SUMMARY: Second of my "Wheel of Comedy" series. Come and see who will be the star. A fic by acosta pérez josé ramiro.
Hello, toonsters! (Hey, don't use Buster's phrases!). Sorry, Babs. Ok, first of all, I want to thank Nightw2 for posting this one for me. (Yes. Justin has enough work without us). I also want to thank all the people who reviewed my previous one (Yes. Thanks Gothicruby, J.C. The Wabbit, Nightw2, Looneyman, Penelope Quill, and The J.A.M. We really like your job, guys, and we're glad for all the reviews). Thanks, Babsy. Can you read the disclaimer, please?
(Sure, pal. DISCLAIMER. Ramiro, as you guys already know, doesn't owns any character portrayed in this fic, either from TTA or the ones that might do a cameo. You really like cameos, right?). Hey, blame the J.A.M. He made me a fan of Mary Melody. (Oh, well. Better her than Elmyra).
Ok, on with the show. For that, we'll need... Babs (THE WHEEL OF COMEDY!).
The Wheel, containing pictures of every single TTA character, appears in front of us. Babs gives it a good push to make the wheel spin. After a few moments, it starts stoping.
And today's main character is... CALAMITY COYOTE! (Yes, folks. Our red nosed and silent canine is on the show today. Let's the fic begin!).
THREE TINY TOONS.
A TTA fic by Acosta Pérez José Ramiro.
I SMELL A RAT.
There are many honest and hard-working toons in Acme Acres. Unfortunately, Roderick Rat isn't one of them. He is actually running his own real estate business and legal buffet, and attending his newest client. A toon by the name of Calamity Coyote.
"Well, Mr Coyote", Roderick talked with his raspy voice to the silent coyote sitting in front of his office's desk. "It seems that your late uncle, Calixto Coyote, inherited you a huge terrain right in the forest area near Acme Acres. As your uncle lawyer and administrator, however, I must inform you about certain details concerning the will." Calamity nodded, and prepared to hear his uncle's last will. He actually felt sorry for his uncle's decease; he hardly saw him on the last couple of years, but he and his uncle used to be very close, and was grateful for being considered on his will.
"You see", Roderick talked, taking a piece of paper out of the desk, and reading it, "your uncle wanted you to prove you can take care of this terrain. To do that, once I end informing you, you have exactly 3 hours to get rid of any illegal resident on that mentioned place. Unfortunately, it seems we have a problem with some fowl", he was cut by Calamity holding a sign, and showing a concerned look,
"The Fiendish Organization of World Larceny?", and, before Roderick could answer, a blue smoke cloud appeared right on his desk. A voice was clearly heard coming from the cloud.
"I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night. I am the little writing you forgot to read. I, am..."
"Making a fool of yourself!", Roderick snapped at the duck in front of him. He was wearing an outfit consisting on a thirties-style jacket with turtleneck, cape, mask, and fedora, all on a dark shade of purple (except for the fedora, which was gray, and the sweater, which was blue).
"I was talking about regular fowl, you know, ducks, chickens, and stuff!".
"Ooops, sorry", Darkwing Duck apologized to the rat and coyote, and jumped down of the desk. He then took out a little pencil (who actually was a disguised communicator), and talked to the it. "Launchpad? False alarm. Yes.No FOWL here. Pick me up in the rooftop in 2 minutes. Roger", he finished, and made a dramatic pose with his cape. "Ok, let's get...", he was interrupted by Roderick clearing his throat, and then continued, in a more humble tone and with a sheepish smile, "...out of here while I still have dignity." And the duck exited the place on the usual way, by the door.
"Well, that was pointless", Roderick sighed, and continued. "As I was saying, we have problems with some fowl, and a certain girl as well. It seems that three toons moved into your uncle's property, and built their homes there. Your uncle was on the terminal state of his disease, so we couldn't kick them out at the moment. To inherit, you must get sure they get expelled out of the place in the 3 hours term I mentioned before. Got it?", Roderick finished, and Calamity nodded his head.
