Chapter 2: Too close
After the shift everyone was going to the bar, including Evelyn. Sara couldn't miss out on that, although she wished she had later on that night.
Sara sat down on a barstool next to Evelyn, who was enthusiastically talking to Catherine. Catherine was laughing out loud about something Evelyn said, and then Sara noticed it. Catherine's hand was resting on Evelyn's leg. She suddenly felt a strike of jealousy, how in the world? Sara ordered another beer and decided to sit with Nick, Greg and Warrick to try and get her mind of what she had just seen.
From the position she was in, she could see how much fun Catherine and Evelyn seemed to have. Even the jokes from Greg couldn't keep her mind of the scene she was watching. For years she had a crush on Catherine and now this hot girl, who just got here, gets to have fun with her Catherine. Sara was shocked about her own thoughts, her Catherine? Where did that come from?
Greg noticed Sara wasn't really there so he decided to wake her up. "Hey Sara, want another beer? It won't hurt you" he smiled.
Sara looked up at him and gave him a faint smile. "Yeah, thanks" she mumbled. Greg jumped up and said "Let's get wasted!" Warrick laughed out loud at Greg's remark and even Nick had to laugh about it.
"So, what is wrong with you tonight Sara?" Nick asked "I haven't seen you smile all night, we are supposed to have fun in here, you know?" Sara smiled at him saying she was tired. Just in time to save her, Greg came back to the table with another round of beer. Greg's idea of getting wasted didn't sound all to bad.
A couple of beers later, Sara was having fun with the guys and totally forgot about Catherine and Evelyn, until she looked over to the bar and saw the empty barstools where Catherine and Evelyn sat earlier. Suddenly Warrick gasped "Whoa guys check that out" he said pointing at the dance floor.
The second Sara turned around to look, she regretted it. She wished she hadn't looked. Catherine and Evelyn were dancing on the dance floor, but not normally dancing, they were dancing together. Sara felt tears well up in her eyes. She excused herself and went to the bathroom, unnoticed by the other guys, who were too busy with cheering Catherine and Evelyn.
Sara was leaning on the sink, facing herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and teary and she looked horrible. Years of having a crush on the same person, and then this happens she mumbled to herself fuck, fuck, fuck, double fuck. She couldn't help but let her tears flow freely, no one was there anyway. No wonder you are still alone, just look at you.
Suddenly Sara felt a warm hand on her shoulder. The tip of the fingers of that hand touched her skin ever so delicately, it made her shiver, and she felt goose bumps all over her back. She looked in the mirror to see Evelyn standing there, looking at her. She felt Evelyn push her shoulder so she'd face her, but she didn't give in. She didn't want Evelyn to see her like that, hell she didn't want anyone to see her like that. Strong, tough Sara Sidle, that's what they had to see.
"It's ok" Evelyn said with a soft voice. She started gently massaging Sara's shoulder. "Care to tell me what's wrong?"
Sara thought for a second, the spontaneous, talkative Evelyn suddenly sounded very different. Her voice sounded soothing and comforting, it was soft and her touch was gentle. Then she suddenly woke up, what am I thinking? Talking to Evelyn? I don't even know her! Quickly she tried to wipe away the tears, hoping Evelyn hadn't seen them. But who was she kidding?
As if Evelyn had read her mind she said: "It's ok Sara, why talk to me right? You don't even know me."
Sara sighed. She was stunned and didn't know what to do or say.
"It's hard to decide right now isn't it Sara" Evelyn continued with her soft voice "You don't have to say anything though, but let me comfort you, let me help you without talking."
Evelyn tugged on Sara's shoulder again, pulling her into a hug. Sara felt herself relax in Evelyn's strong arms, her smell was intoxicating, and Sara felt safe. Suddenly she pulled back as if she was afraid of being safe and faced Evelyn. She looked into Evelyn's big blue eyes.
Evelyn didn't say anything; she just moved her face closer to Sara's. Sara didn't see it coming and was caught by surprise as Evelyn's lips touched hers. She felt Evelyn's tongue tease her lips, demanding access, which she granted. She felt Evelyn's tongue dancing around hers, and her hands playing with her auburn hair. Her head started spinning and she felt as if she was losing grip of the world.
Suddenly Sara roughly pushed Evelyn away. She didn't say a word, she just looked at Evelyn with anger in her eyes.
Evelyn's eyes changed when she came back to earth. She looked at her shoes and then back at Sara. "I'm sorry I did it right now, but I'm not sorry I kissed you" she said, staring straight in Sara's eyes.
