Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive.
Christie clinches her jaw tightly, struggling mightily to hold up the bulk of Bayman's hefty weight, dangling his roped girth at the row of balconies of the third floor. Her impressive biceps bulge and Bayman tries not to look at the veins in her neck. It kind of ruins his perception of her sleek and smooth, vulnerable form.
"If its all the same to you..." Christie begins, almost already out of breathe, placing her foot on the rail to keep upright, "I'll hang down and get the shots for you..." She swallows precious breathe as Bayman rights himself, studying his special camera,
"I wouldn't want to offend you with the naked forms of our special targets." Bayman giggles and Christie groans,
"Well you know, I'm open for trying new things." She explains and Bayman wiggles through excitement,
"So we do have a chance together?" Bayman licks his lips, but Christie shakes her head through disgust,
"I said I was open for new things, I didn't say I opened my legs for idiots! Your hippo mass would squish me before you could do anything anyways."
"No one said you had to be alive. That's less talking anyways. I read Cosmo, I know what I'm doing." Bayman demands and Christie scowls,
"You sick f'ck, I oughta drop you!" She loosens her grip and the cord slips slightly, sending Bayman spiraling down in a squeal, but she catches him before long.
"Okay,okay!" Bayman pleads, having just now realized he has placed his insignificant life in her hands, "You know I love you!"
Christie smirks at his pathetic plea and is actually able to pull him back up slightly to his original starting position.
"Who's the first?"
"Uhhh, on Sesame Street, all the little kids would point her out in the lineup." Bayman explains and Christie nods in understanding,
"Lisa it is." Bayman smiles at the thought of his journey finally reaching the climax, but first he has to figure out this damn super technology.
He holds the expensive camera to his hairy ear and starts shaking it, making sure nothing is broken within. He repeatedly pushes the 'on' button but nothing happens. Christie clicks her tongue impatiently,
"You bought it without the instructions didn't you, Tubster?" Bayman looks up with a nervous grin, not going to accept defeat this easily,
"No of course not...i just need to load the film is all."
"I thought you said it was Digital."
"That means there are no hands on the watch right?" Bayman asks and Christie slaps her forehead, wondering just how she keeps getting roped back into this.
"I got it!" Bayman exclaims as he hears the loading beep after he smacks the camera hard, closing the battery compartment, "These lovers hands can fix any problems." Bayman admires his grubby hands proudly and Christie nods,
"How about fixing that big beach ball beneath your neck." Christie moves Bayman into position and he swings back and forth, gaining enough momentum to reach Lisa's balcony.
He grabs a hold and flops over the railing, falling down hard on the wooden ledge. He unhooks himself and hears Christie cursing from above, that he didn't fall, but not even her scathing comments can stop him now. He readies the camera as he nears the sliding glass window which is covered by a closed curtain from within. Luckily the balcony doors don't lock. He rubs his hands together, mashing in the the grimy dirt, and throws the door open.
"Surprise!" He leaps through the curtain and lands on the living room carpet frozen. Not in the bathtub at all! Fully clothed, cocoa skinned Lisa sits on the foot of her full sized, red sheeted bed, watching some form of Spanish Soap Opera. It strangely involves a bunch of husky exhibitionist men in rubber costumes, violently hugging each other and being watched by a large cheering crowd. Lisa turns her head with a slight tilt of curiosity and Bayman clears his throat loudly.
"Well, uh, the door seems to be in working order...so uh, I'm going to check back in with headquarters." Bayman begins to turn around, but Lisa quickly stands to her feet and holds her hand out,
"Nuh-uh, I don't think so, white boy." She says with a certain flare of attitude that Bayman thinks is called 'Gah-toe' or some form of the word, but he always thought she hailed from New Mexico.
"You're not Spanish?" He asks as he turns around and Lisa scoffs and shakes her thin finger in his face,
"Do I look Spanish to you?"
"Do I look Russian?" He asks with a placating smile and Lisa studies him for a second and then answers,
"If by Russian you mean grotesquely ugly, then yes!" Bayman's feelings drown in their own tears and he fights back some of his own, but Lisa's brown eyes enlighten, "That's just how I like em!"
