Chapter 7: Luke Skywalker
Luke sat in the dining room along with the other members of his squadron, poking at the bantha steak on his plate. Although he had finally gotten some sleep last night and his practice today had gone smoothly, the young Jedi still felt uneasy about his decision of writing to an Imperial. He just wished he knew he had made the right decision last night.
/Surely it's not wrong to have a friend?/
"Hey, you going to eat that or poke it to death?" A voice asked as it interrupted his thoughts.
Luke glanced up to find Han sitting in the seat next to him that had been empty a moment before. He had been so busy thinking about his unusual problem that he hadn't even noticed his friend's approach. Luke glanced down at his plate to see about one hundred tiny holes in his steak from jabbing it over and over with his fork. "Oh, sure."
"I'm really worried about you, Kid." Han said as he leaned closer, a concerned expression on his face. "You act like you're a million parsecs away instead of here. What's eating at you?"
Luke cut a piece off the steak and chewed it slowly, the meat cold from sitting on his plate for too long. Chewing the meat gave him a moment to compose his thoughts and figure out exactly what he should tell Han. Innocently, he glanced around the dining room, surprised to see the room almost empty. Either everyone had gulped his or her food down at an incredible rate or time had slipped away without him noticing. Could he trust Han with his secret? Or would he immediately run to tell Leia or some other high-ranking Alliance member? Finally he swallowed, the meat sliding down his throat. "What do you know about the Empire?"
"You're not thinking of joining up with them, are you, Kid?" Han glanced suspiciously at him, surprised. "Because you're one of the best fighter pilots we have. Don't be thinking crazy thoughts, Luke."
"I'm just not sure I know what this war is about." Luke admitted truthfully as he cut another slice from his thick steak. "Not all that long ago I was living a peaceful but boring life on my Uncle's farm and suddenly I'm a hero for blowing up the Death Star. There were a lot of people aboard the Death Star, Han, and I killed them all. Surely they had families; wives and children."
"Oh, so that's why you've been so quite." Han relaxed slightly, relieved. He reached out and put a hand on Luke's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "It's a thing we all have to deal with. Different people handle it in different ways. Taking a life is never easy. But sometimes there's just no way out of it and you're forced to. Look, if you wouldn't have blown up that super weapon, every person on this Rebel base would have been killed. Heck, this base wouldn't even be here. The entire Yavin 4 would have been blown to bits, just as Alderaan was. You know that. It was self-defense."
"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier." Luke still was uncertain on exactly how much he wanted to tell the smuggler. Lately Han had been spending lots of time with Leia and she was practically one of the leaders of the Alliance. A part of him wanted to spill everything right now, to get it off his chest and out in the open. It would be a big weight off his shoulders that was for certain. But another part of him was frightened to tell Han. What if the man didn't understand why he was writing to his penpal and actually believed he was some sort of spy? "I just think of all those people dying. Of how the station must have melted around them, things growing hotter and hotter so fast as the explosion traveled outward. It must have been horrible."
"Don't think like that, Kid. You're just torturing yourself." Han frowned, wishing he knew what to say. "You have a good heart, Luke. That you worry about their deaths shows that you're a caring person. Just pray that you never stop feeling that way. Trust me that would be a much bigger problem. Because when people stop feeling, then you end up with a cold-blooded killer and that's far worst. That pain you're feeling is just letting you know you're human."
"Han, is everyone in the Empire evil?" Luke asked, hoping it sounded innocently enough. "I mean, surely lots of good people must work for the Empire, too."
"I suppose there's a few good ones among them." Han replied as he thought the matter through. "Truth is, I used to work for the Empire."
"You?!" Luke was so startled he dropped his fork.
"Yep." Han admitted. "I went to the Imperial Academy but my grades were kind of low, yet I graduated. That's how I met Chewie. He was a slave and they were shipping him somewhere. A few old Wookies raised me so I couldn't stand seeing one being a slave so I rescued him. Just stole a ship and took Chewie with me. That's why he owes me a Life debt. That's one of the things this war is about. The Empire has it in for non-Human races and they treat them terrible, for no other reason than they're not human."
Luke picked up his fork and stuck another piece of the steak into his mouth, chewing. Han's confession of serving the Empire at one time gave him hope that maybe his penpal wasn't bad just because he was an Imperial. But did that mean he could trust him? It was unsettling to be always second-guessing himself over and over! Why couldn't he be carefree like Han was? Surely that would be a lot easier? The space pirate was so smooth and relaxed, he always seemed to know exactly what he wanted to do and he did it without worry what others would think about him.
