Penpals 21: Luke Skywalker

"Well?" Leia tapped her foot and waited for a reply.

"It's … complicated." Luke hesitated, unsure he really wanted to tell Princess Leia what was going on between him and Anakin. He hit the door release and the ramp closed, sealing the warmth inside the Falcon. Even though a few short minutes ago he had been worried about deceiving his friends and possibly falling to the Dark Side, actually telling Princess Leia was a big step. What if she took it the wrong way? She could be very emotional at times, strong willed and wasn't afraid of any man.

/She's probably not even scared of Darth Vader himself!/

Leia moved closer to Luke and wrapped an arm around his blanket-clad shoulders, bending her head so she could gaze into his face. "What's complicated? You're not worried about that snow beast that attacked you, are you? I'm really worried about you, Luke. You almost died out there. If Han hadn't found you in time I don't know what I would have done. You're a great pilot and the Alliance needs you. I need you. But you can't be running around like this. You'll just make yourself sick again. Now tell me what's troubling you."

Luke allowed Leia to lead him over to a seat by the gaming table. Immediately his eager eyes fell on his computer, but he quickly lowered his head and hid behind his shaggy bangs. He was confused and didn't know what was the right thing to do. He felt Leia slide into the seat next to him, her thigh touching his. Warmth from her body soaked into his leg and he realized how foolish he had been to leave Sickbay like that. He moved his hands about restlessly on the tabletop, and then shifted to look at her. "I'm sorry, Leia. Lately things have been a bit crazy for me and well, I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore."

"Tell me." She urged, her dark eyes full of concern.

"I … I don't know if I can." Luke admitted, glancing up at Han. The smuggler was standing nervously next to the gaming table

Han shrugged his shoulders. "It's your call, Kid."

"That's just great!" Luke said, his voice raising a few octaves. Sighing heavily, he turned to look at Leia. "Do you trust me, Leia?"

"Of course I do!" Leia replied automatically, confusion starting to form on her face. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, maybe I've been doing something I shouldn't have been…." Luke admitted nervously as he looked down at the tabletop again.

/Should I really tell her?/

"Been doing what?" Leia asked, truly confused now. Reaching out, she placed a hand on Luke's shoulder and leaned closer. "Luke, you can tell me anything. I promise I won't get mad."

"I don't know…" Luke slid out of the seat and started pacing the small room, his bare feet cold against the floor. He finally stopped in front of the Princess. "I want to tell you, Leia. I really do! But part of me is scared that you'll hate me afterwards and I don't think I could stand that."

Leia smiled sweetly, the corners of her red lips turning upward. "Luke, nothing you could have possibly done would warrant that! Trust me."

"No, Leia. You don't really know me. Even I don't really know me, but I'm beginning to learn." Luke ran a hand through his thick mop of hair.

/This is a lot harder than I thought./

"Han, do you know what he's talking about?" Leia asked as she shifted her gaze from Luke to the smuggler.

"Yeah, but I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone." Han fidgeted and glanced towards the tiny kitchen on the Falcon. This was the last place he wanted to be; yet he needed to stand by Luke in case things took a bad turn. "Look, I'll go get us all some caf. Be back in a minute."

"Luke, I can't help you unless you tell me what's troubling you!" Leia said after Han had left to get the caf. "Please, I'm your friend and I want to help you."

"Well, I have a friend too…." Luke admitted, still unsure how much he could trust Leia with.

/What if I tell her and she runs to the Alliance leaders? What will happen to me?/

The image of a cellblock flashed through his mind and he grimaced. He didn't want to end locked up in a cell just because he wanted to know his father. It would be unfair. Not that the galaxy was fair…

"And is your friend part of this mysterious problem?" Leia asked gently, realizing that she'd have to pry every little piece of information from him. It was like prying teeth from the gums!

"Yes…"

Confused, Leia slumped back in her seat as she considered various scenarios that might involve a friend. "Have one of the Rogues been doing something they're not supposed to be doing and you accidentally found out?"

"No, nothing like that…"

"Are you in love with someone?" she asked, knowing that could stir up all sorts of confusion.

"No. Well, maybe I sort of like someone but that's not the problem."

"Then what IS the problem?" she asked, aspirated.

"I want to help my friend but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing." Luke pulled the wool blanket tighter around him and eagerly accepted the cup of hot chocolate Han offered. Taking a sip, he allowed the warmth to soak into his hands as the delicious heat slid down into his stomach. "It's just very confusing. I care about you and Han and all the other Rebels and I just don't want to see you get hurt because of me."

