Author's Note: CHAPTER TWO! YAYA! Well actually Chapter 1 since the real Chapter 1 is a prologue. I decided to change the point of view to third person so I could cover more of James; maybe even some Marauder's later on. I guess that makes the first chapter somewhat of a prologue. Hope you like this. Special thanks to everybody who reviewed! All of you totally made my day! Reviewing makes my day, and my day needs to be made.

Anything unoriginal belongs to JKR!

Chapter 1: Eleanor Rigby

Lily's first morning at Hogwarts was like the worst nightmare she could ever have. She had lay in my bed, eyes tightly shut, trying to convince herself that when she opened them Lauren would be asleep in her bed. When Lily finally managed to open her eyes, she choked out a dry sob.

"Pull yourself together Lillian," she muttered like a mad woman. She tried to dress quickly, keeping her eyes away from the other side of the room, but it was impossible. And when she did look, she could almost see Lauren standing there. She'd be fussing over her hair complaining that she'd never catch anyone's eye with hair as greasy as Snape's. Hell if Lily concentrated even harder, there was Bailey, sitting on the edge of her bed, planning a marriage to Remus Lupin that he'd never know about.

Her knees gave out as she sank to the floor. She would never have that again. She wiped the tears from her eyes and retreated downstairs. The boys looked at her with a sympathetic expression. They knew what she was going through, just not the full extent of it. The Marauders still had each other.

Sirius put and arm around Lily's shoulders. "You. Me. These three losers. Breakfast. Now."

"I'm not hungry."

"It wasn't a question." Sirius Black was taking a parental tone with her. It was almost scary. "You did touch dinner. You have to eat something."

She didn't fight him, just walked through the portrait hole and headed towards the Great Hall. The Marauders followed, each wanting to break the awkward silence, but none knowing how.

Lily ate a piece of toast just to please everyone. One glance at the sausage links reminded her of Zachary's very old and very tiring walrus impression. Every morning for six years she saw it. It had gotten quite annoying, but now she longed to see the blonde haired boy sitting across from her giving her his walrus eyes with two sausages shoved in his mouth.

The day was full of memories and tears. The two things seemed to flood her life. She didn't think she could stand Hogwarts much longer. A place she had treasured so much was now just a painful reminder of all the evil the world possessed.

Lily was dreading her first patrol with James. She feared he'd ask her questions she wasn't ready to answer or try to make her laugh when she knew that her friends could laugh no longer.

James, she found out, is full of surprises.

"Lily I know you probably don't want to talk, and that's fine with me. Just if you do, know that I'll listen." Lily didn't respond. She just kind of looked at him blankly. She meant to look surprised, but her face had already forgotten how to show emotions.

They patrolled for one solid hour. For one solid hour, James did not utter a single word. At the end of the night they went to their dormitories. He gave a small smile. She didn't return it.

Two months had past and Lily's life was getting worse and worse. On the outside she looked as if she hadn't eaten in weeks. Her face was gaunt and her beautiful green eyes had lost their flare. Lily Evans could be seen pouring herself into a book in the library, studying for an exam that was a week away.

She only spoke to teachers and occasionally the marauders. She spoke with James over their duties and nothing else. If he had asked her how she was feeling or said they needed to talk about her, she acted as if she never heard it.

Lily Evans had gone from Hogwarts poster girl to a girl that looked on the edge of suicide.

This was the Lily that everyone saw. No one knew about the dreams No one knew of the faces that she saw everywhere. No one knew that late each night she'd go into the common room just so she could sleep and retreat early in the morning before anyone woke. No one knew that Lily was far worse than she seemed, and what she seemed to be was terrible as it was.

Professor McGonagall had spoken with James on numerous occasions, trying to think of a way to bring the real Lily back to life.

"I don't know, Professor. She's just seems so dead inside. She's eerily passive. The Lily I know yells at students for doing magic in the corridors, gives misbehaving Slytherins a good talking to, and yells at me for doing something more constructive than talking to them. She's not herself in any way, shape, or form."

The woman that sat before him slid her glasses off her face and held her head in her hands. She looked almost vulnerable. That's impossible, James thought, I guess she really cares about her. She cares about all of us.

"Mr. Potter I believe that it may be time we sought out some professional help for Lily. Maybe Mungos cou—"

"NO!" He realized he had shouted, "I mean, Lily would never go for that type of thing Professor. Not now at least. I just think that it'll be better to get her talking to us first."

"James, have you forgotten that your friends and yourself are not her favorite people?"

"No ma'am, but she needs something."

The next day, during Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lily feel asleep. Normally she would never do such a thing, but the night before she had to wait on a few third years that had snuck out before she could go to sleep. One moment Professor Helmer was talking about the effects of dementors, and the next…

She was a Death Eater and she was invading Lauren's party, but she wasn't her, she could see herself gripping James hand tight scared for her life. Why was she holding James hand? That was disgusting she had to make herself pay for it. Then Lily spoke, in a voice that was not her own but all too familiar. "I've been waiting for you, filthy little mudblood." She flung herself and James against the wall. "Ahh Potter, I hate to see you're no different from your parents." She smiled beneath her hood. "I'm going to enjoy this. Avad-" Rick had grabbed her arm.

"RUN!"

"Rick, I can't leave you here."

"RUN DAMNIT, RUN!"

Her gaze did not leave Rick. "Oh so noble and so stupid. Avada Kedavra." Lily came to her senses. "RICK! NO!" she crouched down beside him, shaking his body back to life. "Rick, I'm sorry. Wake up. You can't leave me here. You can't die. Please."

She was on a cold stone floor and Professor Helmer was kneeling beside her. "Oh thank God, Lily. You had us so worried." Lily became aware of the rest of the class standing over her.

"Wha—what happened?"

"You were having a nightmare. You started screaming and went into convulsions. James take her to Madam Quince immediately."

The two walked in silence. James took a moment to take in her appearance. She looked terrible. No longer was she, the fiery beauty he had known. He still thought she was beautiful, of course, but her energy was gone.

"I heard you say you were sorry to Rick," he blurted out. He knew that he should probably apologize for the outburst, but something told him not to. For the first time in two months Lily reacted to the question he had asked. She looked as though was thinking about what to say.

"I was the Death Eater that killed him," she said in barely a whisper.

"It's not your fault you know."

"I left him there."

"So did I." James stopped walking and looked deep into those sparkles green eyes. "He didn't want us to die."

"But I did anyway." She had died. The night they died she died right along with them. James and Lily walked in silence to the hospital wing. Madam Quince kicked him out and gave her a potion for a dreamless sleep.

A dreamless sleep, Lily thought, wonder what that's like…