The coyote pondered for a second, and took out another sign, "Why don't you just call the police or start a legal action?".
"Because that would take more time than what you have", Roderick explained, and checked his watch. "Ok, you have 3 hours, or until this fic ends, to do your uncle's last wish... starting...NOW!" , the rat yelled at the coyote, who immediately scram out of the office to accomplish his mission.
A few seconds after Calamity left, another toon, a mallard in a business suit, appeared on the office. "Well, Roddy, I hope you know what you're doing", the avian said to the rat. "After all, it was your idea to sell those patches of property to these Loosers without the old coyote's approval."
"Relax, Dantforth. I have everything under control", Roderick smirked, "After all, this coyote hadn't been able to catch a lousy road runner in his life, so I doubt he'll get rid of any of the residents. However, just to be sure, I'm going to call them, and, since I'm a considerate business toon, concerned about my customers' welfare, I'll inform them that there's a hungry coyote stalking around the terrain. Since two of them are regular prey of the coyotes, and the other is a lonely girl, they'll surely panic and try to defend themselves before our friend Cal can explain them why he is visiting them", he concluded, and laughed briefly.
Dantforth Drake was really impressed about his partner's intelligence, and laughed as well. "Very good plan, my dear Roddy", he talked while looking out from the front's window; a moment later, he changed his expression to one of pure fear. "Roddy, maybe you should make that call from the street! Run!", Drake screamed, and jumped out of the office's other window, right behind the desk. Roddy looked puzzled for a moment, and, a second later, he heard a plane's motor. Then, the office's roof fell on him! A few seconds later, the dust cleared, revealing the front part of a jet shaped like a duck's head, with Darkwing sitting on the beak.
He looked around, and sighed. "Launchpad, you did it again. Good thing I already paid our insurance this month."
THE FIRST TINY TOON.
About twenty minutes later, a bus stopped in front of the property of late Mr Coyote. The driver was Hamton, and opened the door for Calamity to get out. Cal waved good-bye to his friend, and started walking through the place. Hamton couldn't resist the temptation, and talked to the other passengers. "And now, if you look to the right, you'll all see a naked coyote", he chuckled, and all the passengers started pointing and taking pictures of Calamity. The canine frowned, and showed them a sign. "I am a furry toon! I'm supposed to not wear clothing!", and then continued walking.
The terrain was a lot like a golf's field. It had a lot of open space, with some patches of forest and a few ponds around. Mr Coyote actually planned to use it for playing golf, but. after buying the place, he never had enough money to start the business before he got sick and died. Calamity was grateful that the place hadn't too many trees, because he only had a little idea about where to find the illegal residents' houses, and it was easier to find them in an open space.
Meanwhile, a green duck was walking nervously around his house. Plucky got the call of Roderick just a few moments ago, and now was worried. He bought one space of the terrain and built a hut in there to impress Shirley, showing her that he could live on his own without his parents' support, and plus having a private place for them. The hut was actually a very comfortable place to live, with all the services (Mr Coyote, using his last savings, installed an underground electric and phone system, as well as water ducts, planning to build a country club without messing too much with the property's look), and was right in front of a pond (a plus if you are a duck), but it was made only with straw and some wood, so it wasn't very resistant, or, of course, predator-proof. If a coyote appeared in front of the door right now, he would be roast duck in a moment. After a few minutes of thinking, Plucky got an idea. "Why I should worry about getting rid of a wild mutt, if I can make other guy handle him for me?", he thought out loud, and grabbed his phone to make a call.
Calamity finally found Plucky's place, and walked through the door. He wanted to solve the whole issue as fast and peaceful as possible. However, the moment he was about to knock the door, Cal felt a cold metal against his back. He slowly turned, and saw Elmer Fudd aiming at him with his gun. "Be vewy, vewy quiet", the man talked, "I'm hunting you. Hu, hu, hu, hu, hu!". Calamity gulped, and tried to take out a sign to calm down the hunter, but,at that moment, Plucky opened the door.