"Luke!" Leia smiled broadly, humor in her voice. "Nothing you do could possibly hurt us!"

Han grunted but stayed on his feet.

Shifting her gaze from Han back to Luke, she held her cup of caf. "Just who is this mysterious friend of yours?"

"My father." Luke replied before he could chicken out. He didn't like keeping secrets.

"Your father? I thought you said he was dead?" Leia's face expressed total confusion.

"That's what I meant when I said you don't really know me! Don't you see, Leia? I've been writing to him all this time, since I blew up the Death Star and I want to help him! But I'm not sure if helping him is the right thing to do because of who he is or who he might be. Oh, I don't know what I'm talking about! But I'm scared, Leia! More scared than I've ever been! Even more scared than when I almost died out there in that snowstorm."

Leia gazed at him perplexed. "What are you so scared of?"

"That I'll end up just like him!" Luke almost shouted, his emotions boiling within. "I want to do what's right, but I don't know what that is anymore."

She just stared at him, shocked at the depth of feeling he was expressing. "I still really don't understand. But helping a person isn't wrong. How can it be?"

"But what if the person you're helping is evil? Is it good to help evil?" Luke asked as he stepped up to the table where Leia was sitting. Reaching out, he placed his cup of hot chocolate on the tabletop and gripped both her hands in his. "Please, Leia. I need to know! You're wise and always know the right thing to do. So tell me."

"Evil?" Leia blinked at him, puzzled. "I thought you said this was your Father…"

"It is, Leia."

"Why would your father be evil?" she asked.

Luke pulled away from her and walked around in a circle. "He just made some bad decisions. I think he wanted two different things and those two things didn't agree with each other. He started keeping secrets from his friends, just like I've been doing! And when they found out, there was a fight and he ended up where he is now. I don't want the same thing to happen to me. He's all alone, Leia, without anyone he can talk to or trust. I want to keep writing to him yet I don't want to place any of you in danger! Just like him, I want two different things and it's making me crazy!"

Leia slid out of her seat and went over to Luke, wrapping him tightly in a hug. "We'll help your Father, Luke. And I'm sure he's not evil. What ever gave you that idea? Just because he's lonely doesn't make him evil. Where is he?"

Luke mumbled something. This was the part he had dreaded, the part where Leia's sympathy would disappear and the wildcat would take her place.

"Luke, I couldn't understand what you said. You have to speak up." Leia gazed into his face and brushed the bangs away from his eyes. "Tell me. I promise I won't get mad."

"He's on Executor…"

"Executor?" Leia's mouth dropped open, his answer the last thing she had been expecting. Then realization dawned in her eyes. "You mean the Imperials captured him?"

"No, he works there. On the Bridge." Luke nervously backed away from her, uncertainty in his eyes. "You hate me now, don't you?"

"No! Of course I don't! I'm just shocked and well, confused." She admitted as she glanced at Han and saw him nod. "So your father is an Imperial? How did you find out though?"

"Well, I've been writing to him and well, we just clicked. I think the Force meant us to find each other…"

Leia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Let me get this straight. You've been writing to an Imperial that just happens to work on the Bridge of Executor ever since you blew up the Death Star? Is that what you're saying?"

Luke nodded.

Leia took a deep breath and stumbled backward a bit, sitting down heavily at the table. "I got to sit down. You're right, Luke. I never expected anything like this."

"You're angry, aren't you?" he asked, worry clear on his face. "I didn't tell him any Rebel stuff, if that's what you're worried about. I just want to know if it's wrong to want to help him. He's had a very bad life and I think he trusts me. I know maybe I should stop writing him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm the only friend he has and I find it hard to believe that he is evil, yet…." Luke's voice dropped off, not knowing if he should say anymore.

/Maybe I already said too much./

"He IS my father. I'm sure of it!" Luke placed a hand over his heart. "I feel it in here."

Leia sighed, not having the slightest idea of what to do. "Luke, you're right. This is confusing. Maybe it'll help if I knew his name."

Luke gazed uncertainly at her.

/Well, I told her all the rest./

"Anakin, Anakin Skywalker. But Han has another idea and well, that's what's really brothering me."

Han scuffed his boot tip on the deck and then glanced up at Leia. "I think Luke's been writing letters to Darth Vader."

To be continued…