AN- Well here I am home alone with a stomach virus updating my story. What am I thinking? This just shows how much I love you guys. Happy reading!
Disclaimer- The gorgeous icicle also known as Aoshi is not mine, and neither is Misao or anyone else that appears in Rurouni Kenshin.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Mistakes
Chapter Two- Goodbye
By Venus Goddess
Misao
The sun had risen hours ago, bringing new hope to the people of the land of the rising sun. Except for me since I have none. The only true hope I had ever really had was to someday become Mrs. Aoshi Shinomori, but that was no longer a possibility. He had shunned me and in doing so crushed all my hopes and dreams.
While running around the country looking for Aoshi, I had often thought about what I would do when I actually found him. It had all seemed so simple then. I would find him, bring him back home along with Hannya and the rest, marry him and then my life would be set. I let out a bitter laugh. How foolish my dreams were.
My eyes were bruised from lack of sleep and my hair was probably a mess as well. As it was getting later in the morning, the other occupants of the Aoiya were beginning to wonder why I wasn't up yet. I heard Omasu ask Okina if anything had happened yesterday that she didn't know about. Usually when I didn't get up it was because something had upset me. I barely left my room for a month after Aoshi had left me the first time. I didn't hear his answer but supposed it satisfied her curiosity since she didn't come up to check on me.
Aoshi had gone to the temple at the break of dawn as he usually did. For some reason this disappointed me and I had to wonder at myself for that. What did I expect him to do? Wallow in his room with guilt and shame weighing down on his conscience? Of course not. This was Aoshi. Stone-cold Aoshi-sama.
Burying my head deeper into my arms, I steeled myself for the upcoming day. Sooner or later someone would come to drag me out of bed and I had to be ready by then. Sighing, I looked out the window. The tears were coming again, but I didn't let them fall. No tears, Misao, no tears.
Aoshi
I couldn't concentrate on meditating, no matter how hard I tried. Always, always my thoughts turned back to the Aoiya and what could be going on there. What she was doing there. Ever since my return to the Aoiya, I had been surprised again and again by the changes in Misao. The childish girl I had once known was still there in many ways, but she had changed in many ways as well. I couldn't help but wonder how she would handle this. Questions raced across my mind, and all of them were left unanswered.
Was Misao all right?
What did she think of me?
Did the others know?
What would happen between us now?
Forcing myself to relax, I tried to curb my thoughts. A relationship like she wanted couldn't exist between us. It would be too complicated. They were the remnants of a childish dream and I was foolish for letting her go on dreaming for so long. I was also twice the fool for secretly wishing there was a way in which those dreams could come true. Because of me, now I knew that they would never happen. But… that was what I wanted, right? This was why I had ignored her for so long. So that she would finally realize that she was too good for me.
Raking a hand through my hair, I suddenly sensed that someone was coming. Checking the position of the sun in the sky, I realized that it was time for my afternoon tea. My morning tea had been brought by Okon, so I was surprised to see Misao kneeling outside the shoji, slowly opening it as she always did. I was shocked to see her wearing a dark red kimono. I didn't know what this meant. Standing up and carrying in the tray, she placed it on the floor before me to pour a cup.
I studied her, looking for the smallest difference in her actions towards me. I only noticed one when she looked up to hand me the cup. Hurt. Betrayal. Pain. Her eyes which were normally filled with laughter and happiness were now taken over by these emotions. Her smile was there, as wide as it should be, but it wasn't real.
"Misao-" I began, but she cut me off.
"Aoshi what is done is done and you cannot fix it. I realize now what you have been trying to show me for years. I will not think of a relationship between us any longer, so just leave it alone," she finished. She hadn't looked at me once, instead opting to stare out the door that she had left open. I could only wonder if she did it on purpose to make it easier to run away from me.
I didn't have anything to answer her. She probably didn't expect me to say anything anyway. This was what I was supposed to want. This was what I wanted to hear, so she had said it. I put the cup of tea down empty. She asked if I wanted another but declined. I couldn't bear to sit here with her emotions pressing down on me. I was only a man and a man could only last so long with temptation staring me in the face.
Picking up the tray, she left without a word and didn't bother to close the door.
"I'm sorry… Misao."
Misao
I had all my things ready, had had them ready since I decided to get up this morning. The small part of me that had still hoped and prayed that Aoshi would say something to make it all better was what forced me to bring him his afternoon tea. But nothing happened; everything was not all better.
I did not want an apology from him that was about the last thing I wanted. What I wanted from him… was… what? Smirking, I realized that I didn't know what I expected from him anymore.
Straightening my kimono, I stepped into Okina's room. This was the last thing I needed to do. As my mentor and father-figure he deserved a goodbye.
"Oh, Misao, you've been looking rather gloomy lately. Come to tell me what's wrong?" he said when he saw me. His eyes had widened slightly at my chosen outfit, but he wisely chose not to comment on it.
"No, Okina I have not. I have come to say goodbye," I stated calmly and clearly waiting for his reaction.
He slowly put down the cup of tea he had been sipping before looking up at me. "May I ask where you are going, Misao?"
"To the continent."
Okina didn't even blink at my response. Sometimes I wondered if Aoshi had not learned how to be so emotionless from Okina. Okina had been his teacher after all. "Have you told the others of your plans?"
I could hear the hidden question within it. Have you told Aoshi? "No, I have not." I knew it was extremely cowardly and childish of me to be running away like I was, but I just didn't know what else to do. Pulling out two letters from my sleeve, I handed them over to him. "Please, give those to them after I have left."
He looked from me to the letters before quickly pulling me into a tight hug. "Goodbye Misao, just come back to us when you are done. I know you will."
