---Chapter One---The Great Baka Tree---
"Hey... Zelda..."
"Z..z..z..."
"HEY!"
Zelda groaned and sat up, rubbing her half-opened eyes with a yawn. Something was buzzing by her head; a small, blue glowing-thing with wings. Having just woken up, Zelda was a little grouchy and so swatted at the fairy which had interupted her peaceful sleep. "Go away you stupid fly! Shoo!" She waved her hand at it and succeeded in hitting her target. The little thing made a funny noise that sounded somewhat like an "Eeeek!" and flew away, far off into the distance until it was out of sight. Zelda felt a little guilty about hitting it, now that she was more fully awake, but told herself that the fairy shouldn't have yelled in her ear in the first place. She wondered how it knew her name.
Then she wondered why a fairy was even there. (Or was there, before she scared it off.) Ganendorf's evil fortress was not a place fairies usually hung out at. No, they were mostly found in bottles, magical caves, fountains, or...
An enchanted forest.
Which is exactly where Zelda found herself now. A bright, lively enchanted forest, with birds singing happily in the trees and flowers blooming in any available spot. Not a single stone tower or monster-filled dungeon in sight. She blinked, taking in her new surroundings with a strange mix of confusion and understanding. Confusion because she didn't know how the heck she got here, and understanding because, despite the confusion, it somehow felt right. Like she was supposed to be here. But that didn't make any sense. She was supposed to be in an evil fortress, not an enchanted forest. Or was she? Part of her was saying something wasn't right here, and the other part was insisting that everything was how it should be.
Muddled as she was, what Zelda noticed next was a real shocker:
She was wearing Link's clothes.
Well, not exactly his clothes. For one thing, her outfit was still pink, not green. Plus the boots were longer, going almost up to her knees. And for a second, she thought she wasn't wearing any pants. Fortunately, she discovered that she was indeed wearing pants, or rather shorts, but the pink tunic was so long that it nearly covered them up. Said pink tunic was belted with a red belt, and a white cotton shift was shown to be underneath through the v-neck collar. Her long, golden hair was still long and golden, but pulled back into a messy ponytail. (It was strange, having it pulled back, but she decided she liked having her hair out of her face.) Instead of long, dainty silk gloves, she wore brown-leather, fingerless gloves. And, she realized with sudden glee, there was a cute, pointy hat securely placed ontop her head. Just like Link's. So anyways, it wasn't actually his clothes but it was certainly in his style. Just pink and more femmine. Along with this outfit was burlap pouch and a simple, unsheathed sword hanging from her belt. There was also a wooden bow and two dozen or so arrows slung over her back.
"Okaaay, this is different." She said to herself. It took a few minutes for all of it to sink in. Zelda couldn't, not for the life of her, figure out what had happend. She vaguely recalled wanting things to change, but this was not exactly what she had in mind. She stood there, pondering.
What to do? What to do? She thought.
Whoa duh, the sure-of-this part of her answered, The forest spirit!
Oh yeah, she nodded, I have to go and meet the forest spirit to ask where that treasure is. But wait...how did I...? No, this isn't right.
No, this is right, the other part of her said, I need that treasure to save Hyrule and Prince Link from cluthces of the malevolent Ganendorf.
She frowned. Wha...Prince Link! But I'm the princess of Hyrule! Aren't I? Or...no, maybe not. Because I'm the one who has to rescue Prince Link and protect Hyrule from evil. Yeah, that's right. Wait, no it isn't. But then again, it is. Alright something's way off here...
Rather than stand there and mentally argue with herself, Zelda finally decided to go and see this forest spirit. She could think of nothing else to do right now. So far, the only thing she could tell from all this was that something had happend to her, happend to her very world, and things had switched. Link was the prince of Hyrule now, and apparently Zelda was the hero. Part of her knew this wasn't the normal way things were but the other half of her wouldn't believe anything else. "Great, now I'm schizophrenic." She muttered, heading off into the heart of the forest. "But I got what I wanted, didn't I? S'pose I might as well enjoy it..."
-----
"Ah, Zelda, you have finally arrived. So good to meet you, at last."
She wasn't sure which was more unnerving; the fact that she was looking at a gaint, talking tree complete with eyes, mouth, and nose, or the fact that everything in this freaky forest already knew her name. After taking a deep breath, she assured herself that neither of the two were really that uncommon, not now that she was in Link's role.
"I'm sorry," She said to the forest spirit, "But which one are you again? The Deku Tree, the Maku Tree...?"
"I am the Great Baka Tree!" boomed the spirit. Zelda couldn't stop the smirk spreading on her face. "Yes, I know, it is a lovely name, isn't it?" He said with pride.
"Very lovely." Zelda agreed with a grin.
"Right then, back to business, eh? You come to seek the legendary treasure, do you not?"
It wasn't as strange as she thought it be, having a conversation with a tree. Although she couldn't look directly at him while he talked. It was just too weird, seeing those wooden eyes watch her and that hollow hole move up and down as he spoke. She gazed at his leaf-covered branches instead.
