Chapter Twenty Two-Christmas Wishes
While I was uneasy being around Boromir, it wasn't because he was a bad guy or anything, I had just been warned by Elrond and Mithrandir that the Enemy was near; and Glorfindel and Arwen had warned me to not be alone with Boromir, or anyone from the race of Men. They knew I'd stand out like a sore thumb if I was comfortable being without a chaperone in the presence of a Man who was not related to me. It was sooo not done in Arda, if you were well bred anyways. They also told me that they didn't want Boromir to find out I wasn't from Arda, as he may decide to do something rash. I think they felt the race of Men were pretty superstitious; and not having any experience with them, I couldn't say so myself. I didn't care for Boromir's obvious bigotry against the Elves, but I figured if I avoided him I would cause more problems than resolve them. I decided to treat him with courtesy and ignore his shortcomings in the enlightened behaviour department, while leading by my own example. I probably treated him a little poorly when he spoke to me that last time, but I couldn't believe he wanted me to go to Minas Tirith with him and do God only knew what. I knew I had a good thing going with the Elves, and I really liked them too. They were relatively egalitarian and even though they didn't care for dwarves too much, they were still courteous and kind when giving hospitality. I didn't want to trade my current cozy ensconcement with the Elves for some unknown situation with people who didn't see things the same way I did. I totally didn't want to end up slaving away at some horrible thing, and having no rights to boot. So I kept the status quo, and didn't give Boromir any hope that I would go to Minas Tirith with him.
Meanwhile, Elrond announced who else was going on their 'quest' thingy. Gimli, the old gadabout, was chosen. He bade his kin goodbye as they left Imladris to return home. I was glad Gimli was sticking around for a while. He was a laugh, telling me bawdy jokes and being pleased as punch when I wasn't offended but offered a rejoinder of my own. Plus, he kept the hobbits happy with his love of beer. While hobbits liked wine, they loved beer; and having a drinking companion who could engage in boozy contests was a match made in hobbit heaven. Estel was going, something about fulfilling his destiny. Nobody bothered to explain that to me. I felt for Arwen though. I had done a little reconnaissance and had found out the journey would be a wee bit dangerous. Who am I kidding? They were swing-dancing with the devil, plain and simple. So Arwen was beside herself with worry. I resolved to hang-out with her and keep her busy, so she wouldn't have too much time to dwell on the massive suckage of the situation. Legolas was going too. Glorfindel told me he was an excellent archer, so I figured he'd be doing a little bit of sniper duty. I hadn't hung out with him too much, as he was busy catching up with Estel, but he struck me as being quite level-headed. Handy to have in a fight. Unless he got girly when things got tight, but he didn't seem like the type. Boromir was going too. I gathered it was a Gondor-duty gig. I was glad I wasn't going. That would've been so awkward. Mithrandir got Elrond to let Frodo's friends, Pip and Merry, join the quest. Glorfindel was referring to it as the 'Fellowship of Nine', saying it was significant. Didn't explain how, but then I didn't ask either.
I was worried for the hobbits, as I knew they didn't know how to fight, so I convinced Glorfindel to teach them a little swordsmanship and I had them join in my kickboxing exercises. The leg is an excellent tool to fight with when you're weaponless. It's the strongest set of muscles on the body. I had used it on occasion when a guy got too frisky at a party, etc. Surprises the hell out of them when their ass is kicked by a girl.
After the dwarves and the Elves from Mirkwood left, leaving behind their comrades participating in the journey, I returned to a schedule similar to the one I had set previously. I shortened the time I was in the kitchen and garden duty was abbreviated, but Sindarin lessons went right back up to ninety minutes and horseback riding was continued. I spent more time with the hobbits, hoping and praying for their safe return. I had been in a Christian 'crisis of faith' for over twenty years, and I hoped God still listened to someone who didn't spend a lot of time talking with Him, except to bring up humanity's shortcomings. I'm an awkward pray-er. I tended to be all, 'Hey God. What's up?' in a loose type of 'communion with God'. God needed to come through on this one. I was worried.
