Happy holidays to everyone, whatever you celebrate! Here is an update for all of you! Chapter 19 is being betaed as you read this. Yay!

Last time…

I yanked open the door to find a maid. "The tray, please," she said. I capped my rage, barely, and spun around. I went back inside the room and grabbed the tray. I handed it to the maid rather brusquely and shut the door again, locking it both physically and magically. I strode back into the room, pulling off my shirt and tossing it aside.

But Yugi was no longer there.

Dead & Dying

Eighteenth

Yugi's View

I leaned back against the wall in my room, panting. Barely controlled terror roiled inside me, smashing though the lust. I spread my hands against the wall, as though it anchored me to reality, and slid down until I sat on the floor. When Yami had paused in his ministrations, I had suddenly panicked and torn myself away from the bed. I had darted through the connected bathroom and into my room, locking the door behind me. I wrapped my arms around my knees.

What happened to me?

I had wanted so badly. Once Yami had stopped…I….

You didn't care, did you?

What?

You didn't care what he did to you.

I bit my lip, and even that simple action reminded me of him. I forced myself to let go.

You didn't care if he used your body as he pleased…if he abused you….

I tried to get closer to myself, to become smaller and smaller. I only succeeded in tightening my grip around my knees even further.

Yami had had complete control of my body. Yet it was his control of my heart and my mind that terrified me.

Katsuya's View

I couldn't tear myself away from the Kaiba mansion, not when the eldest Kaiba himself was in terrible condition. I rationalized away my staying. Of course Kaiba's most trusted bodyguard couldn't leave him in a situation like this. He needed support, I told myself. But when did Kaiba ever need support?

My room lay bare. My possessions had been crammed into two large suitcases and a backpack. Since I wasn't the neatest of homemakers, the room looked oddly empty to me. Normally there were any number of things scattered over the bed, the dresser, the floor, the nightstand, the couch, the entertainment center, and the bookshelf. Posters had been pasted to the walls with abandon. My closet doors were usually open, exposing a large, disorderly pile of clothes and shoes. The bathroom, which, luckily, I didn't share, generally looked as though a watery tornado had recently passed through.

Now, strangely, the tan carpet on the floor and the wood paneling of the walls were visible. Most of my furniture was a dark, rich wood I didn't know the name of. My bed had reddish sheets, with a big yellow-gold comforter. For once, it wasn't hanging off the bed.

I shook my head and picked up my pen again. For the last hour I'd been trying to write a successful letter of resignation, but each one came out horrible.

I'd ruled out "Dear Kaiba," at least. When had he ever been labeled dear?

The next line was a bit harder. That was sort of like saying that running three marathons was a bit harder than being a couch potato. I bit the end of my pen and took another stab at it.

First, I would like to tell you—

No. That sounded stupid. Kaiba doesn't want to read stupid letters.

Thank you—

Even worse. Kaiba doesn't have time for thank-you letters.

After these five years—

My God. I sound like I'm reminiscing or something.

I'm quitting.

Much too blunt.

In case you're wondering, yes, my diary is accurate.

Equally blunt.

After careful consideration—

No, Kaiba would probably laugh at the thought of me thinking. I shifted in my chair and readjusted my paper. This was going to take a while.

Yami's View

"Yugi?"

He was not in the room, smell alone confirmed that. I turned to the bathroom door and opened it. He wasn't in there either. I walked across the bathroom and tried the handle on the other door.

It was locked.

I summoned a few shadows, and they began to twine around the doorknob. Several seeped through the doorknob itself, trying to unlock the door.

Without the tempting scent of Yugi's blood, my predatory mindset began to slowly dissipate. Realization came to me in a great flood, my hand frozen on the doorknob.

I looked at my right hand as though it didn't belong to me, as though it was some cast-off, mangled refuse. I had touched Yugi so intimately…and now….

I reached up and touched my lips, letting my shadows disappear without having unlocked the door. My fangs were gradually shrinking, but I had blood trailing down the side of my face.

Guilt hit me with all the subtlety of a freight train. I turned to the bathroom counter and yanked the faucet handle up, sending water gushing into the sink. I scrubbed my face and hands, but I couldn't erase the past half hour of my life. Why had I lost control like that? If Yugi hadn't left…. My mind completed that sentence for me.

You were going to rape him.

Auru's View

Hmm. Rino was asleep. How cute. I raised myself up on one elbow. It was nearly noon. Time for a little…activity.

