Disclaimer - I own nothing of Naruto. If I did, I'd be happy, rich, and wouldn't have to work my ass off to pay for college.

Author's Note - Thank you for all the pretty reviews. It really encourages me to keep going with the story. Knowing that people actually read this makes me wonder if people will read any of my other or future fiction. (Which I plan to make better than this, and anything else in my story list).

Warning - OOCness, so don't complain.

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Chapter Five - wtf mate?

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Around 11:00am Rica's alarm clock went off, causing her to roll off her bed and onto the floor. Her body hit the floor with a sickening thud.

"…damnit…" Rica said as she hoisted herself up and sat on her bed rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She didn't sleep well the night before for obvious reasons.

Rica got up and wobbled over to her closet to get a change of clothes as she passed her calendar. She stopped just before opening the closet door and took a double take at the calendar as the color drained from her face.

"…shit…not today, please don't let it be today…" she pressed a finger on the correct day and let out a low moan. She had a job interview, at noon, it was 11:05am. Rica let out a high pitched scream and dived into her closet and pulled out the clothes she had set aside the week before. She quickly changed into them and ran to her bathroom and slammed the door.

11:15 Rica emerged from the bathroom fully dressed for her interview. She ran downstairs to find that everyone was awake and milling around the house. She stopped at the foot of the stairs panting loudly.

"I have to go somewhere for a little while, please stay inside, for the love of everything that is somewhat sane, please stay inside." she said between breaths as she adjusted the buttons of her blouse. "Luca should be here soon."

With that Rica ran out the door leaving everyone bewildered in her wake. The sounds of Rica slamming her car door and screeching down the road were the only sounds in the entire house. Naruto looked around to his team mates and sensei and blinked. The other three just nodded in unison and went off doing what they were doing before Rica ran out of the house.

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Luca lumbered into the house sometime later to find Kakashi reading in the kitchen, Sakura sunbathed outside, and Naruto and Sasuke fighting over what was better on TV.

"Just turn it to channel 38 and you'll no longer be fighting." Luca said as she grabbed the remote from Naruto's hands and changed it to the right channel. Both Naruto and Sasuke stared at the TV in awe as swimsuit models laid seductively on a gorgeous white sand beach. Kakashi looked up from what he was reading when he didn't hear the sounds of Naruto and Sasuke fighting.

"What did you do to them?" Kakashi said as Luca walked into the kitchen and threw open the refrigerator door.

"Swimsuit models. My little brother was glued to the TV when I left, so I only assumed that it would work with them as well." Luca said as she pulled out a soda.

Kakashi's eyes brightened as he set down his book and wordlessly exited the kitchen to sit down with his students as they stared at the TV screen. Luca shrugged her shoulders and turned around to go upstairs to Luca's room. She had something interesting to show Sakura.

"Hehehehehehe…this will blow her mind." Luca said jubilantly as she pulled a lovely SakuraxSasuke fanfic. "Oooh Sakura…" Luca said in a sing song voice as she made her way downstairs and to the backyard.

Sakura sat up from where she was laying and shielded her eyes against the sun's rays. "Yeah, what?" she said distractedly as she braced herself on her hands.

"I've got something to show it, it has something to do with Sasuke-kun" Luca said with a toothy grin.

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura said sitting up, Luca had her full attention by now.

"Its upstairs, I'll show you." Luca said as she disappeared back inside the house heading upstairs.

Sakura got up quickly and followed Luca upstairs to Rica's room where Luca had the fanfic already loaded onto the screen. Luca pulled a chair for Sakura and motioned for her to sit down.

"So what does this have to do with Sasuke?" Sakura said pointing to the computer screen.

"Just read it, and read it completely." Luca said, still smiling.

Sakura nodded and started to read. Luca watched Sakura's face closely as she read the entire story. She went through a wide range of motions, starting with sheer mortification, to bewilderment, then to ridiculously blushing school girl. Sakura's cheeks were flushed as she finished reading the story. When she was done she turned to Luca, her eyes wide with wonder.

