Wow. It's been a long time. XD

NOTE : I will not have any access to my computer from next friday to the first week of august. That means no updating. So I will do my very best to try and update through my beta if possible. Sorry for those who have been waiting. Bear with me a little longer. (hands out 1x2x5 plushies and pocky)

"Will you relax?" Heero chided me as my fingers strayed to the collar of my crisp white shirt. I couldn't help it. The pressed white shirt made me feel really weird. So did the black slacks. God, I was so damn uncomfortable. I don't dress like this unless I really have no choice. I much preferred wearing T-shirts and jeans. Not to mention that I will have to wear a uniform if I become an agent.

I let go of the collar and let Heero adjust it again. He looked at me reproachfully and I just gave him a sheepish smile, one hand coming up to rub the back of my neck. He tapped my nose with his finger tartly before dropping his hands to my waist to pull me in for a deep kiss.

"You look just fine, love." He assured me, nuzzling my neck. I couldn't repress the small shiver that worked its way up my spine. I loved it when he did that. My arms had automatically come up to encircle his broad shoulders and I just melted against him.

It still felt so surreal to know that I could do this. That I could hug him, kiss him, hold his hand whenever I wanted. So weird but so very good.

"You are going to be great. I know it." He whispered fiercely against my hair. His arms squeezed me tight before letting go and pulling back. I dropped my arms and stepped back.

"If she doesn't eat me." I muttered and had to consciously stop my hand from going to my collar.

Tapping his finger under my chin, he made me look at him directly. I was kind of surprised at how close his face was to mine. Our noses were almost touching. "You'll be fine. Be confident." He closed that extra gap to kiss me again and I nodded, pulling away. Be confident? Yeah right. I would be if I really wanted to do this. Okay. Not going to think about this now. Really don't need to be pondering right before my interview.

We walked out of the room and went downstairs to the kitchen, where Wufei was making us breakfast. I could not describe how utterly…domestic he looked, moving around the kitchen like a master chef. He smiled at us when we came down and gave me a once over, before nodding approvingly. Setting three places at the table, he came around to me. His hands cupped my face and his eyes searched mine. I dropped my eyes from his intense gaze, flustered. Did I mention that I am not completely comfortable yet?

"You are going to be wonderful. And you look stunning. So stop fretting, all right?" He told me rather firmly, before kissing the hell out of me. Deer. Headlights. Need I say more? How did he manage to read my mind every single time?

"Hey!" Heero called, mock-indignantly. "Don't I get my morning kiss?" I could see his lips twitch in a hidden smile.

Wufei simply raised his eyebrow before waving it off, sauntering past him. "You get enough as it is." He said airily, right before Heero grabbed him by the waist and dragged him over for his kiss. I watched them share a damn hot kiss and felt my doubts rise up again. I turned away, feeling like a voyeur, flustered. What the hell was I doing here?

"Hmm, we're going to be late." Wufei murmured, pulling back. I bit my lip and carefully avoided their eyes as we sat through breakfast. I hardly tasted the bacon and eggs, though I'm sure they were delicious, but I had way too many things on my mind right then.

Finding a place for the orphanage had been hard. There was nothing within my budget that was big enough for them and the places that could sustain twelve kids were expensive. I had ended up not really finding a place and was hoping that Heero and Wufei wouldn't mind putting up with the kids a while longer. On top of that, I had the adoption papers drawn up for Sasha, Kristina, Adam, Emily and Sam. Trowa and Quatre were going to come over this evening to sign the papers and take Sasha and Sam with them. Heero and Wufei were going to sign the papers tonight too.

I had decided when I came here that I would enroll the children into public schools. They deserved the education. They needed it. They would be able to follow their dreams. Their aspirations. Would no longer be victims of the war.

Despite the fact that the war had been over for the past eight years, the colonies still suffered from the extent of damage caused. L2, already being the poorest colony, became worse than a slum. My children were still suffering from it, even if it was indirectly. And I would not have them go through what I had been through. I just would NOT.

Something poked at my bicep and I looked at Heero questioningly.

"Are you going to finish eating?"

I blinked at looked at my plate, which was only half empty. Oops, got a little carried away. I shoveled the rest of the food into my mouth and took my plate to the sink, rinsing it and almost running out of the kitchen.

Geez, what was wrong with me? I was getting upset at the slightest things. I was now on earth, going to an interview for a job that I will quite possibly get, I could enroll the children in school, have them get an education and make something of themselves. They wouldn't have to go through what I did. So…

Why did I feel that something was wrong?

I found myself near the front door and made it seem like I was just grabbing my jacket out of the closet when they came. If they understood it, they didn't say anything. We rode to the Preventors Headquarters in silence.

(……)

"Well, Mr. Maxwell. You record is outstanding I must say." Une said to me, pushing her glasses up her nose as she gave me back my file. "But you have been out of the field for over eight years. However confident I may be of your skills, rules say that I can't qualify an agent who has been off the field for more than a year without training. You will have to undergo training to become a field agent. Is that acceptable?"

