Disclaimer

I do not own Naruto. If you sue me, you will not get a lot of money. And to sue me you must be Masashi Kishimoto.

In that case. I got the creator of Naruto reading my fanfic! W00t!

Summary

It all began with a harmless joke on an unsuspecting chunin. Nothing bad was supposed to happen, really, and Kakashi was supposed to go scot-free. Instead, he got saddled with the finished problem: One super-cute Iruka chibi.

Author's Notes

Wow, I've been lazy these past few weeks. Instead of working hard, like I was supposed to, I was doing sports and other stuff like that… Drawing a few pictures, getting on some other sites. Like Gaiaonline, great site, except I can't get a lot of gold.

…

I'm getting off topic, aren't I?

…

Well something tells me that this story is going to be going off my original plan, which was originally going to be Gai taking Iruka and no dancing whatsoever. Oh yeah, you people are going to kill me when you see who wins.

Plastic Ponies

It was not going good for Kakashi.

At this rate he was going to lose Iruka and be humiliated by the opposing enemies, which were ninja monkeys. And to make matters worse, his character, the schoolgirl slut, kept doing a panty shot whenever he hit an arrow. Thus making him even more resistant to playing superior like he did with everything else.

"Come on, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled between songs, before the last and final tune. The monkeys were in second place, thanks to Sakura's gaming skills and Kurenai's pure luck at hitting arrows. "Beat them to the ground!" He screamed again, Iruka laughing as he tried to stay on.

"Well, it's all or nothing now." Sakura said, stepping off to the side to take a sip of her soda. "The next song I'm picking is going to be really fast and it'll lower your points whenever you miss an arrow." She batted her eyelashes at her teacher, "You've been holding onto each song by the skin of your teeth, and if you get defeated by the ninja monkey's..." The genin let the threat float in the air while she shrugged her shoulders.

The jounin sighed and turned to the screen to find something that might actually help him the next song. His character, so ashamed at his losing, was now wearing a winter coat including a muffler and was walking off the screen. This was to the disappointment of many of the males in the crowd.

Tugs on his pant leg made him look down, finding Iruka staring up at him. "Can I tell you something?" He whispered, glancing over at the two women and shivering. Kakashi nodded and picked up the child so he could talk into his ear. "I know what you need to do to win." Iruka said, smiling happily.

Instead of answering, he inclined his head and bumped it against the child's.

Iruka giggled and rubbed his head into Kakashi's shoulder, peeking out from the corner of his eye, "You can't look at the arrows. You have to stare at the screen and notice where the arrows are going and time it right." A puzzled look spread across the boy's face, his face scrunching up when he confused himself from his explanation. "Just win!" He said out loud, tapping his hand on the jounin's cheek and jumping from his arms to escape back to Naruto, in case one of the female's tried to grab him.

'And I'm reduced to taking help from a three year old…' Kakashi thought, pulling his hands down his face and moving back to his floor panels. 'Maybe if Kurenai becomes unconscious… And Sakura chokes from food poisoning…' He stopped that train of thought with a shake of his head, mentally wondering when he wanted his student and friend to die. 'Oh yeah, when Iruka arrived.'

But before he could continue, the next song began.

Unlike the last songs, which were slower and had pauses in between the notes so you could situate your body, this song was a constant stream and the monkey's were doing a lot better than the ninja's. Kakashi, following the instructions given to him, looked intently at the screen and only moved his eyes when an arrow was near the top and found himself actually getting a few of them.

Sakura tripped over he feet, landing hard on the plastic floor and wincing when he teeth snapped shut. Since she had missed the beat, she could never get back into the groove. She glared at Kakashi, wondering how he was beating her at the game she had picked. "Kurenai! Beat him!" She screamed, hands balling into fists and banging them against the floor in anger.

The yell threw her off, making her step up instead of down and mess up her combo of seventy-eight, "Shut up, girl!" She screamed; trying fruitlessly to catch up to the quickening beat.

After that, there was only one. Who didn't know how to dance and was currently fighting to take care of a child. They were screwed.

He didn't notice that killer ninja monkeys were eating the other characters. No, he didn't even blink when his own schoolgirl jumped into the fray while shedding her snowsuit and transforming into a Sailor Moon like costume. His eyes were glued to the screen and the arrows that continued with their computer-generated tracks upwards.

At the end of the song Kakashi blinked in confusion when he turned to find Sakura and Kurenai standing in back of him. Swiveling back to the screen, which was tallying up the points, the jounin watched the three characters, all of which only his was scantily clad, battling in a giant fight cloud.

