Disclaimer

I do not own Naruto. Yes, my disclaimer a little boring this week, no?

Summary

It all began with a harmless joke on an unsuspecting chunin. Nothing bad was supposed to happen, well maybe some horrible diarrhea, but Kakashi was supposed to go scot-free. Instead, he got saddled with the finished problem: One super-cute Iruka chibi who doesn't understand why everyone wants a piece of him.

Author's Notes

First off, this chapter took only a week to write. Not my usual two weeks, since you people complain about it. Second, the reason this chapter is out faster is because I broke my foot, and thus cannot move very far and I am stranded to the downstairs of my house.

Plus, I was working on my other story, which all you lovely people can read a preview of in my profile.

Yeah, I should really work on that…

…

Shut up, stupid brain…

Plastic Ponies

"Ah, who's this, Asuma?" Genma asked, chewing on his toothpick and leaning back in his chair. He lowered the cards he was shuffling momentarily, regarding the small child that was dropped from the larger man's arms and into the chair across from him. "I didn't think you would start a baby-sitting service so late in your life." He said blandly, sticking his tongue out at the boy and turning back to shuffling.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny. Shut up." Asuma grumbled, pulling out a chair next to Iruka and putting his cigarette out in the ashtray to his left. "So, is Raido coming tonight?" He asked after taking the cards and beginning to pass them out into three piles of five, assuming that the other ninja was going to arrive soon.

Genma shrugged, a nonchalant effort from the one who had now lifted his feet to rest on the table. "He'll come if he decides to come. Though I heard that he was getting pulled into a torrid affair." He laughed deviously, tossing his hair back behind his shoulder and making him seem more like a girl, "Of course Raido was always one to stick his nose into things he didn't understand."

"Much like yourself." Asuma retaliated, chuckling at the fake shocked expression on the older man's face. "So if he isn't coming are we just going to play?" He asked, lighting another cigarette after letting the rest of the deck fall onto the folding table surface. "Cause if that's so, I'm going to win every time."

A small cough made both look at the child, who had covered his mouth to remain polite in front of the adults. Iruka stared back, eyes wide and innocent, and a sudden thought came to Genma. "Let the kid play, gods know he probably has more skill at playing cards then you do." He leaned forward and slid the small pile of cards over to the boy, smirking at the confused look on the youngster's face.

"What are we playing?" Iruka asked cautiously, picking up the cards in both hands, squaring them off and fanning them out in front of his eyes. His chocolate eyes widened even more when a few dollars and coins were pushed in front of him for betting, the woven paper folded and worn.

"Not 'Go Fish.'" Genma responded, smiling and looking at his new cards. "Though that would be a nice change… No, the game's poker and we're going to teach you how to play." The child nodded eagerly and Genma couldn't help but warm to the black-haired boy who was sitting across from him. "It's pretty simple…" He began, explaining the rules to the young adolescent and becoming amused at the strained concentration on the child's face.

"So… Who is the kid?" He asked Asuma after a few minutes had passed, snickering at the boy when he tried to imitate his one handed hold on the cards.

Asuma smirked, lighting up another cigarette with his free hand, the other holding his own cards in a bored fashion. "Well, if you must know, that is the favorite teacher of the students in the academy." At the blank look he continued, smacking his hand against his forehead, "Otherwise known as a certain Iruka-sensei." He mouthed around the rolled nicotine, shuffling his cards around in an easier fashion to read.

A quirked eyebrow was all that Genma revealed about his inner thoughts, tossing a coin into the middle of the table. He looked at the child, giving the go-ahead for him to place his own bet into the pile also while Asuma soon followed with the slamming of his money on the growing pile.

"I meet your fifty and raise it to a dollar!" He proclaimed happily, a dollar instead of a coin on top of the other two coins. "Too rich for your blood?"

Genma scoffed and threw in another coin, his mood indifferent and, pun needed, poker face in place. He smiled over at the child, knowing it was Iruka who all the students adored and fought to be in the few classes that he had each day, and nodded when he placed his own coin into the fray. The crestfallen expression on the tan child showed that he had bad cards, he was never that good at controlling his emotions.

Asuma glanced at his cards again, considered his options, and nodded happily. "I call." He said, fanning out his cards in front of him, the beginnings of a royal flush apparent.

Iruka scrunched his nose, "What does that mean?" He asked as he pointed, tilting his head quizzically to the side, too cute for words.

"It means we show all our cards and see who wins." Genma explained, lowering his cards and showing three pairs: fours, nines and kings. "I use nines and kings as my high. Looks like I beat you Asuma." He said, pointing out that the other man had only a pair of fives, paling in comparison to his own cards. "What about you, Iruka?"

