Three weeks later, John was sitting in Elizabeth's office reading a report.
"You look bored." He looked up, smiling
"Bored? But the report on the Puddle Jumper's inertial dampeners is so interesting!"
Elizabeth rolled into the room. He knew that Carson had finally agreed to let her go back to work and fortunately there were no stairs between there and the control room. She had finally got the hang of her wheelchair, which he suspected Rodney and Carson had improved slightly. It certainly looked more comfortable than the one he had been stuck in when he broke his leg on M4H 789. He sat back in the chair, stretching.
"So, are you finally ready to take over again so I can go have some fun?" She grinned back at him, a mischievous glint in her eye.
"Oh but if you're finding the reports so interesting I wouldn't mind taking another week off." He rose with a look of horror on his face.
"You wouldn't." She said nothing, but raised one eyebrow, her head tilted slightly to one side. She finally relented after he put on his best hurt expression.
"Well, I guess it has been long enough. Go on, I'll take over." He smiled
"Thanks Liz, have fun. Oh, by the way" he said on his way out "does Mckay know about the chocolate stash in your bottom drawer?"
Half way through the control room he turned back. She was already at her desk checking the drawer. He grinned, and carried on. He had only eaten one kitkat after all. God damn it was good to have Elizabeth back in action. She was almost back to normal, although several times over the last two weeks he had found her staring into space, leaning back in her wheelchair. He winced. He still couldn't quite believe it. She was in a wheelchair, probably would be for the rest of her life. She was dealing with it better than he was, apart from that time in the infirmary John hadn't seen her cry. No one had. Not that he was deliberately asking people, but it was his job to know how she was doing, right?
He wandered into the commissary, grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down. It felt good to finally be able to go back to just being the head of his team. He didn't know how Elizabeth put up with all the crap that came across her desk every day.
"May I join you major?"
"Hi Teyla, yeah feel free." She sat down opposite him.
"We have not seen you for some time. Is everything alright?" He smiled
"Yeah well keeping this city running is surprisingly hard work. Fortunately Elizabeth is now back in charge, so I'm free."
"That is good to hear. How is Dr Weir?"
"She's…great. I mean, she's in a wheelchair but she seems to be dealing with it well."
Teyla looked at him strangely.
"And how are you dealing with it?"
"Excuse me?"
"I noticed that immediately after the…incident you seemed think you were responsible for her injuries." He sighed
"Yeah. Look I know that it's not my fault, that there was nothing I could've done, but at the same time…" She nodded slowly, understanding
"You still feel responsible."
"Yeah. Every time I see her in that damned chair I feel guilty, like it's my fault. Stupid huh." She smiled sympathetically
"Major, I have often noticed that you tend to feel responsible for people around you. This is an important trait in a leader, but you… you should the blame for things which are not your fault."
"Yeah, Carson said the same thing."
"Did you ever consider that you should talk to Dr Weir?" He shook his head
"The thought of telling her… I couldn't face that." She stood, staring straight at him.
"I have seen you face down the Wraith, the Genii. You have risked your life many times to protect me and everyone here. Yet you are too scared to take action to make you happy. This is the first time I have ever thought this of you, but I am disappointed." She turned and walked away, leaving a shocked John sitting alone.
Was she right? Was he so scared to let go of his guilt? Or was he just scared to have Elizabeth blame him for what happened? He sat there silently, thinking. Almost involuntarily his hand drifted up to his radio, and selected the frequency set aside for him and Elizabeth.
"Elizabeth? You busy?" He could almost hear her roll her eyes.
"Well John I'm trying to get through the pile of reports left on my desk, but I'm finding it hard to concentrate without my kitkat!"
"Yeah, sorry about that. At least I didn't tell Mckay."
"How kind of you. Anyway did you just call to say hi or…"
"Actually, I was wondering if you would like to grab a bite to eat, catch up." Was it possible to hear a smile?
"Sure, I'd love to. Just give me half an hour, and I'll see you in the Commissary."
"Great, see you then."
He was still sitting there half an hour later when she arrived. He didn't even notice she was there at first, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts.
"John. Hey John, you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Hey, are you actually hungry?"
"No, not really, why?" He stood
"Mind going somewhere else?" She grinned
"If you're willing to push me around, I'll go anywhere."
He wheeled her out of the Commissary, and into a transporter. They reappeared on the far side of the city. He pushed her along silently, until they arrived at a balcony looking back towards the city.
"Wow. It's beautiful. How did you find this place?" He blushed slightly
"I was running one day, stumbled across it. Always wanted to bring you here." She smiled at him, then her expression shifted, becoming slightly concerned.
"John? What's wrong?" He didn't answer. "You dragged me out here, why?" His eyes were closed, his head tilted towards the sun, and he spoke softly, so quietly she had to lean forwards to hear him.
"It's my fault."
"What?"
"You being paralysed." She was shocked, and then she took his hand as he opened his eyes and turned towards her.
"John, it's not your fault. They hit us the moment we stepped through the gate, took me so fast."
"Yeah, I let them take you."
"They had 3 guns pointed at your chest! There was nothing you could've done."
"I could've got free faster, could've come after you."
"John-"
"I was less than 100 metres behind you when I heard the shot. 100 metres. Ten more seconds earlier and you would've been ok."
"Ok, maybe you're right. But ten seconds later I would've been dead. They broke my arm, and shot me as I tried to run away. It doesn't matter that you couldn't stop them from doing that. All that matters is that you saved my life." He squatted down beside her, never letting go of her hand.
"If that's true, then why do I have the same nightmare every night? Why can't I forget that moment when I saw you on the ground?" His face was a terrifying mask of pain and self-loathing.
"You can't forget because you are a good man. I wish this hadn't happened, but you cannot continue to blame yourself. John, you saved my life. Thank you." She leaned forward in her chair, and slid her arms around him. He returned the hug strongly, feeling his tension and guilt draining away. They pulled apart slowly. He smiled slightly
"How is it that no matter how bad I feel you always manage to make things better?"
She smiled back
"It's my job, remember? Now, how about that bite to eat?" He smiled
"Sure. Thanks Liz." She pulled back slightly, although her hand was still in his
"That reminds me. Since when do you call me Liz?" He laughed
"I guess since that night in the infirmary. Do you mind?"
"No, just don't go doing it in public."
"I promise."
"Now why does that not fill me with confidence?" she asked as he moved behind her and started to push the wheelchair back towards the transporter.
Ok hope you all liked that one, thank for all the reviews. Probably only got one chapter to go, although I might make it two as I'm having so much fun writing this.