Chapter Four-Those Damned Manners!
I woke the next morning with the remnants of a hot and sweaty dream of shagging Glorfindel senseless. Yup. I was in bad shape. No bloody way I was going to fuck up my welcome by actually trying it. Biologically obscene activities were fine in fantasy, but trying to act them out tended to be met with quite abysmal results. Life could be so cruel. I wondered if dreaming within a hallucination was possible, because it felt like I was really asleep and had dreamt during that period. While I wasn't complaining about dreaming, the whole idea of sleeping and dreaming within a hallucination was kinda odd.
The door opened and Melima walked in. She moved over to a wooden wardrobe and looked over the contents. Shaking her head, she motioned to me to get up. I crawled out of bed and started looking for my Tevas. Melima said something in Elvish and pointed to my Tevas lying by the door. She pointed to the wardrobe and shrugged her shoulders helplessly.
"That's okay Melima. I know I'm not willowy like you folks and I certainly have larger assets than you do." I pointed to my ample chest and then to hers and shrugged.
Melima laughed and nodded. As I slipped on my Tevas, I watched her walk over to the window and open the shutters. Ah, so the elves had mastered the art of glass-making. Good to know. I followed her out of the room, and tried to keep track of where we were going. We wandered through long halls and down stairs until we reached a set of large double doors. Melima opened one and motioned me through. I entered a large hall that contained many long tables and benches. Loads of elves were sitting talking and eating. I looked around, taking in all the details. Gotta say, this was different from what I expected my mind to make up. But it kinda reminded me of summer camp, so I figured that's where my mind pulled the image from. Elrond stood up at a long table at the far end of the room and waved me over. As I walked over to the table, I noticed a lot of the elves were looking up from their meals and staring at me. I supposed they were staring at my jeans and t-shirt. They were all dressed in tunics and tight pants, which if I were to think about it, probably were called leggings. The only leggings I had ever seen were from that awful period in the eighties when women wore these cotton-lycra blend leggings with those ugly stirrups to keep them from riding up their legs. Soooo many fashion faux-pas had been committed with those abominations.
I nodded to Elrond, "Good morning Lord Elrond."
"Good morning Lady Karyn. Was Melima unable to find you something more appropriate to wear?" He looked over the clothes I was wearing from yesterday.
"Oh, yeah. I, uh, am a little more bountiful in certain assets, and the clothes wouldn't have fit me." I looked down at my chest, realizing my big boobs were about to become the source of some consternation.
Elrond frowned. "We will have to have something altered or made up for you. You will cause too much commotion wandering the grounds like that." He shook his head. "This could be a problem. Please sit down and eat. After you have finished I will have Melima take you to the seamstresses."
"Okay." I was a bit worried that I wouldn't get that tour from Glorfindel. "Will I still get a tour from Lord Glorfindel?" At the other end of the table, Glorfindel looked up when he heard his name. He smiled and nodded a greeting to me.
Elrond smiled. "I will have Lord Glorfindel meet you after your visit to the seamstresses. Please remember that he will have to leave you at mid-day to attend to his duties."
Uh-huh. Duties. I'm not thick, I understood the underlying meaning. Don't get attached. Hey, this was my hallucination; I could play along and still fantasize.
"May I introduce you to some of the members of my household?" He turned to the dark haired elf beside him. "This is Lord Erestor. He is one of my most trusted advisors." Erestor nodded and smiled in greeting to me. Elrond pointed to the end of the table where Glorfindel was seated. "You already know Lord Glorfindel, but seated beside him are my sons, Elladan and Elrohir."
I looked down the table and noticed the two identical elves grinning at me. I grinned back and felt like some naughty teenager. It was weird how they seemed to pick up on my naughtiness I normally hid from people. Or maybe I was imagining it and they were just being uber-friendly. Man, this brain-injury thingy or whatever was happening to me was sure as hell unpredictable. It was just like being in a dream, except I was self-aware and was able to reason and think logically. Reasoning in my dreams was like trying to think through a thick goo, it was tenuous at best.
One of the twins, I haven't the foggiest notion who, spoke up. "If you like Ada, we can show Lady Karyn around in the afternoon. We aren't due to leave for patrol until the day after next, and we have nothing pressing on our schedule."
Elrond considered this for a moment. "I appreciate the offer Elrohir. Lady Karyn, are you amenable to this arrangement?"
I just about choked on a piece of fruit. "Uh, yeah. That would be great. So what? Meet at lunch and go from there?"
The one Elrond had called Elrohir looked confused. "Do you mean mid-day meal?"
His twin, Elladan grinned. "This 'lunch' is another name for dinner?"
"Yes." I nodded. "So, is that the plan? Meet at dinner and go on from there?"
Elladan shook his head in the affirmative. "Yes, that would be acceptable. We can help you acquaint yourself to our home."
I wondered exactly what they meant about 'helping acquaint me to their home'. Sounded like a double entendre, but I wasn't sure. I finished my light meal and wiped my mouth with a napkin.
"All right. I'll see you Lord Glorfindel, after I see the seamstresses." I nodded to him and he returned the nod. "And I'll see you, Lord Elrohir and Lord Elladan, at mid-day meal." I smiled at them and stood up from the table.