Sara couldn't believe what just happened. "You were totally out of line" she shouted at Evelyn. Evelyn touched her arm to calm her down, but Sara jerked her arm away. "I can't believe this" she shouted again before leaving the bathroom.
When Sara came back at the table, Catherine had also sat down with the guys and was drinking a glass of water. She looked at Sara and saw the anger and confusion in her eyes. She wondered what had happened, but knowing Sara better she didn't say anything about it.
Sara threw some money on the table and said "I'm going home, see you guys tomorrow." She turned around and left the bar without saying another word.
Catherine looked at Warrick, who shrugged, "she said she was tired" he told her. Just when Sara left, Evelyn returned to the table and asked Catherine if she had a minute. Catherine got up and joined Evelyn at the bar.
Catherine raised her eyebrow in confusion "What do you need Sara's address for? What happened in the bathroom?" Catherine had lots of questions for Evelyn. "I…errr. I just want to check on her, she doesn't seem ok".
Catherine laughed out loud. "Are you really thinking you can fool a CSI missy" she laughed "Spill it".
This was the first time she saw Evelyn blush; she had to admit it looked kind of cute on her. "I don't think I should" Evelyn said, turning even redder than she already was. She raised her head to look at Catherine, and in her eyes Catherine saw the 'don't go there' look she knew so well because she uses it too. Catherine decided to drop it since she didn't even know the woman properly.
Catherine wrote down Sara's address on a beer coaster and gave Evelyn some extra directions. "Good luck, but you won't get anything from her. She is as solid as a rock; I've known her for years now and still don't know her." Evelyn smiled at her and mouthed a thank you before leaving the bar.
Catherine smiled, it was sweet of Evelyn to try and help Sara. Not that it would work, but so far she never heard about anyone dying while trying. She joined the guys for one more drink before going home.
"So" Greg said "What can you tell us about the new flesh" he grinned at his own play of words.
"Well" Catherine started "She is very open and talkative, and not to forget she is brilliant. She amazed me earlier with how much she already knows". She drank the last bit of water from her glass and got up "I gotta go guys, I'll see you tomorrow".
When Sara arrived home she threw her jacket on the floor and leaned against the doorway. She felt rage, confusion and was aroused at the same time. How dare that woman kiss her, how dare that woman sweep her of her feet, how dare that woman make her loose her composure! Tears were flowing freely over Sara's face. She slid down to the floor and sat with her head in her hands. She couldn't believe she cried in front of Evelyn, what would she think of her?
The knock on the door startled her. She wondered who would come by at this hour. She opened the door and saw Evelyn standing there. She closed the door right away "Go away" she shouted through the door.
"Please Sara, let me in, let me explain" Evelyn pleaded "I will stay here all night if I have to, I'm not going away until you let me in".
Sara opened the door, she was too tired to fight and she thought she might as well let Evelyn in. She sat down on the couch and just let Evelyn talk, even though she was so angry with the woman, she didn't want to be the talk of the day for her neighbours because of another woman making a scene on her doorstep.
Evelyn sat down on the table right in front of Sara, placing her hand on Sara's leg. Sara felt like an electric shock went through her, but she brushed Evelyns hand away. "Sara please, let me talk, just listen for a second ok?" Evelyn asked.
She starts talking, about how her day was and how nervous she was before coming to the lab. I take a breath to interrupt her but she puts her hand on my arm to stop me "Please let me finish" she says while she gently rests her hand on my arm. I'm amazed at the effect she has on me, and while she keeps talking I allow myself to relax a little, even though I'm still tense.
I can't believe my ears when she tells me she noticed me right away when I entered the break room, and how nervous she was when she noticed I was checking her out. I look at her, and she smiles at me. An adorable smile I might add.
"I had already heard so much about you Sara, and when I saw you" Evelyn blushed as she paused the sentence. I was so curious to what she was going to say, I leaned forward "I liked what I saw" she said. And within seconds we were both as red as tomatoes.
I saw the puzzled look in Sara's eyes. At least she wasn't mad at me anymore; I really hoped she would give in. When I kissed her in the bathroom of that bar less than an hour ago, I knew I wanted to be with her, don't ask me why, I just knew. I just hoped she would give me the chance.
An awkward silence made me feel very uncomfortable. And just when I thought she wasn't going to let me in Sara started talking.
"I can't say I didn't like what I saw" Sara said with a grin. A grin that looked so adorable on her.
I smile at her and move closer to her, but then she withdraws. I look at her but I can't see anything in her eyes, I can't read them. My heart sinks please Sara Sidle, don't turn me down now.