I rose to my feet soundlessly and walked toward Rino. His red hair was in disarray, as it had been last night. His navy blue jacket and tan corduroys were a little dirty. I decided the jacket had to go.

I straddled Rino, taking care not to touch him. He was such a light sleeper. I pulled down the jacket zipper with care, licking my lips. Rino had worn a button-down shirt today. Luck, obviously, favored me—I could get his chest exposed without waking him. I undid all the buttons, one by one. Rino stirred slightly, his head tipping to the other side. With great difficulty, I held back my hands until Rino relaxed.

Gently, I lowered my weight onto Rino, hips first. He was warm and soft. I claimed his lips as they let out a surprised gasp. Rino broke away, instantly awake. "Auru! What—what—?"

"Hello," I said, grinning devilishly. My hand slid quickly to the zipper of Rino's corduroys and tugged it down.

Rino seized my wrist. "Not in the middle of a mausoleum!" He zipped his pants back up with a disapproving look. Where we did it never particularly bothered me.

"Rino…please…." My puppy-dog face accompanied this request. Rino squirmed and looked away, desire battling reason in his eyes.

"When we get back to the house," he finally said.

"Excellent!" I seized Rino around the waist and summoned wings. I pulled the two of us upwards, beating the air vigorously. Rino's jacket flapped about the pair of us as I fought for altitude. The surface of the pool started to dance as I finally lifted Rino and myself far enough above the wall to clear it.

I swooped over the wall and back towards Kaiba's mansion, pressing Rino's hips to mine. He was hanging onto me for dear life, which I actually kind of liked. His arms wrapped around my neck; his legs circled around my waist. That was really rather distracting: because I was moving up and down in midair, Rino ended up rubbing against already-stimulated parts of my anatomy. Focus, Auru—damn that felt good—ah—focus!

Rino's hands flickered with white light, making us invisible. Since the room that Rino and I shared didn't have an outside wall, I had to go in through the Sunrise Alcove. I reached the large window and gripped the sill. "Rino—would you mind?"

"What? Oh—." He took a fortifying breath and looked up. Opening the window was practically impossible to do with Rino in the way. I flapped my wings again and braced my feet against the wall.

Rino cautiously unwrapped his legs from around my waist. He put his feet on my thighs and stood up carefully, determinedly not looking at the ground four stories down.

He turned around and opened the window. I gave another flap of my wings to boost him inside, and then followed, getting a lovely view of Rino's backside in the process.

The instant I was inside I smelled fresh blood. I paused. That was Yugi's blood.

Rino was dusting himself off and reacquainting his feet with the solid feel of the floor.

"Auru?"

"Just a second, love." I planted a quick kiss on Rino's forehead, who looked dumbfounded that I hadn't pounced on him the instant we were inside. I can wait…I just…don't like to. I crossed the room and knocked quietly on the door to Yugi's room.

No answer.

I tried the doorknob—locked. By the scent, though, Yugi was still bleeding freely. I touched the door again, unlocking it with shadows. It took them nearly a minute to undo the complex locks Kaiba had evidently chosen for his mansion.

It was light inside the room. Yugi was looking suspiciously over the back of an armchair at me. His lip was punctured and bleeding. It was obviously a vampire bite.

"Yugi…?"

"Go away," he whispered. Instead, I pushed the door mostly shut and came towards him.

Yugi shrank away from me, trying to occupy less space in the armchair he was sitting in. "Auru-kun—please don't—."

I held my finger up to my lips. "I don't know what happened and I don't want to know. But this won't heal without the touch of shadows." I knelt in front of the chair and touched Yugi's lip briefly, sealing his skin back together and cleaning off the blood. That wasn't the only wound he had, though. Blood was seeping through the black pants he was wearing, near his hip.

I recognized that wound from the many times I had slept with Rino. I could guess what had happened pretty well. I barely touched Yugi's hip, healing it as non-invasively as I could. Yugi bowed his head.

"Yugi, again—I don't know what happened and I don't want to. But Yami is probably feeling guilty beyond belief right now. You're obviously terrified. Both of you need to work this out. It doesn't have to be right now. But it needs to happen. Okay?"

Yugi was silent a moment, and then nodded.

"Okay," I said. I gave a small smile and left.

Rino was waiting for me in the Sunrise Alcove. He didn't say anything until I had closed the door to Yugi's room.

"What happened to Yugi-kun?" Rino spoke softly.

"Yami-kun tried to…."

