A/N: Hello my fellow hitchhikers, it has been a while hasn't it? But I realised how much I enjoyed doing this and I had some time, so I did you another. It's not very funny though…
Entry 9084315222: Baths
Baths should, as is a well-established fact throughout the Galaxy, be long and hot. It is absolutely pointless having a short cold bath, if you want something short and cold see FROZEN PYGMIES OF VINDEMIATRIX 4.
As well as being long and hot, baths should be deep. There is nothing less uncomfortable than submerging yourself in a tub where the water comes only an inch up your body. The only disadvantage of deep baths is that if you happen to fall asleep whilst bathing you may drown, to prevent this unlikely occurrence ask someone to check on you frequently.
Other problems caused by the use of baths are varied; the Galactic Dire Peril Rescue Service claim that over eighty percent of their call-outs are from life forms who have got their tentacle, claw, antennae, toe or other protracted limb stuck up the tap. There is also the age-old problem of pruning (it is of course extremely hard to produce fantastic works of topiary from your bath tub) which leaves the bather's skin wrinkled and waterlogged. Although in most species the skin retains its usual texture after being Home and Dry, or at least Home and Vigorously Towelling Yourself Off, a few unlucky life-forms can be scarred for life from their very first exposure to long hot baths.
As well as providing well needed Rest and Recuperation, baths are sometimes exploited as a way of avoiding something that really needs doing, like writing scripts for example, or as the Lunhulas from Tucana know only too well, feeding one's children.
Entry 24200934104: Radio
The medium of radio is well regarded around the galaxy as the primary source of news and entertainment. The sub-etha radio wavebands whiz around the galaxy, bringing even the most primeval life forms some kind of entertainment. Although most civilizations go through a phase where they insist that television is the way forward and the older radio gets pushed into the sidelines, after a few generations they come to realise how wrong they were and investments into modernising radio boom.
The actual radio machine is extremely flexible, in that it can be made as small and as sensitive as technology can make it without loss of quality. Modern radios only require the merest wave of the hand to change its channel, and a nod of the head to configure it.
It is of course scientifically proven that the brain of a carbon-based life form responds much more efficiently to aural representations rather than visual, and that increasing developments in sensovision (which is not only visual and aural, but includes the other three senses) has led to life forms becoming not only brainwashed by the media, but also deficient in imagination, causing uprisings of literary lovers around the galaxy demanding that it should be banned and that more books should be read and produced. This of course was mostly ignored.
The best radio station known in existence is BBC Radio 4, which describes itself as intellectual speech. But contains the widest variety of programs in the galaxy; from politics to painting, trigonometry to trekking, comedy to cuckoos, hair growth to haddocks… Though sometimes regarded as boring without music it has brought to its small planet Earth some excellent literature, as well as promoting the work of talented broadcasters, comedians and writers. And of course it introduced its public to this very book several years ago, so the people in charge obviously knew where there towels were.
A/N: OK, I know the radio one really wasn't funny, but I needed to write it! It means something to me… I would also take this opportunity to recommend the programs on trigonometry and hair growth; as far as I can remember (they were broadcast sometime around midnight) they were very informative and highly entertaining. But apart from that… was the bath at all funny? Come to think of it, this whole chapter was about Douglas really even if it wasn't funny…