Title: Whatsername
Summary: She left him after she broke his heart, but he never could let go of her. Song fic to Green Day's "Whatsername". This is only a one shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C. or Green Day.
The wind whipped ferociously, making coats flap in the wind, and scarves fly around slapping you in the face. It was a freezing day, people hurried down the crowded streets, trying to reach their destinations as fast as they could. All except for one man, who walked around as if in a daze looking around at the people surrounding him. He hated watching couples walk around laughing, holding hands, and just plain being in love. He hated it all, all because of one girl.
Thought I ran onto you down on the street
Then it turned out only to be a dream
Every time that he saw a girl walk down the street, long dark hair carelessly blowing around her shoulders, his heart jumped. He used to pick up his pace to see if it was in fact that same girl who took his heart and ripped it in two. It never was. He eventually gave up, she left after he caught her with that other man, afraid of what he would have done. He tried to forget her but his heart never let him.
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
After he found out that she had took off, he left too. Grabbed the first available flight to New York and took off. He tried to forget about her, tried to get into another relationship, and he did gradually forget about her. Then one day when a girl that he had been going out with uttered those three words 'I love you' he realized that just when he thought that she could be forgotten those simple words brought back all of the awful memories. She had told him countless times that she loved him, but in the end he realized that she had never meant any of it. At least it hadn't looked that way.
I remember the face
But I can't recall the name
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
He eventually stopped saying her name causing him to forget it, he didn't care all he ever referred to her was 'she' and 'her'. The face though clung to his mind. Every time that he shut his eyes that was all that he saw. She was constantly in his dreams too the most recently being the worst. When he had fallen asleep that night he saw her face, big brown eyes staring lovingly at himself, but then as soon as he had reached out to her another man came and grabbed her away, slowly pulling her further and further away until no matter how hard he tried he couldn't reach her.
Seems that she disappeared without a trace
Did she ever marry old what's his face?
Last he had heard of her was that she was married to some guy and expecting her second child. His heart had completely shattered when he heard that, just that one simple sentence had told him that she had moved on, forgotten him and all that he had done for her. He still cried some nights, remembering that many cold evenings that they had spent together him holding her tightly while a movie played. That was at the beginning of college, less than a year later she had cheated on him and left. Eight years had passed since then. And when he thought of her and her husband he secretly wished that that was him, that he was the one who had married her. But it hadn't happened and never would.
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
The pictures are still all kept in a huge photo album. Most of them are of the two of them goofing around, looking like the two happiest people on earth. There are pictures all the way from when they first started dating to before she left him. And kept in an envelope at the back was the letter that she had written him afterwards, it was basically just 'I'm sorry' over and over again ended with 'I still will love you no matter what'. He laughed when he read the last line, if she had loved him so much then why the hell did she do that to him. He wished that he could have asked her that but when he saw her he yelled and she stormed off, not leaving much time for a conversation.
I remember the face
But I can't recall the name
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
He often wondered if she thought of him as much as he thought of her. His heart would beat rapidly, his palms would get sweaty just at the sight of a girl that looked like her. Just from those two gestures he knew that he was in love with her, and that love would never stop. He wished everyday for it to just go away so that the crack down the middle of his heart could heal and he could love again. She probably hadn't noticed it but when she cheated on him she caused his heart to break, making him feel like it was impossible to ever love again.
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
He knows that he should get over it, it happened a long time ago, he just can't let go. He feels that if he indeed does let go of her that all of the memories, well the good ones at least will be gone, erased from his mind forever. He wants desperately to forget what she did to him, but he didn't want to forget about her. But he knew that in order to rid his mind of those awful memories he would have to rid his mind of her.
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
He thinks that some thing is wrong with him, people break up all of the time and they usually stop thinking about it after a few days or weeks. He didn't. Eight years later and his heart has still not completely healed. His days have turned into brain numbing cycles that keep getting repeated over and over and over again. One mistake caused by her and one mans life was forever ruined.
The regrets are useless
In my mind
She's in my head
I must confess
He hoped that she regretted it, he sure had. They probably would have lasted a little longer, possible even still be together today if he hadn't let his anger get the best of him. They could have talked, who knows the guy could have come onto her and he would have blamed the wrong person. He usually wasn't the type of person to get mad so easily, that was her department, but that one sight and he freaked out screaming and yelling at her about how she betrayed him. All she said was sorry and she kept repeating that as she ran out of the room. He hasn't seen her since.
The regrets are useless
In my mind
She's in my head
From so long ago
So he knew that he was partially to blame for her taking off, hell he was the one to blame, he had caused her to run. But the thing that he regretted the most, he hadn't run after her. He hadn't yelled after her to tell her to stop. He hadn't run out of the room and out the door after her. He hadn't reached out and stopped her. So he was to blame, he could have stopped it even though it might have not worked she could have ran faster and further than him, she could have wriggled her way free from his grasp if he had grabbed for her wrist. Maybe that was why he didn't stop her, because he could have failed at that.
And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time
He couldn't go back, he couldn't change what she had done and what he had said but he knew that if he could he knew exactly what he would have done differently. So as he walked down the cold windy street on the same day in early January that she had left him eight years before he looked at the couples walking happily down the street, eyes full of love. He wanted to yell out to all of them that love sucks and just when every thing is going perfectly a big problem comes up and bites you in the ass. But he never did.
Forgetting you, but not the time
He never forgot any of the moments that they had spent together, he just forgot her name. But somewhere in the back of his mind it still was there for he some times would wake up in the middle of the night, sweat drenched and teary eyed, and he would whisper the name into the dark, "Summer". And he would lie back down wondering if she remembered Seth Cohen that man whose heart she ripped in two.
So there it is, just another little song fic to another awsome Green Day song.