"I don't know." He said quietly, placing his cards on the table and revealing three aces, "That's good… Right?" His eyes shone with child-like delight, knowing he did something correct on the first time. He leaned over the surface and pulled the pile towards him, giggling in the high pitch that all children have until second grade.

The dazed look on both jounin's faces was unnoticed by Iruka, who was now putting his money into neat piles. "All done." He said; looking up finally and seeing Genma's expression, Asuma had changed his to indifferent while waiting, "What's wrong? Did I do bad, I'm sorry." He inclined his head forward slightly to try and bow in the chair, still being polite even in this form.

Asuma leaned over to Genma, cupping his hand near his mouth so he could speak freely to the other man, "Don't worry, it's a fluke. Besides, if he beats you all the time, how am I supposed to win your money?" A dry laugh was all that came from the dealer after the comment and a roll of the cigarette, reshuffling the deck.

"Yeah. Nothing to be concerned about. Little kid just has really good luck. Yeah, sure he may be Iruka, but he just has good luck." Genma muttered, glancing over at the humming child who was swinging his feet that were hanging off the chair, before he picked up his cards and peeked at the fairly good hand. "And that luck's going to fail in just a few turns and bets." He smirked lightly.

Six games later and both jounin's were tapped out.

Little Iruka could barely be seen over the pile of cash and change, so he pulled himself up onto the table and just sat on the table, it being easier. "Are we done now?" He asked, the voice sending shivers of anger down the spines of every other person in the room.

"Of course not." Genma said before Asuma could interrupt, "We still have other stuff to bet." With that said he shrugged off his flax vest.

Asuma pushed from the table, "I think I'll leave you two alone. Hey, kid," Iruka looked up from examining the jacket, his small hands opening the compartments and passing back the scrolls to Genma, "Beat this idiot so we can leave." He stood up and walked into the other part of the teachers break room, pouring a cup of coffee a few feet away.

"Okay, Asuma-san." He replied brightly, receiving his cards and trading in two for different ones. "When do you think this game will be over?"

The man being asked growled when Iruka won again, a pair of queens and kings against his bluff of nothing. "When I win." He said, pulling off his pairs of gloves and throwing them onto the table with a grunt. "And that'll be in a few minutes"

A few moments later, actually, more like a few hours…

Genma glared at the child who was sitting atop the pile of clothing and weapons, those that he could lose and be replaced easily, that is.

"Can I go now?" Iruka asked, pouting at Genma and placing down a full house. "Asuma-san said to made this quick and I'm tired. Here." He slid the pile over to the disgruntle man, "You can have it, I just want to leave and see what Asuma-san wants to do." The chunin then jumped off the table and ran over to the jounin teacher, who was sipping at his seventh cup of coffee.

"Yep, let's go." He stooped to pick up the child, ignoring the look from the other man in the room. "I have someone else for you to meet. You'll probably like them." He said, moving out the door and into the fray of children about to leave class for dinner, except for a cry that made him cringe.

"What're you doing with Iruka-sensei?"

The jounin looked around and spotted all the children who were leaving were now stopped and staring at him with wide eyes curiosity. "This isn't Iruka." Asuma tried the old "lie to children" trick; it usually worked but this time they were too sharp for the older man.

"Yes it is." Another child piped up, pointing to emphasize his point, "He showed us one day during class, to prove that…" He faded off, a frown slowly spreading onto his face, obviously not remembering the lessons that were taught to him by the teacher a few days ago before this happened.

A small girl huffed at him and the entire class smiled, "Anything is possible when you're a ninja!" They all chorused, laughing in delight after it was said. Some children moved closer to Asuma, those that were older pulled his arms down so the rest could look at Iruka better.

A teenager, by the looks of him, about to graduate the academy, crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed, "What are you doing with Iruka-sensei? I don't know if he'd appreciate you holding him if he wants to turn back. That would be very unethical, since you're a boy and he's a boy." The teen ignored the large percentage of girls, and some boys, who perked up at the mention of yaoi.

They had backed him into a corner, the little brats had outwitted the jounin just so they could ask this type of question and make him mess up with a stupid answer. Oh, they were good.