"Just hang in their, Luke." Han patted his friend on the back, standing up. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to say we'll be moving soon. The Alliance will be abandoning this place and moving to a new one pretty soon, so you better pack your stuff. Heard it's going to be some frozen place in the middle of nowhere. Sounds like fun, huh Kid?"
"I guess." Luke said noncommittally. His time for telling Han about Podracer's letters was quickly coming to an end and he still couldn't make up his mind!
/Should I tell him or shouldn't I?/
"You better enjoy the warm air while you can." Han started to walk away, then turned to face Luke. "You want to talk more, I'll be working on the Falcon. Just drop by anytime you want."
Luke watched Han disappear through the lunchroom's door, and then finished his cold meal by himself. He really hoped he was doing the right thing by writing to Podracer. If only his emotions weren't in such a jumble! Sighing, he stood and dumped the dirty plates on the counter so the kitchen staff could wash them. Walking through the hallways, Luke headed for his quarters, wondering if another letter would be waiting for him. Oddly enough, he was beginning to consider this the best part of the day, even if writing to Podracer was turning his life upside-down. The man fascinated him and had lived such a colorful if sad life.
/If only I could really help him somehow. So many things have gone wrong in his life./
Reaching his quarters, Luke entered and locked the door. The last thing he wanted was to get caught writing a letter to an Imperial!
/Am I changing? Would I have locked my door before?/
Luke pondered the question, and then shook his head. He had to stop this constant questioning or he'd drive himself crazy! There was nothing wrong with locking his own door; that's why the lock was there. Besides, the idea that Podracer's letters could really change him was silly! Mostly, there were just sad and well, maybe they made him ask a few questions. But so what? There was nothing wrong with asking questions, was there? If a person never asked anything how could they learn?
/I'm just writing him so he won't be lonely and all by himself. There's nothing wrong with that./
Booting his computer, Luke sat down and waited as it went through the warm up phrases. A short time later he logged onto the galaticweb and found a new letter waiting in his mailbox. Eagerly he clicked it open and began to read.
/Executor?! That's Darth Vader's ship!!!/
Luke stared at Podracer's letter, shocked. His penpal actually served aboard Darth Vader's ship?
/And he's a Commander?!!/
Luke's entire body went cold as he continued to stare at his computer's monitor in shock, his hand frozen to the mouse.
/My penpal knows Darth Vader!/
How could this be happening to him? He had been so sure his penpal would be just another enlisted man, maybe a fighter pilot. But a Commander!
/Oh, I really AM in deep foo-doo! I'm writing to a Commander in the Imperial Fleet!/
Relief at not having told Han swept through his body. He had been so close to telling his buddy, but if he had and then this letter had shown up…!
/Han would have thought I was a real idiot! I AM an idiot!/
Luke sat frozen in his chair, his mind still whirling in shock. A part of him wanted to close the letter and not read any more of it. That probably would be the wisest and safest thing to do. It probably would be what Han would advise him to do, to just forget about the whole thing and let it die. But then Luke imagined Podracer checking his email every night and feeling depressed when no letters showed up in his box. The man was lonely the way it was. Why, he probably had no idea he was writing to a Rebel, right?
/If I were an Imperial Commander and writing to a Rebel, I wouldn't tell the Rebel I was a Commander, would I?/
The thing is, Luke had no idea. He could guess and second-guess, but nothing was for sure. And now that the shock was fading, he found himself wanting to read the rest of the letter. Relief swept through his body as he read that his penpal meant him no harm.
/Whoa! He just wants to be my penpal after all and has no idea I'm a Rebel./
The young Jedi continued to read Podracer's letter with interest, the part about the Republic having no police force surprising him. Could it all be true? Could the Rebellion just be a struggle over power, about the rich wanting to stay rich and not share with the poor?
/Is the Empire really the legal government?/
And more important, did he want to be fighting the government?
/The Republic used to steal infants from their families?!/
Luke shook his head, amazed at the shocking things he was discovering. To think that the Republic had really been like that and he had never known! Why, the way others talked about it, he had thought it had been a virtual paradise! Leia certainly had never mentioned that they used to allow the kidnapping of infants or that they used to allow criminals to run around free just as long as they didn't bother the rich.
/Why should she mention it? She was a Princess!/
Luke shook his head. He didn't want to think bad things about Princess Leia. There was no way she could be power hungry.
/She used to serve on the Senate./
Why else become a politician if not to gain power?
/To help people./
Luke decided he was going to try and check all these facts Podracer was giving him. It was the wisest thing to do and it should be simple enough. That way he could determine if his penpal was really telling him the truth. Yes, it made sense. Glad he had solved one problem for the moment, Luke went back to reading the letter.