Glorfindel also made a point of hanging out with me. I knew he was busy, but he seemed to show up just when I came into a spare moment of time, and we'd sit quietly, contemplating the universe, or talking about our lives. I learned more about Glorfindel's life in Imladris and his previous incarnation in Gondolin; which as it turns out, wasn't the greatest time of his life (ves). He told me about how he loved Imladris, but always felt a bit outside of things. I asked if it was because of his reincarnation. Glorfindel said he wasn't sure, but since Elves didn't normally reincarnate, he supposed this was a good theory. I told him about reincarnation on Earth, and gave him a rundown of the lives I remembered. He didn't like the fact that in the lives I remembered, I'd had a tough time of it, and I kept dying in nasty ways. I think the burned alive one grossed him out. I told him that suffering can lead to enlightenment. I described how Sakyamuni Buddha taught that impermanence is both the cause and cure for suffering. In the state of change, or impermanence, we can see it as a detriment or beneficial, but by attaching ourselves to either view will cause suffering. We have to separate ourselves and realize that 'self' doesn't exist. Nothing permanent exists outside of change. I told him it's trickier than it sounds as we are conditioned to see 'self' as true, and that keeps us in samsara, or the karmic cycle. I couldn't believe he was interested in Buddhist thought, as most people I spoke to about it would glaze over and tune out. Glorfindel wanted to know more about Buddhism and Taoist doctrine. I gave him everything I could and said it was too bad I didn't have my library with me, because I had loads of information at home, and he'd get details up the wazoo.
Mostly, I enjoyed the times we sat quietly in the gardens or in the library together. He'd slide up close to me and hold my hand, or our thighs would touch as we sat reading. It just felt right. Like you were sitting with the partner you'd been with for a lifetime. An easy comfort, with just an edge of excitement, like they might do something unexpected at any moment. I was always remorseful when either of us had to get up and go attend to our duties.
While our unusual relationship continued, life around Imladris rode forward, even with the edge of a dark cloud poised over the entire realm. The Fellowship was scheduled to leave on the 25th of December, Christmas Day. I wanted to send them off with happy memories, so I planned a party, a take on my family Christmas celebrations of the past. I informed everyone I met, or sought out, of what was planned, and if they cared to trade gifts with others, to please feel free to do so. I was still making gifts for many members of the Fellowship, as well as many Elves I was friendly with, including Glorfindel. They didn't have turkeys in Arda, so we made due with chicken and ham for the feast. I taught the cooks how to make figgy pudding and hard sauce, but with no food colouring, it was a buttery colour for the hard sauce. I would've given my eye teeth to have green and red in the sweet concoction. We planned the feast for Christmas Eve, a day early from my family celebrations, but with all the Dutchie's we had in my family, and their penchant for doing things on Christmas Eve, I didn't feel like I was screwing with tradition too much.
Soon the day came, and all of Imladris was busy with preparations for the feast. Elrond was even getting into it; bless his soul, as he was writing a toast. As we couldn't divulge the origins of the feast, as the visitors to Imladris thought I was from the North (except for the hobbits, who knew the truth), we called it a Winter Solstice celebration. Bilbo came up with the idea to have singing and dancing after the feast. We never danced in my family, but hey, anything for a good time. I had wrapped the gifts I had made in cloth and tied them with ribbon. I thought it was a very 'Martha' Christmas, having the lovely fabric instead of wrapping paper, although I didn't have any grosgrain ribbon. I carefully put all my gifts into a cloth bag to carry them down to the hall, and then I got into a new dress the seamstresses had sewn for me. It was a deep green, with a bit of a plunging neckline. Not being terribly fond of having my breasts ogled, I brought a light scarf to tuck into my bodice, should the attention prove uncomfortable. As I walked out of my room to head down early and see how things were going, I ran into Arwen. She looked positively radiant. Her hair was partially braided back in an intricate design, and she had a nest of jewels resting on the crown of her head. They sparkled with every movement. Arwen's dress was a creamy colour, with lovely detail embroidered in deep blue, the colour of the sea. I complimented her on her whole ensemble, as she was too fabulous to ignore. She laughed happily and took my arm as we walked down to the meal hall.
