Guess who's back, back, back, back again, gain, gain...
I hate that song. But still. Didja miss me?
Didn't think so. Anyhoo, I've got a new chappie! Yay!
Roll it, Louie!
Kesy woke up on her sofa. For a discombobulated forty seconds, she tried to reach through the candy hangover and the desire to kill anything that provided light or made noise to figure out (a) where she was, (b) whether or not she was in one piece, (c) if she was still Kesy and had not taken a vacation in another person because, gee, the weather is lovely there this time of year, and (d) why she had a candy hangover.
Rolling over onto her back, Kesy stared at the ceiling with her left eye close, then her right eye closed, trying to get some power over her body. When she was sufficiently sure that she was able to see, she rolled over onto her side to look at the coffee table. Kesy stared at her hat. Strange magical vibrations were resonating from the black headdress. It felt like the hat was holding something back.
"Release," Kesy muttered at the hat, her voice croaking with lack of use. The hat shuddered, then stood still. Kesy reached over and gingerly picked it up by the point.
A waterfall of candy fell from the hat, and kept coming. Kesy stared in astonishment as the torrent of sweets fell to the floor, building a small mountain. When the pile was about two feet tall, the hat fell limp.
"Huh," Kesy finally said, "I got more candy than I thought."
Shrugging, the witch went to the bathroom, where she kissed the porcelain goddess, took a shower, and brushed her teeth. A small hangover-curing potion later, Kesy stood on her front porch, stretching like a cat.
Looking around at the street, she noticed that her neighbors were very…well, for lack of better term, lively this morning. The avenue bustled with zombies talking and laughing, witches cackling, and the vampire brothers floating along sedately, four black umbrellas brandished in the air. One of the brothers lagged behind slightly, flirting with an attractive rag doll who had stars in her eyes.
A demon with no back to her neck came up to Kesy, quickly looking at the sign the witch had erected advertising her wares.
"You're the one who won the award for most original scare?" the demon asked.
"Yes, madam. Are you interested in buying one of my pom-poms?" Kesy replied. Suddenly, the demon's hand shot out and grabbed Kesy's chin, hauling her down so that the witch's face was eye level with the demon's. Fighting the urge to punch the demon into next Tuesday, Kesy remained as still as she could, idly wondering what in the name of Goddess was going on.
"Hm…eyes of piney-pins¹, hair of…right! Tree bark…lips of blood…and skin like…wossname…snow!" the demon muttered, letting go of Kesy's face. The witch quickly moved three steps backward. "Aren't you a pretty one?" the demon continued, without any trace of ill will. "Some of the lads around here are saying that you've got looks like that. They're right. I never had any doubt, of course," the demon quickly added.
"Madam, either buy something or get away from my house," Kesy said, deciding that pleasantries wouldn't get her anywhere. It worked; the demon cracked a sharp-toothed smile.
"Little live wire, ain't cha? Anyhow, my nephew's got a birthday and he wants a pet. Do you have something in green, oozing mayhaps?"
"I'm sure I do somewhere." Kesy let out a long, shrill whistle and called into the house, "Oy, Sir Yucks-a-Lot! Come on outside, terror!"
A lime-colored oozing ball of fuzz and teeth bounced out onto the porch, yipping like a puppy. Kesy held out her hand and Sir Yucks-a-Lot bounced on.
"This little chap should be fine. If he grows any larger, he'll only reach 7 centimeters in diameter. Don't feed him or water him; it'll ruin his color," Kesy said, holding the little monster out to the demon, whose face lit up.
"Oh, he's a terrifying little monstrosity! Oh, he's absolutely wretched! He'll be terrible! This is horrible!" the demon said happily as the pom-pom chewed on her arm. "How much are you asking for him?"
"Hmm…how about six bat wings²?" Kesy said. The demon happily handed over the currency and Kesy stuck a blood-red bow on Sir Yucks-a-Lot's head. Sniffling and slightly teary-eyed, Kesy waved as Sir Yucks-a-Lot disappeared into the crowd.
