Penpals 3
Luke sat before his computer in his quarters and stared at the letter from Podracer he had just read. "Oh, this is just great! My penpal has homicidal tendencies and now he wants to know what it was I had blown up! How did I get myself into this mess? Me and my big mouth!"
The problem was, Luke had been looking forward to Podracer's reply. He had hoped the other would have some advice on how to deal with his guilt, but this…this was just scary! Scarier than the Empire, maybe; no, he was confidant it was far scarier. And to think the person was writing to him!
/What kind of person would kill women and children?/
Luke leaned back in his chair, suddenly feeling tired. Podracer had more problems than he had.
/Do I even want to be writing to such a person?/
Even if they had been some kind of beasts, surely they all didn't deserve to die? And what exactly had these beasts been? Had they been intelligent creatures? The letter seemed to suggest that, for animals generally didn't kidnap women. No, an animal might kill a person and eat them for food, but kidnapping belonged only to the so-called intelligent species. And unfortunately, the galaxy was filled with hostile intelligent species that would be all too happy to do just what had happened in Podracer's letter.
Luke rubbed his forehead with a hand, the palms massaging his tired eyes.
/What am I going to do?/
Closing his eyes, Luke tried to bring an image of his mother to his mind. Nothing came. He didn't know if she had been thin or fat, what color her hair or eyes had been, what she had enjoyed doing or even her name. For all he knew, she could have been from any planet in the galaxy. All he knew for sure was that she had been a human like he was and that didn't even count really. Had she loved his father? He hoped so. Perhaps his Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen had known about her, but they had refused to tell him anything. Nor had they told him much about his father; just that he had been a pilot and he had died.
/What would I have done in that situation if I had known my mother and had found her like that?/
He was reminded of the fateful day when he had come back from chasing the little R2 unit into the desert. Ben had saved him from the Sandpeople, but later he had found the only family he had ever known murdered in their home by the Empire. He had been filled with grief, shock, sorrow and anger. But in his case, the ones who had done it had already been gone. What if the Empire's stormtroopers had still been there? Would he have attacked them?
/Yes, I probably would have. And lost./
At the time, he had no real combat training and there was no way he could have fought armored troopers. He would have just attacked them in a blind rage, but that anger would have faded quickly as grief took over. Either he would have been killed or thrown in the brig somewhere to rot.
/But I still don't know what to do./
Deciding to come back to that issue later, Luke reread another part of Podracer's letter. It was no doubt Podracer was an unusual person with amazing abilities. For what average nine-year-old could not only pilot a fighter plane during a dogfight and actually manages to blow up a big ship?
/I never heard of such a thing!/
Luke thought back to when he was nine-years-old and got a vague image of living on the moisture farm. Like most boys his age, he had been fascinated with the other creatures that lived in the area, playing with the few friends he had, exploring the canyons if he could only sneak away from his guardian's watchful gaze and the weird mix of aliens in town. But blowing up a ship? Heck, he would have been scared witless! Podracer must have some really strong nerves and one cool head.
/But who exactly WAS Podracer?/
When he had written his first letter, Luke hadn't really given the matter much thought. He had just presumed it was some ordinary type citizen living somewhere on a planet. Sure, he realized the person probably lived in the Empire. Podracer would almost have to live in the Empire since the Empire controlled most of the systems. He had had some vague idea maybe he was writing to a racer, but now…
/Podracer can't be an ordinary citizen, not with a history like that./
Luke scanned the letter yet another time, his blue eyes focusing at the final question way near the bottom.
May I ask what you had blown up?
/How am I supposed to answer THAT?!/
Running a hand through his blonde hair, Luke tried to figure out some answer. He certainly couldn't tell Podracer it had been the Death Star. No, if he did that than Podracer would know who he was. Not only his personal identity, but that he was a Rebel. What had started out as a simple hobby to ease his own guilty conscious was turning out to be a possible threat to the Rebel Alliance.
/I could lie…/
No, he couldn't lie. If his Uncle had thought him one thing, it had been morals. Lying was wrong. He was also sure that Ben wouldn't approve of it, either. Now that he had discovered that his father, Anakin Skywalker, had been an honorable Jedi, he wanted to be a Jedi, too. And Jedi didn't lie. They had been the protectors of the peace; noble knights who had traveled around the galaxy righting wrongs. That all had ended with Palpatine's rise to power. No, he couldn't start lying now for that would lead to the Dark Side.
The Dark Side….
An image of Darth Vader formed in Luke's mind and he shuddered in fear. There was nothing more fearful than that expressionless black mask and helmet, those loud breathing sounds and the vile red lightsaber.
/The same lightsaber that had killed my father!/
The answer was clear. If Luke wished to stay on the path of the Light he needed to be honest and tell the truth. For if he did that, the foul darkness that had claimed Vader's soul couldn't claim his.
/But I still don't know what to do about Podracer./
Another line of the letter jumped out at him.
It has been a long time since I conversed with anyone like this due to my job and I find myself eagerly awaiting your reply.
/Maybe Podracer isn't as bad as he sounds. And he's lonely with no one to talk to. I just can't quit on him, can I?/
Luke moaned, knowing he was talking himself into deeper trouble. He knew Jedi were supposed to help people and go around fighting the Bad Guys. But did that include people that had problems like this, lonely people who maybe had a speckled past?
/Han has a speckled past./
Yes, his buddy Han certainly had a speckled past. He used to run weapons and illegal spice, all sorts of crooked things like that. Yet Han had decided to come back at exactly the right moment and had saved his life. But who exactly were the mysterious Bad Guys?
