John runs through woods. It's dark, and he's alone. Have they got away? Where's his team? Oh God, where's Elizabeth?
A scream tears the air, a gunshot rings out, close, no more than 100 metres away. He skids to a halt, and moves towards the sound. He comes to the edge of a clearing, where three men stand laughing. Laughing over a body.
"Elizabeth!" John jerked up in bed. Sweat was pouring down his face, his sheets were tangled around him.
"Jesus." He fell back in bed, feeling like he had just run a marathon. He looked at his clock. 3 a.m. The last time it had been 1a.m. The time before, only midnight. He wasn't going to get any sleep. He didn't want to sleep. He got up, and walked into the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, he saw a man still covered in dirt. His hair was tangled, more so than even he liked. Most of all, he saw a man afraid to look into his own eyes. He pushed away from the sink, and staggered into the shower. The hot water washed away the dirt, but did nothing to make him feel better. He felt like every muscle in his body was cramping, like he was inside a vice.
3.30. He turned off the shower, and got dressed. Clean clothes now, to replace the ones covered in her blood. He tried to sit and take his mind of her, but everything reminded him of her. He tried to read War and Peace, but stopped when he remembered how she had stood by his bed and picked it up, a small smile on her lips. How she stood. How she walked, and ran. How she was now trapped in a bed, sedated. How when she woke up she would be told she might never walk again. He knew she would seem to take the news well, how she would seem to cope with it. He also knew that she wouldn't seem to blame him. What did that matter? He knew what she would really think. What everyone would think. He was less than 100 metres away, and she had still, she had still
"Stop this shit John, just do something, anything." He left his quarters, and started to walk. After a while, he started to jog, then run, then sprint, until his legs were burning and his head was spinning. He leaned on a wall, then slowly slid down it until he was sitting. He sat there, staring at nothing. Images kept flashing through his mind, images of Elizabeth. The first time he saw her in that outpost in Antarctica. The first time she gave him the eyebrow, just after he had survived that damned insect sucking on his neck. The look in her eyes when he gave her the pot on her birthday, a simple thing that she had loved. The look of fear in her eyes as he shot past her to hit Kolya. The feel of her hand in his as he pulled her to the control room. As she ran to the control room.
He stood, and looked at his watch
"0900? God, I'm late." He sprinted to the nearest transporter, hurried into his room, changed his clothes again and headed towards the control room. By the time he walked in there was no sign he had been awake for 6 hours, and no sign that he felt any worse than everyone else was feeling. His face was tight, but controlled. There was almost no trace left of the haggard man he had seen in the mirror. Almost.
"Major." Peter Grodin, Atlantis' control officer stood waiting for him.
"Morning Peter. I need to talk to the city." Grodin nodded.
"Of course, many have already heard but an official announcement from you would certainly help get rid of the rumours that are flying around. How bad is it?"
John's face cracked slightly, and he leaned in, speaking quietly so that only Grodin would hear him.
"Spinal damage. Carson isn't sure how bad it is, we'll find out later today."
"Spinal damage? But that would mean"
"We don't know what it means yet. When she wakes up…"
"Of course. If we don't know anything for sure I would recommend that you don't mention this, at least not all the details."
John nodded, and Grodin leaned over and pushed a crystal. John took a breath
"Everybody, this is Major Sheppard. I'm sure by now most of you have heard that Dr Weir is in the infirmary. Having seen her last night I can tell you that she is unconscious but stable. Her wounds were…severe, but not life-threatening. She will however be out of action for a while, so I am assuming the role as head of the expedition until she is able to get back to work. It's business as usual people. Get to it." He nodded to Grodin, who deactivated the com system.
"Well Major if you are in command there's a stack of documents in Dr Weir's office that need looking over, and you have a 10 O'clock briefing with Dr Kavanagh and his team on the Ancient waste distribution system."
"Please…tell me you are kidding?"
"Sorry, it's really quite important actually."
John shook his head in surrender
"Fine. I'll be in Dr Weir's office."
John walked out of the control room into her office. Everything around him was hers. If a meeting with Kavanagh didn't kill him then staring at the photos of her family would. He sat down in her chair, and started to read. Maybe if he just focused on the work he could stop thinking about her.
Maybe