Last weekend was hell and this weekend has been hell so far. So please excuse the not-so-good updates.

Disclaimer: I don't own GW.

(......)

Okay, so I was surprised. I mean, really surprised. This was the last place that I expected to see them but then again gundam pilots were known for the unpredictability. Don't tell me that you didn't know.

Well at least I know that they didn't find me intentionally. Probably just a fluke that they were here. Now as soon as they adopt the child that they want, they'll be on their way back home, to live a life of 'happily ever after'. And I of course had no problem with that.

...

Okay, maybe I had a teeny weeny problem with that. I mean it was great that they were happy and all, but I was jealous of what they had and of what I didn't. Which of course would be the same thing. Love, home, happiness...need I go on?

I mean, come on. If your friends showed up after five years you would be taken by surprise too. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them. But every time I did, it made ache inside. Made me want. Made me need.

Right now, it was about 6:00 in the morning and I was up drinking coffee in the kitchen. Yup, once addicted, always addicted. Whoo, caffeine buzz. Sweet.

"Duo?" I looked up to see a sleepy Quatre, dressed in those fuzzy blue pajamas that he wore so often, even after five years. I smiled at him and gestured him to come sit down with me.

"Morning, Quat." I greeted him pleasantly and he muttered back a greeting. I held back a chuckle as he flopped down on the chair and rested his head on his folded arms on the table.

"Tea?" I asked, getting up to put my mug in the sink.

"Yeah, thanks." He yawned and sat up slowly, his blond hair a mess.

"So what are you doing up so early?" I started a conversation as I put the kettle on the stove. Yes, I was still the gourmet chef, thank you very much.

"Hm, I usually get up at this time to go to work. Trowa gets mad at me for that, but I can't help it. There is so much to be done!"

"You can take a break, Quat." I soothed him gently. "One of you sister can manage WEI for a couple of weeks, can't they?"

"I know, but I just feel so responsible for it." He sighed and wrapped his hands around the warm cup of tea that I offered him.

"You're one person, Quat. You can't do everything. Don't you think you should spend some time with Trowa too?"

"I know I should. Sometimes we get these tickets in the mail that have a vacation for two and somehow on the days of the vacation, my schedule is clear. I don't know how that keeps happening every time!"

I smiled a soft smiled and sat back, keeping my eyes averted. "Maybe somebody noticed that you weren't looking so good, every time they saw you on television." I smirked at the look in his wide aquamarine eyes that I could spot out of the corner of my eye.

"That was you?!?!" You were the one who told my staff to clear my schedule every time?" I nodded, smiling at him.

"Yup that was me. I knew that you wouldn't take care of yourself and that you would worry Trowa half to death so I took it upon myself to help out." I shrugged slightly and played with the edge of the newspaper. I knew what was coming.

"Duo, why did you leave?"

I took and deep breath and exhaled loudly. Looking up at him with weary eyes, I asked. "Why do you think?" No answer.

"Heero and Wufei got married and were planning to move to a new house. You and Trowa got married and I would be intruding if I stayed in your place any longer. Where else would I go, Quat? L2 is the only place for a street rat like me."

"Don't say that!" He cried and for a minute I thought he was going to burst into tears. "Don't say that." He repeated in a softer voice. "You're not a street rat. You're Duo. My best friend."

"Your best friend who deserted you for five years? That's not what I would call a best friend, Quat."

"Damn it, Duo. Why did you have to leave? We wouldn't have deserted you."

"What could you have done, Quat? "I asked, exasperated. "I was wallowing in self pity back then. At least far away I had a chance of forgetting them."

"Do you want to forget them?"

"No, Damn it!" I half yelled. "No...but there is no other way. Do you know how much it hurts me to see them together and know that I could never have them? Do you know how much I want to be with them but I can't because neither of them would ever love me? Do you know how hard it is to live without them?"

"I...I..."

"What if Trowa wasn't there? What if you hadn't gotten married?" I saw his eyes widen in horror as he even thought about that possibility. "You couldn't possibly live without him, could you?"

He then stared at me with the most heart broken look in his eyes and I immediately wished I hadn't opened my mouth. Ever kicked a puppy? If you did, you would regret it instantly. That what I felt like, like I was throwing it in his face that he had a happy married life while I didn't.

"I...I'm sorry." I apologized quietly. "I went too far. Forgive me." I kept my eyes downcast but still heard him getting up from his chair and coming to kneel beside mine.

"Oh Duo, why wouldn't you let me tell them then? You wouldn't have had to leave." He said softly, taking my calloused hands into his own smooth ones.

I stared at our clasped hands and replied without looking up at him. "How do you know, Quat? They wouldn't come to love me overnight now would they? I had to leave either way." I marveled his naïveté even today. How can someone go through an entire war and still be so innocent? I looked at his hands and thought back to the day five years ago when he had confronted me.

"You know...that day when you found out, I compared your hands to mine, your life to mine." I stroked the soft palms with my rough fingers and looked into his eyes, seeing them marred with confusion. "Your hands and life, smooth, soft, happy and loving. My hands and my life, rough, calloused, tainted and troubled. What could we possibly have to do with each other?"

"Everything." He stated firmly. "We were comrades, partners and then friends. There is no blood on your hands that doesn't taint my hands as well. Sure, I had a more sheltered childhood and life in general and I don't know how big of a difference that is. But that still doesn't change the fact that you are my friend. You've let me cry on your shoulder countless times, now let me be there when you need me too. Won't you give me that honor?"

What could I possibly say to that? Quatre was a businessman, his words made a big impact. I stared at him speechless and was on the verge of throwing myself into his arms and sobbing, letting out everything that I had been holding back for the past seven years when Trowa walked in.

"Morning." I quickly let go on Quatre's hands and turned back to Trowa, blinking furiously to clear my vision of tears.

"Hey, Trowa." I greeted him back and he nodded at me before going over to Quatre to claim a kiss. I left the room while unnoticed and leaned back against the wall in the hallway and scrubbed my eyes clear.

"Get a hold of yourself, baka." I scolded myself and started up the stairs to go and wake up the other kids.

God, did I have to go through this all over again? After five years?

(......)

So hopefully, that wasn't too angsty and I'm trying to improve my writing. Thank you J. for you constructive criticism. This was dedicated to you.

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