"Yes. The treasure will help with my struggle to save the kingdom." Even though I don't have a clue on what it is. "I was told that you would be able to tell me where to find it." I was? "So, please Great Baka Tree, if there's anything you know..."
"Of course, of course, " the old tree said, "I would to love to help you out, Hero Zelda. But there is something keeping me busy at the moment, and I will not be able to aid you in your quest until it's taken care of. I'm afraid it might be some time too, unless...unless, if it isn't too much to ask, you could do a little something for me?"
Should have seen that one coming. "Uh, sure. What is it that you need me to do?"
"Well, there are these foul creatures plotting against me." He told her, obiviously relieved that she so easily agreed to help him. "They want to kill me, they do, and being a tree, there isn't much I can do to stop them. So, you see, I need you..."
"To take them down." Zelda finished. "Sure thing, Baka Tree. Shouldn't be too hard." Her reasoning for this was: Link does it all the time. So no problem, right? Just battle off some monsters. A deranged weed-creature of some type, or perhaps a couple of gaint termites...
----
"Goblin lumberjacks? I have to save the forest spirit from a band of goblin lumberjacks? This has to be a joke. Goblin lumberjacks. Oh my Din, he has to be kidding me!"
Her first heroic battle was supposed to be against something a little more...challenging. Zelda wasn't hoping for a man-eating dragon or anything on that level, but surely there was something more serious for her to fight than a bunch of short, green guys who's job it was to cut down trees.
But to an enchanted tree, with the highly possible risk of being one of those trees they cut down (since enchanted wood made better bridges and buildings than normal, unenchanted wood did), lumberjacks were serious. Zelda tried to put it in that perspective and it worked. The Great Baka Tree is in trouble and needs help, she thought, so it's all up to me to save him! I can't let him down! It felt good, to have the chance to save someone for once. It also brought along a lot of pessure. Zelda couldn't fail, or that poor enchanted tree would lose his life and it would be all her fault. And, if the tree was cut down, who would tell her where the legendary treasure was? "Not that that's more important." She claimed.
Upon coming to a big, square-shaped boulder, Zelda veered off to the left, just as the Great Baka Tree had instructed. "And the goblin camp should just up ahead." She recited, already searching the surrounding forest for any sign of them. Nothing. She walked farther along, then searched again. Still nothing. She paused and scratched her head, wondering if she went on too far and passed them up. But no, this was the area the Baka Tree had said, with 101 percentconfidence, that the goblin lumberjacks' camp would be. So why didn't she see any goblin lumberjacks?
"Yoo-hoo! Goblins?" She called, looking in bushes and up trees. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" She flipped over a rock. No goblins. She sighed and got up, shaking her head in dismay. "Maybe it was joke afterall. Maybe I'm being Punk'd or- AHH!" Zelda yelped and stumbled backwards, a flying hatchet just barely missing her head by sheer centimeters. Pulling her sword out, she turned around quickly to see who threw the would-be instrument of death. (Or instrument of severe-head-cut-that-would-require-stitches.)
And it was none other than a goblin lumberjack, looking very miffed, even while wearing a plaid shirt and over-all jeans. He had another hatchet in his hands, only this one was big enough to be considered an axe, and the little green guy waved it angerily. "YO SHOODA EEKZELAGIFH!" He cried, and instantly more goblin lumberjacks appeared behind him, all dress in a similar fashion and weilding an ax and/or saw. Zelda gulped. There were a lot of armed goblin lumberjacks giving her the evil eye.
"Jerr mami googlewoogle, balbberbas?" inquired the one who threw the hatchet at her, who was apparently the leader. Luckily for Zelda, she was quite fluent in Goblin. (Who'd a thought those foreign language classes would actually pay off?) He had asked what she thought she was doing here.
"I am here to see you." She replied, not bothering to speak in Goblin since it is common knowledge that goblins automatically self-translate other languages as soon as they hear them. "I've been told that you are plotting to chop down the Great Baka Tree."
"Flippty-flop jerr gi."(You were told true.) said the leader. "Hiccup jarr moolu?" (But what's it to ya?)
"Well, enchanted trees have feelings too, you know." She said, "Chopping them down probably hurts a lot. Definitely hurts a lot, I wager, since it kills them!"
The leader snorted. "Glibordarwezssailafhlenniknodergnoezejuequolenav?" (So?)
"So? So it's murder!" Zelda cried, upset that these creatures didn't even care if they killed someone. Tree or no, it was an outrage. "I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to stop you, one way or another. Surrender now and I shall spare you."
"Blah blee fegoner!" (Yeah right!) The gobins clamored,"Fee fie foe, pookey-cookie." (Bring it on, girlfiriend!)
The goblin lumberjacks rushed at Zelda. She lifted her sword and swung it towards the nearest goblin. She was sloppy with it, never having used a sword before, but she got him. Only, something went wrong. There wasn't any blood and the goblin showed no signs of pain. In fact, the litlle booger laughed at her.
