AN - Well here I am, updating a story at 1:55 A.M. I have decided that if I were ever a bird, I would be an owl. I am simply more awake at night. I can think clearer and the words just flow through me. Maybe it has nothing to do with the night, and more with actually being able to think at all without the disturbance of family. Whatever, the gist and point of everything is that I have here the third installment of Mistakes and that's all anyone really cares about.
Disclaimer - I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, not even in the remotest sense. Which makes me quite sad.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Mistakes
Chapter Three – Death
By Venus Goddess
Aoshi
After I had searched the last ship in the dock, I made my way back to the Aoiya. There were always the warehouses and inns along the way even if I visited each and every one of them, I would not find her. She was after all a shinobi trained expertly by teachers from a very young age. If she did not want to be found, she wouldn't.
Although I knew it was hopeless to continue my search, I was also loath to return to the Aoiya. By now Okina would have told the rest of them of Misao's departure if they hadn't already figured it out for themselves. I wouldn't exactly think anything of this if they wouldn't all be expecting me to bring her back safe and sound. Pausing to gain my bearings, I entered the doorway through the kitchen to find a room full of expectant people. It took a moment or two of whispering and neck craning before they realized that I did not have Misao with me. Immediately all the hopeful faces turned into disappointed and dejected ones. Knowing not to stay where I was not wanted, I silently walked over to the temple. I could feel a headache coming on.
Slowly breathing in and out, I felt my anger building up inside. Although no one had said it, I was the one that they all blamed for Misao's sudden disappearance. And since I had not been able to find her and bring her back, I was also a failure.
Failure.
That word raged in my head, in my soul. The last time I had failed at anything was when I was nine years old and been sent on my first assignment. It was a simple mission, really. We had to retrieve a contract that had been stolen and could be used as blackmail against the shogun. Since I was too young to really do anything, I had been kept as a lookout for the other members. My participation was not exactly necessary, but it was good experience for me, and so Makimachi-san had let me come along. While staying guard outside waiting for the others to get the document, I had slowly nodded off and not noticed when a patrol guard came around the corner. When I finally woke up, it was too late. The guard had seen me and sounded an alarm when I dashed inside to warn the others.
Even though no one was harmed and we did make it out with the document, everyone had been put into unnecessary danger because of my failing to stay awake. I was punished for a month afterward and vowed to never fail in anything ever again. I stayed faithful to that vow for the next 17 years until the day when Kanyruu killed my comrades.
Taking in a deep breath, I tried to calm down. I could feel myself becoming intensely incensed by all these bad memories, from all the disappointment and all the pain.
How could all those good men die?
How could I let them die?
What was my life coming to; first them and now Misao?
Misao.
All of a sudden all the anger I had been trying to control, snapped. My breathing hitched and I could feel tension building up in my muscles. I kept my hands clenched to keep from doing anything harmful to myself or anything near.
Misao. How could she do this to us, to me? Just get up and leave, abandoning us all to who knows what end. It was not I who was to be blamed for all this, but her. I had believed her to be stronger than this. Her childish ways and immature reaction showed just how unfit she was to belong here with the rest of the loyal members as part of the Oniwabanshuu, much less their leader.
My mind set, I got up and walked back to the Aoiya. She was gone and it was her choice, not mine. The Oniwabansuu was once again under my care and I would reestablish our place in society instead of letting our name rot with time. Misao was not here, she did not care.
Misao
The entire trip from Kyoto to Shanghai took a couple of days. I couldn't remember most of it, since I was either unconscious or sick in bed. Actually, during the few moments of calm consciousness that I had, I looked on my sickness as a sort of blessing. With my seasickness, I didn't have the time or energy to think about my actions or Aoshi and I was grateful.
By the time I got used to the side-to-side swaying of the boat, we were already in sight of China's coastline. Since Minamoto and his crew were traders with the Chinese they were fluent in both Mandarin and Wu, the predominant dialect in Shanghai. During my travels, I had also picked up some phrases and words in a couple the Chinese dialects and thought that now would be as good a time as ever to perfect my Mandarin and learn some new words.
