---Chapter Three---I'm With Stupid---

A six-foot tall yet very heavy set pig-man, complete with a snout and curly tail, was exiting the town, a crude club swinging from his rope-belt and five large paper brown bags full of groceries in his grubby arms, humming rather cheerfully as he went. Now there's something you don't see every day.

Heck, you probably don't see that any day.

But you aren't Zelda. She did see him. (It would be impossible not to, considering that he was wide enough to block out the entire view directly in front of her.) So naturally, she followed him. Pig-men aren't exactly common in populated towns, especially those right next to sparkling, clean rivers like Jehn, threatning good hygiene. And all the townsfolk were clearly avoiding him, quickly dispersing when he came near, as if he carried a plague. (Which he didn't, but he did carry a really bad stench that was equally as fatal.) With his out-of-place-ness and the reaction he recieved from others, he had to be one of Ganendorf's. Everything about him just screamed "henchman".

The pig-man left the town, much to its relief, and took the dirt road beyond it. Zelda was right on his heels. She pulled out her sword and very quietly snuck up behind him. Or she tried to, but very quietly sneaking was a slow process and he kept getting too far ahead of her. So she gave it up all together and just dashed right up to him, being as noisey as she needed to. Pig-man heard her of course, and would have turned around to face her if it hadn't been for that sharp tip of her sword that was currently on the back of his neck. It was just barely touching, not drawing blood but threatning to do so if he made the wrong move. With a gulp, Pig-man dropped his groceries and threw his arms up in surrender.

"Please don't hurt me!" He cried. Zelda lowered her sword and allowed him to face her. He looked around, puzzled. "Ey, uh, where'd he go?"

Zelda blinked. "Who?"

"That guy," said the Pig-man, "Who was just poking me with a sword."

"Right here!" Zelda waved the sword at her side. "That was me."

"But...you're uh, just a little girly." He looked around again, not convienced. Yet there was no one else on or near by the road. Just him and the little girly with the sword. He scratched his lumpy head, going "Hmmm..." and "Huuh, thinking it over until Zelda rolled her eyes and unmercily stomped on his foot.

"YEOWW!" In a very cliche manner, he grabbed his injured foot and hopped up and down on the other one. Then he realized that wasn't helping, so he stopped, and glared down at Zelda instead.

"Whatcha do that fer?" He demanded.

"So you're one of Ganendorf's lackeys, huh?" She said cooly in response, ingoring his question. The pig-man snorted, an actual pig-snort by the way, and leered at her.
"What makes you think that, girly?"

"Well, you're part pig, obviously strong but not smart, and you're wearing a T-shirt that says 'I WORK FOR GANENDORF' on it."

Pig-man stopped pretending to be tough and sighed, defeated. "Yeah, you're right...whaddaya want from me?"

"Information, please. I need to know where Ganendorf's Gate Keys are, if it's not too much trouble." And to subtly remind him that it wouldn't be too much trouble, she lifted the Master Sword up, very near his snout, and pretended to check her hair in the blade's reflection. He took a step back and nodded vigorously.

"The Gate Keys...yeah, okay, no problemeo. See, there's four of dem," he held up three fingers to show her, "And the Bossman orignally had dem all with him, all the time. But then, the prince, when he was captured, he did this magic-thingy and scattered dem across Hyrule. I dunno why he did, but the Bossman wasn't very happy 'bout it, no siree."

So Ganendorf didn't have the Keys. Zelda suspected as much, but she had thought the idiot might have purposely let her get them, so he could battle her when she made it to his fortress. Which, in that case, he could have just open the Gate for her. But if what the henchman was saying was true, Ganendorf didn't mean to lose his Keys. Link scattered them, doing his small part to help Zelda.

"It's said that there's a Key in the North, East, South, and West in the kingdom, and that at least two of dem have been found by, uh, outside minons of the Bossman, who are a'guarding dem for him, see? They won't give dem up without 'o fight. And, uh, that's all I got, girly." He concluded.

Zelda digested all this thoughtfully. A Gate Key in each direction. She was already far up north, so one of them had to be near by. Wondering if it was in the possesion of one of the minons, she asked the Pig-man, "Do you know if any fiends in Ganendorf's employ dwell around here, possibly?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Well, what does "employ" mean?" he asked, making little air quotations with his fingers around employ as he said it.

"Someone who works for him."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, there's that witch lady who lives by the lake," he furrowed his brow as if he was deep in thought, "She works for the Bossman, but I wouldn't reccomend a'going there 'cause, uh, she's not too nice, see? Turn you into a frog or something."

"I think I can handle it, but thank you for your concern," Zelda replied. She found it strange how the Pig-man acted. Stupid, naturally, yet lacking the crude meaness most henchmen display. He answered her questions without much reluctance as well, which was quite uncommon for his type. Maybe because of this, or maybe because of her upbringing, Zelda's good manners kicked in and she bent over to pick up Pig-man's dropped groceries.

"Ey, you don't hafta do that, I'll get dem," he kindly protested as she stuffed various foods, drinks, and other necessities back into the five paper brown bags.

"No, no, I got it. It's my fualt you dropped them." Once she had everything put back in place nice and neatly, with the cold foods in one bag and the bread and eggs securely placed ontop the less fragile things, she managed to ask him why he was carrying groceries in the first place.

"Well, I'm in charge of restocking the fort. But I'm not too good at raiding villages, see? Lot easier to just go and buy supplies from the market. Don't take much effort and isn't as painful. But, uh, you won't tell anyone, will you girly? Not good for my reputation, know what I mean?"

After assuring him that none would ever be the wiser, they went their separate ways, Zelda heading to the Witch's House and Pig-man off to where ever he was going, most likely the Fortress. Zelda unfortunately forgot to tell the Pig-man that he would have more to worry about than his reputation if his Bossman found out that he readily supplied information to their enemy. This was also unfortunate for her too, because if the henchman mentioned his encounter with a pink-garbed hero, Ganendorf would know where was she at and what she was up to. Realizing this too late, Zelda could only pray that Pig-man's peanut-sized brain would keep up the good work of not thinking and continue on her way.

A/N: Wowie, it's been a while since I last updated the story! But now I'm on Christmas Break, so I got some free time. I guess you could call this chapter a filler, since it was so short and all. But the next chapter should be up sometime this week. Maybe. If I stop being lazy for a while and actually get something done. -grin-

Since there's not too many and I have some extra time, I decided to responded to some of the reviews! Yay!

Twisted Mackeral: Thank you. Yes, bloody gore isn't really my thing, (I just can't stomach it) but there will be at least one or two other fight scenes, hopefully better than the first one.

Bridsta05: I'm glad you like my story, but please, no plugs.

Paige Fox: Link might look good in a dress. xD I say weird stuff too...

Lizai, Magic, IkibanMythic: Pwhee, I'm flattered! Thankies!

Ri2: Yeah, big inflation problem. That's why everything is so ridiculously high-priced in Hyrule. :)

Oh hey, what's this? A preview for chapter four? No kidding!

Chapter Four---Evil Wears Yellow---PREVIEW!

What would Link do?

Zelda was asking herself this a lot lately. She was even thinking of getting 'WWLD?' put on a bracelet, make it her new motto. But seriously, what would Link do? Would he storm the building, battle the evil witch, and claim the Gate Key in his victory? Would he wait until nightfall, sneak in from the roof, and steal it right from under the witch's nose? Would he go up to the front door, knock politely, and just straight-out ask the witch for it, like Zelda was doing now because she couldn't think of anything else?

Probably not that last one. She made a note to ask him later.