Bayman barely has time to look up with a newfound hope before Lisa rips herself out of her footy pajamas and stands in front of him wearing a risque white and green intricately designed outfit, fitting tight against her form. Everywhere Bayman looks he just almost sees some naughty part of her anatomy, but fails, the fabric taunting him. He begins rubbing his hands together in anticipation, enthralled by Lisa's wide smile.
"You like mi Lucha Libre outfit? You'll role play the villain, and this is your outfit!" Lisa reaches onto her bed and thrusts out the smallest piece of underwear Bayman has ever seen, and pink besides. He's heard of thongs, in fact he's bathed in a tub of them once, but he knows for a fact they weren't made for someone of his size...or gender.
"I love your enthusiasm, chica, but I draw the line at pink." Bayman explains, but before he can continue, a whip cracks and out of nowhere, a long white spiked whip appears in Lisa's gloved hands.
"I truly don't remember asking you."
Christie yawns through boredom, looking down over the railing wondering if the pervert is making any progress. She almost falls as she hears a series of high pitched, pained scream of torture from below, and feels the all too recognizable tug on the end of the cord. The elephant has returned, and from the sound of it, he's being chased by hungry pygmys.
"Next room, next room!" Bayman hollers upwards and Christie quickly shifts the cord across the rail to the left, pulling him away from the balcony and swinging over to the next room. She leans over to see just what scared the poor boy and even in the dark, she can see tears flowing from his droopy eyes.
"What happened, dearest?" Christie teases and Bayman looks up with a terror stricken frown.
"That bizzatch draws the line between Freaky-Deeky and Malicious Sadist! And then she repeatedly stepped over it with those high heeled commando boots!" Bayman takes a second to catch his breathe as he swings loosely and Christie smiles,
"So you've finally learned your lesson after only the first room? Spying on girls won't get you no where."
"I am a resolute man, and I won't let one near death experience stop me. I don't go limp that easily!" Bayman readies his camera and Christie sighs,
"Thats not what she said..." She snickers under her breathe as she swings him towards the next room. Bayman wonders which of his two third-cousins she talked to as he checks the scribbles on his arm, checking to see who the next room belongs to. He doesn't know names, and 'young girl with free bouncing tetas' doesn't help him pinpoint any one girl. It does count out Christie though, but thats a given.
"I like surprises..." Bayman latches onto the rail like a five hundred pound leech and climbs over. This time he will be much more careful, but he doesn't think any of the other girls will try to kill him. He limps towards the door, the whip lacerations still paining his backside. He pulls the sliding glass door open and enters the dark abode. He immediately smells cherry blossoms mixed with a slight hint of reheated Chinese food.
Bayman tiptoes through the dark room, groping along the wall, but stops as he hears two faint female voices coming from deeper within.
"Not so fast, Lei-Lei...I'm not ready yet..." That voice belongs to the cute little redhead, the one that wavers on the side of jail bait, but Bayman would take the risk. He slowly follows the sounds of the giggling, attempting not to trip over his arousal.
"Open up a little more, Kas, I can't see..." Leifang whispers and Bayman almost drops his camera to free up his hand. He hears a loud gasp and almost crashes into the wall.
"Put it right there, thats perfect!" Kasumi squeals and Bayman drops down to the ground, crawling across the carpeted floor. Drool and sweat mixes together as he continues, turning on the camera. He rolls into a short hallway and posts himself in the small kitchenette, watching the two female forms maneuver themselves on the ground.
"Oh God, Lei, it's so deep!" Kasumi's excitement bubbles forth and Bayman can't contain himself. Without another second of hesitation, he leaps forwards to join in.
"Yep, the Atlantic Ocean is deepest at nearly 27,000 feet in Puerto Rico!" Leifang answers and Bayman slams into the far wall. He sinks down with a knot forming on his forehead as Leifang turns the page of the book spread out between them. Bayman fights back a growl of frustration as he attempts to limp away without being noticed. Luckily the two nerds are focused.