"I know I won!" Sakura screamed, grabbing Iruka off of Naruto and squeezing him close to her front, "You're going to like it at my house." The genin continued with her ranting, not observing her person going flying off the screen with a fork imbedded in her head. "My mom always wanted a grandson, and you can pretend you're my son. I'll dress you up and you'll be ever so pretty."

Iruka, for reasons unknown, didn't seem to like what was going to happen, so he struggled, bit and scratched at Sakura's arms until she let go and he could run away back to Kakashi. "Did you win?" He asked, eyes darting back to the fuming Sakura. "I don't want to stay with the monster."

The final scores came onto the screen, with Kakashi in third place. Losing by over a million points. "I guess that's that." He said, picking up Iruka and giving him a little squeeze.

The child whimpered and shivered when Kurenai came over to claim her prize, a greedy look in her eyes.

A sudden trumpeting from the game made everyone turn from leaving, it even awoke the woman who was blocking the doors. Kakashi's character jumped onto the screen and twirled in place, somehow telling the hoard that something important had happened. She did a quick panty flash, as was customary, before talking in a high pitched voice that most would have matched to her pigtailed demeanor.

"Player number one did exceptionally well on the last song." She bowed, "And for that he gets a special bonus!" The ninja's watched as points were added to the scarecrow's score, rising him higher than Sakura and slowly gaining on Kurenai and her large point number.

Kakashi turned to the child in his arms, hope restored in the future and smiled when the chunin looked up with wide eyes. "Do you think we can win, Kakashi-san?"

Just as the jounin was about to open his mouth to answer a scream of pure glee came from the red-eyed woman's mouth, making both ninja turn to see what was wrong.

"I beat you! I beat you! A hundred points, I beat you!" She crowed victoriously, moving over to snatch the chunin from Kakashi. "You get to stay with me for the rest of the week, three days of fun and adventure." The woman nuzzled the little boy and smirked at the other jounin. "Too bad, Kakashi. You almost had me with that bonus."

The gray-haired man felt his jaw drop underneath his mask. This couldn't be true, he was supposed to win, take Iruka home and save him from the crazy lady. That was just the way things were supposed to be in this type of adventure in Konohagakure. Except this time.

Kakashi nodded slowly, "Ya, ya, you win Kurenai. Just make sure to water my plants when I'm out of town!" He chirped happily while waving. He turned to walk away from the other jounin and chunin only to find himself face to face with Naruto, tears streaming down his face.

"How could you lose?" He muttered, turning a strange, sorrowful look to his old teacher, "Now Iruka-sensei is going to be sad." Before Kakashi could answer, his student brushed past him and over to Sakura with an extremely large, and extremely fake, smile on. He could hear the loud congratulatory from the genin and he wondered just how messed up that fox really was as he moved out of the arcade.

The humidity of the day had risen since the morning and the ninja hit it like running into a wall. He gasped in the moist air as he moved from the building, somehow feeling wrong without the small child hanging off his back or his front. He slowly walked in a different direction from his home, wanting to get away and wondering what would happen in the next few days in the ninja village.

'It's better this way.' He thought, nodding to a woman as she passed, 'He's out of my hair and I can get my priorities straight for my mission.' At the thinking of the mission, he couldn't help but let his mind wander back to Iruka, 'who was my mission before Sandaime-san said to switch.'

He thrust his hands into his pocket, pulling them out quickly when something unusually cool brushed against his hand. The copy ninja slowly slid his hand back into the pocket, wondering absently what could be in there and still be cool. He withdrew a key, simple and gleaming dully in the hazy afternoon sun. Then it struck him.

He still had the key to the chunin sensei's house.

A sudden thought hit Kakashi as he held the key up to the afternoon sun; why not go to the other teacher's house and see how it's fairing. 'Iruka has been gone for a few days, he might have mail or something like that.' The copy ninja reasoned, pushing away the part of his mind that screamed to explore the man's house for fun.

He walked down the street with a new purpose in mind, whistling under his breath. The number of the house was stamped into the key, so when he would have been confused and had to find out where Iruka lived, he just needed to look at the small piece of metal.

The jounin stopped in front of a modest one-story house, a good deal like his own, except that it was somewhat bigger than his own. He was about to put the key into the lock's hole when something caught his attention; 'It's also in a better neighborhood.' He thought, turning to see a small group of children run past. He smiled under his mask at the little boy who paused to stare openly at him.

"Koda, come on!" A girl ran back, grabbing the hand of the slightly smaller boy, before scolding him lightly and trying to pull him in the direction the group had gone. Her brown, almost black, hair was put into pigtails and she almost didn't notice Kakashi until he cleared his throat.

The little girl sized the much taller man up, her eyes narrowing, and then pointed at him accusingly. "You stole Iruka-sensei!" She screamed loudly, frightening the birds that were roosting in a nearby tree and alerting all of the mothers that something was happening.

