Disclaimer

I do not own Naruto.

Summary

It all began with a harmless joke on an unsuspecting chunin. Nothing bad was supposed to happen, really, and Kakashi was supposed to go scot-free. Instead, he got saddled with the finished problem: One super-cute Iruka chibi.

Author's Notes

Yeah, I had time to type this up and junk. No idea where this story is going but I have the week set up so far. It's going to be really funny what happens. Gai and Lee pop up later in the story, so tell all your friends! OH YEAH!

Plastic Ponies

Kakashi woke to his morning as usual, tongue feeling like sandpaper and his body weighing as if it were made of lead. He tried to shove his body into a sitting position but another problem was called to his attention. Sleeping on his chest, curled into a small ball, another body rose and fell as the scarecrow breathed.

Bleary eyes opened after the man stopped breathing, he was unaware of what to do with a child when it was sleeping. The boy cautiously pushed his body up, using his bent arm to stabilize and to keep himself from falling to the ground. His hair, loose, hung limp around his head as he yawned.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked when he finished yawning also.

Iruka smiled, stretching his arms upwards and sighing happily. Smacking his lips he looked down at the man he was lying on. "Sleeping."

The one seen eye of the copy ninja rolled, "Obviously. But why are you sleeping on me?" He asked sarcastically and shifted so he was sitting cross-legged on the couch, Iruka still in his lap.

"I got scared." The chunin said, leaning his cheek against the un-vested chest. "It was dark and I didn't want to be alone in case the monsters came back." The child's eyes narrowed, "What're you doing here? Don't you have work to be doing now?"

Iruka stood on the couch, his eyes even height with Kakashi's. The scarecrow hoped that Iruka was still a little kid in mind and changed the subject quickly, "Well. Are you ready to go meet my students?" Luckily it worked and the child nodded and hopped off the sofa, the long shirt he was wearing covering a small pair of boxer shorts.

Standing up, the jounin walked into the kitchen and checked the clock. 'It's only eight. They can wait a few more hours.' He thought, shrugging at the problems of his students. Rummaging through the cabinets, he found something to eat in an unlabeled box. "Waste not, want not." He said, smiling as he popped a few pieces of whatever it was into his mouth.

Munching on the crunchy food, made crunchy from being stale, Kakashi walked back to the living room to switch on the television. He flicked through the channels quickly, scratching his closed Sharingan eye through the hitai-ate. Seeing nothing that interested him, though the art of creating sugar sculptures was captivating, he flopped back onto the couch to wait for the child in his care.

Iruka ran back into the room, his hair in its ponytail and his forehead protector hanging from around his neck. Jumping, the young boy landed next to Kakashi and laughed at the shocked expression on the jounin's face. "Can you help me?" He asked, holding up his pair of sandals that he remembered to grab from the front door.

"Yeah, we're going to have to get you some new clothes." Kakashi voiced his thoughts from the night before, picking up the shoes in one hand and tucking the child under his arm. "You obviously can't wear any of your regular clothes until you change back." He commented on the chunin uniform that was most likely on the floor in his room, he hadn't checked.

The boy squirmed at being captured, frowning when he couldn't escape. Allowing his legs to hang limp he look like an oversized doll. "I'm a big person. Don't need dumb Kakashi-san to tell me what to do." He grumbled while looking at the floor.

Smiling under his mask at the mix of maturity and childlike behavior, the copy ninja adjusted his posture to compensate for the dead weight that was Iruka. "And how are you going to stop me?" He asked, chuckling when the child stuck out his tongue to answer. Dropping the other teacher's sandals near the front door he also allowed Iruka to sit on the small step as he gathered his uniform.

He sat down next to the brown-haired child and grabbed his own shoes, doing the buckles with no problems since he had done this routine everyday for who knows how many years. Slipping on his vest next, he quickly did the clasps and checked to make sure all the scrolls were in their pouches. Then he noticed that his most important piece of equipment was missing, his book for all boredom. Doing a double take to make sure it didn't fall out or that he hadn't just misplaced it he hit on the answer: Iruka.

"Hand it over, now." Kakashi demanded as he turned to the child. Instead of fear, which he was shooting for the other to feel, all Kakashi got from the child was an empty smile quirking on his lips. "You know what I mean."

Iruka shrugged, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I promise." He stretched, un-sandaled feet allowing his toes to spread out. He looked up at Kakashi, who was currently glaring down at him. "What? You don't believe the word of a child?" The expression on the jounin's face clearly said not. "Fine." The boy reached into his hair and pulled out the neon colored book, opening it. "I don't know what you'd be doing carrying around a book."

