Chapter 6

"What the hell is happening to me?"

"I don't know, Daniel. I'm sorry, I just don't know."

Jack entered the infirmary to the sound of frightened voices, and stopped when he saw the faces attached to them. Daniel was seated on the edge of an infirmary bed, with Fraiser and Dr. Warner hovering around him looking worried.

"What's up, Docs?" Jack asked as they turned to look at him.

Daniel ducked his head to look at his hands while Fraiser and Warner glanced at each other and then back at Jack. "Daniel was wheezing in his sleep tonight," Fraiser finally answered in a small voice.

Jack stepped closer to Daniel and studied his face when he looked up at him.

"What?" Daniel asked after a few seconds.

"You look okay to me. Maybe it was just an asthma attack."

"I don't have asthma, Jack."

"Stress, then."

Daniel sighed and shook his head. "I knew it was too good to be true."

"We don't know that you're having a relapse," Fraiser said, laying a hand on his knee.

"Yeah. We don't know anything," Daniel said. "Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better."

"Your preliminary tests all came back negative for the disease, Daniel," Warner said. "I'll keep running more tests if you like, but quite frankly, I'm willing to put this down to a nightmare, or as Colonel O'Neill said, stress."

"So... what? I'm just supposed to pretend this didn't happen? How can I possibly do that? I have a baby on the way, for God's sake. If I still have this disease..."

"Wait, I might have an explanation."

All eyes in the room turned to Carter, who had just walked into the infirmary with Teal'c in tow.

"Let's hear it," Daniel said with a resigned sigh.

"I've been thinking about this for the last hour, and Teal'c just reminded me of something. Remember when you first came back, while the first device in your brain was still active?"

Daniel winced. "It's a little fuzzy, but... yes."

"Remember how you said it felt like your brain was in a fog most of the time, but that every now and then it would lift?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, from the few studies we were able to conduct on the device currently in your brain, we came to the conclusion that it works on some kind of cycle. Up until now, we assumed it was always active, just working at varying degrees of intensity, but... what if it actually stops for a minute or two?"

Jack blinked and looked over at Daniel to see if he'd understood a word Carter had just said.

"So, you're saying that... there are times when the device isn't doing what it needs to do to protect me from this disease?" Daniel said slowly.

"More or less, yes."

Daniel laughed and rubbed his forehead nervously. "Great. So, basically you're saying I still have the disease, this device is just masking its effects."

Carter looked from one person to the next and then down at her intertwined hands. "Basically."

Daniel mumbled something Jack couldn't quite catch, swung his legs up on the bed, and lay back with his fists over his eyes. Everyone else just looked down at the floor.

"Wait a minute," Jack said, not willing to resign himself to the thought just yet. "If that's true, then doesn't that mean it's been doing that all along? Why has it taken this long for the wheezing thing to come back?"

"Maybe it can only hold the disease at bay for so long," Daniel said miserably.

"Syun said he fixed you," Fraiser said. "Maybe he didn't know."

Jack rolled his eyes. "And maybe Zombie Boy lied to save his own ass," he said. He'd known all along that damn alien couldn't be trusted.

"Perhaps Daniel Jackson's immune system has been otherwise compromised," Teal'c said.

Jack did a double take at the sound of his voice. He'd almost forgotten Teal'c was in the room.

Warner and Fraiser both nodded. "That seems much more likely," Fraiser said. "You haven't been getting much sleep lately, Daniel."

"So, what... if I get overtired I'll get sick again?" Daniel said. "Great, I'll sleep so much better knowing that."

"It was probably just a temporary thing," Warner assured him. "As soon as the device kicked in again, everything went back to normal. Like I said, your tests were clean."

"Look, sweetheart, why don't we just get you home so you can rest?" Fraiser said, stroking Daniel's arm soothingly as she spoke.

"Don't you remember what happened the last time you took me home before finding out for sure whether I was okay?" Daniel snapped.

Fraiser jerked her hand away from him and pressed it to her stomach in a gesture Jack knew all too well. Sara had done that every time something had upset her throughout her pregnancy, almost like she were subconsciously trying to protect the baby. This conversation was obviously bothering her more than she was letting on.

He decided it was time he intervened.

"Why don't you just knock him out for a few hours?" he suggested casually. "That way he'd get the sleep he needs, and you'd be able to keep an eye on what happens to him."