"What…what is this?" she said poking the computer screen violently. "And why am I portrayed so poorly?" she shook her head. "How do they know about me!"

Luca's expression was blank. She had completely forgot about the whole "they don't know they're from a manga" bit. The color drained from Luca's face as she fought to find a simple enough answer to all of Sakura's questions.

"Oh…um…lets see…" Luca said as she looked around Rica's room in hopes of finding something. She got up and pulled a manga from a self and sat back down. "There really isn't a simple way to go around this." she threw the manga into Sakura's lap as she opened it, her expression instantly turning to fear.

"Why are we in this book?" Sakura asked setting the book aside.

"That's how we found out about you." Luca replied.

"That doesn't tell me anything." Sakura said as she turned back to the computer screen. "But I really do like this story…" she said as her cheeks turned red again.

"Move over a bit, I'll show you something that will probably make you laugh, I know it made me laugh…so yeah." she said as Sakura moved over so Luca could have the keyboard. She pulled up another story, this one being a NarutoxSasuke one.

"Read it, its short, but really sweet." Luca said trying to hold back her laughter.

Sakura nodded and quickly read the story, when she was done there was no color in her face at all.

"My imagination is ruined…" she gasped. "Who would ever write about Naruto and Sasuke doing such improper things to one another…and liking it…"

Luca patted Sakura's shoulder. "Welcome to the world of yaoi. It's a colorful place, I know you'll love it by the time I am done with you." Luca said happily as she pulled out a story from a drawer in Rica's desk.

"Read this one, I printed it out myself. I have more hidden in her desk if you want 'em." Luca handed Sakura the thick folder of printed fiction clearly marked "Naruto and Sasuke / plus other strange pairings."

"Alright, if you say so." Sakura said as she leaned back in her chair and began to read the stories Luca gave her.

"Good my little minion…" Luca said in a low tone as she scurried out of the room so Sakura could have some quiet time.

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Luca batted away cobwebs and dust balls as she searched under the bed in the master bedroom.

"He said they were under here when he last checked…" Luca said as she squirmed a little more under the bed. A muffled "hooray" could be heard as Luca tried to squirm out from under the bed, holding a stack of magazines.

"Rica said they needed to stay out of trouble, and I don't plan on babysitting, these will do my job." Luca said as she patted the dusty collection of magazines and headed down the hall and to the living room downstairs.

Luca peeked over the railing and noticed that Naruto and Sasuke were yet again fighting with the remote while Kakashi wasn't paying attention to them in the slightest.

Show must have ended…Luca thought to herself as she walked down stairs and stopped in front of Naruto and Sasuke.

"If you two weren't so busy you could read these nice magazines I went through so much trouble to get." Luca said as she tossed down an array of mature magazines for the boys to look through.

Naruto picked up the one closest to him and opened it up.

"Ero-sennin would love to get his hands on these!" Naruto said enthusiastically as Sasuke cautiously picked up a magazine for himself and opened it. His cheeks flushed crimson as he thumbed the magazine with interest.

Kakashi looked up from his book when Naruto mentioned "Ero-sennin".

"What do they have?" Kakashi lazily looked up at Luca as she stood there smiling triumphantly.

"Take a look for yourself." Luca said as she pointed to the stack of magazines.

Kakashi bent forward and picked up one of the magazines and opened it. He lazily leafed through its contents for a few seconds and looked up.

"Interesting." he said as he set down his Icha Icha Paradise and looked through the magazine again.

Luca smiled happily as she walked out of the living room, not before snatching Kakashi's newest Icha Icha Paradise and walking outside to read while sunbathing.

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Two hours had passed as Luca was rudely awakened by Rica throwing a lawn chair in her general direction.

"What in the hell possessed you to give them pornography?" Rica shouted as she made her way towards Luca, who lazily rolled onto her stomach and peered up at her.

"Nnn…what?" she asked as her eyes crossed for a second.

