I know that "Letting go" was screwed in the last chapter that I posted, so I'm probably going to rewrite it. If you haven't read that, please do and tell me how I can do better. still haven't found my muse...

Disclaimer: Not mine

(......)

Lost deep in my thoughts, I did not see anybody coming, which is why I was rather startled when I ran into someone. I lost my footing, and my mind was screaming Shit! Shit! Shit! And I was sure that I was going to fall down the stairs. My eyes shut tight for the impact...but none came.

What the hell?

I heard a low chuckle and heard a voice say. "No, Not hell. Not today." Only then I realized that the warm tight arms holding me against something solid. Something with a heartbeat.

My eyes fluttered open and I was left staring into deep pools of blue eyes. Wonderfully deep so that you could lose yourself in them. So very deep....

"Duo?" I blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. And then blushed.

"Sorry, Heero." I muttered trying to pull back. "Guess I should watch where I am going." I could feel the blood rushing to my face and wondered if he had noticed my face doing an imitation of a bright red tomato. Was it hot in there or was it just me? I started to step back and immediately found empty space beneath my foot. Panicking, I reached out and clutched his shirt, letting him pull me back into that safe embrace.

"Careful." He admonished in a voice more gentle than I had ever heard him speak. We were so close then, my chest pressed to his, his breath warm against my face. My breath hitched and I found myself staring at his lips that I felt were moving oh so sensuously.

"We should really stop meeting like this." He said wryly and that left me blank for one, two, three seconds before I realized that he was talking about yesterday. I flushed and this time pulled back carefully, stepping on to the step below. He gripped my waist to steady me and the warmth of his fingers seeping through my shirt almost made me swoon. He let go after a second, is it just me or did he linger a bit?, and stepped to one side. I mentally groaned at the loss of warmth. He stepped aside graciously, allowing me to pass.

"Thanks." I murmured as I climbed the stairs past him, wanting to get away from there.

"Duo..." I called and I halted in mid-step but I did not turn around. "I'm glad we found you." He said softly and I was surprised. Was that joy that I had heard in his voice? Nah couldn't be.

"Ah." I acknowledged his statement with a nod and then continued on upstairs. Still it gave me something warm to hold in my heart. Maybe he cared. Even if only as a friend, maybe he cared.

That set me off in a better mood and I walked into my room to see Kira awake and on her hands and knees trying to crawl around in the small space. She looked up as I walked in and blinked her large eyes at me.

"Hey there, baby girl. Sleep well?" I cooed to her softly as I picked her up and cradled her in my arms. She gurgled happily and waved her arms about in the air, bouncing in my arms. Have I mention that she is the cutest thing in the whole universe?

"All right. Let's go meet the others." I walked out, stopping on my way to the children's room to wake them up. By the time I left, I had a whole flock of kids behind me, and Sammy trying to climb up my leg. Once I told him that I couldn't give him a ride just yet, because I was carrying Kira, he settled for holding my hand instead. I led the group down to the kitchen, chattering merrily.

Walking into the kitchen though, everyone halted as they saw four new unfamiliar faces. They started to huddle behind me, and believe me, with twelve kids, it can be hard. Some were just shy and some were scared, I could tell.

The only one who dared to go out there was Sammy. Letting go of my hand, he walked unsteadily towards the table, having to go on his hands and knees a couple of times. He made a beeline for Quatre and climbed up on his lap, struggling to get a hold of the blue pajamas. Once up, he sat there triumphantly and stuck his thumb in his mouth, looking around the table expectantly.

I wanted to laugh. Quatre looked good with a kid. I bet every single one of them did. The other children, renewed in their confidence, started to edge out towards the table. Wufei actually reached out a hand to draw a couple of the kids closer, Emily and Jason. Trowa had a five year old, Sasha, trying to grab his bang and two other kids, Linda and Eric were crowded around him. More kids migrated towards Quatre, feeling safe since Sammy was there. Jennifer, Tiffany and Christian. And then Heero...was holding the twins on his lap, Kristina and Adam. A soft smile played on his lips and blue eyes sparkled as he ducked his head to listen to Kristina whisper something in his ear. I saw him nod and hug her closer, looking very comfortable with them. When had things changed so much?