Walking into the hall we were greeting by a sight to behold. From the boughs of greenery hanging off walls, to the long lengths of ribbon tied to beams. The tables were adorned with festive coloured cloth and had low greenery placed down the centres. The smell of baking permeated the hall and Elves rushed in and out preparing everything for the feast. I noticed the gardeners had found something akin to mistletoe, and wondered if the tradition carried over here too. I decided to ask Arwen.
"Lady Arwen, that little greenery that's hanging off those ribbons, what is it?"
"That is aeglos. It looks pretty hanging down in those bundles, does it not?" Arwen asked.
I got a closer look at the plant and noticed it wasn't like mistletoe as it didn't have berries, but it had tiny white flowers. Close enough.
"Did you know we have something similar but it has berries on the plant as well, and we call it mistletoe. Should you find yourself standing under a bundle, you're supposed to kiss anyone who joins you. It's a fun way to loosen up the room, y'know, if people are kissing each other," I explained.
Arwen laughed, "We should do that, and not explain ourselves, and see if anyone figures it out."
"I think we should probably point to the bundle and say 'tradition', just so we don't get busted for improper behaviour," I pointed out.
"Oh just say 'happy solstice'. I think it will be enough," Arwen decided.
I nodded, but held some reservations about kissing some like Boromir. I knew he wouldn't understand. I figured I'd avoid him if I saw aeglos above me. Soon the meal hall filled up with revellers, all wearing festive colours, as I had mandated, and laughing and chatting with each other. I was pleased to see many were exchanging gifts, as I had been worried it wouldn't catch on. I handed out my gifts of scarves I had knitted (with a great deal of help from the Elves, bless their souls) to the hobbits and was given lovely hair accessories and giant hugs in return. Elrond appreciated the watercolour of a Japanese landscape I had drawn. I had drawn a rendition of a Japanese lantern festival; with the little paper lanterns floating down the stream under a weeping willow. Erestor was fascinated by the calligraphy I gave him. I had written out William Wordsworth's poem, 'I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud', in the fancy script on some vellum. Luckily I had the poem in one of my notebooks that I had brought with me on my sudden departure from Earth.
The artisans of Imladris were kind enough to let me set up a make-shift silk-screening operation in one of the studios, and I had experimented with it until I had been able to silk screen scarves and tunics with various flora. I gave a large scarf to Arwen, who hugged me and gave me a small jewelled necklace. It was dark green and complimented my eyes. I felt it outstripped my paltry gift, even though I had spent hours getting the silk screening process just right and had painstakingly designed the imprints, based on drawings I had found in the library. Estel received a tunic with silk screened leaves in the shape of the mallorn leaf, which I had found a picture of in a dusty tome about the island of Tol Eressea. I thought they looked pretty and still masculine enough to wear on clothing. Legolas got a tunic with silk screened birch leaves around the neck and wrists. I gave Gimli a leather sheath to fit a small knife I had the smithies make. I knew Gimli was an axe-lover, but a small knife goes a long way in day to day living. I had tooled the leather with angerthas script I had gotten from another book in the library. Erestor had helped me get it to read as a protection ward. I wasn't sure if it would work, but it was nifty to look at. Gimli had just smiled with a shine in his eyes when I gave him the knife and sheath, and said to expect something later on during the feast.