"Nigh time Geography? Seriously, Lord, what the f'ck did I do to you?" Bayman groans as he reaches the door, but in the dark, he got turned around and ended up at the front door. Either way, he can't go back. Not to face a rogue ninja and a scorned college student. He won't let this become the biggest disappointment of his life! That tiny slot is already filled by ole light-switchy below.
Bayman slinks out of the door, and closes it behind him, cutting off the giggles from behind him. The lit hallway is a comfort, but the suspicious looking maid turning the corner catches his attention. Don't they come in the morning? The young raven haired woman stops in mid step with a scowl. She vaguely reminds him of a Geisha he thinks he saw this one time.
Bayman quickly reaches deep into his pants, retrieving his tool and somehow places it to his mouth. The supposed maid looks at him awkwardly as Bayman blows and the annoying piercing of the whistle sends her backwards to the floor, holding her pumping ears. Bayman himself barely heard the sound because of the jungle that protects his eardrums.
"What the hell is your problem!" She yells, standing up in raged huff, rubbing at her delicate ears angrily. Bayman puts the whistle down and holds his arms up to explain,
"Hey babe, thats how they do it nowadays. When you see a hot girl and wanna get with her, you blow a whistle or something like that..." The young woman's scowl deepens as she rushes towards Bayman, somehow seeming to leer over him although she's shorter. Or its just that he cowers in fear.
"Thats the stupidest shit I've ever f'ckin heard! You'd have a better chance of saying you'd like to teach me how to sew, but first you have to stick your throbbing pin into my plump cushion!" Somehow her dirty mouth both scares and excites Bayman at the same time,
"So i still have a chance?"
"Uh, I'm pretty sure you know you f'cked that up!" The woman prods Bayman in the gut and he back steps in fear, "You fat ass canister of fried lard!"
There's only one woman that he will allow to get away with calling him slightly overweight! There was must be retribution and he hates to have to use it. Well, not actually. Bayman quickly reaches into his pocket and tosses a small needle forwards, catching the loud talking girl in the neck. Her words halt and eyes widen for a second before rolling back into her head and she falls backwards.
"Watch out, there's a dart headed for your..." Bayman begins to speak as the girl's body flops out, "Oops, i guess I'm too late." Bayman snickers deviously as he retrieves his weapon.
"I think this camera can record live video, so how about me and you make the Unrated version of 'Memoirs of a Geisha'? I'll be Ken WonTon, and you can be Unconscious Girl #3. It's a small role i know, but you might just get a nominat--"
"BAYMAN!" Bayman spins around from his devious plan to see Christie standing behind him with a twisted look on her face, "I thought you were joking about that necro-sick shit!"
"What? Oh, I was! Seriously, darling!" Bayman begins to plead, "This girl is just unconscious. She was being mean to me!" Bayman drops down to his knees and forces tears to well in his eyes and Christie shakes her head at his forced, pathetic display,
"It won't work this time! I keep feeling sorry for you because you'll never be loved, but this has gone too far." Christie turns around to leave, but Bayman leaps forwards and clamps onto her muscular legs. He sniffs the snot back into his nose, but the tears continue,
"I'll turn away from my life of sin, just don't leave me!"
Our two protagonists continue to argue in the hallway of the hotel as the camera pans away and closes in on a shrouded figure, high on the top seat of the ferris wheel outside. His arms are crossed and his masked face shows only fury.
"So they've made their move...the miscreants. They've darted my disguised ally Kokoro in the neck and think that they'll get away with spying on my protectorates. I have sworn an oath to destroy all evil in this world and I swear I'll do it! Kasumi got Raidou, Ryu got Tengu, and Ayane got Genra so I'm definitely next right?"
The ninja slams his foot down through frustration, and almost slips off of the seat. The wheel creaks as it begins to turn so he decides to sit down, knowing of his less than auspicious past experiences with heights.
"I'll make my move soon, but I--" The figure turns towards the looming camera and quickly hides his face, before his obvious identity can be shown, "Dammit, I've been spotted! I was talking too loud again!