By the time I pulled out of his hold, new tears had formed in my eyes again. I would miss him, miss them all dearly, but I needed to do this. Giving a quick and unusual display of affection, I kissed him on the cheek before departing.
I had saved a boy from a bunch of thugs during my early years of searching for Aoshi. After the ordeal he had grudgingly said that if I ever needed anything from him he would give it to me on his honor. That boy had turned out to be from a very wealthy family and now had a good trading business going on with China. Now seemed as good a time as ever to see if he was true to his word.
With one last backwards glance, I felt a tear streak down my face. "Goodbye everyone, I am so sorry for leaving you. Forgive me."
Aoshi
"Go away Okina, I am in no mood for your matchmaking today," I said when he entered. More than once he had come into the shrine to make not-so-subtle remarks on me taking Misao as my wife.
He let out a short chuckle, but it was hollow. "That is not what I have come here to do. I do not know what rift there is between you and Misao, but it seems large enough to force her away. She asked me to give you this," he said.
Since my back was turned to him, I couldn't see what he held, but my mind worked through the possibilities his words left unspoken. Force her away? What did he mean? I thought she understood. Turning around, I took in Okina's appearance. He looked older than he had in a while with a defeated look on his face, and in his outstretched hand was a letter.
Taking the few steps forward to take the letter from him, I saw her neat handwriting form my name on the brittle paper. Looking back up, I saw that Okina had retreated back to the doorway.
"She is still just a child in many ways, Aoshi, especially when it comes to you. I don't know what you could have done to hurt her so much, but obviously she couldn't handle it." With that, he closed the shoji, leaving me alone.
Tearing open the letter, my eyes quickly scanned the words before dropping the letter to the floor. Leaving the temple, I hurried over to the docks. Searching first through the crowds of people along the sides, I then turned my eyes over to the ships.
Aoshi-
I cannot take it any longer and so I have decided to leave. I don't know if I'll be coming back, or if I do, when. Just know that I love you and had hoped for a long time that you would return my affection. I return the Oniwabanshuu back into your care, please take care of them.
Misao.
Thoughts raced through my head, each accompanied by a prayer to the gods to let me find her in time. Please, just let me find her and I would make it all up.
Misao, how could you? I thought you understood, I thought you knew how I could never have you, but would forever want to.
Hours of searching and I had still not found her. My hands tightened into fists, my fear turned into anger long before. Anger at myself, anger at the world, even some directed at her for leaving me so. I had checked all the passenger ships, but no one had said they had seen a girl fitting her description. I had just started on the trading ships, grateful that night was coming soon. No ships left at night, and that would give me time to search for her on them. Only one more ship was leaving and that was the one I would check next.
"Let me on the ship." It wasn't a plea, it was a command. Even so, the sailor wouldn't let me onboard.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't. We're about to leave and my captain would be very angry if we were made to wait for you to search our ship. Please understand," he swallowed, eyeing my twin kodachi wearily.
Although I wouldn't use them on him, a little fear would probably be enough to sway him to let me board. Just as I was reaching for one of the hilts, a voice called down.
"Hey Itsuma, what's taking you down there? Who's that you're talking to? He givin' you trouble?"
The sailor was practically shaking in his boots, not sure how to answer. I finally asked him, "Is there a woman on board your ship?"
"N-no, sir. No woman, none. It's bad luck to have a woman on a ship," he answered.
The voice from above called down again and I could see the growing fear in his eyes. Trusting him to his word, I turned away and made my way over to the next ship. Misao, where are you?
Misao
We had been delayed in leaving, and I didn't know why. Finally Minamoto called over to the crew that we could finally leave.
"Is that who you're running away from?" he asked as he came over to stand by me.
"Running away, what?" I looked at him in confusion.
"Don't play me for a fool Misao, I know someone desperate to get away when I see them. There was a guy down there keeping Itsuma busy and delaying our trip. Asking about a woman onboard the ship," he said, looking at me.
Could it be Aoshi? I ran over to the back of the ship, leaning over the side trying to find his tall figure amongst the crowds of people along the docks. Finally, when it would have been almost impossible to hear me because we were so far away, I shouted his name. I waited and waited, but nothing happened. I ended up staying there for hours, watching the coastline of my country disappear.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Animelover- Really, you think it's that good? I'm flattered. In my opinion (and my sister's) I have no talent with words whatsoever. Yes, yes Misao will definitely get her revenge. Can't let Aoshi get away with his little stunt.
Ms Western Ink- You read my story! I was bouncing off the walls when I got your review, you have no idea. I did go a bit overboard with the woman though, didn't I? Me get you inspired? I have such a goofy grin on my face right now…
NonameJane- Perhaps one, perhaps the other. I think you can pretty much tell from this chapter though.
Kimusume Kaoru- Hope you liked this chapter, it was a long time in coming, I know.
Milagros Diaz- Ooh la la, French. I wanted to take it, but sadly am taking Spanish instead. I'm so happy that stories like mine keep you alive. Hopefully you haven't died in the time it took me to write this. ;
Black Metalmark- thanks for your review. See! I took your advice.
Animefreak03- lolz, no this isn't a one-shot, but I guess you can see that by now.
Cute and Petite- hope you liked this chapter!
Reviewer- I like to think that we all act immaturely when faced with tough decisions. I know that I do ;p But yes, Aoshi should know better than to be so stubborn.
Kageharu Kaco- I got your review today and was like, I think I should update my story. So three hours later… voila! Yes, it seems that many people would like to slap some sense into Aoshi. Perhaps I could sneak one in later on for everyone out there that wishes they could do it.
REVIEW!