"Ah, good thing you appeared, Mr Fudd. A hunter shouldn't miss any hunting season, and today starts the coyote's one", Plucky talked to Elmer.
"Yeah, Thank you again for calling me, duck", Elmer said to Plucky, and then turned all his attention to Cal. "Ok, coyote, any last wowds?", he said. Calamity nodded, and, a split second later, he dashed away leaving a dust's cloud; after a second, the dust cleared, and revealed a sign saying "Hasta la Vista, Baby!". Plucky and
Elmer looked at the sign, and then at each other, confused. "Average road runners' escape tactic", Plucky said. Obviously, Cal learned a few things from chasing Beeper for so many years. When Elmer recovered from the surprise, he started running in the direction, he guessed, Calamity ran away. Plucky, for his own security, decided to hide inside his home, and wait to see the results.
Calamity, panting, hide behind a tree in one of the terrain's woody's patches. He saw Elmer tracking him; the man wasn't very smart, but, just like the coyote had experience chasing Beeper, the human has his own hunting tricky wild animals. Calamity pondered about the situation for a moment, and then had an idea; the best thing toon coyotes can do (besides surviving the Acme products) is setting traps and preparing tricks, so he could use one against Elmer.
Elmer approached the spot where Calamity was hidden. Suddenly, Calamity emerged from behind the tree, using a forest ranger's outfit, and holding a sign reading "Hunting Officer". Elmer, having tapioca for brains, didn't recognized him, asked "Oh, thewe is any twouble, officer?".
Cal showed him a piece of paper, and Elmer read it. "We awe doing an inspection of the local huntews' abilities to be suwe they awe no dangewous to any wesident by accidentally shooting them. Basically, we awe going to check for theiw skills to use any fiwe weapon", Elmer concluded. Calamity then showed him another sign, reading "Wait just a moment so I can prepare a practice's target", and left, leaving a very puzzled hunter behind him.
Plucky was eager to know if Elmer could finish the coyote. Unknown to him, Calamity was now out of his house, painting a bulls-eye in one of the walls. He then whistled to Elmer, and showed him the target. After Calamity moved out of the fire's range, Elmer started shooting to the hut, making multiple holes on it, damaging Plucky's stuff and blackening the duck with a couple of shots as well. "Hey, what's going on?", a butt-injured Plucky exclaimed, "That idiot isn't shooting the coyote!", and decided to take a look from one the new formed holes. One second later, he turned entirely white because of fear, and, showing a pathetic look, muttered a little "Mother". Then, his house was completely destroyed because of a mighty blast.
At a distance, Calamity was shaking Elmer's hand, congratulating him because of his good aiming; there was a cannon in front of them. "Wow, I never thought I should had to know how to use a cannon to pass a hunting's exam", Elmer said, keeping a proud smile. Then, he remembered about his prey, and asked Calamity, "Excuse me, Mr Officer, but, had you seen a little gwey coyote wunning awound hewe?"
Calamity shrugged, and showed him another sign. "Actually, we are in T-Rex's season, no coyote's", making Elmer slap his forehead. "Aw, man. I almost made a howible mistake. Thanks you, officer", Elmer said, and walked away.
Calamity got rid of his disguise when Elmer was out of sight, and started walking in the direction of the hut, or what was left of it. It was a desperate measure, yes, but he had to save his fur, and obviously, Plucky wasn't going to be cooperative. The duck popped his bruised head out of the house's charred straw, and saw Cal walking through him. Plucky got immediately scared, thinking that the coyote was now able to eat him without problem, and ran away in a panic dash.
Calamity sighed, and decided to follow the duck by using his nose to track him. With some luck, Plucky would run looking for his neighbors for shelter and then Cal should be able to find them and finally explain the whole situation.
