Disclaimer

I do not own Naruto.

Summary

It all began with a harmless joke on an unsuspecting chunin. Nothing bad was supposed to happen, really, and Kakashi was supposed to go scot-free. Instead, he got saddled with the finished problem: One super-cute Iruka chibi.

Author's Notes

Finally! My play is over, but, alas, I still have exams on the way so I'm typing this story up in my spare time. Hopefully it will be short but knowing me, it will probably be over twenty chapters. Why do I have so much fun torturing Kakashi and Iruka?

Plastic Ponies

"How did I let myself get talked into this?" Kakashi muttered to the brightly lit ceiling, receiving no answer from the blue panels. He glanced over at the saleswoman across the room; she was currently staring at the full-grown male ninja and wondering what he was doing in a place like this.

The jounin sighed when a different lady walked over, the manager card pinned to her shirt securely, "Pardon me, sir?" She pushed her large framed glasses up quickly, "Do you need any help?" She asked, searching for a reason to explain why the ninja was here. A child was not located near him and a manicured eyebrow rose at this fact, piecing together pieces of evidence against the teacher.

Kakashi groaned, pulling a hand down his mask, 'Great. Now she thinks I'm a pervert…' He thought as the female continued to glare at him. Just as he was about to come up with a plausible excuse, something to do with a leaf blower, Iruka came running towards him dressed in a pair of overalls, a simple white t-shirt underneath.

The pony-tailed boy bowed the moment he stopped, almost falling over himself at the sudden change in balance. "Kakashi-san needs to come and find me another outfit." He said happily, pausing for a moment to smile at the woman. "Can we go please?" He asked, the lady nodding in shock at the politeness of the child. "Thank you." He bowed again and grabbed the taller man's hand to drag him away.

Naruto laughed silently from behind a rack of clothing when his teacher walked sullenly after the small youngster. He watched Kakashi stop and pick out an outfit, throwing it at Iruka who had pointed at it. The fox was about to jump out and save his past mentor when Sasuke stopped him with a hit on the head, gesturing to the two teachers' who still hadn't arrived and what they were doing now.

The three year old pouted and crossed his arms as he landed on the ground with a thud. "I don't wanna wear that one." He said, shrugging at the pile of clothes next to him.

"What the hell do you mean?" Kakashi shouted, drawing looks from a few workers, "You picked it out!"

Iruka's eyes grew to the fullest extent, making to older ninja squat to see what was wrong. "You said a bad word!" The chunin yelled as he ran over to Naruto and Sasuke. "Bad word sayer!" He said as he looked over his shoulder at the jounin and squealed as said man approached. "Save me!" He whimpered and clung to Naruto's bright pants, shaking all over. "He's a bad influence!"

Kakashi blinked at the sudden terminology, wondering where a child his age would learn and understand a word like that. Cocking his head to the side, the copy ninja again thought of how much easier ANBU missions were compared to this. Feelings never mattered during those. Especially those of a child.

"You just can't be normal, can you, Kakashi-sensei?" Sasuke asked as he stooped to pick up the overall clothed child. Iruka simply clung to his former student and grinned at his assigned parent, who was lowering himself deeper and deeper into the boiling pot every second. The boy giggled and waved at the scarecrow, thus confusing the three ninja to the utmost degree while the saleswoman nodded knowingly at the actions of the child.

The teacher almost fell forward in his brain freeze, trying to figure out what had happened, but was saved by Iruka vaulting onto his chest off of Sasuke. Teetering back and forth for a moment to catch his bearings, the silver haired man idly counted down how many days were left in a week. A rumbling against his chest quickly halted his thinking.

"I'm hungry." Iruka said, rubbing his head against his holder's vest. "Can we please go eat?" He asked, not looking up but allowing his eyes to become half-lidded as he kneaded the fabric in his hand.

The man shrugged and turned to his students, whose arms were suddenly filled with assorted articles of clothing for the child. Rolling his eye and following the two, Kakashi was thankful that he remembered to grab his wallet from the table as he left.

"Want."

He paused and followed the free hand of Iruka that was pointing at the stuffed animal stand. "I want, please." The boy asked again, more politely this time. Complying so that the child wouldn't cry, the ninja walked to the shelves and leaned over so the both could see the wide array of toys.