Rica took a deep breath to calm herself down before speaking.

"I leave home. You give the boys dirty magazines. You give Sakura god knows what. I find them practically glued to their reading material not even looking up for a second." Rica said through clenched teeth.

Luca sat up and looked up at her seething friend. "Well, at least they're keeping out of trouble, and that is what you wanted right?"

Rica paled at the comment. Luca was completely right, she did want them to stay out of trouble, she just never specified what measures could be taken.

"Good point…" Rica said sheepishly and turned her back on Luca to cover her embarrassment. After regaining some composure she turned around again. "What did you give Sakura exactly?" she asked quietly.

"Fan fiction." Luca blurted out as Rica's jaw dropped. She immediately looked around for something to throw at her friend, but found nothing. Feeling defeated, Rica plopped down next to her friend and sighed deeply.

Minutes passed as the two friends just sat next to each other in complete silence. It was Luca who finally broke it.

"So did you get the job?" she asked, her eyes focused on a far away spot in the backyard.

"Yeah, I start when the place opens." Rica said nonchalantly as she too was focused on a far away spot.

"When is that?"

"Sometime next month…I think the 5th or something."

"So that gives us around 20 days to figure out what the hell you're going to do with those pornography reading ninjas in your house."

Rica seemed to snap out of her trance at Luca's last comment. "What I'm going to do? You're funny, you're in this as much as I am." Rica snapped at her friend.

"Mmmhmmm, at least I'm not the one with a crush on a ninja." Luca said, still in her far away state.

Rica's hand made contact with the back of Luca's skull, making Luca jolt forward suddenly.
"That is nothing of your concern." Rica said curtly as she stood up and walked towards the house. "Now I am going to rip the porn from their hands and make them watch TV."

Sadly that might be a little worse than the porno, but it's the best I can come up with at such short notice.

Rica mentally beat herself up as she shut the sliding glass door behind her. The boys were exactly where she had left them. Sakura could be heard giggling upstairs. Rica tried to push away thoughts that bombarded her mind as she walked up to Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi as she ripped the magazines from each of them.

"Hey…I was…reading that." Naruto said as he blinked a few times as Rica clutched the magazines closer to her.

Rica threw Naruto the remote as his interest quickly went from the magazine to the television screen. Sasuke was too out of it to really care as he leaned with another magazine, which was not dirty. Kakashi on the other hand reached for the magazines.

"No way Jose, you've had enough T&A for today." Rica said as she slapped Kakashi's hand away.

"I was reading the articles, actually. There was an interesting one about the president of your country and how much of an idiot he is. Quite the lazy day reading material." Kakashi replied lazily as his hand reached for the magazine again, only to be slapped away once more.

"Excuses, excuses." Rica quipped as Kakashi raised an eyebrow to her in confusion.

"I suggest you melt your brain with the lovely TV screen over there." she pointed to Naruto and Sasuke leaning back watching some infomercial.

"I'd rather not."

"I rather you should."

"Not."

"Should."

"Not."

"Should."

"Shut up, they're cutting the meat!" Naruto yelled as a man on TV was cutting a slab of beef with a "new and improved" meat cleaver.

"Not." Kakashi whispered sharply.

Rica deadpanned and stared at Kakashi for a few seconds before quickly perking up. "Ciao." she quickly disappeared upstairs, leaving Kakashi blinking in confusion.

"And this is where I find you and take back my reading material." he yawned as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

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After Notes - So yeah, wtf mate fits this chapter.

In all honesty, the only time I write this is after two or more beers. Behold my skills of drunken doom. Well, not so much as drunken, just a pleasant buzz that makes me think differently.

Again, that you all for the wonderful reviews, I really appreciate it. As well as all the people watching this story, I never expected there to be so many people.

So yes, keep reviewing, watching, and reading. 'Cause you know you want to read the weird crap that comes from my mind. I promise to come out with something well-organized soon. It just has to become, well organized.