Previously…
Not five seconds later he has the Rolling Stones blaring from his stereo, I give him a questioning look.
"I believe in being prepared, I am like a Boy Scout that way…"
"That wasn't fair! You cheated, you were wearing underwear! What woman wears panties and a bra under that kind of dress! And not even a thong, you disappoint me Cameron!"
I laugh reaching for the volume control as I arrange the t-shirt, "Sorry…just can't get no satisfaction can ya? What do you say we get me out of here so we can avoid the awkward questions?"
I sit on the edge of his desk. His face becomes quite serious as he lounges in his chair.
"Are you going back to Boston?"
I sigh, "Yes, I am."
His eyes loose any softening that they had had and go immediately unyielding. His hands tense on his chair, he says nothing.
"My plane leaves at ten tonight…I figure it will take me at least two weeks to get packed up, resign my position, find someone to take over my lease and then I will have to find a job and an apartment here…it will be hectic but I should be fully moved within a month, if it all runs smoothly that is," I give a long exaggerated sigh.
He still remains silent but reaches for my hand. He tugs me to him. I stand in front of him, between his legs.
"You have a job waiting for you here. The pay is lousy, and the boss is mostly a tyrant and the benefits would be all but non existent…" he smiles slyly for a moment, "And you have a home. It's not huge, in a questionable neighborhood, and the next door neighbors…well don't get me started on them," he picks up a key from the desk placing it in the hand he holds.
I tremble, this is a huge, mammoth step for him to make. That thought hadn't even entered my mind for a second, no way would I had even entertained that idea…Living together after one night? But last night wasn't typical or like anything I could have fathomed. Our friendship continued like I had never left, time somehow had kept us just as were and yet found us changed. Does that give us enough to base a step this big on? I think that maybe we wasted so much time before that time no longer has the romance it once did…but living together? Are we really read for that?
I could tell him how much this offer means, I could confess my love for him and all my emotion—but that wouldn't be real. Not that I don't feel it but that isn't how this relationship is going to work. I would do those things with Chase, but I can't with House. That is just one of many things that make him and what will make this relationship so different. He knows how I feel I've made a habit of telling him exactly that almost from the get go; he doesn't need me constantly clarifying it. Our love itself has its own validity and that feels good.
"I'll take it, but my roommate should know I can be a bit of slob on occasion and I have insatiable cravings in the middle of the night for Rocky Road ice cream…oh and I leave nylons on the shower curtain rod…and I take up a lot of closet space," I tease lowering myself to straddle him.
"Hmm, well the nylon thing could be a deal breaker. The closet thing however isn't at all a problem because I mostly just wear the cleanest thing I can find on the floor which I think also negates the slob issue. As for the cravings, I suffer from my own which have a lot to do with sex…sex…and sex and they can hit anytime…okay all the time it's a craving with about as much urgency and frequency as say—breathing. So if we can indulge each other on these things we should get along famously."
I hit him, "Oh I see, you want me just for the sex…your personal toy…I like it," I grin leaning in, wetting my lips as I draw closer to his mouth, "You know House.." I kiss each corner slowly, barely touching.
"I know everything…" he says a bit gravelly.
"Hmmph, I don't know about everything… Do you know I hate you…?" I tease his mouth with tip of tongue, getting him to engage me. I just about let my tongue enter to explore and taste, but pull back at the last second mischievously.
"You slut, I hate you more," he shifts quickly taking control, the control I happily surrender. I gasp and giggle in the back of my throat as he begins to kiss me deeply, thoroughly.
Our tongues, dance, touch, mate, and caress as we kiss hungrily, his hands cup my hips bringing me tight against him. I press in, moaning against his mouth.
My lungs beg for air, I finally have to push away head spinning from lack of oxygen.
I lay my forehead against his, we are both breathing heavily, "Maybe, but I hated you first…"
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"I'll be done here by…we'll say three, Cuddy might say five but hey I am all about discrepancies," House stands with me at the back service elevators waiting for one to arrive.
We managed to get by everyone fairly safely, I once had to pretend I was patient recovering from brain surgery for a couple who were staring at us…and we had an almost collision with Foreman.
"I'll fix dinner," I enter the arrived elevator.
"You cook?"
"Yeah, you want to make something of it? Don't read anything into it either, I still don't do dishes or windows and don't expect Julia Child…though I make a killer peach cobbler if I do say so myself…"
He licks his lips, "Go, I think I hear nosy gossip mongers masquerading as nurses…and those galling lemming interns. Hurry, I'll dazzle them with my natural charm and wit before they catch your scent."
The doors start to close then at the last minute, House's cane stops them.
"Forgot to tell you…you look good in my shoes."
He winks withdrawing his cane letting the doors close. I look down to his worn spare pair of Nike Shox. They are too big like the rest of my barrowed outfit but in truth, I can't think of a better fit.
I just hope he doesn't try on my heels…
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"Are you sure you want to do this?"
