02 - In vain.
"This is it." trying to look down from the building he was staying on, a skinny man in a leather coat whispered to himself with a little bit of exuberance in his voice. He knew it was about time to commit suicide since he had no idea what to do with his own self. As an addiction - he wasn't really sure if he would go to hell or heaven or did he really want to go there anyway. He had been there once. Heaven was a place for people with no cause in their life and hell was like a big place for all kinds of mentally ill jerks. Nny had a wish to find himself in the purgatory after death so he could have a chance to repair all his life mistakes but he obviously had no chance to get there. He was just one of those strange creatures that are not welcome anywhere except for earth which was filled with pathetic scum like Nny himself was. Johnny felt the air moving between his raven hair and sighted. It seemed that he wasn't quite sure if he had really wanted to jump but there was no turning back at that particular moment.
More than five years passed since he had left for his "holiday" leaving no messages to anyone knowing that no one would even care about him. He was also sure that everyone would forget about him. He used to think that people pretended being emotionally linked to another person just to make profit for themselves. Nny wasn't the same but he also had no one that he could call a friend or at least say that he had feelings for a person. Well, he had feelings for one child and that was obviously Squee but Nny claimed that little boy had forgotten him since he was not even worth remembering. Johnny had no idea how far with his thoughts he was from the truth and of course he did not know that in the last five years Todd had been visiting his former protector's house just to keep in touch with him mentally. He also read Nny's die-ary which he had left there and forgot to take with him, secretly hoping that he would never come back to the town he had always hated.
Now, he was standing on one of the highest buildings, ready to jump and fully aware that this time he may not be returning from the place he would land in.
"Please" Nny shook his head, looking at the gray sky, which he thought was much more disgusting this evening than ever "Please let me land in the Purgatory. I'll do anything to run a peaceful life from now on. Please." he knew that God was an asshole but like all those faithful people this time he pretended he believed that for once God would have mercy on him.
After a short prayer-like talk Nny took a deep breath and jumped off the building keeping his eyes open. He wanted to see his death and keep all the memories with him but as he had hit the ground he knew that something wasn't right. He obviously screamed but who wouldn't scream if he had fallen from an almost hundred meter skyscraper?
Then there was pain - a tremendous one . Johnny heard the sound of his bones being broken - at least that's what he thought he heard.
"Oh no" he heard a voice in his head. It was gentle but sounded a little resigned "It's him. There's no heaven for you, buddy" Nny wanted to explain that he would rather go to hell but a second after the angelic voice a new one loomed up from the darkness hiding in Johnny's mind.
"Neither there is in hell. You are NOT visiting us again. Never." and so that's how all of Nny's hopes for a better life or a better place to live disappeared.
"What about the Purgatory?" he asked but the voices didn't even think about focusing on him. They were arguing quite loudly and Johnny had enough of them.
"SHUT UP!" he had shouted and a moment later he found himself lying on the pavement right in the place he had landed after his suicidal jump. A loud and very aggressive "FUCK" came out of his lips with a few drops of blood that dripped on the ice covering the pavement. So he was right - God was an asshole.
Johnny had realized soon enough that it was icy cold so he stood up and of course wanted to go home or anywhere where he could be alone. He also became aware that he was in full health. Nothing came out of him except for the blood. No pain and also no satisfaction. He burst with curses aiming them at all kinds of gods he had known. Right after that he slid on the ice covering the pavement and fell, damaging his right arm. The fall was quite painful and made Johnny shiver especially when he reminded himself that the building in front of which he was lying at the moment was a hospital. He could at least get first aid in it. He also decided to go home right after seeing a doctor.
"I hope my house still exists." he whispered to himself shaking because of the cold and entered the building.