/A school for people with special abilities, could Podracer be actually talking about the Force and Jedi?/
Luke's heart sped up at the thought. Could he have actually found another Jedi, perhaps one that had snuck through and remained hidden? Is that why the Commander was so lonely? He couldn't talk to anyone too much lest the secret slip from his mouth by accident? Or did the Empire not consider every Jedi a threat? Maybe he had been extremely weak in the Force and a bad pupil, one that couldn't do anything right? Hadn't old Ben survived the purge undetected? Surely other Jedi had done the same? And what better place to hide than right out in the open, masquerading as one of the enemy?
/If Podracer is a Jedi, he could teach me to be one!/
But how could it be done? Was it possible to learn Jedi skills through email? Luke's emotions again flip-flopped as he began to realize the problems location would bring.
/Maybe he's not a Jedi anyway./
Luke read more and another sentence leaped out at him.
/Lift objects without touching them! He IS a Jedi!/
Excitement bubbled in his blood as the idea of finding another teacher rolled around in his head. And if he was a Jedi, the chances of him actually knowing his father had increased! He continued to read; his excitement sinking as he read about the betrayal that Podracer had went through. Had the Jedi really been so cruel? Had they really tried to kill him just because he had gotten married? It seemed so extreme! But then, if they had really just kidnapped infants from their rightful families… what did that type of behavior say of their moral character? Maybe the Jedi hadn't been the shining knights he had always thought them to be?
/Friends really don't act like that./
Could Podracer truly been that unlucky in everything? Surely he must have been born under a bad star or cursed to have so much bad luck! Luke read more, feeling an odd mix of sadness and excitement. Then as he got near the end of the letter, a hot flash coursed through his body.
/Anakin?!/
His father's name had been Anakin. Surely it couldn't be?
/Could Podracer be my father?!/
But no, his father had died. His Uncle had told him the whole story…but wait! Hadn't his Uncle lied to him about his father being a pilot on some freighter? Yes! Ben had told him the truth and had given him his father's old lightsaber! So maybe his uncle had lied about him dying, too? Hope bloomed in Luke's heart for a few seconds, and then sunk. Ben had told him Darth Vader had murdered his father, so how could Podracer possibly be his father?
/Ben could have been wrong!/
Luke truly wanted to believe that it was true, that after all these years they had found themselves by some freak accident and that his father was alive! He leaped off the chair and danced around the room. He was just too excited to sit and be still. The moment, he suspected, wouldn't last long and reality would come crashing down upon him so he would enjoy the sensation while it was here. No doubt he had overlooked some major flaw in his thinking. Yes, that was it. Maybe his uncle had lied about everything, including his father's name. Maybe his father hadn't been named Anakin Skywalker at all.
Yet, in his heart it felt right.
It was as if something had clicked into place, some thing he couldn't even describe with words.
/Podracer IS my father! The Force has brought us together!/
Then Luke stopped dancing and stood still, sweat drying on his forehead as another idea broke its way into his mind.
/What if it's all a trap?/
The room seemed to grow icier as the idea firmly planted itself within his mind. What if his penpal knew exactly who he was? And if he knew that, then perhaps he could be tailoring his letters to lure him in. Right? His name might not be Anakin at all. Everything he had said might be a devious lie created by the Empire!
/Does he know who I really am?/
But surely that made no sense! For if Podracer knew he was a Rebel, than why tell him he's a Commander on Executor? Why tell him he had gone to the Jedi School? Why bother telling any of it?
/And wouldn't he be asking me for information?/
So far Podracer had asked him nothing very significant. No questions about what planet he was on, who his friends were, what type of fighter he flew, nothing!
/He only seems concerned for my welfare./
Maybe he just doesn't care who I am, just as long as I care about him and write him letters. The possibility that I'm a Rebel may not be all that important to him.
/I really need to check his facts, see if he's telling me the truth!/
The idea of his father being alive and serving as a Commander aboard the Executor buzzed around in his head, making him slightly dizzy in the head. It was just so shocking! It was like a dream come true!
/What should I do?/
Luke wanted to jump at the computer and send back a letter screaming that he was his son, but that was his gut reaction.
/I really should think this through more carefully, just in case this is a trap of some sort./
Yet Luke hoped it was true and the man was his father, even if he was an Imperial. What he needed to do now was to check the facts before he did anything else. Closing the email and saving it, Luke stated to search the galaticweb for information that would tell him whether or not Podracer was being honest with him.
To be continued….
Author's note: I'll try to get the next chapter up tomorrow! Sorry its not all in one piece, but Luke's reply is getting to be quite long!