"Well… You see…" He paused, fumbling for a good answer and looked down for help from the three year old only to find him missing. He watched as the students quickly surrounded the much smaller child, most of them didn't start training until they were seven and only a few special occurrences, like another certain jounin, ever came in earlier. He trusted the other children to take care of the chunin while he thought up a plausible excuse. "Something happened and…"

An eruption of giggles made Asuma jerk his head to find Iruka, he was suddenly protective of the chunin and now understood how Kakashi felt. Not like that, he just didn't want to see the child get hurt or in trouble. Besides, it would be his hide, he believed, if the other jounin found out he let the child get injured.

"He'll be better in a few days, that's all you need to know." He said, picking up the laughing child back into his arms. The confused look made him feel as if a bolt went through his heart; he was a softie, really, no matter what the other ninja said about his gruff attitude. "Now you kids make sure you're good to your substitute." The children cheered in unison and left Asuma, dinner was much more appetizing anyway.

"Now, let's get going. Genma's sure to crack under Kurenai when she arrives, so we better be far away so she can't find you." The bearded man said, moving towards the open front door and shifting Iruka around so he was, again, hanging from the arm like a sack of flour. "I think I'll take you to another one of my favorite places.

"It's very nice. All the girls are sure to love you. Besides, I have some business there." He winked and set off on the sidewalk, ignoring the cries of protest from the smaller chunin.

Kakashi clapped his hands a few minutes after the child had left; his head back on straight from the little girl's comment and ready to explore the house of one Umino Iruka.

He stood and walked into the kitchen, wanting to see what had drawn the cat into that particular part of the house when there was so much more to explore. A tidy area, lined with tiles, was what came into view and the jounin smiled underneath his mask when he spotted a sliding door that was open partially, the rim of a bowl outside on a small patio. "That solves one question." Kakashi said aloud, no one was around to hear him so he might as well indulge in that crazy side of his brain that liked to talk aloud.

Suddenly, his jounin senses went off. The scarecrow turned slowly, his eye widening when he saw the object that set off his most basic instincts. The object of his true desires. The things that he thought of whenever he was free to daydream, which wasn't very often. Okay, maybe not that obsessive but close enough.

Donuts.

Not just any donuts. No. That would never satisfy the ninja's primal urges. They had to be glazed so much that they were swimming in their own juices. Sure it sounded disgusting but it tasted like a piece of heaven. He sighed happily and moved to the donuts in a trance, intent on eating the pastries and halting their seductive siren song directed at him.

He paused, eyebrow curving in confusion at the small piece of paper folded on top of the cardboard box. He lifted it up, wondering why it would even be on a box when he read the message and grinned. "Touch these donuts and die." Was written in the chunin's familiar writing, a scribbled skull and crossbones underneath the words.

"Don't mind if I do!" He replied happily, replacing the note after he grabbed a donut. Pulling his mask down, the man chewed thoughtfully as he wandered around the neat area. When the refridgerator came into view, he paused to marvel in the beauty of the future. "This is the thing dreams are made of." He sighed happily, opening the door, wondering what joys lay on the other side.

Kakashi paused, marveling in the glory that was Iruka's fridge. His 'like' likeness for the chunin had gone up a couple more notches.

At that thought the jounin slammed the door closed, backing off into the living room. "I didn't just think 'like' likeness." He said shaking his head and walking over to a bookshelf, where many of the books were either teacher related or boring textbooks. He thumbed through a book about microorganisms, the hard covered volume probably weighing more than five pounds in his hand.

"Besides, how could I 'like' like," He stopped, snorting through his nose and placing the book onto a modest, low wooden table; he had to stop using words that little children gave him. "Someone who, whenever I talked to him, we just argued about stupid things." Before he knew it, Kakashi was storming through the house, opening doors left and right as if he was urgently searching for something, which he didn't know himself.

The ninja's actions came to an end when he stumbled upon the chunin's room, halfway clean since the man in question probably was going to clean it when he got back from his morning walk. 'Which I helpfully destroyed and turned into a week long adventure.' He thought, stepping over a blanket that was rumpled on the floor.

He landed with a muffled 'oof' on the other man's bed, all trained grace gone as he looked at the nearby end table and spotted a few framed pictures. Kakashi's head perked at noticing the photographs, it was always better to know the person who's house you were exploring, right? Besides, the chunin was still a mystery to him.

Rolling onto his back, he held the photo in the air, allowing the light from the nearby window to hit it. He hummed as he looked it over, not yet seeing Iruka and wondering what this was a picture of.

A group of ninjas were standing in a small cluster, not in the middle, as was customary, but more to the right side of the photo. Huge smiles were on their faces as the picture was taken. Some were splattered with blood and mud, possibly coming home from a returning mission, while others looked as it they just ran out of the house for the picture. They all looked pleased with themselves at being ninja who put their lives on the line so they could protect the village they lived in.