THE SECOND TINY TOON.
"No dadgum coyote is going to eat me, or make me abandon my dadgum house!", Fowlmouth talked to himself while dusting off his hands/wings. The little chicken received the rat's call shortly after Plucky, and had just ended installing his own anti-predators system.
Fowlmouth, just like Plucky, bought his new home before of Shirley. When he knew about Plucky's idea of making himself an independent duck to impress the blonde loon, he decided to do the same, and got a piece of terrain from Roderick to build his house there. It was like an average hen-house, made of wooden planks, but, on the inside, was a lot like a regular city's house.
Fowlmouth closed the door, and prepared to sit on his couch and have some rest after installing his protective measures, when he heard some loud knocking on the door. At first, he got surprised, because his system was thought to stop any visitor, but decided to take a look anyway. A second after he opened the door, Plucky entered the house, soaked in sweat, and gasping for air.
"Fowlmouth, you have to hide me!", he yelled, while grabbing the chicken from his shirt, "That coyote destroyed my house and now is chasing me to eat me!".
"Calm down, you dadgum duck!", FM snapped, and made Plucky release him. "That dadgum dog will not be able to pass my dadgum security's system... by the dadgum way, how did you avoided it?", he asked.
"Well, your system might only work on walking predators, because I arrived here flying. I wanted to escape to the city that way, but I hadn't flown in a while, so I can't do it for a long time", Plucky explained, more calmed now. "And, exactly, what kind of security's system do you have?"
At that moment, Plucky and FM heard a loud exploding noise from the outside. Fowlmouth chuckled, and said, "A dadgum land-mines field around the house" and both avians started laughing.
Outside, Calamity was dizzied and blackened because of the explosion. After a few seconds, he shook his head, and looked at the hen-house in front of him. It was just a few dozens feet away, but, after the explosion, Calamity was sure the distance between him and the house was protected by similar devices, so he had to handle them before walking another step. He got an idea after a few minutes, and took a huge Acme magnet out of his body's pocket. The coyote aimed it in the house's direction, and, a few moments later, about 50 or more land mines emerged from the ground, and started hovering a couple of feet over the terrain. Calamity smiled at his own intelligence, but then he realized a terrible mistake about this trick, and, with a scared expression, took out another sign. "In the name of Heaven, what I'm doing?", and then started running again, this time followed at a certain distance by all the mines.
Calamity ran in circles around the house as fast as he could, while Plucky and FM watched the scene from the house's windows, with an amused look on their faces. "I bet ten dollars that the coyote can't escape for more than 2 minutes", Plucky said to the chicken.
"Deal", FM answered. Calamity saw them at the window, and had another idea, this one much better than the previous one. He ran near the window, and threw the magnet against it. The magnet broke the glass, and landed right behind the two birds. FM and Plucky looked at it, then at each other, and finally at the approaching mines.
Plucky sighed, and gave a 10 dollars bill to FM. "I lost", he said, and then closed his eyes, while FM took the money and looked angrily at the mines.
"Why I had to buy the special dadgum deluxe mines' package?", Fowlmouth said right before the explosives entered the house, and destroyed it completely.
Calamity approached the house's remains, and looked for the two birds. Both Plucky and FM emerged from them, and took a look at the coyote. Plucky screamed like a little girl, and ran away, as he did the first time.
FM looked at the running bird, and yelled, "Hey, come back here and help me fight him, you dadgum duck! What are you, a dadgum chicken?", he stopped to see the coyote in front of him, gulped, and said, "Ok, bad choice of dadgum words. Wait for me, Plucky!", and ran following the duck's trail, leaving a confused coyote behind him. Calamity now was starting to get angry. He only wanted to solve a problem concerning all of them, but every time he approached the houses, was attacked for no reason. Cal followed the birds' scent, as he did last time, but now the coyote was decided to take the initiative. If they wanted a fight, he'll give them one.
