Felix Gaeta found himself flashing back to his school days as he juggled a notebook, a textbook on designing computer defenses and a tray of food in the officer's mess hall. There was never enough time to do anything and he had taken to using mealtimes as time to read over his notes or try to get a handle on ways to increase the Galactica's defenses. It wasn't like dinner was really something to savor. He looked at his plate sadly. Some sort of stew, a few misshapen vegetables, grayish bread and some sort of goopy sweet goo that was masquerading as pudding. It wasn't appetizing, no matter how hungry he was, but food was food and not eating meant that the offender ended up on report. He didn't have time to be on report. He sat down at an empty table and did his best to ignore the rising chatter. Apparently the latest rumor involved Kat and some group of knuckle draggers and he just didn't need the distraction. No one was that double jointed anyway. He opened his book.
" Don't tell me you have homework now," Kara Thrace said as she set down her tray at his table. " Did the commander give you a book report to do?" She snickered.
He sighed, and closed the book. He knew that tone of voice. Kara was in the mood to be chatty and if he didn't cave, she would just get more obnoxious. He didn't feel like being her target for the next couple of days until she went back to mocking the next class of nuggets. " I'm researching computer viruses. I want to see if we could replicate the trick that they pulled on us."
" It makes shooting them a lot easier but it really takes the challenge away." Kara offered. " The rumor mill says you've been ensnared by the wily charms of our Cylon prisoner. Is that true? Is her baby really yours?" Kara waited expectantly.
" Who is saying that?" he asked with surprise.
" Well, I was…." Kara laughed at him. " Seriously, we all know you're the poor bastard who got elected to the post of head interrogator. People are gonna talk. I figure a few new rumors might be fun."
" So suggesting I'm having intercourse with a Cylon is your idea of improving morale?" He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
" It seemed more plausible than the whole adventure in double jointedness that Kat is trying to pass off as the truth." Kara winked at him. " I'm just teasing you, Gaeta. You ought to know that people do know what you're doing though."
"It isn't a secret," Gaeta said. " I think everyone knows that I've been helping Dr. Baltar with Cylon research. I just can't discuss what I do while drinking over cards." Which meant cutting out drinking and card playing but it wasn't much of a sacrifice considering how rarely he had time for it anyway.
" Right, but you might consider that your Cylon prisoner does get visitors. And she's been telling her visitors what an asshole you've been." Kara leaned back in her chair. "Now, I know you can be an asshole, and kind of a prissy martinet while we're on the topic, but I find it hard to believe that you have made a pregnant woman cry for hours."
Gaeta blinked. " She's a Cylon, not a pregnant woman, and I have never seen her cry. I've never laid a hand on her. I'm not even allowed to go into her cell. Commander Adama made it very clear that I am never to have physical contact with the Cylon prisoner because he doesn't want a repeat of the previous situation." It made him angry that anyone would suggest such a thing, even a Cylon.
" Hey, don't flip out on me!" Kara held up her hands in protest. " For what it's worth, I don't think you're the sort that resorts to committing rape on females. But from what Helo has been saying, you did make her cry. Apparently your little theory on her baby really upsets her. I'm not surprised. What I know about Cylons? Is that they take this "God wants us to make babies" stuff pretty seriously, and telling her that her baby isn't special is well… a bit insulting to a Cylon. Upsetting even."
" Good." Gaeta reopened his book, hoping Kara would take the hint. " It's not supposed to be a lot of fun for her. It's also not like she isn't spending our time together scoring points off me constantly, so why don't you tell Helo that the next time he asks?"
Kara stared at him for a moment. He tried to ignore it, but he couldn't concentrate on the text. " What? Why are you staring at me?"
" She's getting to you." Kara said it matter of factly. " You know, Cylons love getting into your head. Let me guess, she's been suggesting that people around you are Cylons. Probably the commander, maybe some trusted ally like your pal Dr. Baltar, and now you're turning over all the weird things that have happened in your head, wondering if it is an indicator that they're Cylons. Am I right?"