This shocked Kakashi out of his blank staring, and forced his body to move from putting the key into the door. The jounin watched as the girl gestured for another child to come over who had to be the same age of about seven, but was the smallest of the trio and was carrying a large bobtailed cat. "What is it? I want to go and get ice cream." She grumbled sullenly, pouting and snuggling her cat to her chest.

The cat meowed loudly in discomfort and she adjusted her grip on the feline, murmuring soft reassurances to it. Her shoulder length blond hair was pushed behind her ears, but a few strands had escaped in front of her huge blue eyes. "Chiyoko, this better be important. Moshi wants his vanilla smoothie."

Chiyoko, as she was revealed, jerked her head at the older male. "We can't get ice cream, baka." She shook her head at the confused children, "He stole Iruka-sensei!" That seemed to snap the ninja out of his puzzlement to approach the youngsters.

"I didn't take Iruka." He said, startling two of the three children, who hid behind the cat girl. "He's just away… On a mission. He'll be back at the end of the week." He said brightly while nodding his head, also reminding himself that he lost the chunin in a dancing fight to Kurenai of all people. "Who are you anyway?"

He blinked stupidly when the boy and taller girl walked away, talking about what flavors they wanted, leaving the blond girl alone in front of Kakashi. "My name is Umi. I'm sorry for any problems that Chiyoko and Koda caused." She bowed and Moshi's bottom-half rested on the sidewalk. "Sorry kitty." She said, shocked when the cat mewed from the uncomfortable position.

"So… How do you know Iruka?" Kakashi asked as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. The girl skipped into the house with her cat, humming a song as she bounced onto the couch.

"He's my teacher." The girl said, smiling at the jounin as he sat in the armchair a few feet away from her. "I'm in…" Her face screwed up in concentration, eyes examining the ceiling like it knew the answer, "Class C on Mondays and in the advanced speed class on Wednesday."

"I just got back from that lesson." Umi shifted her weight into a more proper sitting position, placing the cat on the ground so it could trot into the kitchen. Suddenly her pale eyes fixed on the relaxed jounin, something calculating behind them. She leaned forward and the child transformed from innocent to evil, scheming old woman.

Kakashi tensed under the girl's gaze, feeling like he was being examined like a dead frog on a school biology table. So he ventured a question. "Yes?" Okay, it wasn't the best question, but he was tired from dancing and wanted the kid to leave so he could explore Iruka's house.

The great copy ninja growled when a huge grin spread on Umi's face. Something was up, so he braced himself for the other foot to fall. And he got what he wanted.

"I think you like Iruka-sensei." The child said before scooping up her cat, which had reappeared from the kitchen licking his lips, and skipping out the still open door. "And I don't mean like a friend." She continued when Kakashi opened his mouth to say everyone like the chunin teacher, "I think you 'like' like him."

She then resumed with her leaving of the house, being polite enough to say good-bye and close the door after her. Thus leaving a confused elite jounin in her wake, alone in a darkened house wondering what was happening to him.

"I wanna go." Iruka grumbled, scrunching up his face and lifting his head to glance mournfully at Kakashi's retreating back. The chunin sighed when the other man didn't turn back after a few feet. He lowered his head and allowed himself to become a puddle of limp child, wanting to make this as hard as possible for Kurenai.

The jounin grimaced at the sudden increase in weight but bore it with a smile. "Oh, it won't be that bad, Iruka-cun. I'm sure you'll have so much fun with me, why, you'll forget all about Kakashi!" She pushed open a door and walked into the heat but showed no sign of discomfort, how could she? She had Iruka.

The child, instead of feeling better at these words, seemed to become even sadder. "I want Kakashi-san. Not crazy old lady." He said, not knowing of what dangerous ground he was treading into.

"Are you calling me old?" Kurenai asked, eyebrow twitching as she increased the strength of her grip on the child. Iruka nodded and giggled when he caught sight of her face. She smiled sweetly down at the chunin, "I think you should apologize and be a good little boy."

The pigtailed boy sighed, giving the older woman puppy dog eyes. "I'm sorry, Kurenai-sama. Please don't be angry with me. I'll try to be good in the future." He then inclined his head, trying to bow in the tight hold that she had on him. And so she let down her guard. Which was a big mistake.

The child slipped out of the arms as quickly as he could and began to run in the direction he had seen the gray haired man leave, getting lost in the crowd that was out shopping and other sorts of things. So he did the only thing a child of his age would do. He dropped to the ground; not caring that people were giving him strange looks, and began to bawl at the top of his lungs.

