Susan told her not to go. She knew she shouldn't, but she did anyways. He was at her apartment right now.

She was pacing back and forth on the train, debating weather to go back to work. She got off a few times, but always hopped back on at the last second. Here it was. Her stop. She got off and walked the familiar route to her doorstep. She got there and.. no Carter. Her heart sank. But Susan said.. maybe he had decided to go back. Had Susan scared him away? She had the sudden urge to hit her very hard..

She was there, so she figured she'd go in and make some lunch. She reached for her spare key under the dormat.

Damn. It wasn't there. She panicked, but thern she thought.. Carter knew where she kept that key. Her heart started to race again. She was about to knock on the door when it opened. She knew he was inside, but it still scared her.

"John." She tried to sound cold, but she couldn't. Her voice was full of warmth. She missed him so much.

"Abby.. can we talk.. I know I've been horrible. I just.." He sounded nervous.

Her stare was hard to read. He took it as a sign to leave. He walked past her.

She finally got words out. "Wait.. we can.. want some coffee?" She smiled half-heartedly.

He was so relieved. "That would be nice." He followed her into the apartment.

-----

They sat at the kitchen table. It was silent for what seemed like hours, but was only mere minutes. She finally spoke.

"What are you doing here Carter?" She sounded irritable.

"Well.. things have changed. I've been thinking." He looked down and swirled his spoon in his coffee. She cocked her head to catch his stare. It worked.. it always worked.

"What about?" She looked at him with such a sincerity and seriousness that he couldn't help but smile.

"Well.." he started to shift in his seat. They both knew that this was a sign of him being anxious. He tried to stop. "You."

"Me?"

"Yes. You.. I think about you all the time." His voice was calm and quiet. Hers was starting to get loud and angry. She stood up.

"Well I think – THOUGHT – About you too. You can't possibly expect.." She walked away. Infuriated. She couldn't take him back.. he had hurt her too much. She stood with her back to him, facing a window. Silent tears ran down her face.

She didn't hear him get up. It was an unusually sunny day, and the light from the window was warming her. He came up behind her and hugged her. She turned around and embraced him for a few moments. She looked up. His hand touched her face.

"I can't do this.. You should go" She went to walk away, but he grabbed her arm and kissed her. Whenever he kissed her she seemed to momentarily freeze. She loved it.. but she unfroze fast. She broke away.

He looked at her. He tried to read her.. but she was shut down. He had really hurt her..

"What was that.. momentary weakness I hope.. what about that girl.. Kem is it?" She said "Kem" as if she were a dirty animal.. with utter disgust. She had the urge to mumble "Bitch" or "Home wrecker" to herself, but she fought it.. what if he heard? She didn't know her.. but she hated her. It' was amazing how much she hated her..

"That's.. complicated." He looked away.

"Complicated like.. she's over you so you came back for a rebound complicated? Or complicated like.. you just.." She broke off. She couldn't say it.. she might jinx it. Or worse, start to believe that he actually still loved her.

"Look Abby.. Kem and I are mostly over." He tried to muster up some confidence.

"Mostly Over?" She laughed.. but not in a good way. "Whats that supposed to mean?"

"It means.. What I meant to say was.." he saw her expression. She turned to walk away, but he again grabbed her arm. "We are over." His voice heightened in sound slightly. He was getting angry.

She whipped her arm out of his hand "So you think, " She looked at him as if he were crazy, "that you can just come here and expect it to be okay? You fell out of love with me and then back in again? What do you want John?" She started getting angry too.

"I want.." he couldn't form the words.

"Honestly.. it always seems to work like this.. I was just starting to forget. Now you're back.. and everything's coming back." He looked hopeful.. maybe she meant she still loved him. She read his expression "Not just the that stuff, but how you hurt me. You know it's hard for me to open up to anyone and I opened up to you.." She broke off. She was crying again. "Look I have to get back to work.. you can show yourself out right?"

He pleaded. "Abby wait."

She ignored him. She grabbed her coat.

"Ab -- " She slammed the door shut. He stood frozen until it occurred to him to follow her.

He went out the door right as she whipped out of site. He ran to catch her. They were on different ends of the block, so he screamed.

"YOU! IT'S ALWAYS YOU! I WANT YOU ABBY!" He ran to her. He was breathing heavily. "I love you."