I nodded. I had doubted that they would let me in without training and I had been right. Hopefully, it shouldn't be that bad. After all, Heero and Wufei got through it.

"Your training will begin at 0700 hours tomorrow. Report to the training field in the east wing."

"Thank you, Ma'am." I got up, dismissed.

Her face softened and she reached forward to touch my wrist gently. "It's good to have you back, Duo."

I flushed and ducked my head, hiding behind my bangs. "It's good to be back, Ma'am."

(……)

I stopped by Heero and Wufei's office, wondering what it looked like. I had never been there before but it was pretty much what I had expected. Two desks on opposite sides of the room, along side each other. Two file cabinets, a few shelves with files and books and a potted plant. That must have been Wufei's doing. I knew how much he enjoyed nature.

Both of them looked up as I knocked on their door, and smiled at me, encouraging me to come in. Shutting the door softly behind me, I walked in and took a seat on one of the chairs.

"So?" Wufei prompted me.

"It went well. I start training tomorrow." I replied. Wufei frowned but Heero nodded understandingly.

"Training's easy. You'll be done with it in no time." Heero informed me. I shrugged, not too keen about this whole thing. But I needed the money and I had grabbed the first opportunity that came by.

I noticed a picture of Heero and Wufei hanging on the walls. It was one that had been taken during their wedding. Right below it, there was another one with Wufei and me when we were dancing. That was when he had asked me if I was happy and I had replied yes. Technically.

They were married. Married. We had enough obstacles to overcome and that word would only bring more. I shouldn't have agreed to this. This was not right. I couldn't come in between a married couple. This was wrong, dammit! I shouldn't even be here in the first place. Who would they explain this to others? I would be dragging down their reputation along with mine. If this had to happen, then it should have happened years ago, before they got married, before I left.

"Listen, guys…I've been thinking..." I started when Wufei laughed.

"Since when has that been a good thing?" He teased me. I returned his grin weakly and looked down at my fiddling hands.

"Very funny. No, seriously…I don't think this is going to work.'

"This?" Both of them echoed.

I sighed, frustrated. "This…arrangement?" I waved my hand vaguely in the air. "I don't know. This relationship…between…us. It's not going to work."

"What do you mean?" Heero asked me, his eyes narrowing. I swallowed and looked away, trying to gather the courage to speak again.

"I can't…we can't do this. It would ruin everything. How will you explain to people that you are having an affair with someone else? Both of you? Think of your reputations…what will people think of you?"

"Duo, we can't live our lives by what people will think of us." Wufei soothed me, both of them coming around to crouch beside me. "We love you. We don't need anymore reason to be with you."

They make it sound so logical. But you can't live your life without thinking about the consequences either. "But how long will it take for their gossip to make you leave me? To see that I'm not worth your time?"

"Damn it, Duo. I told you before. Nothing is going to make us leave you."

"But I can't give you what you need!" I cried out, standing up and turning away. Shocked silence met my outburst. That's okay. I was pretty surprised myself.

"What do you think that is?" Wufei asked me in an eerily calm voice.

"Love…"I heard myself whisper. There. I said it.

"That is complete bullshit!" Wufei grabbed me by the arm and whirled me around. I found him standing so close to me that I hardly dared to breathe.

"You love us. I can see it in your eyes, I can feel it in your every touch…"

"I can't give you that either." I had never touched them first, dead afraid that they would find me revolting. Stop laughing. Just wait until you're in love. You won't find my fears so unfounded then.

"We can never find you revolting." Wufei whispered softly to me. He grabbed my hand and kissed it tenderly, before placing it close to his cheek. "Touch me, Duo."

I stared hard at my hand and then at him. "I-I can't."

"Yes, you can." He encouraged me softly. I wondered where Heero was, just before I felt another pair of arms wrap strongly around my waist.

"Go ahead, love. It's okay." Heero crooned softly in my ear. My trembling fingers got closer and closer until they rested gently on Wufei's skin.

"Yes, just like that…" Wufei sighed, his eyes closing. I traced his cheek in awe, his eyes, his temple, before slipping my hands into his silky hair.

"That's it." Heero whispered to me. I suddenly crumbled onto the ground and they just went down with me. I ended up burled between them, surrounded by their soft words and their strong arms. I clutched at them frantically, clinging to them as much as I could and they returned my grip just as surely. Nonsense words, soft kisses, whispers all went over my head. I was shivering so hard that I couldn't get close enough to them.

I wasn't revolting. They didn't find me repulsive. I could touch them and not have them turn away in disgust. Not that they ever had, but fear and paranoia had combined into making nightmares very believable.

"Let's go home. We don't need to be here today." Heero suggested softly and I heard Wufei murmur an agreement. I managed to get myself together to walk out the building by myself and all the way home.

What was it that made me need them so badly? All those bold words, about it not working out and such, did nothing to diminish my need for them. Maybe, it was not about hurting them or their lives. Maybe it was about hurting myself.

(……)

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