An expression of terror flashed across Daniel's face for a second before it turned into indignation. "No!" he said as he sat up. "I don't need to be knocked out, thank you very much."

Jack inwardly smirked. He knew how much Daniel hated the feeling of being sedated these days, and this was exactly the reaction he'd hoped to get from him. "Okay... how about Fraiser and I take you home, then? I can stand guard over you while you sleep, if it'll make you feel better."

Daniel sighed in defeat. "Fine," he said. "Take me home. Just don't blame me if I go nuts again."

Jack stepped towards him as Daniel hopped down from the bed. "Don't worry," he said, giving Daniel a slap on the shoulder. "We're used to it."

He smiled in response to Daniel's glare. He bought Carter's theory about the device in Daniel's head, so he wasn't really worried. Daniel was going to be fine.

The hardest task before them right now was convincing Daniel of that.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Daniel lay silent and still, staring up at the ceiling. It was almost noon, and he still hadn't fallen asleep. He would have given up hope of it ever happening and gone downstairs if he hadn't known Jack would be down there waiting for him. It was bad enough that somebody kept coming in to check on him every few minutes. He just wanted to be left alone.

Janet... Cassie... Jack... Sam... Teal'c... they were all he had in the world, but right now he didn't feel he deserved any one of them. He'd been the one to bring sorrow on everyone around him. He was so close to wishing he'd never even been born.

He rolled over onto his side facing away from the door when he heard someone quietly enter the room. He knew who it was from the sound of the footsteps approaching the bed. Why couldn't they all just leave him alone?

"Daniel?" Janet said, sitting down on the bed and resting her hand on his back. "Can you please talk to me?"

"I have nothing to say." That was an understatement.

He felt her lay down behind him and press her body against his back. Then she tucked her arm under his and kissed his neck. "I know you're scared, Daniel," she said. "I am, too. But I honestly don't think..."

"It doesn't matter," Daniel interrupted her. He'd heard the words she'd been about to say so many times over the past few hours, and he was sick of them. Okay, so nobody else thought he was relapsing. He didn't give a damn about what they thought.

He didn't give a damn about whether he was relapsing or not, either. All he knew was that he'd been trying to pretend for so long that there was nothing wrong with him, and it just wasn't worth it. What had it gotten him? A baby that was more than likely going to die, and a teenaged daughter who hated his guts. Janet would doubtless come to hate him, too, once the baby died. Couldn't they see that?

"What matters to me right now is that you seem to be shutting yourself off from me again," Janet said. "Please don't do that, sweetheart. I need you right now."

Daniel let out a deep breath that almost turned into a sob as tears filled his eyes. "I can't," he said sorrowfully. "Don't you get it? There's nothing we can do. Not for me, not for the baby..."

"Stop it," Janet snapped, sitting up and slapping his side angrily. "What the hell is happening to you, Daniel? Since when do you just stop fighting like this? Since when do you completely lose hope and abandon the people you love? You promised me we were going to get through this together, and now... now you're telling me I'm in it alone?"

Daniel rolled over onto his back to look up at her. "Of course not," he said.

"Then what? Do you actually think I'm going to sit here and watch you wallow in self pity for the next eight months?"

"No!"

Janet stopped herself from saying whatever she was going to say, and rubbed her face with her hand. "I just... I don't know what to do here, Daniel," she said with a sigh. "I feel like this is all some horrible nightmare I can't wake up from, and that I'm in it completely alone."

Her words made Daniel's heart break. She was right - in wanting to be left alone, he was leaving her alone, too. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her even more pain than he already had. He took a moment to scrounge up whatever scrap of strength and courage he had left, and then reached out for her. "You're not alone," he said as he pulled her back down beside him.

Janet nestled against his chest and gripped his shirt in her fists like she was afraid he'd disappear if she let go.

He had no intention of disappearing on her again, though. He resolved then and there to stand beside her no matter what - even if he felt like throwing himself off a steep cliff, he had to stay strong for her. And he had to be there for Cassie, too. Whatever she was going through right now, he had to make sure she was safe. No one else was going to take care of them. Just him. He couldn't abandon them now.

But he knew the day would soon come when they could no longer stand to look at him.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

To be continued...