I am sure. I take his hand and we start walking. The rain is light; we don't bother with an umbrella. The grass is so vibrantly green, spring green. Trees are getting their spring buds, and new starts. Spring is all about hope…I think we are finally feeling spring within ourselves.
He squeezes my hand as we step from the path. I look up at him questioningly. He knows the turn, and I know by his sad supportive smile and his ghost haunted eyes that's he's been here before. My tears start.
We walk carefully and come to a tall oak tree. There under the protecting embrace of the out stretched tree limbs sits a marker—a head stone.
"Annabelle Rose Cameron," House reads aloud with no emotion.
"House her name is Annabelle Rose House…" I whisper kneeling to wipe away the grass and dirt from the headstone. I lay a single pink rose down. I trace the engraved lamb and then her name. I wanted that little girl so much…I lost her.
House stands close behind me with a hand on my shoulder.
"I am sorry…so sorry," tears trickle down my cheeks and drip from my chin.
I become so lost in my grief I don't notice House kneeling beside me till he is already there. I turn to him and burry my head against his chest.
"I am so sorry for everything…that I lost her, that I didn't tell you…for the hurt I've caused you…I am sorry for it all…" I whimper.
He holds me awkwardly, resting his chin on the top of my head. He murmurs words I can't understand but know they are words of comfort and of release.
"Our daughter…" he reaches into his pocket pulling out a folded paper.
I don't ask what it is as he lays it next to my rose putting a polished stone on top. I want to, but at the same time I know that if he wants me to know he'll tell me; in his own time and his own way.
"Because I am sorry too…" he kisses my temple.
I close my eyes breathing in a jagged breath.
We might be broken but in these moments, it's bearable.
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Three Years Later
"Dr. Cuddy you've got to come quick!"
"What is the matter I have things to do…"
"It's Dr. House…"
"What happened?"
"Well we weren't sure at first but then we heard the screaming…We finally figured it out when we couldn't find…"
"Would you spit it out? Clear, concise words…I know you can do it…take your time, what is happening?"
"You just better come; you should see for yourself… hurry I don't think we have long."
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I am going to kill him! Dr. Gregory House you're a dead man! What were you thinking? This was so a bad idea…
"As I remember it Cupcake you were more then a willing participant…and if my memory serves me it was you who offered the suggestion of that creative position…that resulted in this…"
"Shut up House!" I scream not realizing that I had been complaining aloud, "It is your fault we're in this elevator…I could have taken the stairs!" I nearly bellow.
"I'm not hard of hearing…yet but if you keep screaming in this tin box, both you and I will be and I would have paid to see you take the stairs."
I glare at him pushing my back against the elevator wall.
"What is going on in there?" Another voice joins the shouting match.
"We're playing hide and seek Cuddy…go away we're not done counting!" Greg hollers pushing my skirt up to my bent knees.
"House…" Cuddy uses the 'tone'.
"Believe me I would rather have this baby in an actual hospital room Cuddy…not the hospital elevator, but…" a scream of pain cuts me off, contractions—they're a bitch.
"You're having the baby?" Cuddy bangs on the first floor doors that we have guessed are somewhere close but below us.
"Well since I can almost see the head I can safely say she is not delivering a watermelon…though it is kind of the color of a cantaloupe…"
I see Greg cock his head to the left, then the right with the most bewildered expression on his face.
"House!" both Cuddy and I shriek at him.
"What?" Greg looks at me over the top of my tented legs.
I try to remember my breathing but let's just say you try delivering something the size of a watermelon and the color of cantaloupe from between your legs and see how well you do remembering the hee hee ho, ho. Sweat is beading and sliding down my forehead and the pain is just about enough to make you're the eyes pop out of your head.
"I've got the repair men's' assurance that it shouldn't be too much longer and there are paramedics coming…" Wilson this time, I wish he would take his cheerful, casual tone and choke on it.
"Good…they can deliver this baby…I want it out now!" I pant as the contraction eases.
"What? No paramedic is delivering this baby who do you think I am? A dancing chimpanzee with Lamaze training?"
"No reason to get nasty…you aren't an OBGYN for Pete's sake House…" I grab onto his shoulder getting ready for yet another pain.
"I think I can figure it out, they do actually teach medicine at medical school, and I didn't just get lost looking for the bathroom for seven years so when it came time for graduation I walked out and got handed me an M.D. like everyone else…I do have a clue," he braces me.
"Hang on, almost over…" he soothes.
"Shut up…shut up…you did this…you! Right at this moment, I'll settle for the chimp with a pair of salad tongs! Get it out NOW!"
"Now who is being nasty? You're the one who can't keep her legs closed and you weren't complaining during conception but sure, now you complain when you have pay for the play…"
I catch his grin in the tiny slits of my eyes, "So help me, you better be being a jerk to keep me my mind of this because if you aren't…"
I can't finish my creative curse as a panel from the elevator top opens and two blue uniform clad paramedics enter.
"Dr. House, Dr. House…we're paramedics…"
Oh goody, give them a medal they know who they are! Skip the intro guys and dull out the pain meds!
