Chapter 10: Darth Vader
Darth Vader unexpectedly strode into the Primary Power Generator Room, the gray uniformed men stationed there snapping to attention as his presence. The Sith Lord enjoyed doing snap inspections. The Executor was his first real command and he was determined to know her as intimately as he knew the Force. Since she had been built and commissioned from the Ship Yards of Fondor, he had been taking the time to get to know her deck by deck, department by department. Executor was the Empire's flagship and thus was crewed with the best the Empire had to offer. Still, these surprising inspections served a very real purpose. No longer was he catching crewmembers dozing at their posts or letting their duties slide. He let them know that even the dullest duty station aboard Executor was important and one never knew when the ship's survival would depend on that one crewmember at that dull post. In return, his crew did their jobs with more efficiency and thus served the Empire to their full extent.
After examining the control panels and being satisfied all was as it should be, he exited the Generator Room and headed down the white hallway. The Backup Engine Reactor Room was nearby and he would inspect that next. As he walked down the hall, his mind contemplated what had happened to his son. He had expected another letter last night when he got off duty and headed to his quarters, yet no letter had been in his email box. Had something happened to the boy?
/Perhaps telling him I was a commander in the Imperial Fleet has scared him away./
The long hall curved and Vader followed it, his black cape billowing out behind him. A mouse droid skittered out of his path and Vader didn't even spare it a glance. His mind was far too occupied with thoughts of his son.
/I hope nothing has happened to him. The boy can be too reckless./
He remembered the account Farmboy had told him of almost crashing into his wingmate, of flying when he had been groggy from lack of sleep. Vader shook his helmet slightly in disapproval, as no one was around to witness his behavior. His plan for luring his son to him had been going so well and now he hadn't a clue as to what has happened. If anything had happened. The Sith Lord knew he shouldn't jump to conclusions, yet he felt restless and on edge. Walking the long, seemingly endless corridors of Executor was a perfect way to burn off his nervousness. The ship had an infinite number of departments to inspect, crew to catch off guard doing inappropriate things while on duty.
/How can a boy affect me so?/
He pondered the question for a moment, turning it over in his mind. He had never even met the boy, yet here he was worrying about him. Is this what a parent did, constantly worry about their offspring? He finally reached the doors to the Backup Engine Reactor Room and they swooshed open at his approach. Stepping inside, he was dismayed to find a crewmember reading some sort of publication at his post, his feet propped up on the console he was supposed to be watching. Marching up to the man, who still hadn't noticed his presence, he snatched the offending object out of his startled hands. He peered at it with his mask, disgusted to find images of women very improperly dressed.
"L…Lord Vader!" the man gasped in fright.
"This is a reactor!" Vader hissed at him, anger clear in his voice. "It needs to be minded. The safety of the ship depends on it functioning properly! And here you sit looking at filth!"
"I…I.." the man panicked, not knowing what to say.
"You will not fail me again!" Vader closed his hand as he focused the Force around the frightened man's throat. The crewmember gasped, his eyes bulging out as he struggled to breath. But the angry Sith Lord had him in his grasp and he couldn't let such disrespect to women as well as duty slide. No, a person like this put everyone on the ship at risk. The man gurgled one last time and then fell to the floor unmoving. Vader hit the com switch and quickly ordered a replacement for the dead offender, as well as troopers to remove the body. Moving over to the wall, he opened a garbage chute and hurled the hated publication down it. How could some men look at stuff like that? It was disgusting!
Strolling around the small room, Vader made a mental note to inspect this post more often and on different shifts. Word would get around about the crewmember's death and everyone would be on his toes, alert and ready for anything. Still, no matter what the crew thought, he didn't enjoy killing them and he only did it when necessary. His anger fading, his thoughts drifted back to Farmboy.
/Does he know I am his father?/
Could that be causing the delay in a response? Had he shocked his poor, naïve son? Perhaps the boy had no idea of how to respond to such a situation. Or didn't he even know his father's name?
/No, I am sure he knows I am his father now…/
He had half expected a fast, jubilant reply from Farmboy, one shouting 'I am your son!'. But then, perhaps something was going on with the Rebels. Yes, that could be. His son might have been sent on some mission with his fighter squadron to take pot shots at some Imperial installation. Then a new thought occurred to the Sith Lord, one that caused his blood to turn cold in his veins and his badly damaged heart to lurch. No! It wasn't possible!