I had spent long nights carving the bowl of a pipe I had made for Mithrandir, and the woodworkers helped me make the stem and attach it. It wasn't nearly as elaborate as his usual pipe, but I explained he wouldn't mind so much if he lost it. Mithrandir hugged me close and told me he would keep the pipe safe forever, as it had been made with love and given in the same spirit. I blushed profusely over that. Mithrandir reminded me so much of my favourite uncle; I just couldn't help but treat him like my Uncle Norm. The only difference was Uncle Norm wasn't remotely supernatural and Mithrandir oozed the supernatural from his pores. Mithrandir had a similar sense of humour and would trade jokes with me and hugged me openly, unlike the Elves, who seemed to be a bit reserved in that respect.
I wasn't sure what to give Boromir, as I didn't want to encourage his idea of getting me to Minas Tirith, so I got the metalworkers to fashion a small flat amulet in basic scroll, and strung it with a leather thong. He smiled as I gave it to him, and I quickly explained it was a solstice gift. He laughed and thanked me, walking away while he pulled it over his head. Thankfully he didn't bring up Minas Tirith, and I was forever grateful.
The twins gave me a pair of lovely hair combs, and I gave them each a leather brace for their wrists, on which I had tooled leaf shapes. I had to get help with the closures, as I may be able to work leather from seven years of camp arts and crafts, but I wasn't able to figure out how to get the damned things closed. They hugged me and tried to cop a feel, but I skipped out of their grasp and laughed. Tricky boys.
Glorfindel had been left to the last. I had worked on his gift since I had come up with the idea to give Christmas gifts, and I was a little shy, but proud of my efforts. I had made a ring, after the jewellers had taught me how to fashion the mould. Together, the jewellers helped me set a blue stone deep into the band, so only the rounded top was above the setting. I had spent ages looking for a stone the colour of his eyes, and had finally found one that came pretty darned close. The band had an Elvish inscription on the inside that one of the craftsmen had inscribed. The engraving said 'Always', as I wanted Glorfindel to know I'd be there for him always. I included a saying by the Dalai Lama, written on a fine strip of silk and framed in a hardwood frame. It said: 'If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.' Glorfindel knew about the lessons in compassion and I thought it would be a tangible reminder. I gave the gift to Glorfindel, who unwrapped the gifts carefully and then regarded at me with a luminous look in his eyes. I got this teary feeling, like I was going to cry but fighting the feeling, and I realized it was Glorfindel who was giving off the vibe.
He had a tiny tear in the corner of his eye and was smiling at me as he took my hand, stroking my thumb and whispered, "I have a gift for you, but I want to give it to you after the feast when we are alone."
I felt shivery and a shot of pleasure ran down my spine. I wanted the feast to be over right that instant, but we hadn't even sat down to eat yet, so I had to wait. Everyone sat down at the tables once everyone had exchanged gifts. Our loot was stashed under the table, by our plates; anywhere there was space to spare. The hall quieted down when Elrond rose to speak.
He raised his glass and everyone stood and followed suit. "My friends, we are gathered together to celebrate Winter Solstice, as it is introduced to us by our friend Lady Karyn. We are also saying farewell to the Nine who will journey forth in hopes of saving Arda. We pray that they are successful and return safely to our homes. Let us celebrate the bonds we have with each other and raise our glasses to commemorate the beginning of the end of the Darkness and the renewal of strength in the Light. To Winter Solstice!"
With that everyone in the hall toasted, "To Winter Solstice!" and then drank deeply from their glasses. After everyone sat down, the doors to the kitchens opened and staff came out bearing great platters of food. Roast chickens, large hams, bowls of vegetables and gravy. Everything was set down at every table and the Elves all dug in. The hobbits had barely even waited for the food to be set down before they set upon it like hungry wolves. I filled my plate with mashed potatoes, carrots, green beans, chicken and a slice of ham. I liberally poured gravy over the chicken and potatoes and began to eat. It was heavenly. As I ate, I watched the Elves enjoy themselves. They talked and laughed as they ate and seemed to be having a glorious time. Even the members of the Fellowship seemed to be having a dandy time, not giving any idea that they were remotely worried about their task ahead. When dessert was served, everyone oohed and aahed at the blue fire the alcohol gave off as it burned. The hobbits were quite curious about the pudding, so I explained what it was and how to eat it with the hard sauce. As filling as figgy pudding was, they had huge helpings and went back for seconds and thirds. I put my elbows on the table and talked with everyone for a good hour before we were ushered into the Hall of Fire for singing and dancing.