Kakashi paled when the child began to read it, "Joanne loved Bobby at that's all she had to say about that. So she went over his house one night and knocked on the door. He opened the entrance and they stumbled forward to become one…" He snatched the book from the youngster before he could continue with the story, closing it up in one deft movement. Iruka followed the older ninja's movement with a confused look on his face. "If I were you I wouldn't carry that type of reading material around with you. The ninja who kills you will think you're a pervert." He nodded as if it were a lesson he was rehearsing in school for the teacher.

"And if I were you I would shut up unless you want to die in the next minute." Kakashi said before he could stop. Mentally kicking himself, the scarecrow turned back to the child to see him staring blankly at the ground in front of him. He nudged the boy to see if he would respond only to get nothing in return. 'Great, just great. Now he's going to hate me with his little kid, I-have-the-brain-of-an-adult, game… Thing.' He thought while picking up the scowling child and opening the door.

Stepping into the morning sun, Kakashi closed his eye to breath in the warm air. Wanting Iruka to smile again, he threw the child into the air and prepared to catch him as he fell. Brown eyes snapped open as they took flight, limbs flailing as he dropped to certain doom.

A shrill cry broke from the child when he discovered what was happening. Curling into a small ball, Iruka prepared to be splattered against the concrete only to be saved by a pair of strong arms. He peeked out of one eye, his body still scrunched together in case he fell again. "Hate Kakashi-san." He muttered, looking away from said jounin.

Craning his head to the side so he could look at the child, Kakashi peered into the angry eyes as he tilted the head up with a finger. "You know you don't mean that." He teased, placing the boy on the ground and yanking his finger away so Iruka's teeth made a dull click on empty air. "I don't think so." He patted the boy on the head, "I need these fingers to form seals." He said, beginning to walk down the street with the barefoot child following reluctantly behind.

The market place bustled with life as wives bought groceries for the week, tugging their children behind them to make sure they didn't get into trouble. People yelled out what they wanted and what they were selling, the merchants beating the common folk most of the time. This didn't stop the women though, screaming louder and using their ninja skills to get closer and purchase their supplies.

"Oyo, Kakashi-san!" A large man called from behind a counter, pushing some of the bodies out of the way so his voice would carry. "I've got that order in that you wanted." A smile played under the jounin's mask as he walked over to the stall, a small Iruka trailing uncertainly behind.

"The freshest strawberries this season." The man said, glancing from side to side cautiously. "You're going to have to come in the back if you want them, though." He leaned forward to whisper to Kakashi, the other man shifting toward him with his hands on his hips. "These ladies, very respectable, would most likely jump me if word of these babies got out." The older man winked, his baldhead shining in the morning sun, and motioned to the small room in the back.

The elite ninja sighed and walked after him to the storerooms of the fruit stand, pausing for an elderly woman to exit with a barrel of oranges in her arms. "Hello, Chiyo. Are you doing well today?"

The female laughed at Kakashi, waving a hand in his direction. "When am I never okay? Business is booming and Kazuki can barely keep up with all the separate orders." She said, shaking her head where a gray bun resided. "Oh, you better go. He's seen you talking to the enemy and now he won't trust you." Chiyo laughed, gesturing to her scowling husband who was glaring at Kakashi with venom.

"Kazuki, these better be good to stop me from talking to your wonderful wife." Kakashi said, walking into the back room and closing the door behind him. "If they aren't I'm never going to buy from you again."

"You'll just buy from my wife or daughter." The shop owner laughed as he pushed past another entrance beaded this time. "Here they are. The most beautiful berries in all of Konohagakure." He stooped over to pry open a large case of wood.

Kakashi squatted and looked into the box, picking up a few to test their weight in his hand. Dropping the red fruit back into the crate, closing it and standing up, Kakashi shrugged, "You've proven me wrong again, my dear Kazuki." He grabbed the rope handles and hefted it over his shoulder.

The ninja walked past the beaded veil, glancing over his burden, "Hey, you know any place around here where I can get kids clothes?"

The man paused in wiping his sweaty brow, another crate already in his hands, "Why? You expecting?" He exhaled sharply to cover a sudden coughing fit. "The great copy ninja Kakashi? Finally settling down with a proper milkmaid? I never thought I'd see the day."

Kakashi growled under his breath at the comment but let it slide any way. Kazuki sighed happily as he leaned against the wall, "I'd have to ask my daughter. She's going to be having a child in a few months and has already bought a full wardrobe for it." He sighed, "Who knew that I'd be tired from being a grandpa without even having a grandchild yet?" He laughed and gestured to the front of the booth. "Kiram's in the front, she'll help you more than me."