"Which one do you want?" Kakashi asked, balancing the boy on his hip as he looked over the many different shapes that ranged from inanimate objects, a strange cat-bus, to originals, a stuffed puppy.

Iruka thought this question over hard, his face scrunching into a frown as he jumped onto the top shelf. He picked up certain animals, comparing them in size and weight by lifting them up. Or in the case of a four-foot teddy bear, trying to. Making his decision, a white horse half his size, the child turned to Kakashi and held it out, "His name's Haiku!" He declared proudly.

The scarecrow held his arms open for Iruka to crawl back in with his new friend. Then he walked over to the cash register, where Naruto and Sasuke were waiting patiently, and smiled at the woman behind the counter. Iruka growled at the lady and was preparing to throw his horse if Kakashi hadn't taken it and placed it on the counter.

"He seems really taken with you, sir." The lady said as she began to scan the purchases, her small 'supervisor' tag shining in the scanner light. "The little ragamuffin wouldn't have even let me talk to you if he could help it." She rolled a shoulder at the glaring child that had crossed his arms after the toy was taken from him.

Kakashi looked down at Iruka, who was now pouting at the floor. "I don't know what his problem is. He might just be hungry. I was going to take him out for something after this."

"You're going to take me and Sasuke, right?" Naruto asked, batting his eyelashes stupidly at his teacher. He grinned and clamped an arm around Kakashi's shoulders, standing on a couple of the filled bags to do so. "Cause that would be awesome if jounin's kept their word now a days." He sighed dramatically.

Iruka looked at the blond who was currently eye level with him, "People should follow their own words, Naruto." He said, ignoring the look of shock from his past student at knowing his name.

"He remembered!" The fox yelled as he jumped up and down, crushing the clothing in the bags and drawing stares from every person in the store, which also included both his teachers and his teammate. "Do you know who this is?" He asked using a voice reserved for animals and small children, not a big difference either way, as he pointed at Sasuke.

Sighing, Kakashi handed over a wad of cash to the register; where a new woman was now ringing up the items, a shift change must have happened when he was distracted. 'There goes that A-mission.' He thought when his change came back in coin form. 'At least it went to something good.' He added as an afterthought, glancing down at the sulking Iruka who was being questioned by Naruto. 'Can't exactly have him running around naked…'

That sudden train of thought led to another and soon dark blush sprung up onto the man's face, noticeable even under his mask. "Are you okay, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked, using this as an opportunity to ignore Naruto and his many questions. Muttering a response that seemed positive to him, Kakashi grabbed the bags in his free hand and was about to leave but was stopped by the new woman behind the counter.

"Excuse me, sir?" She asked, looking through her long red bangs and blushing slightly, "I just want to say that your child is beautiful. She makes me want to have a baby myself." She smiled; unaware of the trigger she set off. "Also, since you have bought many marked items," The red head gestured to the pile of garments, still on the counter waiting to be folded, "You get to pick one of the mystery prizes!" She beamed, looking to her supervisor as the other woman slammed her head into the wall at the stupidity of her decision.

The three boys, including the older man, stared blankly at the lady behind the desk, confusing her and making her panic. "I'm sorry, sir." She hastily said, waving her hand to try and get a reaction from the shocked trio, "Did I offend you or your little girl in anyway? I am extremely sorry if I did!" She apologized again, her auburn colored hair frizzing from the many times she bowed.

Kakashi couldn't hold it in any more; he tried and just failed. "You think he's a girl!" The copy ninja yelled, his expression changing from embarrassed to that of mirth as he laughed and almost dropped the scowling boy.

Naruto also began to laugh, falling on the floor and pointing from Iruka to the woman and back again as if trying to explain. Sasuke, being the sensible person he is, walked up to the counter to explain.

"He's not a girl." The read head batted an eye at the sentence, not comprehending it.

With that said, the teen kicked Naruto, to get him up somehow, and walked to the door. He leaned against a pillar, which was made of large, brightly colored blocks, and allowed himself to enjoy the scene going on in front of him.

It had escalated to a new high. Naruto was standing and continuing to laugh at his teachers and the confused worker, who was still bagging the purchases in their bags. "She thinks you're a girl! She thinks you're a girl!" He sang at the fuming boy, receiving a pair of glares in return.

The girl paused, slowly comprehending what was going on, "Oh dear. I'm sorry." She said, bowing again for a different reason. "If I can make it up for you in any way, please tell me." She said, fear rising in her eyes at screwing up at her job.

