Whee! 17 reviews! I'm happy!
And now for Review responses: (never really done this before o.O)
NekoNeko: (love the name!) Not sure if I want Wufei's with a buzzcut so I 'll try to update at least once a week. [whispers] I'm rather fond of his hair myself .O
HeeroDuo4eva and Hells-angel8: You guys are here again! Thanks for reading my other fics, really appreciate it. Yes I am rather fond of Duo-torture, but then he is one of my favorite characters. I wanted Duo to be completely shocked, that's why both couples are engaged at once! Duo torture...mwahahha! [excuse me...ahem...]
BabyTraci, Bishie Lovers 'R' us, freya, TKM, Rashalla Entalio, pUnK-RoCk['s Sk8ter chic, animegirl1171 and Kin-chan: Ahh I'm not sure who to pair Duo up with. Maybe Zechs, maybe Heero [but he's getting married so...?] or Trieze. Not an OC, I can assure you that. Maybe he won't be paired at all. Aah! So many options, which one to choose?
TigerRain a.k.a Tara: When I figure out who Duo's going to be paired with, I'll make sure he's uke. And since in this fic Duo's gay, the girls don't stand a chance!
KerriRane: Hey! I happen to like 1x5! lol!
Shuichi-404, blooddrinker, BP and MeLaiya: Glad you like the story! Thanks for reviewing!
Disclaimer: mine mine! All mine! And the roses are black and the sky is green.
ON WITH DA STORY!
Note: switching to Duo's POV
I'm happy. Really I am. Ecstatic! Wonderful! Bubbling with joy? What, you don't believe me?
It is Sunday morning and my best friends just told me that they are getting married. Of course I'm happy! Why wouldn't I be? I mean, except for the fact that sooner of later they'll move out or ask me to move out and then I'll be all alone like I have been for most of my pathetic life. Does it matter? Hell no.
I really did think that they deserved it. That they deserved all the happiness they could get. A normal life too. They were gundam pilots. Hell, they never had normal life. This would give them a chance at it. Yeah, I know. I'm a gundam pilot too. Don't I deserve to be happy?
Never really thought about it until now. No, that's a lie. I am run and I may hide, but I never tell a lie. I have thought of this before, but didn't make much of it. Sure the others had love in their lives, I thought I did too. But not in the same sense as Fei and Heero or Quat and Trowa. They weren't condemned to being alone, lying on a cold bed, listening to the moan and groans coming from the other rooms. Yeah, Quatre and Wufei can be LOUD.
I just...I just wish for once...that someone would pay attention to me, you know? In that loving caring manner. I wish I had someone too. Someone who stays up with me when I'm sick, someone who waits for my phone call when I am away. Someone who worries when I'm late. Someone who holds me when I cry.
Well, I suppose I've never really cried. Sure when Solo died or when the church went up in flames. But other than that...the only other time I cried was when Heero self-destructed. Even Wufei did, but then again Heero was his lover. That was the night when Wufei and I became friends.
He had confined himself in their room, crying his heart out. Trowa and Quatre had each other to grieve, but Wufei was alone and so was I. So I had gone into his room and held him, rocked him and told him that it'd be okay. Up till then, Wufei still thought I was a brat. He had been shocked when I did this and had pushed me back, yelling.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT LOSING SOMEONE?"
That had pierced through me, flooding me with every single painful memory that I have ever had. I let the jester mask drop, the smiles, the laughs, the easy-going attitude and showed him that I was just as weary about the war as he was, if not even more. I told him about Solo, the Maxwell church, everything except that I was shinigami. Everyone I love dies. That I did not tell him. He didn't need to know that. Just like he didn't need to know that Heero's loss had hurt me just as much as it had hurt Wufei.
What? You didn't guess? Hm, thought you understood by now. I was in love with Heero. Bling bling. Satisfied? But then again he didn't love me. Not that I told him of course. Wufei and Heero just clicked and were together before I even had a chance. Would I have taken if there had been a chance? Back then, no. But now, maybe.
I've gotten over it. Sure I love Heero but he's Wufei's and I love Wufei too. He's my best bud. You thought Quatre and I would be best buds? I suppose after Wufei. But I have never revealed my past to him. I think he found out somehow though.
So where does all of this leave me? Right now? Sitting in the gardens pondering. The others had gone shopping. Yeah, usually I'd join them but not today. Today I'm wondering how much longer before I am left completely alone. If they asked me to leave, I would. No questions asked. Maybe it would be for the best. I'm not sure I can stand being around two happily married couples while I am alone. It would hurt much more than it has been these past three years.