He closed the book again. " No, you're not right." He hadn't meant to sound surly or angry but he realized he must have as Kara recoiled from him. She seemed startled, if just for a moment, and then her face lit up with understanding.
" She said that you're a Cylon, didn't she?" Kara snickered as he looked down. " She did! And you're exactly the sort that would run with that. Let me guess, you've been rethinking every single action you've taken over the last few months, haven't you?"
No, he though to himself, just one. But her comment suddenly opened up a whole new area to speculate about. " No, not really," he said finally.
She seemed to consider that for a moment. " I know how to solve your problem, Gaeta. Let's go frak." She licked her lips.
"Um, what?" It wasn't that it didn't appeal to him, he just didn't see her logic. " How… how would that help?"
" You need to relax. Besides, the rumor mill says that when a Cylon orgasms, their spines glow red. I could check for that."
The problem was that he was tempted and not just for the offer of free, uncommitted sex. He'd heard the glowing spine rumor too, although it seemed unlikely. It just seemed… unprofessional… to accept her offer. " Maybe later? I appreciate the offer…"
Kara laughed again. " You really need to relax, Gaeta. I'll find you when the time is right." With that she started to eat. Clearly she was done talking.
What the hell, he thought as he picked at his dinner. He had no idea what had prompted that conversation but it was intriguing. And tempting. And had taken his mind off his problems for a few minutes. Still, he couldn't help but wait for the other shoe to drop.
Another tray of food was slapped down onto the table. He looked up to see Helo towering over him. Of course, he thought tiredly, it always happens this way. It was like a bad flashback to high school. If it all went according to past history, he'd get tossed into a locker at some point.
"We need to talk," Helo said. He managed to say it without too much implied menace but the threat was there. Kara also looked up, and she had her innocent expression going full force. Helo sat down across from him and glared. " You need to back off Sharon."
" I have orders that say otherwise," Gaeta said calmly. He had no intention of backing down. He outranked Helo. He had orders. They weren't in school and they weren't children so he didn't worry that he was about to be beaten up. He didn't worry much, anyway.
" Frak your orders," Helo said darkly. " What, do you get off on making a pregnant woman cry? Does it make you hot?"
" Frak my orders? Frak you, Helo." He managed to keep his voice down, but he could see he had Helo's attention. " In case you missed the briefing, we're at war with the Cylons. In fact, we're running like scared rabbits because of the Cylons. I have orders. I will carry them out, because I know what side I'm on."
" Are you saying I don't?" Helo said quietly.
" Yes. You're in love with her. You don't have any perspective when it comes to her. She's one of them." Too late Gaeta realized that his volume had crept up to where everyone was listening. " Did you really think you could bring her back and we would all just give her a hug? Do you have any idea how obscene that is? I shook that bitch's hand right before she plugged the commander in the chest. I had to clean the commander's blood off my workstation, and you're telling me to go frak my orders?"
Helo stood up and grabbed Gaeta by his uniform jacket. " Why don't you shut your frakking mouth before I do it for you? I'm not a traitor."
" Then why don't you want the Cylon to be interrogated?" It occurred to Gaeta that he was seconds away from being hammered, but that was all overlaid by hot, lightening flashes of anger. " Why are you about to hit me when you have no idea whether she's even telling the truth? What, does it make you hot to toss someone around that's half your size? Why don't you ask your little toaster why she's been crying? I'll yell you why, she's worried her baby just might be all human and as the baby's father, you ought to consider why that makes her so frakking sad? It's because she doesn't want a human baby, Helo. She's on their side!"
Helo looked stunned for a moment. Kara quickly jumped in and pulled them apart. " Hey kids, the colonel has a rule about fighting in the lunchroom. Helo, sit down." She turned to Gaeta. " We'll talk later but for now, you better go."
He grabbed his books and left. The only positive thing was that he hadn't been punched.