His cries were cut short though when a pair of muscular arms picked him up from behind, meaning that a man, or really buff woman, was carrying him. Hoping against hope, Iruka craned his head to see who it was. It might have been Kakashi returning from somewhere, he didn't have to know, coming to get him back.

A beard was the only thing he saw.

"Eh? What do we have here? A little pipsqueak lost?" A voice asked gruffly, the smell of a cigarette drifting through the air briefly before the walk, which had been interrupted by the small child, carried on. "I think you might be property of Kurenai." A chuckle rolled through the body and Iruka couldn't help but feel safe in the foreign arms. This was person like Kakashi, who had pushed himself through harrowing physical feats many a time and who was, in spite of everything, around to tell the tale.

The child still couldn't tell who it was; he might have squirmed if his inner alarms went off except that somewhere deeply buried, his mind was whispering that he knew this person. So he settled into the individual's chest and sighed moodily at the passing people.

The man paused when a woman walked past, dragging her child off to go shopping for school, beginning to talk again. "So what's your name? I don't want to give you to Kurenai if you ain't the kid she's supposed to watch after. Don't know why the hokage would assign her to a mission this easy." He muttered, his body tensing momentarily and showing the displeasure at another jounin having a seemingly easier task.

"She wants to steal me." Iruka said, leaning deeper into the body when he caught sight of the red-eyed woman out of the corner of his sight. "Don't want to go with her, wanna go back to Kakashi-san. He's nice and doesn't want to eat me like the scary crazy lady."

A soft chuckle made the chest move and the chunin felt and heard the amusement in the next words. "Yeah, she is a little bit like a bitch." The man said, not seeming to care that he had said a curse word in front of a child.

The pigtailed boy nodded and tried to hide his giggle, making fun of Kurenai always made him feel better, "Oh, I forgot." A simple hum from the bearded man proved he was listening, "My name is Umino Iruka. I'm only three years old." The chunin turned child said, stretching up three fingers so his carrier could see.

A longer chuckle followed this time, accompanied with a change in direction away from Kurenai. "Is that so, Iruka? Well, my name's Azuma. I think you might know me from a long time ago, but right now, let's get you away from the scary lady, shall we?" And suddenly they were on the rooftops and running at a casual pace.

"But where are we going, Azuma-san?" Iruka asked; looking up into the beard again when staring at the ground had made him dizzy. "Kakashi-san is busy, he has a mission, and monster girl is going to eat me. And I don't really want to be eaten."

Instead of being taken seriously, like the child was aiming for, this seemed to make Azuma laugh even more. He frowned angrily, he didn't like it when people made fun of him, and so he tried to make the adult understand what he was trying to say, "Well," He bit his lower lip thoughtfully, "would you like to be eaten by a scary monster girl?" A shake of the head was all he saw, never seeing the grin at his expense on the jounin's face. "I thought so."

"I think I'll answer your first question, Iruka." The voice rumbled, making Iruka giggle and poke at the vest-covered chest; wanting it to make more noise. "I'm going to be taking you somewhere the scary lady and monster can never find you. Someplace where they wouldn't think of looking in for a small baby like you."

He hissed and pulled his hand away when a sharp pain jolted through, glaring at the little boy who was pouting at him. "I'm not a baby. I'm a big boy."

"Yeah sure." Azuma said, positioning his hands farther away from the chunin's mouth. He wouldn't make the mistake again, next time it could lead to him dropping Iruka and he knew Kakashi would have his hide.

"It's true. I'm probably more mature than you." Iruka said smuggly, grinning at the incredulous look that the man shot him, which almost cost him his cigarette when his mouth dropped open.

"Are not, I'll always be more mature." Azuma reasoned, not caring that this was the most responsible and mature teacher in the academy. He shoved his cigarette back into his mouth with a free hand, shoving the kid under his arm when he grabbed a flagpole to swing onto another roof.

"Are too." The child argued back, crossing his arms and turning up his nose, which was difficult in the position that he was currently in; legs dangling in back of him as he tried to seem aloof.

"Are not."

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not infinity!"

"Too infinity multiplied by two!"

"Not infinity times eight!"

"Too infinity multiplied by infinity!"

"I hate you."

And so, one of the more mature ninja's of Konohagakure set off on a different mission than the one he was assigned to do this morning. Personally, he was glad for this new diversion. The other mission just seemed a little bit too odd to be an A-class mission.

Who ever heard of a jounin man watering the flowers for the old woman at the end of the street?

To be continued...

End of Chapter Junk:

Ah, so Kurenai legally has custody of Iruka-cun. Because beating Kakashi at a dancing game is like going to a judge…

But then Azuma came to the rescue!

Yeah, Azuma! You saved little Iruka from harm and are moving him somewhere safer!

… Hopefully…

Unless Kurenai catches up and takes what's hers…