The younger man nodded and walked back into the sunlight, creating two copies; one to bring home the food and another to tell his angry students that training was off for the day. "I do wish I could see their faces." Kakashi said, thinking about Naruto and Sakura and how they usually react when he's late. "Oh well, it can't be helped." He said as he spotted the daughter of Kazuki and Chiyo.

"Hey, Kiram. Your dad said you could help me with a problem I have." Kakashi said, propping himself against the low counter.

A pigtailed woman, about twenty, continued to arrange apples on a shelf. Not turning she spoke, "No, Kakashi-san, I will not sleep with you no matter what my father says. Also I will not bear your children or watch after your dog when you leave for a mission." She finally about-faced to see the ninja, crossing her arms, "And I will not help you take over the world using a spoon as our communication device."

The scarecrow blinked at the sudden outburst, "I was just wondering if you could tell me where to get some children's clothing. I have to baby-sit…" He paused, wondering how he could explain this, "A cousin of the great-aunt of the mother of the sister of the father of the father of the uncle of Iruka."

Kiram sighed; shrugging her shoulders and didn't even ask what that meant, "There's a place close by that sells clothing." Her eyes began shine with the light that only an expectant mother could hold, "When you get out the shop turn left twice and find the dead end. You'll know you're there when you see it." She smiled as the ninja walked past, "Just make sure the child lives to see Iruka again."

Kakashi laughed at her words and made sure to ignore the shopping wives that were watching him cautiously, just in case he decided to attack their small children. Satisfied when none turned to yell at him, he turned to grab the barefoot child so they could be on their merry way to the land of children's clothes. He smiled and looked to the spot where he left Iruka last standing.

Well, where he was supposed to be standing.

Empty space was shockingly clear through the flurry of people surrounding it. Cursing, and drawing a few stares from the more overprotective mothers, the copy ninja scanned the crowed area for any clues. 'A kid shouldn't be this hard to find.' He thought, running a hand down his face as he continued to search.

Restraining himself from calling out the other teacher's name, that would just earn him even more stares from the women, Kakashi moved into the moving fray of people. He scanned the crowd for the familiar ponytail her had come to know, listening for a terrified scream to alert him of the child's location.

Finding that this wasn't as easy as he thought, everyone weaved in and out of each other never stopping, Kakashi jumped onto the roof of the shop he was just in. While he peered across the small gathering place, nothing looked out of the ordinary to catch his eye. Sighing, the teacher slumped into a sitting position against a chimney.

"This is why you should never have children, Kakashi-sensei."

A gray-haired head snapped around to spot Sasuke standing in back of him, a frowning Iruka in his arms. When the man turned to glance into the child's eyes all he received was a grunt and a turned back. Naruto popped out from behind the other genin, eyebrow twitching.

"You forgot about our training today and you almost lost Iruka-sensei?!" He huffed crossing his arms and struggling to not attack his instructor at the moment, instead opting for the peaceful reroute of energy in glaring. Sasuke rolled his eyes at his teammates actions, showing more emotion thought possible for him.

Kakashi glared at the fox, his posture returned to its lazy self though his mind was churning and preparing several attempts to rescue the other teacher from Sasuke. It was now his turn to ask a question.

"Now what are two fine ninja in training, like yourselves, doing 'together' on this fine day?" He smirked when Naruto's face twisted in agony. "It can't be because you heard Iruka was missing…" A gloved hand rose to tap a masked chin, "The plot thickens."

As Naruto opened his mouth to respond, most likely angry curses, when a voice floated up from the ground.

"Sasuke-kun! Where are you?" Sakura asked the sky, not knowing how close she was to her love at the moment. "Kakashi-sensei is gone and I can't even find Sasuke to hang out with." She mumbled seeing that she was alone in the street with no one from her team. "Maybe I can find cute Iruka-sensei." The pink haired girl blushed profusely and skipped off to see if she could find out where her teacher was in the village.

The little figure in Sasuke's arms shivered at the sound of the girl, a small whimper leaving his lips as he closed a hand on the stoic ninja's shirt. Said genin tried to control his conscience that was screaming, 'Cuddle, god damn you! Cuddle!' So he settled for a quick squeeze to the child.

Kakashi, using his magical jounin powers, did the first thing that came to mind, "Let's all go eat!" He said happily, clamping a hand on the shoulder of each student and steering them from Sakura's presence. A few jumps away, a new rooftop and a new part of town, the teacher turned, smiling, to his following ninja. "Where do you want to go eat?"

