Summary: Sift through the lives of Hogwarts' slightly deranged students with resident Gryffindor dunderhead, Neville Longbottom.
Disclamer: Characters not mine. JK's, I'm just a nobody who abuses her characters.
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Chapter Two…
Harry Potter was bored, very bored. And he was desperately hurt, emotionally. His friends were ignoring him again. Even Ron wasn't there for him. His best friend was currently fawning over Pansy Parkinson.
The pug faced cow, of all people. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Pansy had growned to be quite a piece of work but Harry was in diva mode so even the idea of dear Pansy beating him in looks (even though they were under different categories) made him want to puke. Ron didn't spend that much time with him anymore. Lately, that was life at Hogwarts for Harry.
After Voldemort's demise, everyone had better things to do. Well, except Harry. Hermione went crazy over SPEW, sticking random coloured leaflets on Malfoy's hair. And Ron decided that pink frilly shirts looked good on him.
Seamus concentrated on wearing different coloured fishnet stockings everyday and Dean was trying to brew Verisaterum so that he could test it out on his best mate concerning his new liking for leather. Ravenclaws decided numbers were in and made a new version of the Ravenclaw school robes. It had numbers all over them that would magically glow in the dark.
Malfoy discovered that disecting animals and making potions were more fun than bullying Harry. Albus kept moping about how he could have saved Tom Riddle and that Dobby was his only friend, despite Harry's futile attempts to cajole the old man into giving Gryffindor some extra house points for Harry's bravery so that he could once again, be in the lime light.
Even sweet Ginny Weasely left him. For Zabini. They even started a fan club! The nerve Harry fumed silently. If you looked at the big picture, Harry had been ignoring Ginny for years and had started a fan club of himself a year ago, so that obviously ruled out HPFC (Harry Potter Fan Club), the club Ginny had initially planned. Even the old fart, Snape, had better things to do than pick on Harry. So, here Harry was, sulking and all alone.
He was walking in a deserted hallway when he came across something no student would want to come across. Harry, being Harry, faced it with as much manliness he could muster. He squealed, loudly. In the middle of an abandoned Transfiguration classroom, sat Filch with Mrs Norris.
They were having a candlelit dinner and he was wearing the most awful yellow socks that stood out againts his grey clothes. Mrs. Norris, however, was wearing a grey bow and was nuzzling her master's ear. They were so busy doing whatever they were doing, they didn't even notice Harry standing rigidly ourside the door.
Harry made a wild dash to get a change of 'scenery', sqealing all the way until he tripped. He looked up only to face a great brick wall and as fate had planned, Harry's eye caught the sight of a new leaflet covering a Quidditch poster he had posed for only the day before.
Highly offended, he picked himself up and read the leaflet. The Confession Booth…hmmmm… It's not like I have anything better to do, at least the 'listener' will listen to me… I am, after all, The Great Harry Potter…
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Neville sighed, it was ridiculous. The Confession Booth would never work. It just wasn't fair. Seamus and Malfoy were doing exceptionally well with their latest best seller - Your Hair Is Your Life. Neville, for the life of Merlin, could never guess why Draco's and Seamus's fixation on hair could be so intriguing. Everyone in Hogwarts had purchased a book each and since it was the in thing to do, Neville had one as well.
He sighed again and fingered his rat kebab. Malfoy had taken a great liking to disecting animals and decided to start a new project. There was a small stall that sold sandwiches and kebabs from all sorts of meat. Except rabbit of course. No one quite figured out why. The food was quite good actually, if you ignored what the food was made of. Neville took a bite and sighed for the third time as his teeth sunk into the tender meat of the rat.
The young man smiled as he pondered and thought of his slightly deranged classmates. Hermione with her SPEW, Harry being vain and diva, Ron liking pink, Seamus being gay, Dean in denial, Pansy and Ginny with their fan club, Blaise with his ponytail, and Malfoy obsessing about starting different businesses, often weird ones. But that was the beauty of it all, it was what kept the wizarding world going on.
He finally snapped out of his reverie when he heard someone sniffing. He was ready to leave the booth and help the person when suddenly, said person plopped himself down next to him in the adjoining booth. Neville quickly spelled his voice to disguise it.
"Here to confess?" he asked in his new gruff and deep voice. Sniff. "Yes, actually," came the muffled reply. Neville immediately recognized the voice. Harry, crying. This was bad, very bad. When Harry cried, it meant he expected the world to revolve around him. When Harry cried that way, Diva Harry would make an appearence.
Harry the Hero he could bear, he did, after all, save lives. Sweet Harry meant getting presents and cakes. Supportive Harry was a great friend. Fun Harry was brilliant. Baby Harry just needed a cuddle and a hug. Daring Harry involved painting blonde hair blue and Malfoy's wrath. Nasty Harry snapped a lot. Evil Harry would calm down if you gave him a few spiders, his wand with a eerie green glow at the tip and an empty dungeon.
Diva Harry was a mix of sulky Harry, annoying Harry, attention-seeking Harry, cry baby Harry, Lick-My-Feet Harry, Superior Harry, snappy Harry and Limelight Harry.
Diva Harry was not pleasant.
"Erm… please, don't cry. What is it that's upsetting you so much?" He braced himself for a long description of Harry's pitiful life story. And was not dissapointed.
"Ever since I was a child, people took advantage of me and now that I killed Riddle's sorry and moldy bum, everyone forgets me," then there was a dramatic shudder and a deep intake of breath.
"How can they do this to me? They're mean, heartless and ungrateful beings, they don't care that I'm in pain and that I sacrificed so much. I had to give up my beauty sleep when I sneaked around school for clues. It was horrible, I had lines on my face the next day," another shudder and a more subdued whimper.
"Uh huh….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," Harry kept on ranting and didn't seem to realize when the 'listener' nodded off.
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Neville was in dreamland with pink fluffy clouds and lollipop trees when he was rudely awaken by a war cry. He sat up abruptly, and turned to face Harry who was still sobbing his life story out. "……And it was so terrifying, I didn't have time to brush my hair before facing…… ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Harry squealed.
A thud and a 'ooofff ' was all Harry could remember before his vision blackened.
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A/N : Cliffhanger! Sorry if you guyz no likey Diva Harry but I thought since it IS his book series, I'd let him have the opening of the story. Read & Review and thanx a lot to those who reviewed for chappie one.
Methinks that you guyz might want to hang me for the late updates. My greatest aplogies, please don't kill me! Oh and I always read my delightful readers' reviews and I'm hungry for more. Muaxxiez – Aly.