Breathing in a huge gulp of the morning air, Kesy returned inside, where Wilfred was bouncing happily on the mantel over the fireplace. Scooping her first creation up, Kesy placed him gently on her shoulder, tucked a lucret into her hat, and, bending the tip, stepped out into the morning.
Jack had been up at the crack of dawn, when the Mayor began ringing his doorbell with a stack of proposals and ideas for next Halloween. The revenues from the move had begun coming in, and the total was overwhelming. Originally Mr. Burton had predicted that the movie would make a modest but still useful amount of money, but in reality, the movie had been wildly popular and Jack was currently looking over a merchandise contract, his eye sockets glazing over with boredom.
The Mayor had left about three hours ago, needing to go about his business as a political official. No one knew what that business was: it was a secret privy only to the Mayor, if the Mayor himself even knew.
Jack stood up and stretched, which was a bit unnecessary, he being made of bones and all with no actual muscles to cramp. It was mostly a force of habit.
Deciding that he could afford a little break to walk about town and check up on folks, Jack stepped outside and slithered through the gates, not once unlocking them.
Finding himself in the center of town, Jack was soon pulled into a conversation with the Swamp Woman, whom Jack was sure was hitting on him.
Excusing himself as soon as it was politely possible, Jack moved quickly toward the town gates, intending to go into the cemetery. A familiar sight stopped him.
A woman in black was listening to the trio of musicians. She was dancing a little bit, most of it in the shoulder and her hips. The thing about her that captured his attention, however, was the little ball of pink fuzz bouncing on her hat.
"Good morning, Kesy," Jack said with a smile, making the witch jump slightly.
"G'afternoon, Jack!" Kesy responded, nearly dislodging Wilfred by turning her head too swiftly.
"All ready? Hm. I suppose that's what paperwork will do to you. How are you feeling?"
"Well, I'm tired, hungry, sore, hoarse, and six bat wings richer. Not too bad, really. You?"
"A bit bored, really." Kesy looked flabbergasted.
"Bored? How could anyone be bored here? There's something new everywhere! Why, just in the gutter on Dead Man's Scream, there's a-"
"Beheaded carcass. Yes, I know. The head is somewhere around here…"
"Butbutbut…In the Town Hall, there's a-"
"Dead girl hanging by her neck claiming to be unable to get down? Again, I know. I think that the werewolf put her there to get her sober after she'd gotten too drunk. It's a nice location, though…"
"But floating in the fountain and appearing every other twenty minutes-"
"There's some unpleasantness behind that, let's not get into it…"
"But there's a tree with skeletons hanging from it, reading!" Jack finally looked interested.
"What are they reading?" he asked.
Kesy squeezed her eyes shut, trying to remember. "Something about a torrid affair," she finally said.
"That is usual," Jack admitted.
Kesy glanced at the clock on the Town Hall. "Oh, I ought to get home! Need to cook something with vegetables…lots of vegetables. By the way, do you know a good restaurant?"
Jack thought briefly. "You might want to check the Wolf's Head Pub. They make a mean eye of newt sandwich." The Pumpkin King grinned. "You'd love it."
Kesy felt her lips twitching; his smile was contagious. "Thanks! I'll try there sometime. See you around!"
The witch started walking away, then stopped abruptly. She fished something out of her pocket.
"Catch!" she said, tossing a little yellow ball in the air toward Jack. "It's a present for showing me around. Its name is Unmercia. Thought it'd been a good friend for Zero. Stroke its fur twice."
Jack did so, and the little ball of fuzz instantly perked up, sniffing him and growling in a friendly way.
"Thank you…" Jack said, but the witch was already across the plaza, dancing a little bit to the beat of the street music.
There ya go. I'm totally dry...I need a vacation. But fear not! The story isn't even within stick throwing distance of being over. I gots more! Yay!
Review, please.
P.S. Tihs is a slily ltitle way of geussing if you're atculaly raeidng, or if you're jsut hmuornig me. Deos it look fnnuy? Rveiew!