sense came back to Winry. These people were stuck here because their truck broke down. A truck! She could help these people. It wouldn't take her long to fix. And this old woman knew that. She found her voice. "Do you need help?" Her tone was quivering under the many gazes. "I could take a look at the truck." All the people eyed her curiously. "I'm an auto-mail mechanic," she added with a nervous smile.
"You can fix this?" the older man who had abused the car with words and kicks asked with a hint of disbelief. He patted the dieing truck.
"Of course!" Winry exclaimed with pride.
And she was not lying. As soon as they agreed to let her take a look, (which seemed possible only because the people seemed to have a great faith in the words of the old woman) she instantly knew the problem. It didn't take her long to fix either. She brought her tools out, which she carried in her bag and flew to work. In a mere ten minutes (and it only took her that long because all the curious stares made her nervous) the engine was no longer steaming and when tested the truck started without a problem.
In this time she came to realize that she was helping a traveling circus, who was scheduled for a performance in Central. The man who had been cursing at the truck as if it could hear and would magically be cured at the words was no other than the manager. It felt good to help these people, to know her skills were appreciated and needed. Probably the most important matter was that it brought her mind away from thoughts of Edward.
"Thank you very much. I don't know what we would have done without you," the manager said to her as she cleaned a wrench with a handkerchief. "How much should we pay you for your services?"
She stopped cleaning and looked straight at him. "Please, don't bother. I'm just glad I could help." Her words were sincere and pleasant. She smiled at him.
"But you did such a favor to us," he continued to try and convince her.
She shook her head. "It was no trouble. So please, I insist, keep your money." She still kept that smile at her lips.
"Very well," he added after a time of thought, finally giving in to her will. He then turned to walk away, but stopped and looked back to add, "But do know we truly appreciate I." He then left.
She continued cleaning her tools once again and was soon returning her scattered items back to their home in her bag. She smiled as she did. She had done two good deeds today, but even kind favors would not give her what she wanted.
"You should have takenthe money," said a voice that caused Winry to drop the wrench she was holding. It fell to the ground with a small thump. It wasn't the sudden act of being spoken to that startled her, but the voice itself. It wasn't especially cold, but something about it scared her. Perhaps it was the owner of the voice. Its hoarse and aged tone could only belong to the old woman who had a frightful aura about her. Winry turned her head slowly about and found herself in need to look down to see the little woman. "The Rockbell family could use any money they could get," the woman continued, starring at Winry with a smile. However that smile chilled Winry to the bone and how-just how- did she know her family's name? She never said it! "It just isn't coming in since he disappeared is it?" Now the voice was eerie. Winry's eyes widened and she took a few steps back. How on earth could this woman know about her family's financial status and how could she know about him? How?
"How do you know that?" the young woman managed to croak.
"I know many things," was the simple reply. And this tiny woman neared Winry slowly. Which caused the young girl no choice but to back up against the truck she had fixed. "That is why I travel with this bunch." She gestured to the other members of the circus and the vehicles that they traveled in.
"You're a…a fortune teller," Winry asked with one eyebrow cocked. The fear was evident in her voice but she tried to disguise it. She was starring at the design and image on one of the trailers, which advertised a old woman with silver hair peering over a crystal ball.
"Yes, you could say that," the woman answered as she bent down and retrieved the wrench Winry had dropped. She held it out to its owner, who after a while hesitantly began to reach out her hand to accept it, but stopped midday out of fear. "You should hold on tight to your special possessions, or they up and vanish, don't they?" she said with a odd twinkle in her eyes and a quick smile at the end of her words. She lifted her heavy silver eyebrows up for emphasis. Winry just stared at her, neither talking or grabbing her wrench. This woman was scary yes, but she seemed to have a gentleness about her.
When the old woman realized that Winry would not claim her tool, she brought her little wrinkled had over the young smooth one and gently placed the wrench in it. In those few moments skin touched skin and the little woman gasped in horror. Her eyes were wide and she quickly pulled her hand away as a chill crept up her spine. This behavior caught Winry's attention and she quickly snapped out of her frozen state and became worried and concerned for this woman's health. Was she having a heart attack or something else? Winry opened her mouth but the words never had the chance to come out.
"Much sorrow fills you life," the woman gasped with a dark voice. "In the past many losses darkened your sky and now they rest on your shoulders with an unlifting gloom." She looked up at Winry and grabbed the girl's face with little aged hands (How she reached Winry did not know.) and starred at Winry's eyes, which were wide with shock. "Yes, I see now, the dark clouds in your eyes. Oh, you shouldn't have wished so hard, child. Only pain awaits the fools who do." She paused a moment and just starred into Winry's eyes, with a mysterious yet frightful stare. The young girl was immobilized with fear, the fear that rang in her ears every time this woman spoke. Her body must have been shaking rapidly and her heart beat was wild. "A shadow of the past is approaching, but don't expect happiness, for you will not get it. Only more tears to fill the river that you weep are abound." The voice had become colder now. "Be warned, it's foolish to give your heart to this wandering darkness."
In an instant Winry pulled away, breathing hard. She grabbed her stuff that was scattered on the hood of the once broken truck and at light speed dashed away. She ran as fast as she could without one look back. Something was certainly wrong with that woman. She was mad! The river was beside her as she ran. Just what was she talking about anyway? Clouds and shadows? Winry's heart beat was high, but not because of physical activity but because of fright. The woman's icy hands, dark eyes, and grave eerie voice had sent shiver after shiver up her spine.
Finally Winry slowed when she could run no longer. She was near her home and out of harm's way. She continued at a slow tired walk up the path leading to her house, an old fence of stone beside her. The sky was dark now and Resembool was quiet, except for the chirping of crickets unseen and far away. A few lights were on in the spread out rural houses. Stars were gleaming in the sky. Slowly Winry's heart returned to a normal pace. She was almost to her home now. She looked down; home only to loneliness.
She heard voices ahead, familiar voices, but ones that made her heart stop. It wasn't possible. She looked up slowly, eyes wide. She was hoping and doubting at the same time. It couldn't be, but when her eyes fell upon the porch of her house she was sure it was true. She stopped dead in her tracks. No, she was dreaming. She was dreaming, yet it seemed so real. It had to be a nightmare because her heart was tearing apart. It must be a terrible joke; a lie. It couldn't be. Her eyes watered as she looked on. No, it couldn't be, but it was. It couldn't be him, but it was.
"Are you going to let us in or what?" he said with a soft expression. A smile was on his lips. His blonde hair was in a long ponytail lying on his shoulder, gleaming slightly in the moonlight. He wore clothes she had never seen. His legs were crossed. And he looked at her, sending a chill down her back for a reason she did not know. Next to him on the porch steps sat his brother, dressed similarly and wearing a bright smile. However, Winry did not really see him, for she was too focused on his brother to really notice.
It wasn't a dream, he was here. Suddenly rays of sunlight finally reached the dark land in her heart. And it wasn't surprising at all that she ran to him, weeping, letting all her sorrow pour out and be replaced with tears of joy, and wrapped her arms around him. Edward was back at last.
To be continued….