/What if some stupid Imperial doing his duty kills my son?/
But Vader knew it could happen. He stood frozen in the Backup Engine Reactor Room, alone except for the dead crewmember. No one was there to witness his temporary paralysis as unaccustomed fright gripped his body. The dreaded event could happen today, tomorrow or next month. Then again, it might never happen at all. The boy had the Force as his ally and had apparently inherited his superb flying skills. Still, those things alone didn't guarantee survival in this galaxy. The Jedi had once been considered near undefeatable and they had all perished. Yes, the galaxy was cold, cruel and uncaring. If he wanted the boy to live, he would have to start looking after him. But how could he do that when he wasn't answering his letters?
/I hope you are well, my Son./
The doors opened as stormtroopers filed in and Vader directed them to remove the corpse. Moments later a replacement crewmember arrived and hurriedly took the vacant duty station. Satisfied, Vader left. The Sith Lord knew he should go inspect the Main Engine Turbine since he was in the area, but no, word would have spread by now and the inspection would be useless. Better to wait a week or two to better catch crewmembers off guard as this one had been.
/Perhaps I shall plan a third shift inspection of the Auxiliary Reactor…/
Yes, third shift wouldn't expect it at all. Which, of course, was the point! Grinning under his mask, Vader headed to his quarters. But the smile quickly faded as Farmboy's safety once again rushed to the front of his mind. He had earned a few free moments to check his email. Perhaps his son had contacted him by now and he could stop agonizing over the boy's silence. Stepping into a lift, he waited for it to deposit him on the proper deck. From there, making his way to his quarters was simple. Inputting his code, the doors slid apart and he entered. Immediately he went to his computer and was soon searching through his mailbox. To his utter relief, a new letter was waiting.
/I guess you were just busy after all./
Vader chided himself for all the heedless worrying he had done.
/Perhaps Obi-Wan had been right, I concentrate too much on the negative./
He would need to form a proper bond with the boy. Then he could feel through the Force if he were all right or in need of assistance. But to do that, he would need to catch him first. That should be a simple enough task, for he knew exactly where his son was: on Yavin 4 with all the other pesky Rebels. Since they had destroyed the Death Star they had not vacated their base yet. Their over confidence was amazing, as was their stupidity. All he would have to do it send in a fleet of six star destroyers, although in this case a single star destroyer should be enough. Still, they had blown up the Death Star. Of course, he son may get killed in such an attack. Better to lure him out with letters.
Clicking on the email, Vader opened it and begun to read.
/What! They are moving?!/
So, the Rebels weren't as stupid as he had thought and the leaders have chosen to wisely relocate. So they were moving to a snowy world, hmm? He would have to look up possible locations on the star charts. It would no doubt be some isolated place and not populated. Vader grinned. His son was becoming a useful source of information.
The next paragraph caused Vader to laugh, something he rarely did these days. The sound vibrating around inside his mask and helmet sounded bizarre to his ears.
/Do I know Darth Vader? My dear Son, I AM Darth Vader!/
Still, he knew the boy wasn't exactly ready to know that fact yet so it would have to remain a secret for a bit longer. It probably would be better to divulge such information in person. Yes, that would be best.
/Someday, my Son, we shall meet and then you shall know the truth./
Vader couldn't help but wonder why the boy was asking about him. Was he just curious or was there more to his innocent questions? Did lingering negative emotions lurk within his heart from seeing Obi-Wan slaughtered? Did he fear the masked man all in black? Or was it a boy's simple curiosity about the biggest mystery in the galaxy? And his identity truly was a mystery, a fact that Vader savored like a fine wine. As to his reply, he would truthfully say he saw Darth Vader everyday.
He continued to read his son's letter with interest, worrying when he read that his son would continue to trust his friend. Just who was this mystery friend that was a scoundrel? Vader thought back and pictured the Falcon sitting in the hangar bay of the Death Star. Solo! Surely his son couldn't be associating with that smuggler? Why, the man was a real space pirate! Who knew what horrible things the man would teach his son?