Bouncing over to where Minamoto was by the wheel, I stood right in front of him. "Hey!"
He gave me an annoyed glare and tried to push me to the side so he could see. When it became obvious that I would stay where I was, he finally gave in. "Whaddya want?"
I mock pouted before breaking into a grin, gloating over my victory. "Why do you have to be so grumpy? I just want someone to talk to."
Looking to the side, he muttered, "More like someone to bother."
Smoothly slipping out a kunai from my obi, I began to flaunt it skillfully in front of his eyes. I would never use it on him, no never that, but it was fun to get him a little nervous. I was only teasing him, after all. My smile turned broader when I caught him eyeing the kunai warily. I had learned the trick from Aoshi himself. If the individual was no threat, it was the quickest way to gain compliance.
The flashback brought on a surge of emotions, but I swallowed them to be brought up at another time. Sheathing the knife, I focused my attentions back onto Minamoto.
"Since you'll be here for quite some time and I'll be here for quite some time too, why don't we practice our Mandarin and Wu dialects?" I grinned from ear to ear when he ruefully nodded his head.
By the time we were finished, I had learned more than a couple of new words and phrases. Of course, with him being a sailor and all, not all of them were to be used in polite company.
After the quick lesson, we both went down to eat a short supper supplied by the ship's chef lovingly dubbed 'Fives' for his excellent cooking. I tried to keep Minamoto with me as long as possible but eventually he left to his cabin while I did the same.
During the quiet period before I fell asleep, I knew that what I had been avoiding for so long was coming back to haunt me.
I had deserted the Oniwabanshuu. Despite all the events that surrounded my actions, this was in no way excusable. The punishment could range anywhere between banishment and even death. Flipping over in the cot, I mulled over what my desertion could mean and if I would do anything different. Eventually, my mind found its way over to thoughts of Aoshi.
As of now, I was confused. I didn't know what I felt when it came to Aoshi. At first it had been hurt, then it turned into anger, then into something I didn't know what to call. Acceptance? No, I hadn't accepted Aoshi's lack of feelings because whenever I thought about him and that… that whore I found myself back at hurt. Letting out a scream into my pillow I wished that I could understand. I hated not knowing how I felt. When I went to turn back around to get more comfortable, I heard someone pounding on my door.
"Makimachi-san! Makimachi-san, time to wake up! We're just about ready to dock, so cap'n says to get out of bed!"
That sounded like Itsumo, but what he was saying couldn't be true. Just two minutes ago I was getting ready to go to bed, how could we be docking already? Groaning, I covered my head with the blanket. I had lost all sleep thinking about Aoshi. Getting my things ready, I prepared to leave the ship.
Aoshi
Resting my head on my hands, I thought about the past couple of days. When I finally told the others about Misao's leaving, they had taken it pretty badly. All of them had thought that she had simply run away for a while and would come back. When they realized that she wouldn't, reactions were quite different. Omasu and Okon had even yelled at me.
"What did you do to her, Aoshi?" screamed Okon, slamming her fist down on the kitchen table.
"It would take a lot to make her run away from us completely. Only you have that kind of power over her, and you don't even know it. She has done nothing but love you, what have you done!" accused Omasu, jabbing a finger in my direction.
The guys, Shiro and Kuro had stayed quiet, but that didn't stop them from giving me as many glares as possible.
All of them, even Jiya tried to avoid me as much as possible, and when they absolutely had to deal with me it was over and done with quickly. Deciding to deal with the problem of how I would lead a team that as of now hated and distrusted me later, I went back to the paperwork.
Flipping through the mass of documents that had to be looked through, I glanced through them with not really reading them. My mind was still wondering how I would put back together the network of connections that had once made the Oniwabanshuu strong. Many of them had decayed during my time with Kanryuu, long before Misao ever assumed the role of leadership. She had done a good job securing all the contacts in Kyoto and Tokyo, along with some valuable ones in each of the four main islands. However, many of the small but valuable ones in remote places hadn't been contacted in years.