"He'll be fine." Kakashi said, hitting Naruto so he flew and hit the pillar across from Sasuke. The stunned expression at his actions made him continue, "He deserved that." He grinned underneath his mask, "Though this guy does look a little like a girl, doesn't he?" He pointed happily at Iruka, who was eyeing the finger as if it were a deadly snake and had to be rid of it.

The girl smiled nervously, "Yes, sir. You still need to pick out your two gifts and…" Her eyes widened, "Is it okay that he's biting your finger?" She quickly asked; gesturing to the child who had his teeth clamped around the teacher's finger.

"Sure, sure." The gray-haired man said, shrugging. "Now what was that about mystery prizes?"

The girl blushed and ducked under the counter, reappearing with two boxes. "Please choose one. I hope what you find makes you happy."

Iruka growled, finger still in his mouth and holding his stuffed animal to his chest. Kakashi grabbed the box closest to him, revealing a coupon for something. "I guess I'll take this." Upon closer examination, the teacher noted that it was only redeemable at ramen stores/restaurants. 'Now I have to take him out for food…Hurrah, hurrah.'

"In choosing this, you gave up…" The saleswoman lifted up the other box, showing a photograph of Gai-sensei. "An actual autographed picture of Rock Lee's sensei!" She smiled, handing over all the bags to Kakashi. "You may want to get your hand back if you want to carry all of these." She grinned and tapped her headband, turning to the nest person in line who was a new mother, judging by the atmosphere of giddiness around her.

The man grumbled to himself as he carried the many bags, using a chakra technique to strengthen his arm. "Let's go." He said as he walked past Sasuke and the still unconscious Naruto, pushing open the swing door with his shoulder. It was late afternoon, shadows were long and the streets were basked in an unearthly orange glow. "You doing okay back there?" Kakashi asked, looking back at Sasuke in amusement.

"Fine. Just fine." Said student grumbled, hoisting Naruto's body up higher when it slipped down his back.

Nodding, Kakashi shifted his weight so Iruka wouldn't fall out of his arm's nook and so he could get a better grip on the handle of the bags. "I'm going to go stop by my house, drop this junk off. After that's done I'm going to take you both out, considering what you had to go through today."

"Aw, you kept your promise!" Naruto said, his head resting on top of Sasuke's own and riding piggyback. "I knew there was a good bone somewhere in your body!" He smiled, gripping harder when Sasuke struggled to pry him off. "Smile!" He yelled, pulling on the corners of the teen's mouth and forcing him to have a strained smile plastered across his face.

Sasuke growled and jerked his head down, drawing the attention of the people on the street. "I'm going to kill you!" The people watched intently, surging forward to look at the enraged boy yell at the monkey on his back. "The minute you get off!"

"Then I won't get off." Naruto taunted, squeezing even tighter against Sasuke's back. "Let's see you beat me now!" He said, sticking his tongue out at the watching crowd.

Kakashi watched with mild delight as Iruka glanced from the feuding teens and back to Haiku, deciding which was worth more of his time. The ninja laughed silently when even more citizens arrived, their attention focusing on the pair. "Do you think I should help them out?" Kakashi asked, looking down at the child he held.

"Why? I think Naruto deserves what's coming." The pony tailed boy said, stretching while he yawned to relax his small body against Kakashi's.

The older teacher shot a withered look at Iruka, "I don't think even Sasuke deserves this." He commented, still watching Naruto bronco ride the dark haired boy at the instant.

Chocolate eyes gazed up into a masked face. "Who's Sasuke?" The child asked, a worried look marring his tan features. "I don't remember…" He began, frustration becoming evident as his hands turned into fists and a strangled whimper came from his pursed lips.

The unexpected change in attitude stunned the jounin, both eyes widening at the question aimed his way. 'He doesn't remember?' He thought, being pushed to the side by a group of children wanting to see the commotion. The scarecrow grinned down at the bewildered child, features not seen because of his mask. "I'll explain all of this when we're eating. I'll also explain what's in store for you in the next few days."

A small smile slowly spread across Iruka's face, uncertain of what was happening but trying to make the best of it. Yawning, he rubbed his head against the warm vested body and wondered idly when they were going to eat. The young boy waited for a few more minutes, looking at the fight that was slowly progressed to more and more violence. "Can we go now?" He voiced his opinion, stomach no longer waiting for the feud to finish and boredom settling in.