As we entered the hall, I was pleased to note that even Erestor had relaxed enough to talk to Melima in public. They seemed to really be enjoying themselves. The night continued as the Elves sang a variety of songs, some happy, some sad, but all enthralling. Gimli felt he had to defend the honour of the dwarves and sang a couple of songs himself. Then the hobbits jumped in with happy, crazy songs. Everyone danced to a small quartet playing music, and I was spun from dance partner to dance partner until I begged off, citing my feet. I wasn't wearing heels, but my feet were a bit tired from twirling around the dance floor like some mechanical doll. Moving to a dark corner to rest, I felt a hand touch my waist; and as I was about to claim insanity, just so I wouldn't have to dance again, I looked up to see it was Glorfindel. He put a finger to his lips and motioned for me to follow. Going outside, he handed me a warm cloak. Putting it on, I hurriedly followed him down the stairs and into the darkened gardens. He walked midway into the gardens before he came to the stone bench under our favourite tree. I sat down beside him and looked into his luminous face. He was watching me with intensity. Reaching out, he grasped my hands in his and I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. He looked like he wanted to kiss me, but made no move to do so.
"Thank you for the ring," he said in a low quiet voice, "I read the inscription. 'Always'. That is our relationship is it not?"
"Yes," I breathed. Electricity was arcing between us and I was going slightly insane from the intensity of the moment.
"We are always, forever, destined," he spoke like he was afraid to speak any louder, in case the magic suddenly departed.
I mutely nodded, unable to get any words to come out of my mouth.
"We are alike, you and I," his whispered words striking a chord so deep inside me, I felt like the multiverse was suddenly coming into alignment and I found myself in a perfect state of being, both existing and not-existing all at once. I was a part of everything and nothing, seeing things outside of time and space. I had experienced this before, but this was the first time it had been induced with another person present.
"Do you feel that?" his eyes took on a faraway look, and I felt him enter and twin my experience. We sat frozen on the bench for many moments, as we let the experience of nirvana be.
Slowly, our identities separated and we found ourselves back in our normal state, looking at each other with intensity. Glorfindel leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against mine. The feel of his breath mingling with mine, and the softness of his lips grazing my own lips made me shiver in delight. He broke off the kiss and looked at me.
"I have never experienced that feeling before in my life," he said softly, "What happened?"
"That was nirvana, where the self falls away and we both exist and don't exist. It is the perfect state, or non-state of being," I whispered, hoping the magic wouldn't end.
"I find I want more," he commented.
"Nirvana does that," I replied.
Glorfindel reached inside his tunic and pulled out a small package, handing it to me. I unwrapped the cloth and found a small ring, delicately made with intricate workmanship. Glorfindel took the ring and placed it on my right ring finger. Damned if it didn't fit. It was a silvery colour, and held a blue gem in the centre of the setting. I loved it.
"A token of my affection for you," he said, "I chose the stone to reflect my feelings."
My heart swelled at that information and I leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips, like he had done to me.
"I love it. Thank you," I whispered.
Suddenly we heard a noise and we broke apart, tidying ourselves quickly. A few revellers had made their way into the garden, singing loudly and swinging each other around. Glorfindel and I made our way quietly out of the garden and re-entered the building. Inside, we looked at each other with great emotion as we bade each other goodnight. The party had since broken up and Elves were making their way back to their rooms to get some rest before they had to start a new day. I walked up the stairs, away from Glorfindel, resisting the urge to look back. It was a terrible urge.