Rino filled in the blank for himself. He looked away from me. My heart wrenched painfully in my chest. Rino was remembering the times that I had tried to rape him.

"Rino…if…I…." Usually I could put words together in the savviest of ways, but now I couldn't come up with anything except, "Rino…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

My own advice came back to hit me in the face. Both of you need to work this out. I tried again, taking a few steps forward and clasping Rino's hands in mine.

"Rino. I'm sorry. If I could go back and redo those times again I would do so in a heartbeat. The fact that I was the one to cause you this much pain…I hate myself for it. Rino, I love you."

The times when we expressed our love in words were few and far between. Saying it so bluntly was exposing, in a way. Rino met my eyes, the turmoil in his mind receding. "I love you too." He moved closer to me.

"Rino…may I?"

He knew exactly what I was talking about. Rino looked up at me and squeezed my hands. He took a few steps backwards in the direction of our room. I already knew his answer, but it was the fact that he trusted me to honor his wishes if he said "no" that made me feel warm.

"Yes, please, Auru—"

I pushed Rino up against the door to our room—gently—and claimed his lips in a passionate kiss. He broke off, grinning.

"—but not in here."

Yugi's View

About an hour after Auru had healed my wounds I had calmed down enough to think semi-rationally. I had left my journal in my room, which Yami was now using. I found a little pad of paper on the nightstand instead, the kind that usually crop up in hotels. Thankfully, there was no cheesy logo on it or the pen next to it.

I sat down on the floor next to the coffee table and set my pen to paper. Writing like this had always been my method, however clumsy or lame, to sort out the tangle of thoughts in my head.

Feeling relatively safe in the knowledge that no one would ever read this, I let my pen dance across the page.

Why am I even here? I haven't done anything particularly helpful the past few days. I was sent to Menoma's Haven to learn to become a working part of society. I never did. I asked Yami to take me with him because I was attracted to him. What was I hoping for? A haven? Was I searching for a crutch I could lean on all my life? A protector? Was my body the price I was willing to pay for that? Do I want Yami that way? What kind of future do I have? Is it with him? Can I even start a life for myself like this? I have nowhere to go, and now that the enchantment is done, nowhere to stay.

I continued writing until my hand cramped up. It was nearly five o'clock. I wasn't even remotely hungry, so I curled up on the couch and slept.

Kaiba's View

I woke up feeling like shit. Generally, I would have a much more descriptive phrase there, but my brain was too fuzzy to come up with anything better. My body felt like lead.

I cracked one eye open and saw a green canopy. It was only in Mokuba's room where there was a green—!

I sat up abruptly and turned to Mokuba. His eyes were closed, but he was breathing steadily. Color was returning to his face and his hands were tucked in close to his chest.

I felt a rush of happiness so indescribably enormous that I had to stop myself from taking my little brother in my arms and squeezing him close right then. Instead, I traced my finger along his cheek, as if confirming to myself that Mokuba was indeed alive.

Suddenly I had much more energy than I had thought. I stood up carefully, trying not to shake the bed too much, and went to the other end of the room. Next to the flatscreen TV was a little silver panel. I flipped it open and static crackled out. "Yasuhito-san?"

"Yes, Kaiba-san?"

"Give the doctor who was just here a large bonus. Stock the kitchen with all of Mokuba's favorites and hire an extremely competent nurse. And bring me coffee."

"Yes, sir."

A crackle of static indicated that Yasuhito was off to carry out my orders. I quickly turned to go back to the other end of Mokuba's room, but stopped mid-step in the middle of the room.

Mokuba was sitting up in his bed, rubbing his eyes, with his black hair falling around him. An intense feeling of déjà vu washed over me—how many times had I woken Mokuba up to see just that scene? Granted, he hadn't been wearing a funeral suit, but it was still like nothing had changed.

"Mokuba?"

He looked up, wide blue eyes focusing instantly on me. "I'm sorry—did I wake you?"

Understanding didn't come to Mokuba's face. I was waiting, painfully ready, to hear him say my name, to hear him call out to me, to smile—.

There wasn't even a spark of recognition.

Rino's View

I rolled over in bed. The blue numbers on the clock on the nightstand blinked to 10:36. Auru was fast asleep. My God, he should be. Insatiable vampire…. I couldn't really complain, though. Once Auru gained my reflection, he could turn to no one else for a life partner.

I shifted in the bed again. Unconsciously, Auru draped an arm around my shoulders.