Silently agreeing, Kakashi did the first thing that came to mind from his jounin training, which was to throw a shuriken. Without a second thought the teacher had already launched one of his deadly weapons at the students, hoping to shock them apart from their horseplay in the yard. Unfortunately for the renowned ninja the only things in his hand were Iruka and a large amount of bags.

Hurled with the precision that Kakashi was known for, a three year old zoomed through the air, past tens of people, towards a pair of teens.

The man failed to understand that children should not be chucked across long distances since they are prone to hit things after a short while. Luckily for the thrown, these upstart ninja had excellent reflexes. But the thrower wouldn't be so fortunate, angry looks were already being shot at him.

Naruto looked like an owl, his eyes huge and glassy; it didn't help that his hair also looked like a bird's crest. The attack by his sensei, which used another teacher as a weapon, had forced him to let go of pulling Sasuke's hair. Perched precariously on the small of his teammate's back and holding on with legs wrapped around Sasuke's waist, Naruto's hands were suddenly filled with a flailing Iruka.

The crowd parted so that everyone could see the villan staring at his hand like it betrayed him. Kakashi's head snapped upwards when a person coughed, his visible eye widening at the unified glare. Backing up slightly, the copy ninja struggled to come up with a good excuse before they stoned him, or even worse, took away his Come Come Paradise books.

"You see…" He began, pausing when no one interrupted him. Breathing a sigh, he continued, "He had an accident and this is a new shirt so, naturally-"

"LIAR!" Iruka yelled, fighting tooth and nail to escape from Naruto's arms. A sudden kick to the groin made the blond let go, fall over and take Sasuke with him.

Rolling Naruto off him, the three year old brushed himself off professionally under the gaze of the surrounding people. Straightening his pair of overalls with a flick of the wrist and moving his headband, which had shifted around his neck, back to the front. He walked as quickly as his small legs could to Kakashi, an angry gleam in his eyes. Stopping at the ninja and looking up, the crowd could only wonder what was going to happen next.

Iruka took in a large breath, many people doing the same and leaning closer to hear the comeback of the boy. With one swift motion he kicked Kakashi in the shin, very painful, and then asked sweetly, "Pick me up, please?" As he waited, he retrieved his fallen Haiku and hugged him quickly.

Gritting his teeth at the shot of pain traveling up his leg, the copy ninja regretted changing Iruka into a child once again. A growl from below reminded him of the small request from the small child and he dropped the bags at his side, squatting to pick him up and knowing more pain was to follow.

Instead of hitting him in the face, like Kakashi expected him to do, Iruka leaned towards Kakashi's ear and checked to make sure none of the people were close enough to listen. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-san." The child said, his hand coming up to cup so it would look like he was telling the man a secret. "Had to do something that seemed mean for a child." He giggled, "Though Naruto did have a funny face. Are we going to eat soon?" He asked, butting his head against the side of the ninja's head in annoyance.

Kakashi nodded and waved to the people, "It seems we've worked out our differences!" He smiled, bending over to grab the bags of clothing. Sags of disbelief rippled through the people, Konohagakure village residents were getting stranger and stranger every week, the majority thought as some moved off to go home. It was almost six, so many of them wanted to go eat, watch some TV after said eating and then, maybe, go to sleep if they didn't have a mission or something of the sort to complete beforehand.

Naruto was jolted awake by one of the people stepping on his face, a dull reminder that he was, indeed, still alive for the moment. Pushing himself into a sitting position, he looked around only to see Sasuke glaring daggers at him. "What did I do now?" He asked, crossing his arms in defiance.

"You're sitting on me." Sasuke ground through his teeth. Quickly doing a pushup, and lifting Naruto off the ground while he did so, the older teen stood and cracked his neck.

Naruto grimaced as he saw Kakashi and Iruka, 'They're going to kill me. But then again, Kakashi-sensei did throw Iruka-san pretty hard.' He thought, wondering what sort of tombstone he should buy.

Waltzing over to the two boys, Kakashi smiled under his mask. "Let's go eat!" He replied cheerfully, strange considering he was always lazy.

Naruto peered out from his blocking hands, wondering which god was smiling on him, "YES! To Ichiraku Ramen we go!"

To be continued…

Previews

Ramen shop waitresses; Food fights; other teachers and bath time.