At a distance, Elmer was running for his life, with a huge roaring dinosaur chasing him. "Sowwy, sowwy! I wegwet shooting at you, weally!"
THE THIRD TINY TOON.
Fifi la Fume was at the phone, talking with Babs. "Oui, Babs, I heard abouz vour new job assiszing zhe fic's auzhor. Is he good looking?", she asked, and then got a disappointed look. "Oh, zhat bad? Well, az leaz is funny. Ok, I have zo leave vou now. Zhe guy who sold me zhe place called zo warn abouz a dangerous coyoze around here. Don'z worry, mon ami. Moi can handle zhis. So long", and ended the call.
Fifi had been wanting to move from the junkyard for a long time. The only reason she lived there, actually, was to save money until she could be able to buy her own place, and she liked this one even if Plucky and FM were her only neighbors. Also, it was a nice and, for her, romantic place to invite her boyfriend, if she ever was able to find another one after she and Hamton ended their relationship (luckily, they remained as friends). It was built with bricks, cement, and even some rocks from the terrain, but Fifi covered it with grass and flowers, so it looked like a little hill at a distance, except of course for the door and a couple of windows; if you saw The Lord of The Rings, you would find it a lot like a hobbit's house.
Fifi left the couch to prepare herself in case the coyote appeared, when she heard someone knocking furiously her door. She cautiously approached, holding her tail as a gun, and asked, "Who are vou?".
"We are Plucky and Fowlmouth, Feef! Please, open the door!", she heard Plucky's voice, sighed and opened the door. Both toons entered in a hurry, and, while FM locked the door, Plucky grabbed Fifi, and carried her to the couch. When the surprised skunk tried to talk, she couldn't because of all the noise the birds were doing, yelling and running all around the place.
"Quick, FM, put something heavy at the door!", Plucky shouted to the chicken.
"Fine. You check if the girl has some dadgum hidden weapons!", Fowlmouth shouted back.
"Close the windows!",
"Call the dadgum cops!",
"Block the fire place!", "There's not a dadgum fire place!",
"Build one, and then block it!",
"Prepare a dadgum shelter!",
"Call my mommy!",
"Call mine, too..."
"SILENCE!", Fifi screamed, and both birds stopped immediately. "Can vou guys, please, calm down, and explain moi whaz's going on?", Fifi talked, calmed but obviously annoyed.
"IT'S THE DADGUM COYOTE. HE DESTROYED OUR HOMES, AND IS COMING THIS WAY", both Plucky and Fowlmouth said in a very high and scared tone.
"Okay, vou zwo. Szay cool, and zhen I mighz be able zo do somezhing! I can handle any coyoze in, how do vou say iz... a snap!", Fifi informed them. Both birds seemed to calm down a little, but then Plucky looked out of the window, and screamed.
"HE IS HERE! OKAY, SKUNK, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO SOMETHING, DO IT NOW, PLEASE!", Plucky actually begged to Fifi. The girl sighed, and walked into her bedroom. She emerged using a secret agent kind of outfit (you know, the black tights one), and holding her tail as a gun, like she did it after hearing the knocking. The clothing fitted her perfectly, showing her beautiful feminine form; as a furry toon, the fur covered perfectly her censored parts, but any tight outfit made her, ehem, charms more evident.
Plucky and Fowlmouth gasped, and actually drooled a little after seeing her. Fifi pointed to the bedroom, and watched at the birds. "Hide inside. Moi will handle zhat coyoze", she calmly said. Both avians obeyed, and closed the bedroom's door.
On the outside, Calamity was using his nose to look for hidden traps.
