Beta-Reader: Jarel Kortan
Hello, there. I'm Acosta Pérez José Ramiro. (Oh, and I'm not?). Sigh. And, here, with me, is Barbara Ann Bunny (Ehem). Ups, sorry. Babs Bunny (Much better). Anyway, I finally had the chance to write a Tiny Toon Adventures fic. Babsy, can you read the disclaimer, please? (Sure, Ramiro.)
(DISCLAIMER: My pal here doesn't own any character portrayed in this fic. We are all copyrighted by Warner Brothers. Possibly, he'll include one or two cameos with characters from other shows; doesn't own them either).
Now, on with the show. To choose our protagonist, we'll use the… (WHEEL OF COMEDY!).
At that moment, a wheel with the picture of every single character from TTA appears on stage, next to us.
Babs, do the honors. (And here it goes!).
Babs gives a good push to the wheel, making it spin. After a couple of minutes, it starts stopping.
And our main character is gonna be…Montana Max! (That's right, pals. A one-shot with our resident villain. Let's the games begin).
BRAT BASHING.
A one-shot by Acosta Pérez José Ramiro.
Montana Max woke up really early that day. He was in a very bad mood, as usual, and the only thing that would make him a little happy was having a huge breakfast while yelling at his fateful butler, Groveley. So he jumped out of his huge fancy bed, and dressed himself (he usually called his butler to dress him, but today he wasn't in the mood to wait for him). He pressed the button of his bedroom intercom, and called Groveley on his usual kind way.
"Groveley, piece of human scum, come here, quickly!" he yelled at the device. "I am hungry, and I want you to carry me to the pool. I'll have breakfast there." Monty then waited for his butler's answer, but, after a couple of minutes, none came. "Groveley? You hear me? Groveley?" he called again. When he got no response, pressed the button a third time, and yelled "MOVE YOUR LAZY BUTT OVER HERE, IDIOT, OR I WILL MAKE YOU CLEAN THE BATHROOMS WITH YOUR TOOTHBRUSH… AGAIN". Again, the only answer was silence. Totally mad by now, Monty stormed out of his bedroom, ready to give his butler a piece of his mind. He couldn't guess what happened next.
The moment he opened the door, his whole mansion was gone! Everything around him was just a huge blank space. Monty opened his eyes wide, and scared, tried to return to his bedroom, but the door was gone. He was alone, with nothing around him. Then he realized what was going on. It was his turn; it had happened to the Looniversity's Principal, Bugs Bunny… to Daffy Duck, the teacher of the "Wild Takes" class… to that stupid green duck, to his enemies, Buster and Babs, and even to second-stringer Mary Melody. "Oh, no!" He finally spoke. "I'M IN ONE OF THOSE "RABBIT RAMPAGE" PARODIES." Monty was honestly worried, and with good reason. "Rabbit Rampage" was one of his favorite classic cartoons, because was one of the few ones where a rabbit got what he deserved, but knew very well that there was no way to protect him from anything the artist would like to play on him. He frowned, trying to forget his initial fear, and turned to face the artist. "Ok, fool, let's get clear with this. If I discover who are you, I'm gonna make your life a living hell!" He paused and pondered for a moment. "Wait. Buster, is that you? If you are behind this, I'm gonna make you swallow those buck teeth of yours, stupid rabbit…" at that moment, his cell phone rang, and Monty answered. The voice on the other side was Buster.
"Sorry, Monty, but I have nothing to do with this one. I'm just watching, like everybody else" Max opened his mouth to talk, but was cut by the rabbit. "And no, I have no idea about who is the artist. Plucky is on a date with Shirley, Hamton is cleaning his house, Calamity is repairing Fifi's Cadillac, and Babs is assisting this fic's author. You are alone in this one, pal." Buster hung off the call, leaving a very puzzled Monty, gulping when realized he had no idea who was about to torment him.
Max tried his "all business" approach. "Look, buddy, I have some money. If you are nice with me, I'll be with you" he smirked, and showed his wallet to the artist. Then, out of nowhere, a paintbrush appeared, and repainted the wallet; now, Max was holding a dynamite stick. "What? NOOO!" he hardly had the chance to scream before the explosion blackened him.
A very stunned Max Montana, still blackened by the explosion, looked at the artist with pure anger on his eyes. "You think that was funny, right? At least give me back my color! I hate this tone! I look like one of those stinking black slaves!" he complained, while, unnoticed to him, the brush appeared again, painting a female afro-American character behind him.
Max felt someone tapping his shoulder, and turned around to see a very pissed Mary Melody.
"Excuse me, Max, but… did you say something about black slaves?" Mary said to him, in a calm but obviously angry tone. Max gulped again. Mary might be a pretty girl, and usually a merry one, but she was very easy to anger, and taller than him.
"He, he. Hi, Mary... what are you doing here?" he said, fear evident on his voice.
"A cameo, as usual" Mary answered in a casual tone, and cracked her knuckles. "Oh, Mr. Artist" she said, turning to see the artist while grabbing Max from his shirt, "Can you give me some proper coverage, please?". The paintbrush appeared again, drawing a curtain in front of both toons, so nobody could see them.
"Thank you" Mary voice was heard, and then the curtain started being shaken while Monty's cries and yells were easily heard, as well as various hitting sounds. When the curtain stopped moving, the artist erased it, revealing a smiling Mary dusting off her hands, while Monty laid barely conscious on the floor, totally bruised and lumped. The paintbrush appeared then, drawing a paper on Mary's hands.