/I must rescue him from those Rebels before it's too late!/
Yes, his poor son would get involved with shady schemes, gun running and who knew what else? It would be utterly terrible! And if he wasn't mistaken, Solo gambled! The Sith Lord groaned as a headache began to form in his temples. The smuggler had better not corrupt his son or he would pay the price. Of course, if Solo attempted such a thing his son would no doubt tell him in a letter. The boy certainly was free with words, spilling out the slightest things that were bothering him.
/I wonder if he has told anyone about me?/
Logic told Vader that in this case the boy was smart enough to keep his big blabbermouth shut.
/Ah, so you have figured out I am a Jedi. Good. Very good./
Better yet, the boy was anxious to have a new teacher; someone to pick up his training where Obi-Wan had left off.
/And that someone would be me./
Yes, he would instruct him in the ways of the Force and be his new teacher. But he couldn't teach him through email. No, they needed to be together. That part would be tricky, but Vader was confident he could handle it.
He stopped reading and stared at the screen.
/You expect ME to leave Executor and go to you?/
Of course, that wasn't a real invitation. Not really. The invitation was to Anakin and he wasn't Anakin anymore. No, he was Vader now and the boy didn't know that. If only it could be that simple! In a perfect world, his son would invite him with open arms…
/But one look at this mask and he will hate me…/
Vader knew it was true. How could his son not hate him after killing Obi-Wan? Perhaps if the boy had not witnessed that one event he could still learn to love him…but no, it was hopeless. He was just fooling himself with these idle dreams. Wasting his time and building up false hopes. No one had truly cared for him. What had caring for others gotten him except a broken body with a cracked skull and a life trapped within a metal suit? So many things he would never experience again, such simple things everyone takes for granted but denied to him now. The sunlight on his face, the wind in his hair, the scent of flowers in the air, raindrops, the damp, cool caress of fog, the unfiltered crash of a surf, the soft kiss of a woman's lips, even the cursed sand between his toes…forever denied.
/Why couldn't Obi-Wan love me?/
Hadn't he done everything his master desired? Hadn't he sacrificed his arm for him in that battle with Count Dooku? Hadn't he saved his master countless times on countless worlds? Why hadn't any of it been good enough for Obi-Wan? Nothing he had ever done been good enough! Yet his master had always expected more; you could have been faster, could have done that better…
And that had been when he had possessed a perfect body. If no one could find it within his or her heart to love him then, how could his son love him trapped in this crippled shell?
/Perhaps I was never worthy of their love…/
His emotions sunk into depression as he realized that his son could never love him. How could he when no one else had? All he would see is the mask and armor, a Sith Lord.
/He may not even believe me when I tell him I am his father, even after all the letters…/
No, he most likely wouldn't. He'd be forced to catch his son and hold him captive when he was informed of his parentage. Vader didn't like the idea, but what other choice did he have? He would open his heart to the boy and would get kicked in the face, rejected.
/He will be like all the others./
Yes, his son cares for him now as long as he doesn't know the truth. The thought was truly miserable. Even if he were still Anakin in his heart, he would forever more be Vader in body. There was no changing that.
He skimmed over the rest of the letter, some of his interest in it lost. He could never be the kind of father that the boy desired and he knew it. Yet no matter how it hurt, he knew he couldn't turn away from this unruly son of his. Like it or not, he was the only family he had left. And he was determined to catch him somehow…
/But how could I possibly tell him the truth?/
Vader didn't want to see the hate in his son's eyes aimed at him. He had witnessed that too many times in the past. The fake smiles from people that had pretended they had cared about him. In the end, they had been just like Palpatine, only interested in his powers. He had thought many times that had been the case, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. And when it all had come crashing down around him it had been too much, too painful. To think that his own master had tried to kill him…
He had thought the pain would go away on Obi-Wan's death, but it hadn't. His revenge couldn't erase the pain of betrayal. It still lurked within his damaged heart and he wondered why his master had hated him so much.
/And my son will probably do the same…/
Wishing things could be different; Vader began to write a letter to the boy.