Apparently, this house had no tricks like that, but Cal could easily smell Plucky and Fowlmouth, so he couldn't take any risks. After some extra smelling, he discovered the scent from a skunk, obviously the house's resident. Calamity grabbed a can of tomato juice out of his body's pocket (since it neutralizes the skunks smell), just in case, and walked through the door, frowning. This time, he would attack first and ask later. Besides the can, he got out a mallet, in case Plucky, Fowlmouth and the skunk attacked him at the same time. Calamity knocked the door, and made a fighting stance. Inside, Fifi did the same, keeping a ninja-like position while holding her tail. Then, she opened the door.
Inside the room, Plucky and FM were nervously waiting for Fifi, or any sound indicating a fight. "Man, I can't believe it. This is my first time inside a dadgum girl's bedroom, with the girl's permission, and I can't enjoy it!", Fowlmouth complained.
"Shut up your beak, chicken", Plucky hushed him, "I want to hear what's going on outside." After a few minutes, they both got desperate. "We should take a dadgum look", FM said, "Shirley would never forgive us if she knows we stayed hidden while a dadgum dog was eating her best dadgum friend!", FM said to Plucky, and he agreed. They carefully opened the door, just a little, to poke their heads out. Then, both of their low beaks hit the floor.
Fifi was at the couch with Calamity. She was giggling and sighing while he was passing her some notes the girl was reading. Cal looked really happy as well, wagging his tail and looking at the skunk girl with love-sick eyes.
Plucky and Fowlmouth stormed out of the bedroom. "What's wrong with you, Fume?", Plucky yelled, "You are with the enemy!". Fifi looked at Cal, with love-sick eyes as well, and talked to Plucky.
"He is non an enemy. He is very nice, and knows how to zalk... I mean, wrize zo a lady", Fifi sighed and gave Cal a small kiss on the nose, who turned a bright tone of red.
"What?", Fowlmouth said, and grabbed one of the papers Calamity had given to Fifi. "I love you more than my eyes. More than my eyes, I love you. And I love my eyes the most, because they saw you", FM read, and snapped at Fifi, "What kind of dadgum piece of...!",
He was cut by a snarling coyote, who showed him a sign, reading "Watch your beak in front of a lady!", making Fowlmouth to gulp and calm down. Even if Calamity was just slightly taller than him (about Plucky size plus the ears), he was a carnivore, a bird-predator, so he decided to not make him angry.
Plucky was reading another paper as well. Since the coyote was completely mute, he had learned to express himself perfectly through his writing. "You are the gem that God turned into a woman for the good of my life", Plucky read, and then turned to Calamity. "Hey, can you help me write something like this to my girl?", he asked, and Cal nodded. The duck thought for a moment, and talked again to the predator. "If you are such a nice guy, why did you destroy our homes?".
Calamity quickly grabbed another piece of paper, and wrote for a few moments. Then, he handled it to Fifi; Plucky and Fowlmouth read the paper too, looking over her shoulders (good thing for FM that Fifi was sitting in the couch).
"That dadgum rat!", Fowlmouth yelled, furious.
"He tricked all of us!", Plucky said, angry as well. Now Calamity was the confused one. Fifi explained him briefly about the circumstances the three of them got the houses. After she finished, Calamity was as upset as the other toons.
Calamity thought for a few moments, and then wrote on another paper, showing an evil grin. He handled the paper to his friends, who read it the same way they did the other one.
"Oh, mon Dieu! Zhis is awful!", Fifi said.
"Nasty!", Plucky continued.
"Dadgum criminal!", Fowlmouth ended.
The three toons looked at each other, and grinned as well. "We like it. Let's do it!" the toons chorused.
LEGAL VISIT.
"Well, Dantforth, just 30 more minutes", Roderick said to his partner while they were sitting on his (just recently) rebuilt office, "and the property of the old mutt will be legally ours. I knew that silly coyote wouldn't be able to do this."
"You were right, Roddy. Nothing can stop us now!", Danthforth replied, and, at that moment, Fifi entered the office, dressed in a business outfit and wearing shades; Calamity was next to her, wearing nothing as usual, and FM and Plucky were behind them in cops' disguises. Except for the coyote, Roderick and Dantforth couldn't recognize the toons.