Feeling a headache coming on, I went down to the kitchens to prepare my own tea. Since Misao was gone and the others hated me, no one would bring it to me. I didn't really mind that. It was more the memory of her and loss of her company that made me hate this menial chore. Going back to my office, I got ready to hole myself in there for the rest of the day and possibly night. Looking out the window, I decided that it didn't matter and I was better for it anyways. Work took my mind off of Misao.
Misao
I quickly said my goodbyes to Minamoto and the others before entering the throng of the busy port.
Looking around me at the signs on top of the doors, I looked for one called the Panda Bear Inn. Minamoto had recommended it to me saying that although it wasn't the best place around, it was cheap and in a relatively safe area. Last night during our lesson, he had shown me the characters and even written them down on a scrap of paper so that I would recognize them when I saw them.
After about twenty minutes of blind searching, I finally found the inn. Although the outside was pretty shabby, the inside gave an air of coziness. The old woman at the register gave me a warm smile as I approached her.
Bowing slightly, I prepared to ask her for a room. Although I was slow and stumbled through a word or two, she was patient and showed me to a room on the third floor. As we made our way there, she told me that her name was Ai and that if I ever needed anything, to ask her. Opening the door for me, she bowed and handed me the key before going back down the stairs.
Closing the door before putting my stuff down on a table to my left, I took a look around. The room was small, but cozy just like everything else in the inn. The bed was against the wall on the right near a window that overlooked the street. Walking over to the window, I leaned over the sill to take in the new country.
Down below, people were rushing back and forth taking care of their daily tasks. I could see the thick black electric wires that connected each building with the next in an endless network of rubber. Here, many more people were dressed up in the form-fitting western clothing than there were back home in Japan.
Home…I wondered when or if I would ever return to the Aoiya. I had left in such a rush, not letting myself think about what I was doing. I knew that if I had, I wouldn't be able to force myself to leave and would instead stay and put myself through so much more pain.
Resting my head down on the sill, I now wondered what the others were thinking of right now. Did they hate me? Did they blame me for leaving them so abruptly with hardly an explanation? If they did, I could hardly blame them. I had done the childish thing and run away from my problems. What kind of leader was I?
Breathing in deeply, I could smell the salt in the air. The smell of the ocean was comforting to me since I had always liked it.
Standing up straight, I decided to leave the past behind me. I was here to grow and the past would only hinder me. I could feel new tears gathering in my lids and this time I decided to let them fall as this was the last time I would ever allow myself to think of my past in Japan. Of my adventures around the country, of my friends in Tokyo, and of course, especially Aoshi. These weren't tears of hurt or betrayal, these were tears of mourning.
I went over to the bed to lie down since I suddenly felt extremely exhausted. I could feel a vast emptiness inside of me. Wondering for a moment or two of what it could be, I realized that that was where my whole life up until now had resided. My childhood was gone, dead. Curling up into a ball, I let go of everything I had once been in a torrent of tears.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
AN – Well, how did you like it? Tell me what you think, I am dying to know. As I have said and will continue to say, reviews do work as bribes.
Since I am tired and quite lazy right now, I won't use that reviewer reply thingy. I'll use it next time, I promise. Right now I am just too tired to use the 3 of energy required to move the mouse and click.
Lucerito-del-alma - Yes indeed, it would be too fluffy. AndI am way too early on in my story for fluffiness. I prefer my fluffiness to come later on, near the end.
tayuya-chan - Oh, I'm sure that you could write something really good if you really tried. And you can't be illiterate if you read my wonderful work::shameless plug:
Black Metalmark – I'm glad you're not confused, and it does look a lot better. And concerning Aoshi… he really should try harder with Misao. I'll be sure to tell him next time they meet up.
Ms Western Ink – That happened to me once too, I really don't like that rule. But if you ever really wanted to, you could just e-mail me, I wouldn't mind. Yes, Misao. Well I thought that she couldn't just let go of the love of her life so easily, so I put that part in there to show that.
Kageharu Kaco – :waves back: Well, I must say that Aoshi doesn't seem to be doing much. Goodness, I should seriously whip his butt into shape.