Yugi's View

I felt very detached from my body when I woke up. I wasn't sure what time it was, or even if I had actually woken up at all. Movement was an irrelevant concept. I suddenly found myself in the Alcove, moonlight streaming through the open window.

Light played over my body as I made my way to the elevator. I wasn't sure what was driving this midnight sojourn, but that didn't seem important….

The elevator doors dinged and admitted me. I spoke to the elevator, but in a voice not my own. The doors closed and the glass box of the elevator whisked me away.

A few moments later the elevator glided to a halt. The doors split with a quiet ding. Even though the room beyond was dark, I felt no qualms about entering. Instinctively, I moved forwards and turned left. I was searching for something….

Quiet breathing from the bed drew me towards it. I felt, rather than saw, the presence of a clean mind, a blank mind—one with all its memories somehow removed. I sat slowly on the edge of the bed. My hands were weightless and translucent as I reached towards the face of the boy in the bed. Light jumped from my fingers the instant I touched him, tiny ribbons of blue static disappearing into his head.

My fingers covered his eyes as I settled them onto his face. Static jumped leisurely from my translucent hands, and I felt neurons knitting together, rewiring themselves. I felt jerking motions rock the bed and heard long strings of unintelligible language; I felt emotional gyrations course through the boy and emptiness vanish in a rush of knowledge and personality.

I let go, suddenly hearing with intense clarity my own harsh breathing. I slowly slumped over.

Katsuya's View

It was 6:29 a.m. Usually I wasn't even considering consciousness at this point. Today, however, was my last day at Kaiba's mansion, and I intended to make it as good as possible.

Which isn't looking very good, I thought to myself as I stepped out of the elevator. I crossed the room to the spiral staircase that led to Kaiba's office in a businesslike manner. I was dressed in a fresh suit, not my security guard uniform, and I felt oddly exposed and naked. I held a single white envelope in my hand, the kanji for Kaiba's name centered neatly in the middle.

I reached the top of the staircase, quashing all the trepidation I felt. There is a certain kind of calm that comes with knowing you are doomed. Then I kicked myself for thinking such morbid thoughts and rapped smartly on the door to Kaiba's office.

There was no response.

I stayed outside the door for a minute longer, very uncomfortable. Certainly MOKI should have at least told me that Kaiba was not in his office, and that I should either leave a message or come back later. I shifted from foot to foot, and then, abruptly, opened the door.

It was dim inside the office, feeble morning light making it way tiredly through the large windows. Kaiba was slumped in his desk chair, looking decidedly awful. His ceremonial robes hung limply around his thin frame. His eyes were red-rimmed and betrayed his lack of sleep. Kaiba's head was tilted backwards, resting against the back of the chair. Never had I seen him in such a lifeless posture. His chest barely rose and fell.

I cleared my throat awkwardly. Kaiba didn't move. "Uh," I began eloquently. "I'll just…leave this here then. Kaiba. Sir." I walked quickly over to Kaiba's desk and set the envelope down. He still didn't move.

I waffled between walking around the desk to check his vital signs and simply leaving. Protocol won out. I turned around and headed for the door.

"He doesn't remember."

I faced Kaiba again, not quite sure he'd spoken. "Kaiba-san?"

He leaned forward and put his face in his hands. "Not a thing. He doesn't even remember my name." Kaiba's voice was oddly throaty, as though he was about to cry. "I have his body and his life, but not his memories. What did I do wrong?"

A sudden burst of understanding crossed my mind. God, no wonder Kaiba seemed crushed! "Kaiba! It's not your fault! Just having him back is amazing! I'm sure we—you—can find a way to get his memories back." I was flying totally blind. Kaiba needed comfort? From me? I was painfully stuck. One part of my mind firmly insisted that I was supposed to be halfway out of Kaiba's mansion by now, on the way to the airport and a different life. The other half insisted equally bluntly that I shouldn't abandon Kaiba now. This was my chance!

Kaiba roughly swiped his hand across his face. I walked around the desk, catching a chair on the way and dragging it up next to him. I had no idea what I was doing.

"Kaiba…c'mon…it's gonna be okay." The "-san" seemed kind of pointless now. With courage born from the knowledge that I was crashing and burning any way I played this, I wrapped my arm around Kaiba's shoulders and pulled him close. Amazingly, he didn't immediately break my arm. Instead, he allowed me to hold him. Granted, it wasn't exactly how I'd drawn it in my diary, but I was still holding Kaiba in my arms. I shifted to better comfort my former employer, leaving my letter of resignation lying quietly on his desk.

Happy holidays!