Before the villains could say a word, Fifi talked. "Bon jour, Monsieurs. Moi am Mademoiselle Zorrilla, legal deffender of Mr Coyote, Miss La Fume, Mr Duck, and Mr Chicken. We had discovered vour real szaze's fraud, and we're ready to zake vou to jail, unless vou decide to sezzle zhis wizhouz a judge, righz here and now!" Fifi used an all business tone, but showing a little anger on her voice to show them she wasn't playing. FM and Plucky then took out a pair of handcuffs each, to make the facade more convincing.
Stunned, Roddy and Dantforth gulped, and tried to reason their way out of the problem. "Hee, hee, well, Miss Zorrilla, we surely can arrange this without going so far, right Dantforth?", Roderick talked nervously, and elbowed his partner.
"But of course", Dantforth Drake said, equally nervous, "What do we have to do to solve this nasty incident?".
Calamity handled them a large piece of paper with his demands. Roderick and Dantforth read it at the same time. "To accomplish the will's statements, the current residents don't need to leave just to be legal. Calamity Coyote must receive, from Roderick Rat and Danforth Drake, the contracts the residents signed, and all the money they paid for the terrain's spaces. They must also pay for the affected's lawyer's honoraries. Besides, the residents, Plucky Duck and Fowlmouth Chicken, must receive a compensation because of the psychological angst and the damage suffered on their properties as a result of the misinformation given by Mr Rat and Drake. The total cost of the damage is detailed on the following lines", both toons gulped, and started reading about all the things lost because of their little stunt.
Dantforth stopped in a particular item. "An original painting from Salvador Dalí?", he asked to Fifi and Calamity.
"Ehem. Skip zhaz one. A miszake from my secrezary", Fifi excused herself while Calamity and FM glared at Plucky, who just looked at them with a sheepish smile.
Twenty minutes later, Calamity was walking out of the place with the property's deed, the contracts, and a huge check. Fifi was holding three checks as well (to keep up the facade, she was keeping also FM and Plucky's checks for the moment), while the two birds went out of the office at last.
Dantforth and Roderick sighed, extremely annoyed; they had lost not only a great profitable terrain, but also a huge amount of money.
"Well, Roddy, look at the bright side", Dantforth said.
"What bright side, Danforth?", Roderick said, clenching his teeth.
"Well, this fic was a parody of "The Three Little Piglets", but, luckily for us, no wild dog blew our place down", Drake said, matter of factly.
Then, they heard a knocking at the door. Roderick opened it, and saw Calamity standing aside a giant ACME electric fan, and holding a sign, reading, "I don't blow with my lungs. I use technology", and immediately turned on the device. The fan produced a powerful hurricane-like wind, that destroyed the office's building, and made the two yelling villains fly away.
Calamity turned off the fan, chuckling, while Fifi, Plucky and FM walked at him, on their usual outfits (in Fifi's case, none). "Great!", Plucky said while looking at his check, "I can rebuild my house, and even have some extra money to improve it!".
"By the way, Calamity, what are you going to do with the dadgum money now that you own the dadgum property?", FM said to the coyote. Cal looked at his deed, and the check, and then at Fifi.
"I might have an idea", he showed them a sign while smiling.
One week later, Calamity was standing in front of one house that looked a lot like Fifi's. He used the money to build a series of similar houses inside the property, at a certain distance one from another, to keep them close but with some privacy. He decided to sell the houses at a good prize; enough to give him some profit, but not too much so they could be easily affordable. Right now, he was giving the keys of her new house to his old friend, Mary Melody.
"Thanks a lot, Cal. I really like my new place. It's very nice, with an ecological design, and, best of all, is only ten minutes away from my boyfriend's house", she giggled, and patted her friend's head, who wagged his tail and then started walking away while waving good-bye. Mary took off her cell phone while waving good-bye as well, and called her boyfriend. "Hey, Furrycoat, guess what? Yes, I just moved to my new house. You're on your way? Cool. Yes, I'll invite Cal to the house-warming..."