"You're not allowed to have fun." Naruto said, taking the small child from Sasuke's arms and he moved a pace away from the other. "You have to watch him, Kakashi-sensei." The blond held the child up from under its armpits, the shoeless feet swaying back and forth gleefully.

Iruka didn't find a need to listen to the conversation, basking in the sense of happiness radiating off the person holding him. When the fact that no one was paying attention to him sunk in, the chunin watched the shadows on the ground. It being almost noon, the dark shapes resided directly under their real counterparts.

The youngster watched the moving blobs of black with wonder, not caring that he was placed on the ground so that the big people could argue. Adults were troublesome idiots anyways.

Lifting a hand, Iruka saw another shape form and smiled. He wriggled his fingers experimentally and was delighted to see the new silhouette follow his motions. He giggled at this, quiet enough so that the others wouldn't hear and scold him for making noise.

After a few moments of laughing silently and playing with shadows the teacher became bored, his new child like affinities making him stop and look for a new game. The flying bird shadow ceased its movement as Iruka made a startling conclusion: the shadows were attached to him.

Standing up slowly, so his evil clone wouldn't notice him, the child spied on the surrounding shadows to make sure they wouldn't attack. The rooftop was bare except for a lone cardboard box here and there, but they were to far away to be of any use to him. Sighing in defeat, he thought he would never get rid of his monsters.

Then Iruka noticed something and smiled.

Kakashi wondered when his students would stop yelling, Naruto, and glaring at him, Sasuke. Having already heard this lecture many times, only usually not concerning a small child, the man yawned underneath his mask. 'This is almost as boring as that mission…' He thought, lulling off into his own world.

He blinked as Naruto was suddenly on another topic about the boy in his care. This made the older ninja search for his charge, remembering her was supposed to look after Iruka. Spying the youngster in the corner of his eye, playing by making shadow animals on the ground, a smile slowly crept across Kakashi's face unwilled by the owner.

"You aren't even listening!" Naruto wailed, his hands curling into angry fists. He sighed and looked over at his teammate, a devilish grin crossing his features. "I think it's time we made sensei pay more attention."

Sasuke shrugged, mentally adding a note of 'Kill Naruto' quickly to his list of things to do. Crossing his arms in classic style, he glared at the yellow-haired teenager. "How are we going to do this, dobe?"

Naruto flashed him the finger with a muted bastard before continuing. He draped his arm casually over Sasuke's shoulders, leaning on the angry teen to force him to turn from their teacher. "Well, Kakashi-sensei said we should go out to eat, lay low from Sakura spotting you. I think we can play this to our advantage."

"Shopping."

The blond batted an eyelash at this, confusion at the word spoken by Sasuke. He drew a blank at the word meant and caused the other to sigh in frustration.

"Anyway." Naruto continued after checking to make sure the older man wasn't listening. "We should tag along and make sure that Kakashi-sensei takes good care of Iruka-sensei. Plus, we can bleed his wallet dry." He clapped a hand against Sasuke's chest.

Said teen shook the other's arm off, "We should also go shopping. I heard that shopping is really expensive for little kids." He explained after a smirk was aimed at him for his knowledge of clothing.

Battle plan set, they turned back to look for Kakashi and Iruka. Naruto grinning wildly to betray that he had something diabolical on his mind. While Naruto smirked, Sasuke simply thought of how he got himself into these things. Both jaws hit the floor when they finally spotted the two a few feet away.

"You're over reacting you know." Kakashi said lazily as he looked down at the child who was attached to his knee. The teacher glanced up when the presence of his students was felt. He shrugged and walked over, a squeak coming from Iruka each step of the way. "He's afraid of his shadow." The jounin said as he stopped moving, "He thinks it's going to hurt him or-"

"I'm not afraid!" Iruka interrupted, face still pressed into the pant's material. "I'm brave, not my fault they're attacking me."

Kakashi shook his head, "He thinks the shadows are all working together to kill him. So he's going to get them first?" He said as confusion crept into his words. "Something like that, I guess."

Neither Naruto or Sasuke understood what this meant, nor, they judged from the fake smile on Kakashi's face, that he did either. The child sighed and jumped to the ground, pointing down at his shadow clone. "See the evil copy?" He asked, earning a nod from the three, "It dies when I do this." Iruka stepped into the older teacher's larger shadow, this required him to attach to the jounin somehow, and the two shadows melded together to form one, larger blob of darkness. "It's dead." The child said happily, grinning from ear to ear.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow when his teacher did nothing but pat the child on the head. Then he remembered the plan and went into action.

"Excuse me, Kakashi-sensei…" He began, coming over to the man.

To be continued…

Previews

More shopping, for clothes this time; rumbly tummies; remembering people.