Heero looked up to meet my eyes and I blushed, realizing that I had been staring. Turning away and placing Kira on her high chair beside Heero, I walked over to the kitchen counter and greeted Tricia with a kiss on her cheek. Smiling, she handed me a tray of food and I went over to the table. Strangely enough the only chair free was between Trowa and Heero. I sat down and the tray was immediately assaulted with questing hands. Laughing I handed each of them their plate before digging in.

Things were definitely looking up.

(......)

Christmas was nearing. Well, it was still about three weeks away, but all the same. I was taking a couple of kids shopping later today and we would get a couple of things to add to our old decorations. This place glittered like a jewel during Christmas.

It had started to snow that afternoon. Yup L2's weather systems were screwed again. But it was rather pleasant. I hadn't seen snow in such a long time, and the kids were excited too. Most of them wanted to go out and play, and so I agreed, dressing them up in the warmest clothes that they had and sent them out in the back yard, watching over them from the back porch. I held Sammy in my arms, who was now sleeping with his head tucked into the curve of my neck. There is no better feeling than having a child trust you and be dependent on you. Even though I didn't want to show favoritism, Kira and Sammy did hold a special place in my heart.

"Duo?"

Turning around, I smiled at Wufei who had come on to the back porch. His hair fell freely on either side of his face and his cheeks were flushed, having a rosy tinge. In all, he looked adorable.

"Hey, Wufei." I greeted him. He walked towards the swing and sat down beside me.

"Weather's crazy, huh?" I asked as a means of staring a conversation.

"Yup, this happens during the winter all the time back on earth. I'm not particularly fond of it, though it seems to fascinate Heero to no end." He smiled softly to himself and I made no comment.

"There were times when I used to get frustrated because of being holed up in the house and during those times, Heero...He just used to take me in his arms and sooth me. We used to sit by the fireplace and just stare of into space, content with being each other. Being full time preventers often doesn't give us free time. Usually the days when we are snowed in is a relief, just so that we can see each other again. It's amazing. I'm still having a hard time believing that we are married. Even after five years. Who would have thought all of this to be possible during the war? No one did."

I stayed silent, running my singers through Sammy's soft hair, staring off into space. I wanted to listen to more. About their life. At least that way I would know how they have been doing all of these years.

"Except you." Huh? What was he talking about?

"You were always the one who used to brighten things up. You always had a positive outlook towards things, believing that we would get through the war and have normal lives. And we did. Just like you had predicted. Now all of us have settled down with the ones that we love. But what about you, Duo?"

"What about me?"

"I would have thought that you would be the first one to settle down. But it doesn't seem that way. Why is that?"

I laughed. I chuckled. My voice sounded hollow even to me. I stood up and walked a few steps forward, watching the other kids and spoke with my back to him. "Things change, Wufei. People change. Priorities change. Lives change."

I turned back towards him and found him watching me thoughtfully. "I've changed, Wufei. I'm not the same person I was. I'm not the same person who was once your best friend. Circumstance have changed me."

"Bullshit." He frowned and got up, walking towards me. "You are still Duo. You are still my best friend. Nothing has changed between us."

"For god's sake, Wufei." I hissed, holding Sam protectively. "You haven't seen me for a freaking five years. You've only been here for one day. How could you possibly say that things haven't changed?"

Something flashed on his face while I was speaking and once I was done, he raised a hand and placed it on my cheek. It was surprisingly warm.

"You called me Wufei. For three years after the war, you hardly called me that and it annoyed me that you didn't. And now that you don't, I find myself missing it. How ironic, ne?"

I was speechless. Slowly my cold hand came up to grip his warm one. Temperatures clashed and both of us shivered. I removed his hand from my cheek and stepped back dropping it. It seemed like finality.

"I can't be who you want me to be, Wufei. I can't be your best friend any longer." I brushed past him and walked towards the door leading inside, furiously blinking back tears.

"Why not?" He called after me.

I paused, thinking about it before answering. "Because then I would have to run away all over again."

(......)

hmm, this chapter came out pretty well without my muse. I suppose it's jsut Letting go that I need help with. That's all for now. Please REVIEW!