Calamity arrived at Fifi's place, who was waiting for him in the front doo and received him with a huge kiss.
Plucky and Shirley (who were inside the house to have a double date), appeared from behind them, and Plucky whispered to Shirley, "Hey, Shirl, this doesn't give you an idea?".
"Plucky, calm down, or some junk", Shirley said to her boyfriend, but blushed a little. When Fifi and Cal broke the kiss, everyone started walking into the house, when FM appeared from nowhere, covering his beak with a handkerchief.
"Hey, guys, look what I did with the dadgum money that was left after rebuilding my dadgum home!", he said, while uncovering his beak. It was bright, with a metallic tone.
"Yikes!", Plucky said, surprised, "You painted it with chrome?"
"Nope. No dadgum chrome. I had a dadgum surgery. You can call me Steelbeak now!", FM proudly said.
Suddenly, a canister rolled in front of him, while a voice was clearly heard at a distance.
"Smell gas, evil doer!", then, the canister exploded, covering Fowlmouth with a blue gas, that knocked him out cold. Darkwing Duck appeared a second later, opening his arms/wings in a heroic gesture. "I finally got you, Steelbeak!", he said, but paused when noticed the size of his prey. "Well... either Steelbeak had been losing a lot of weight, or I made another mistake", he thought out loudly.
"YOU MADE ANOTHER MISTAKE", Shirley, Plucky, Fifi and Calamity chorused (of course, Cal was using a sign) behind Darkwing.
He just sighed, and started walking away, leaving an unconscious chicken behind him. "Well, at least this time I didn't used the mustard gas."
THE END.
That was all folks! (Still using made phrases, right?). Sorry, Babs. (Allow the man to write a couple of fics, and he thinks he's already a comedian. Geez!).
I want to thank again to all the reviewers, and to Nightw2 for posting this, and to Justin for doing it with my previous. I hope you all had enjoyed this one as much as I did writing it. (And I thought about a new catchphrase for me. Listen. Ehem. I am the Rodent that Laughs in your face...) Now who is using another one's catchphrases? (You know that I can't...)... Control yourself, I know. Give a bunny girl one assistant job, and she'll ask for her own half-hour show (Hey, I am still a star, you know?)
By the way, for Mary's boyfriend, I included a reference to another's writer, the J:A:M. We used it with his permission and a lot of respect. (Thanks again, J.A.M).
The painter mentioned in this fic, Salvador Dalí, was a very famous impresionist Spanish artist. (He did that wacky painting with the melting watches. I once tried that at home using the microwave). And what did you got? (A month grounding).
The phrases that Cal wrote to Fifi are bits of some Mexican songs. The one about the eyes is from classic Mexican movie "Tizoc", starring late Pedro Infante, one of Mexico's greatest actors and singers ever (He was a romantic singer and both a dramatic actor and a comedian, folks, a difficult combination). The name of Cal's uncle, Calixto, is from an old Mexican sit-com, and stands for a very smart guy, like Pointdexter or something (It seems Calamity's family is filled with nerds). And Fifi's lawyer name, spelled "sor-e-ya", means "Female Skunk" in Spanish. (You are sooo original).
Again, thanks a lot, and keep the good writing. (Oh, and please, remember to leave a review before leaving). Thanks a lot, Babsy. (Or I will visit you at your homes with some land mines we still have left). No, you are not. (You never let me have fun!).
Also keep in mind that every other character in or mentioned in this fic IS copyrighted by Warner Brothers, except for Darkwing Duck, Launchpad McQuack, F.O.W.L. and Steelbeak. THEY are copyrighted by Disney. Thus, absolutely no profit was intended off this fic.
Keep the good writing.