It was probably just a graduating class photo, the academy took one every few years. Kakashi knew of those, every five years he was grouped with men who were almost ten years older than him just so they could take the one photograph.

Sighing, and disappointed at finding nothing new except that maybe Iruka couldn't take picture straight, he was about to set it down and grab another picture when something in the photo grabbed his attention.

In the background, a tall man was spinning a child around in his arms. Captured innocence in a village of killers was very rare so that must have been why the person who took the picture seemed to be drawn to the motion, centering in on them instead of the men and woman. The man was laughing, holding the child as he spun, feet braced on the ground in case he had to rescue the youngster if he fell.

He was in full ninja attire, but unlike the ones in the photo, he seemed happy to be back with his offspring instead of fighting. This was evident by the happiness on his face, and the child's. The scarecrow felt that this man was only fighting so he could protect those that he loved, the village coming second every time in his book.

Kakashi's eyes widened when he looked closer, vaguely recognizing the smaller person in the photo. "It has to be a student or someone who I just saw." He muttered while bringing his face closer to the picture, "Maybe one of the kids who attacked me."

Then it struck him. Why would Iruka keep a picture of an unknown child next to his bed? Why not in the living room or somewhere else? The puzzle was solved, at least for this photo. The giggling child being swung around by his father was none other than the, now the same age as in the photograph, chunin.

The jounin placed the photograph carefully back onto the table, he knew how valuable pictures were to ninja, picking up another one that was more recent. He knew when this one was taken, a few weeks ago. It was the annual water day of Konohagakure, celebrating the creation of their allies, village of mists, and every child waited patiently for this date. He, unfortunately, was not able to go since he had a S-rank mission.

Not that he wanted to run around with little children in their swimsuits, being chased by other people in their bathing suits. Last time he went all of the women had chased him around; trying to get him wet enough to take off his mask. To tell the truth, it was a very traumatic experience for the jounin.

A familiar face grinned back at him, accompanied by a newer one. Naruto was caught in the act of laughing with the photographer, pointing at the other person, while in his swimsuit. He was holding a hose, the nozzle dripping from having just been turned off, and looked as if he was having the time of his life.

The casualty?

Iruka was glaring at his past student, ready to go into lecture mode by the expression on his face. The chunin was wearing a regular swimsuit and was yelling at the top of his lungs at the blond, his appearance caught in the middle of a yell. At least seven children were hanging off him, holding him down so he could get wet, and were all laughing at their funny teacher who just got sprayed.

"Interesting…" Kakashi muttered, switching the photo for the last on the small counter, wondering what could be in the last frame. He shifted his weight on the mattress before looking, his body finally in a comfortable position.

When the picture was above him a piece of paper fell out, landing on the man's nose. Deciding that this might help him understand what the photo was showing, he hadn't looked at it yet, he unfolded it quickly one handed. His eyebrows furrowed while he read it, confused by what it meant.

Ha, ha. Caught you in the act, Iruka. Try to be a little sneakier next time you do the unspeakable of teachers.

Kurenai

Deciding that it was time to look at the picture and see what the woman was talking about, after all she had been a teacher in the academy for a while. So Kakashi decided to see what was so taboo among the teachers of the village, dropping the shred of paper near his head and moved the photo into his view.

The chunin was slumped over on his desk, one hand holding a pen in the air as he slept, the other pillowed under his cheek. The papers surrounded him, a miniature fortress, and the stack in front of him was the only pile that was corrected. His forehead protector had been pulled off, resting on the paperweight that was in the shape of a fat, little kitten.

Shaking his head in disbelief, who would keep a picture of themselves next to the bed? Kakashi placed the picture back on the table and stared up at the ceiling. He sighed and allowed his eyes to close, mind reeling from the strangeness of the chunin.

'If I knew this was going to happen,' He thought, vaguely feeling his mind start to go blank and sleep taking over. 'I would have never changed him in the first place.'

Then, one of the elite jounin of the village hidden in the leaves, fell asleep in a bed foreign to him. Knowing that he was going to leave for an assassination in a few hours.

Another Authors Notes:

Oh no! Is Asuma taking Iruka to see bad people? And how does the jounin know about women? Bad, bad Shikamaru teaching about the pleasures of the flesh!

Kurenai wasn't in the chapter, YEAH! But that doesn't men that she's disappeared off the earth, maybe she's off lurking with Sakura… Boo!

Kakashi sleeping in Iruka's bed! Have you no shame! He has to be in the bed with you for it to work out! Oh those jounin's and their hormones… I tsk at them.