"Thank you, but we donated at work; if you wouldn't mind we're trying to have a baby here…" Greg pulled down my skirt and gave them a snarled none to friendly smile.
"Let's mark our territory later boys, if you haven't noticed God and I are trying to give life here…"
"You don't believe…"
"Shut up House, you go through this pain and you'll be a believer…nothing else could create this kind of pain and something able to endure it…"
It's time…
"Okay…fine you can assist but remember I am the one delivering this baby got it?"
"It's coming…Greg!" I cry out grabbing out for something to hang on to, anything. I latch onto one of the paramedics' hair as he bends down. Poor man screams louder then I do…
"Okay Allison…get ready…push!"
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"A boy, better hope he doesn't have House's ears," Foreman grins standing next to my hospital bed.
"No, I've got to worry about him having his ears," Greg wags his finger at Wilson with good-natured sarcasm.
"He is beautiful Allison," Cuddy gives a smile to me then glares at Greg, Wilson and Foreman. Everyone but Greg shrugs with 'what?' expressions my husband just grins pleased with himself.
"Hey I helped," Greg nods and Cuddy rolls her eyes.
"Thank you Lisa," I smile looking down at my son. He is beautiful. I am exhausted but just looking at him makes the weariness and everything else in me melt. There is this…this force in me that is so strong I can't breathe when I just look down at him. This tiny, bran new, beautiful baby…Awe is the only word I can think of to describe this feeling in me. Awe, that this tiny one is part of me, grew in me, was born from me. Awe that I can love him so much that I think the sheer force of it could kill me. Awesome, awe inspiring…soul stirring.
"Have you named him yet?" Foreman asks.
"Yes," I start to answer but already the proud Dad, Greg interrupts, "David Gregory."
"David Gregory House, very nice," Wilson approves with a nod.
"It's perfect, he's perfect…you did good Cameron," Foreman says affectionately kissing my cheek and giving another smile to sleeping David.
"She thanks you and I remind you that at the very least its Cameron –hyphen—House, don't forget."
I laugh adoring my husband even more. He's changed so much…He's still the same curmudgeon man he always was but now he's as stubborn and matter a fact about loving me as he is about everything else. He came to realize that I wasn't leaving again; I wasn't going to give up on him so it was okay to love me back. He now acts as nonchalant about kissing me in the hospital as he does about harassing Cuddy or goading Foreman; it's now just a way of life.
He isn't always gentle and sometimes he forgets that I still need assurance from time to time of his love that just because it's known as a fact, I still like hearing it. He is protective and sometimes overly possessive but we straighten it out. We're a balance that can be thrown off if we're not careful. For all his armor, wit and sarcasm he can be surprisingly insecure, but he has nothing to fear I've loved him forever and I know I'll die with that same love burning inside of me.
Slowly one by one Cuddy, Wilson, and Foreman give their congratulations and say goodbye. The room has been gradually filling with flowers, stuffed animals, blue balloons, and a couple pink balloons that were the result of a bad cell phone connection.
"We did it…" I sigh rocking our sleeping baby.
"Yeah…we did," Greg sits on the side of the bed and puts an arm around me.
"I believe that it is time for Daddy to hold his son."
He looks a bit unsure then crinkles his nose, "He's not…he doesn't have a full diaper does he?"
I laugh, he is truly concerned, "Honey, he's barely a few hours old and hasn't had much to fill his diaper with."
"Ha, ha," Greg makes a face at me.
"Come on, he won't break or leak if that is what you are afraid of," I slowly lower David into his waiting arms.
"Hey there big guy…I'm your dad. I actually delivered you…though your mama didn't think I could do it…huh, showed her."
I feel my heart swell even more. I think my son is beautiful and seeing him and his father together makes me quake and wonder what I ever did that I should deserve this much happiness. Love, admiration, and immeasurable gratitude fills me so much I can hardly surface for air.
Greg told me the night I first came back to New Jersey that I, like him was broken, unfixable. It was, is, true to a degree. But now I am healing, truly healing as I believe he is too. The power of a child, innocent, new, complete and whole he is our hope, our healing salve.
We're still broken my husband and I will always be. The hurt that seems to accompany the scars and memories is starting to fade. We'll no longer be shattered.
"I love you," Greg is looking to me now.
"I love you too," my words are little more then a whisper.
The road here was bumpy, so hard and heart breaking. I never thought we'd make it but while the trip was shaky and sometimes the destination couldn't be seen, our aim was always true.
End
AUTHOR'S NOTE: well there it is, my first House story. I know the miscarriage was a bit of a redundant story line but I meant really for the story to revolve around the idea that Cameron and House didn't have to be 'fixed' to be together that it is their brokenness that actually makes them so well suited and a trauma as heartbreaking as losing a baby seemed the best way to facilitate a hurt they could share so I could use it to bring them together.
The Chase element was thrown in there because in spite of myself, I like Chase and Cameron together and it fit with song 'Alison' inspiration. I hope everyone enjoyed and I hope you review! I appreciate it so much! Thanks again for reading! –RaeAnne