/To the Empire, we're the Bad Guys./
A headache started to pound in Luke's temples. Somehow he was beginning to think it might have been far easier just dealing with his guilt on his own! And was Podracer right? Was there no real middle ground? And did you always have to kill the enemy? Well, perhaps some enemies had to be dealt with that way. It was certainly true when he was in his X-wing and flying in combat against Ties.
/Maybe I could just say it was a space station./
The Death Star had been a space station of sorts, although on a super scale. It certainly hadn't been a normal space ship!
/But if I call it a space station, would it be too obvious? Does Podracer suspect it was the Death Star? Does he work for the Empire? Does he already suspect who I am? Or am I just getting paranoid from talking to Han?/
There just wasn't a simple answer.
/I could be blowing everything out of proportion. Podracer might just be some fat old guy sitting on some backwater planet pulling my leg, a racer-want-to-be having some second-hand excitement./
Luke rubbed his temples with his fingertips.
/But the details seem so real. It HAS to be true!/
Should he tell someone about his penpal? Maybe Han or Leia? But what would he say? After all, Podracer really hadn't done anything wrong. He had just asked a simple question.
/I really AM getting paranoid!/
Luke smacked himself on the forehead with the palm of one hand. The answer was so obvious he hadn't even seen it! It's like that old saying of not seeing the forest for the trees. In his own letter, all he had talked to Podracer about was his guilt for blowing up some object. It was only natural that Podracer would be wondering what it was he had blown up!
/I'm such an idiot! If I'm not careful I'm going to see Imperial spies hiding behind every bush and tree!/
Here Podracer was trying his best to help him with his guilt and here he was thinking the worst of the poor guy.
/He probably thinks I'M the homicidal maniac for blowing up that object!/
And as for killing all those beasts, well, maybe that hadn't really been Podracer's fault. Luke couldn't imagine how traumatic that must have been, to have his mother die in his arms like that. Surely everyone makes mistakes in their life. Podracer had said he felt guilty, had talked about not being able to go back and changing it. Surely that meant he felt remorse?
/I hope I don't regret this later./
Loosening up his fingers, Luke began to type a reply.
Dear Podracer,
I received your letter today. You must be an incredible person. I never heard of a nine-year-old that had the skill to not only fly a fighter but also blow up a large enemy vessel! I would have been scared witless in a situation like that. It sounds like you live a very exciting life. I'm afraid to say I grew up on a boring old farm. May I ask you where you live? I just recently left my home planet and so far I've only seen a few other planets. Being in space is a dream come true for me. When I was still home, I would stand outside and watch the suns set. Then I would stare up at the stars in the night sky and dream I was out there among them having fantastic adventures. I guess I didn't realize those adventures would lay guilt on my conscious. You never dream that part, you know?
I can kind of relate to how your mother died. Not too long ago I lost my guardians. I lived with my aunt and uncle on the farm. But one day while I was out someone came along and murdered them. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had come home while they had still been there, the murderers, I mean. I guess I would have attacked them and been killed. I must admit I really don't know how to fight very well. I take it you're very good at fighting? You must be, if you could kill all those beasts that had kidnapped your mother.
I thought about what you had written a long time and well, I don't think what happened was really your fault. You received an awful shock. I know, because I had felt the same way on coming home and finding all that awful black smoke poring out of the farmhouse. I wanted to go inside desperately, to see if my family was still alive … but I couldn't. The fire was just too hot. So all I could do was stand there uselessly and cry. But in your case the kidnappers were there and well, I guessed you surprised them. I don't think anyone could have stopped themselves in a situation like that.
I never knew my parents. I don't even know my mother's name. I just wish I could have known them, even for a little while. And all I really know about my father was that he had served in the Clone Wars and had been killed. My Uncle never liked talking about him. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was too sad. I think they had been brothers, but I'm not sure.
You asked what I had blown up. Well, it was a space station. I still feel a bit guilty about it, but I do feel a bit better, thanks to you. I guess you're right and time will make it go away. I guess I got accidentally mixed up in this whole thing. It had all started when my guardians had died. Then before I knew it I was up in space on a ship and mixed up in someone else's war. It's a bit hard to explain. But like you, there's a girl involved. I guess I have a bit of a crush on her. But she's sophisticated, talks elegantly and she's rich. Oh, and she has these fancy gowns she wears. I never met anyone like her before. But I'm just a Farmboy, even if she does think I'm this big hero. I don't think I have a chance.
What do you look like? I have blonde hair and blue eyes. And well, I guess I'm kind of short, too. That's the first thing the girl said when she saw me; that I was short. Besides, there's this other older guy and he's a bit of a roguish character, if you know what I mean. He acts cool and well, I think she likes him a lot better. So like I said, I don't stand a chance. I really never had a girlfriend, so I don't know anything about women.
How did it turn out with that Queen that you mentioned?
I wish I had known my father. You never mentioned your father. Did you ever know him?
Well, I hope you are doing well when this reaches you!
Write back soon!
Farmboy
Luke reread what he had just typed. Should he send it?
/I might as well. I went through all the trouble of typing it. Besides, what harm could it do? It IS just a letter./
Pressing the button, Luke sent it on its way to Podracer's mailbox.
To be continued…
Thanks for all the great reviews and interest in this story! I hope this chapter was interesting. I'll try to get Vader's reply up soon!