"I can't" Sara says "I just can't".
My heart sank at those words. I feel tears welling up in my eyes; I turn away from her and bite my lip.
"Hey it's only fair if you do" she says "you saw me cry" she smiles and turns my face back to face her.
The smile on her face makes her look so adorable that I can't hold back anymore. Now it's my turn to cry, to show my weak side. I try to turn away again as my tears flow freely over my face, but she stops me.
"Don't" Sara says "it's ok Evelyn"
I put my hand on Evelyn's shoulder. In a way I know how she feels, too proud to cry in front of other people, just like me. When I start massaging her shoulder, she breaks down. It breaks my heart to see her like that, which is quite odd since I don't even know her. I don't really know what to do, she moves closer to me and looks at me. She has a desperate look in her eyes, a look of wanting to be accepted, of wanting to be understood. I can't do anything but wrap my arms around her. It feels quite good actually. I wonder what's going on in Evelyn's pretty little head.
I'm so ashamed of myself, I came here to apologize to Sara, to tell her how I feel and what I want. Not to cry. I feel myself relax as she holds me, her smell is great and to feel her hand gently rubbing my back is very soothing. But still, she is seeing my weak side, the bad side. The side I promised myself never to show anyway. How does she do that? How does one look at Sara Sidle make me go all giddy?
"I didn't mean to cry" I try to tell her between sobs. She smiles at me and assures me its ok. She makes me feel so good, I feel safe in her arms. I look at her and watch her eyes, the eyes that not so long ago looked at me full of anger, the eyes I noticed right away at the moment Sara Sidle walked into the break room at work, they are now soft and smiling at me.
I'm observing Evelyn, as she is in my arms. I can feel her relax and her face is flushed. I have this feeling that I can't really explain. She looks so vulnerable, so adorable. When she looks at me, with those gorgeous eyes of hers, I can't really do anything else. I move closer to her and kiss her, this time it's me demanding the access to her mouth. It is amazing how she can make me feel. How she makes me open up to her, while I'm not even sure if I want to open up myself.
Sara's tongue is dancing around Evelyn's; it's more of an assuring kiss then a battle for domination. Evelyn moves her hand behind Sara's head to pull her closer, while Sara moves on top of Evelyn. When both women need to take a breath they look at each other. A long look deep into each others eyes, eyes that seem to give away everything to each other, but nothing to the rest of the world. Eyes that show love, passion and want for each other, but also confusion and doubt.
"I'm so confused" Evelyn whispers "I don't know where to start, I don't.."
Before Evelyn can say another word Sara puts her finger on Evelyn's mouth. "Don't" she says "Let's just talk" she can't believe she said that, talk? I asked her to talk?. Sara moves behind Evelyn so they are lying next to each other on the couch, spooning. I, Sara Sidle, asked this woman to talk? Talk about what? How can she know what I mean, if I don't even know what I mean?
Evelyn didn't seem to notice Sara's doubts about the whole talking idea, and starts talking. About how she has a hard time feeling at home, and how she is amazed by the way Sara makes her feel. After a while they both fall asleep, Sara's arm draped over Evelyn's body, which is snuggled against Sara's.
Evelyn woke up from an itch in her neck. When she turned around she found Sara lazily stroking her fingers up and down her neck. "Good morning" Sara smiled, kissing Evelyn's cheek.
Evelyn was quite confused when she woke up. Where am I? What am I doing here? Oh my god Sara, we didn't? Did we? Suddenly her memory came back and she remembers breaking down in front of Sara. Evelyn's eyes turn big "oh my god". Sara's heart sank when Evelyn got up and looked at her in terror. "I'm so sorry Sara, I err…I have to go"
"Why?" Sara asks "What's wrong?" She could see pain in Evelyn's eyes but she had no idea what she did wrong. She actually slept quite well, which was very uncommon since she hardly sleeps at all.
"I just can't" Evelyn paused while gathering her purse and cell phone "I have to go"
As she walked to the door and collected her coat she turned around to face Sara, who was still on the couch staring at her in shock. "I didn't mean to do this Sara, it was a mistake. I really like you, but I never meant for you to see how weak I am." Evelyn turned red, and her eyes started to tear, she turned around and left Sara's apartment before Sara could say anything.
This time Sara didn't cry. She knew better, she just needed to give Evelyn some time. And she would do that, because she saw something in Evelyn. Something that connects them, in more ways than one. It was in her eyes, the eyes that were so different from hers, but that sometimes show the exact same expression.