She jumped back and quickly examined the sword. No wonder it didn't cut; the blade was very dull. That explained why it wasn't in a sheath. It probably wouldn't cut grass, let alone a globin. "Stupid piece of junk! What now?" The goblins were advancing, menacingly brandishing their axes and/or saws. "Okay, if I can't use the sword to cut, maybe I can use it for something else." With that, she leaped forward, raised the sword, and forcefully brought down the flat-side of the blade onto an enemy's head. There was a satisfying 'CRACK', and Zelda wondered she shattered the goblin's skull.
While in actuallity, the goblin's skull shattered her sword. He had bad headache now, but was otherwise unharmed. Zelda's shoulders slumped and she tossed the remaining hilt to the side. But she didn't falter; she reached down to her into her pouch and pulled out the first thing she grabbed: a boomerang. Without even thinking, she hurriedly threw the boomerang towards her foes. She did it right, she saw with swelling pride (since that was the first time she used a boomerang too). It whizzed straight to them.
And then it whizzed straight on by, right over their heads. Zelda may have thrown it correctly, but she failed to remember that the goblins were more than half a size shorter than she. They didn't even need to duck.
And then the boomerang whizzed over their heads again and flew right into Zelda's.
The goblin lumberjacks burst into fits of laughter at her sad attempts to fight them off. On and on they laughed, Zelda's face burning red all the while. "Ki qeetle nanref bwah-ha hansh!" One of them declared. That really ticked Zelda off and laughing at her was enough in the first place. She whipped out the bow and arrows, remembering that they were there, and strung it faster than you could blink. She aimed it right in between the closest goblin's eyes. "Oh yeah? Can your grandma shoot better than me as well?" She asked, her tone unsually deadly. Swords and boomerangs were new to her, but bows and arrows were not. She knew how to shoot them and she was good at it.
Most of the goblins had stopped laughing by now, all except for one who didn't seem to think she was serious. He laughed and shook his big goblin butt at her, going "Nah-nahha-nah-nah!" and chuckling. There was a brief twang of the bow, and suddenly the goblin wasn't laughing anymore. His bulgey black eyes widened with horror when he realized their was an arrow sticking in his up-until-reccently-shaking tuchas. Another one shot by and knocked the trucker's cap right off his head.
"There are plenty more arrows to go around." She warned them as that one particular goblin ran off into the woods, clutching his bottom and crying. "And don't think just because there's many of you that I can't lodge an arrow into each of your hearts before you can even make a move." They didn't risk doubting her. Each goblin dropped his weapon and raised their hands in a sign of surrender. The leader goblin stepped forward.
"Jerr uou seppo vabocho," (You may be an unexperinced fighter,) he said carefully, "Otte wertyuio asdfg zexcven et glippapoop. Kekelaisbilns. Yon le-lala!" (But you have peserverance and fortitude. And you're a good shot with that bow. We'll give up.)
"Good. And you'll also leave the Great Baka Tree alone?" It was more of an order than a question.
"Foo! Foo! Ceul dedaite tu-tus muchon!" (Yes! Yes! Just lower your bow already!)
"Do I have your word?" She asked, just to make sure. Who could say if they were lying or not? Goblins were infamous lairs.
"Yon cha-cha-cha mest golop!" (We swear by your boots!)
"Excellent." Finally, it was over. When a goblin swears by one's footwear, they will never break that vow. Zelda lowered her bow and smiled. Now that the goblins lumberjacks had surrendered and the fight was out of her, she was back to her normal self again. "Thank you for your cooperation. I'm glad we could settle this." She bowed her head. "And please tell your friend that I apologise for the arrow in his...behind." And with that, (former) Princess Zelda turned away from the goblins, very nonchalantly, and headed back to the Great Baka Tree with renewed exctiement. She had been victorious in her very first battle fought all by herself, and now she could find and claim that legendary treasure, defeat Ganendorf, save all of Hyrule, go on a great adventure, and rescue Prince Link. (But not necessarily in that order.) After it was all good and done, she could think about trying to change things back to their proper order.
If she was able to. It was possible that Zelda could not do anything about it. It was even more possible that she might end up not wanting to do anything about it...
-Chapter One Fin-
A/N: Just imagine Zelda wearing a pink Link outfit. Now let's visulize Link wearing a dress. (Just kidding!)
I know some of that was really out there, but do not fret, for all will be explained whenever this story comes to an end. But for now, just gritt your teeth and bear with it. Or maybe you liked it? (I hope so!) This wasalso my first attempt at a fight scene. If that's what you wanna call it...
About the Great Baka Tree: Although it's irrelevent to the games, I just had to use Baka for the forest spirit's name. It's Japanese for 'stupid'. So literally, he was being called the 'Great Stupid Tree'. My idea of a joke, eh heh.
I'm a liar. All that stuff 'bout the goblin lumberjacks was completely made up. Obviously. So if any of my readers are goblins, and this has offended you and your culture, please forgive me!
Now, bring on the flames! -cough- Chapter Two should be up soon, next weekend at the latest.