"Another cameo, another paycheck" she smiled and walked out of sight.
After Monty recovered, he turned against the artist one more time. "You can't treat me like this! I'm rich, you hear me!" The paintbrush was then replaced by an eraser, then erased Max out of the scene, and then the artist redrew him… as Richie Rich!
"What the…" Monty looked at himself, and screamed in fear. "No idiot! Rich isn't my last name! Draw me in my true form, or I'll sue the pants off of you!" He yelled at the artist, who quickly redrew Max at his regular self… and then draw a thousand pants falling on top of him.
"That's not what I meant!" Monty muffled voice was heard under the pile of pants. "Take the pants away, please!" he begged. The eraser disappeared all the pants… including the ones Monty was using, leaving him totally naked from his waist down. Max took a looked at himself, screamed, and covered the censored parts.
"ARE YOU INSANE?" He yelled, even more furious. "ONLY FURRY TOONS CAN WALK AROUND WITHOUT PANTS, IMBECILE!" The paintbrush appeared again, redrawing Max as a red bunny.
"Well, I feel more comfortable now. I think…" Monty stopped when he noticed his furry hands and feet. He gulped. "Mirror, please." The artist for once obeyed the brat and drew a full size mirror in front of him. Monty cried in anger and fear.
"NO, PLEASE. ANYTHING BUT A RABBIT! NOTHING IS WORSE THAN THIS!" The artist erased the mirror, and drew another human toon; one girl with red hair and a blue bow.
"Oh, it's a bunny wunny!" Elmyra exclaimed. Monty's jaw hit the floor, and, totally panicked, started running, with Elmyra right behind him; but, since he was on a blank stage, there was no real place to run. Luckily for him, it seemed that his transformation made him slightly smarter, and quickly started digging a tunnel to escape, as fast as Buster would do it. Elmyra dived into the tunnel as well, and Monty reappeared a second later, jumping from the tunnel and covering it so Elmyra couldn't follow him.
"Now, if you don't mind…" Monty talked to the artist again "DRAW ME BACK AS MY REGULAR SELF! I hate being a rabbit! In case you hadn't noticed, I'm Yosemite Sam's best student. That means I am a villain, and do the same things he used to do on his cartoons!" The paintbrush redrew Monty again as his (more or less) human self, but dressed him as a cowboy. Max checked at his new outfit, and smiled.
"Not bad. I really like it. Now, what I'm gonna do in this cartoon, fic, or whatever?" he asked. The artist drew him at the top of a high-diving platform, and then erased the plank. Max looked down, and turned to see the artist again.
"I HATE YOU!" he said right before starting falling to the ground. Being a cartoon, of course (or a fic about one), this was a 50 mile fall, with Monty screaming all the way.
Right before Max could reach the floor, the artist drew a water tank to stop his fall.
WHAAAM!
Of course, it would had been better to draw it filled with water.
A dizzied Montana Max emerged from the tank.
"You forgot the water, jerk!" he said clenching his teeth. The artist draw then a fire hose, and blasted Monty with water while throwing him back into the tank and filling it. After that, only Max's head was visible.
"Are you sure you don't want to add something more?" he said with sarcasm. The paintbrush appeared again, and wrote "Danger. Electric Eels" on one side of the tank.
"I had to ask!" a scared Max said just a second before receiving a powerful electric shock that threw him out of the water. Monty shook his head, and walked until the tank was out of view.
"That's it. I'm tired of this. I'm a great cartoon villain, and I demand to be treated like one!" The paintbrush appeared, and gave Max the classic prisoner's outfit, with black and white stripes and a little hat on top. Then, the paintbrush drew steel bars around Monty, trapping him for good.
"No! This is unfair! Where is my lawyer?" Monty yelled madly while grabbing from two of the bars. After a few moments of struggling, he sighed, defeated. "What else can go wrong?" In a perfect cue, the prison's floor started shaking, and Elmyra popped out of it.
"Oh, I finally got out of that nasty darky tunnely" she then noticed who is with her. "MONTY WONTY!" and opened her arms to hug him.
"NOOO!" Monty yelled. "I want another cellmate! Hannibal Lecter! The Joker! The Son of Sam! Anyone but her!" Max cries in fear, while running on the cell's closed space, trying to avoid Elmyra.
Then, the camera opens, to reveal the mystery artist, sitting behind a drawing board. None other than…
Vinnie, the Deer!
"My mother raised no fools" he says to the readers, in his cool voice. "But I'm not sure about his." He chuckles.
THE END.
Well, that was it. (Poor Monty. I feel bad for him). Really? (Naah!). I want to thank Justin, aka Jarel Kortan, for posting this story for me. I also want to thank all the great Looney Tunes and Tiny Toon Adventures writers that inspired me to write this one.
(Yes. Thanks to The J.A.M., Looneyman, Penelope Quill, Andy Fox, Pepe K, J. Withers, and all the other great authors that keep all of us alive through their work).
Also, I want to recognize the great masterminds behind TTA, like Steven Spielberg and Paul Dini (Hello, bosses!), and legendary cartoonist Chuck Jones, the man behind the original "Rabbit Rampage" and "Duck Amuck" shorts (Long live the king!). Well, I think that's all.
Please, review, and, if you want, e-mail me at tinynicktuneAThotmailDOTcom for suggestions, comments, and even flames. Time to go. Say good night, Babs (Good night, Babs). I should had known. (Can't control myself).
Keep the good writing.