Dear Farmboy,
I am glad to hear from you again. I must admit I was worried when I hadn't received a letter yesterday from you and feared the worst. In many ways I feel that I already am your father even though we never met. In all likelihood's, I am your father. I had a stepbrother named Owen that lived on a moisture farm. No doubt that is where your Jedi kidnapper left you after he snatched you away. I met my stepbrother only once, many years ago when my mother had died. I never dreamed he would have taken you to Tatooine or I would have gone and rescued you many years ago. But they knew I hated the planet and all the bad memories it brought. Was your uncle's name Owen Lars?
Yes, I work on board the Executor. Today I was doing surprise inspections of various departments. I heard Lord Vader was also doing inspections. He caught a crewmember looking at filthy pictures and force-choked him. Women should be treated with respect. Don't you agree? I see Lord Vader everyday. Yes, he is a Sith Lord. A Sith is a group that studies the more powerful side of the Force or so I have been taught. Normal Jedi won't trifle with it because they fear it. Some believe it is evil, but I think it depends on what a person does with it. Think of it like a blaster. In the hand of a madman, a gun can be evil as he shoots and kills innocents inside a restaurant. But a gun can also be good, stopping a dangerous person before they harm others. The Force is like this, too. Don't you agree? It is what some call the Unifying Force. Most Jedi study the Living Force. I learned about both at the Academy, although we only practiced the Living Force.
Would you like to be my apprentice?
Yes, I have seen snow and ice. I've visited cold, frozen worlds many times when I was an apprentice attending the Academy. It's painful to think about those times as they involve my former master, the one that betrayed me in the end. I only wanted him to love me and he couldn't find it within his heart to do that. It's very sad. I was thinking about it earlier today and all it did was depress me.
I don't think I could leave Executor. She is all I really have, that and my rank. I doubt if others could accept me the way I am, of how I look. I seriously doubt if your friends would. If my master couldn't love me, how could they? I don't want to give up everything I worked so hard for and then end up being rejected. I don't think I could take that. I would still like to teach you though, if we could figure out a way on how to do it.
What was my childhood dream? Well, I always dreamed to become a Jedi and then go back to Tatooine and free all the slaves. I hated being a slave. Well, not really hate but I didn't think it was right. Watto treated us well enough, I guess, but I still didn't like being someone else's property.
How I got freed? Well, this Jedi came to Watto's junkshop. His name was Qui-Gon Jinn. Padme was with him. They talked to Watto about buying the parts they needed, but they didn't have any money. Watto had said I could go home for the day and I met them outside. A sandstorm was coming and it was a long way to their ship, so I took them home to my house. We had lunch together. I offered to help them the only way I could: by driving my podracer in the Boonta Eve Classic. I had secretly built my own podracer from parts I had borrowed from Watto. My owner didn't even know about the racer! And it was the fastest ever! I used radical fuel atomizers and multiple igniters to get maximum burn from every atom of fuel. That combined with a set of triple air scoops around each turbine helped me win against much bigger, powerful racers. Anyway, I wanted to win so I could give the money to Qui-Gon and Padme so they could buy the parts they needed. I had no idea that Qui-Gon had made a bet with Watto for my freedom! I didn't find out until after the race…
About girls: You have to be yourself but yet you have to take chances. You have to let her know how you feel. I let Padme know several times how I felt. She knew just by the way I looked at her. Later I stared into her eyes and kissed her. Some girls won't know you like them unless you do something that will let them know.
But if you want to be a Jedi, you probably won't have much time for a girlfriend. It involves a lot of training and you'll need to concentrate on it. I'm not saying you can't get married some day, but right now you need to decide what you want more: to train with me or to go after the girl. Remember, I was practically a Jedi when I married Padme, your mother. You have almost no training and it will take a lot of hard work. You won't have time for girls for quite awhile.
Yes, if I'm your father than Padme was your mother.
So, do you want to train with me, Son? I would love to have you with me…yet I worry about us meeting. I don't know if you'll be able to accept me the way I am. I've just been rejected so many times in the past…
I'm afraid I can't teach you through the mail…
We need to figure something out if you really want me to teach you.
What is your name?
Your Father,
Anakin Skywalker
Vader reread his letter. Signing his old last name was truly clever and he grinned. He hoped it was enough to lure the boy to him. Pressing the button, he sent the letter on its way.