"Until then, Lady Karyn." Elrond motioned for Melima to show me the way to the seamstresses.
I was led away, and spent a few hours enduring the frustration of seamstresses, who apparently couldn't alter any available garments. Too damn busty. They took my measurements and in broken what ever the hell I was speaking, advised me to come back an hour before supper for final fitting. I thanked them and fled the rooms totally embarrassed. It was just like high school again, when I had stupid boys remarking about how they liked my 'horns', or how they 'dug an ample handful'. I could go through having thirty surgeons look at my left breast while discussing how to proceed with repairs to the surgical area; but having a few seamstresses be frustrated by my breast size was a bit too much to handle.
Glorfindel caught me dashing from the seamstress' rooms and grabbed my hand.
"Lady Karyn, where are you running to?" Glorfindel looked curious.
"Oh, umm hello Lord Glorfindel. I was trying to escape the seamstresses. I was a bit overwhelmed by the attention I was receiving." I really didn't want to get into what kind of attention it was.
He smiled at me, almost like he knew what kind of attention I had been getting.
"Ah, well I am sure they will come up with an ensemble worthy of your beauty." I saw a tiny wink, and didn't know whether or not I should be chagrined.
"Okay, I'll take your word for it. So, since I don't have to return until just before supper, you have my undivided attention. What's first on the schedule?" I smiled up at him.
Glorfindel took my arm, "Well, first I think a tour of the grounds is in order, and then I think we shall go where the wind takes us. Do you not agree?"
I was giddy with delight at his holding my hand in his arm. I would've agreed with anything, hopefully lascivious and biologically obscene.
"Absolutely, sounds lovely." I gave him my most radiant smile.
Okay, I will be the first to admit, it is nice to have a gorgeous man, I mean elf, compliment you. However, I'm not so deluded to think that I'm beautiful. Not by elf standards, anyways. I wasn't ugly by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn't beautiful. I was okay, pretty even, but you wouldn't be seeing me on the cover of any magazine, like ever. My hair was dark brown, and curly. Not all nice and ringlety, but an odd jumble of ringlets and wild curl. I never let it get any longer than just below my shoulders, or I'd find it getting caught by people grabbing it accidentally when they got up to get off the bus. I wasn't slim for my build, more a curvy size ten. I had a pooch that no matter how many kickboxing, tae-bo and Bikram yoga classes I took, I couldn't get rid of. And I took a lot. Bikram yoga twice a week for ninety minutes, tae-bo twice a week and kickboxing once a week. I did Pilates on Saturday mornings and Hatha yoga after I finished my Pilates routine. I also had a regime of weights and ball work. So basically, I worked out six days a week for two hours a day. Sure, it's a lot and possibly a little obsessive, but I worked hard to lose the weight I'd gained after eight surgeries and in my job as a Union Rep, I needed the stress relief that exercise gave me. Of all my assets, it wasn't the size of my boobs that I liked best. If anything, they were a source of constant issue. I loved my eyes. They were my favourite colour, green. When I was small, they used to have silver flecks in them, but then in the late 70's they changed from silver flecks to gold. I used to joke that God saw the impending collapse in the price of silver and switched them out with a more stable metal. Now, the gold had faded as my eyes grew darker with age and I had a dark green rim around the iris. Of course my eyes were the first spot to react to any stress or illness. I had a small number of capillaries in my right eye that would burst with too much stress. Gave me a lovely blood-shot look. Overall, while I wasn't bad looking, I had to work hard to keep the figure I had and didn't think I was anything to write home about.
Having Glorfindel, an absolutely hunky elf, lead me around was a lovely way to spend my morning. He showed me the gardens and the outbuildings, explaining what happened in each one. I felt my heart jump every time he would touch my back or touch my shoulder. I was sooo having a gooshy crush on this elf. It was terrible. If there had been anybody I knew even within the vicinity of us, they would've been shocked at my girlish behaviour. I laughed gaily when Glorfindel cracked jokes, I smiled coquettishly when he complimented any knowledge I shared. I was sixteen again, and humiliating myself to an astonishing degree. Gone was the hard-assed, out-for-blood union go-getter, to be replaced by some git of a girl, whom I didn't recognize. I hated mush and romance, and here I was daft as a brush, acting like an absolute idiot.
Thankfully, my tragic behaviour was interrupted by a page coming up to Glorfindel and handing him a missive. As he read the parchment, his brow furrowed in concern.
"I am sorry Lady Karyn, but I am required elsewhere rather urgently. I apologize for the interruption of our time together, but perhaps we could continue this upon my return." He looked both concerned and apologetic.
"Oh, nothing too serious I hope? I accept your proposal and will wait for your return." I said sombrely.
"Do not worry. I must leave to attend to an issue outside the realm of Imladris. I should not be too long. I will see you when I return." He grasped my hand in his and pulled it to his lips.
Oh my God! Glorfindel kissed my hand! I flushed and felt myself go warm and tingly in all the good spots.
"I bid you good day, my Lady." Glorfindel turned and walked swiftly away.
I was going to have to find my room and pronto. Bits of me cried out for immediate attention. I rushed off to find my room and attend my desperate need until the chimes for mid-day meal were rung.