They had planned on a double wedding. Hm? I wonder if I can persuade Wufei to wear a dress...
Thought you got rid of me? No such luck. Just taking a break from my rambling. The others are back now. Time to put on the jester's mask again. Next stop, Living room.
They were all there, not that they paid much attention to me. Damn, they looked good together. Heero was sprawled on the couch with Wufei on top of him, limbs entwined and a little off to the right, Trowa sat in the armchair with Quatre on his lap. Yup, rubbing it in. Not purposefully of course.
"Hey, guys!" I said cheerfully, trying to avoid any major eye contact. "Movie?" I asked, plopping down in front of the couch on the floor. That way I didn't have to look at them and feel sorry for myself.
"Sure. What do you wanted to watch, Duo?" Quatre asked me. I personally didn't care as long as it wasn't a mushy chick flick.
"I don't know. Let's check what on." I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. Ads, cartoons, news on L2, Ads...wait, WHAT? L2? I flipped back and stopped on the news channel.
"Duo?" Wufei called. He sounded confused as to why I was watching news. I never did. I made a shushing motion at him and turned up the volume. I recognized the site in the background. It was the place where the Maxwell church had stood.
"...a new building to be built over the Maxwell Church site, which incidentally had only one survivor..."
I had tuned everything out as soon as I heard the first few words. They were building over it. Over the church ground.
Something must have happened because I found Wufei shaking my shoulder and the remote falling from my grasp.
"Duo? Duo!" I could hear vaguely hear Wufei calling me. I turned and blinked at Wufei. I'm pretty sure my face was blank.
"What?" I asked. But he didn't reply. He knew he couldn't say anything about my past in front of the others But his eyes conveyed more than I needed to know. Are you okay?
Plastering a smile on my face that I hoped wasn't too fake, I nodded and turned back to the TV. "Looks like L2 is finally starting to get better." I said in a matter of explanation. I knew that the others were staring at me, but I kept my eyes glued to the TV. They didn't have to know anything.
We ended up watching Matrix revolutions. I'm rather fond of it so I managed to forget about the whole church incident for a while. When the movie was over, I switched off the TV and stretched. "Good movie, right guys?" There was no reply.
Turning around I found all of them asleep just as I had found them. Chuckling softly, I draped an afghan over both couples and silently made my way out. I decided to spend some time with nature. What? You don't enjoy the cool breeze and the fragrance of flowers?
...
Ah, who was I kidding?
I needed some time to think. So I made my way to the little creek at the back of the house. Or I should say mansion? Anyway, there was a huge flat rock where I usually sat when I came here. And now I sat again.
I don't know why I was shocked when I heard that piece of news. I knew that the church had to be built over sometime yet it hurt. Maybe because it was the only place where I had found my family. Maybe because I was holding on to the guilt and the pain that I was the one who caused its destruction. Maybe...maybe because it was the first place where I had found love.
I didn't want it to be built over but then again there was nothing I could do. I sat huddled, wrapping my arms around my upraised knees and staring out into space. I don't know how long I did that, because the next thing I knew was that the sky had gone dark and warm arms were wrapping around me, and that there were tears on my face.
"Damn it, Duo. I knew it." I heard Wufei whisper and realized that the arms around me were his. "It's okay. Shh, don't cry now. It'll be okay."
I hadn't realized the fact that I was sobbing my heart out. How? I have no clue. I just ended up in Wufei's arms, trying to hide from the rest of the world. And Wufei would let me.
But I wasn't weak enough that I would let him. Pulling away, I hastily wiped my eyes and smiled a watery smile at him. "Don't know how that happened."
Wufei's eyes were pained. I knew he was hurting for me and I very much wanted to throw myself into his arms and weep and tell him how much I was guilty of them all dying. But what good would it do? It would only hurt him even more. Better to keep this to myself and not burden any others with it. Especially not when they were getting married.
"Damn it, Duo. It's okay to lean sometimes." Wufei grounded out. I smiled wanly at him.
"But not now. Now is the time to be happy. My best friend is getting married. No time for tears here." I got up and tugged on his arm. "Come on. Lets get back before Heero sends out a search party for you."
Wufei blushed at that and playfully smacked my hand. I grinned back at him, putting the pain back on the shelf where it belonged. The melancholy mood forgotten, we made our way back to the house.
I was happy, wasn't I?
ooh, I always wanted to write in first person! Let me know if I did good!
Reviewwwwwwww!