Prologue

Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? (chance?)
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
(Know what you want to say)
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I should have said it
But tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break (hey hey, hey hey)
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

- "Kill," Jimmy Eat World

Woodrow Wilson Hoyt sat on the edge of the small bed in the small hotel room, which resided in a small hotel in a small, remote corner of Boston. In one hand, he held the held the receiver of the old rotary dial phone which rested on the bedside table. Briefly, his mind thought about how heavy it was. The handset alone weighed more than twice his cell phone. His cell phone. He had tried to use it to make the call a few minutes ago. He had dialed the first two numbers before remembering that his cell phone had long since been disconnected. And so here he was, receiver in his left hand, his right hand poised over the number pad.

Abruptly he hung the receiver back on its cradle. How could he call her now? After all that had happened between them in the past few months… Their relationship had always moved slowly. So slow, in fact, his buddies at the precinct joked, that they were pretty much going backwards. But the last time he had seen her, everything had happened so quickly – and not in a good way. The relationship had spiraled. It had come to the point where every time they met, it was impossible not to get in an argument, no matter how much Garret, Nigel, Bug, Lily, Matt, Annie or even Roz tried to distract them. And that day – that pivotal day, he had lain down the law.

Would he have done it again, if he had known the consequences? Known that he wouldn't see her or anyone else familiar for weeks, months? He'd asked himself the same question hundreds, thousands of times since then. He still didn't know the answer.

He picked up the phone again. Had anything changed since that night? Had she forgiven him for what he had done yet? Had he forgiven her for what she had been doing to him? He hesitated a second more before realizing that it didn't matter anymore. Right now, he needed her. He needed her presence, whether vocal or physical. And he needed her to explain what had happened today. She was the only one he knew who might be able to. At least, he hoped and prayed she was.

Taking a breath, he dialed the seven numbers that would either raise him up or send him back into hell.