Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho in any way, shape or form. I have rights only to my lame obsession!
Author's Note: Happy Readings!
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Silence crept over the barren ground, it's cold, unfeeling emptiness caressing the turmoil strewn about the battlefield. As if alive, the desecrated hardwood floor seemed to shiver with the chilly fingers of the overwhelming quiet in the room. Not even the musical sounds of the steady storm seemed to breach the still hush.
But this picture was an illusion, a mere calm before the true storm that would surely engulf the silence, ripping it to pieces with jagged, slobbery fangs.
Abruptly, there was a ruffle of sheets from one side of the room and, as if in reply, a shuffling from the other. Rinku peered out from under the sheets, a scowl on his young face. He then ducked back under to whisper to his team.
Chuu peeked out from the top of his fort and looked out, his face a mask of seriousness, his eyes alight with joy, and then he sank back into the protection of his own cautious sheets.
Suddenly, there was a sharp battle cry, and Rinku darted out into the center of the room, wielding a wooden spoon and an arsenal of eggs. Behind him, Shishi and Touya burst forth, echoing a similar shout. Touya clutched a ladle in his upraised right hand, a bowl of leftover marinara sauce from two nights ago, and couple of flour bombs, while Shishi held an eggbeater like he held his beloved sword. The swordsman was complete with a bag full of tomatoes and baby carrots tied around his waist.
"Death to the infidels!" Cried Rinku as he descended upon the other fort.
As he was about to strike the other force's hold, Chuu suddenly rose up, grinning evilly. Rinku, surprised, stumbled back a moment and offered the large man the opportunity to squirt cheese whiz all over his shocked face. The young boy fell flat on his behind as he tried to wipe the thick goop out of his eyes.
However, Shishi and Touya were not about to allow the act to go unpunished, and Touya quickly attacked with a barrage of flour bombs while Chuu's hair received the egg beating of its life, courtesy of Shishi.
Chuu wailed in agony as Shishi abandoned his egg beating to quickly grab two baby carrots, which he promptly shoved in the larger man's nose. The swordsman stood up triumphantly and pointed down at his befallen enemy.
"This is the fate of all those who oppose our order," he proclaimed.
The abrupt tackle delivered by a very excited Jin prohibited any further speech.
"Damn yer order and damn you too!" Cried the blatant redhead.
Within the mere seconds that followed, Shishi's cherished hair was smeared with the bread dough that Suzuki had planned on baking for dinner.
"That'll teach ya to love yer dead follicles," Jin said smugly.
In the meantime, Touya had helped young Rinku to his feet, and the two took note of Shishi's position.
"He's under attack," said Rinku anxiously. "We've got to help him!"
Touya nodded but held his friend back when he tried to run to their comrade's aid. "It could be a trap. We don't know the position of the third," reasoned the ice demon.
"Maybe you should look behind you," whispered a new voice.
Both Touya and Rinku whipped around and were faced with Suzuki, who grinned malevolently.
"You two are looking a little bland," he commented curtly. From behind his back, the blonde pulled out two squirt guns and took aim. "Maybe a little coconut extract will liven you up!"
Suzuki laughed manically as he soaked the pair in the very coconut extract that he had used in Rinku's birthday cake one month ago.
The battle raged on with neither side gaining an obvious advantage.
Suzuki's tropical attack was avenged when a newly recovered and greatly enraged Shishi started pummeling him with tomatoes. Rinku and Touya escaped relatively unharmed, but Rinku was unable to avoid a vengeful attack of ranch dressing delivered by Chuu, who laughed during the entire ordeal. Thankfully for Rinku, Shishi had just finished his own attack and quickly came to his young friend's aid, threatening goodly Chuu with another vicious egg beating.
Touya's attempt at invading his opponent's fort was thwarted by Jin. The giddy wind master giggled gleefully as he leapt atop his struggling lover to flick left over potato salad in his face. However, Touya took advantage of an overly confident Jin and pulled out his ladle, which he did not hesitate to smack Jin atop the head with. Jin, surprised and somewhat wounded, tumbled off of the smaller demon in a heap of groans and whimpers.
And it was somewhere in the midst of all of this, at a time period where Touya straddled Jin's aching form, Shishi was wrist deep in Chuu's egg beaten, tangled hair, and Rinku and Suzuki were about to partake in a duel of flour bombs and cooking oil, that the front door opened and the light, which had been flipped off in all of the hubbub, came on.
All activity stopped, the epic war's valiant contenders seemingly frozen in time as they all blinked owlishly at the three familiar figures standing in the doorway. No one spoke for the longest time until one of the new comer's temporary bout of lockjaw subsided.
"Holy shit," said Yusuke, none to quietly. He was gaping openly at the wreck of a living room as well as the very strange and questionable positions of his friends. Even Kurama and Genkai abandoned their predominant passive expressions for looks of complete and utter shock and confusion.
Now Touya, Jin, Rinku, Chuu, Shishi, and Suzuki all exchanged glances of uncertainty.
"Um," uttered Touya as he lowered his arm and set the ladle on the floor. He looked at his newly arrived friends, particularly at Kurama's perplexed face, and flushed.
"This must all seem . . . very strange to you three," Touya started, his voice choppy from embarrassment and a sudden lack of verbal skills. "But, uh . . ."
"He started it!" Cried Rinku suddenly, pointing an accusing finger Chuu.
Chuu scowled as Shishi tried to untangle the eggbeater from his hair.
"Nuh-uh, you little liar," Chuu protested.
Without any further warning, the two were engaged in an argument while Touya climbed off of Jin, Jin found his feet, Shishi made a desperate attempt at looking decent, and Suzui set down his arsenal of flour bombs and his bottle of cooking oil so as to salvage a bit of his dignity.
Ignoring the other bickering pair, Kurama stepped forward, gracefully avoiding a glob of pudding, and cleared his throat. "Would someone like to explain how this," and he motioned around the room, "all came about?"
Jin wiped distractedly at one of the many stains on his pant leg. "Well I was readin' with Touya and I got bored and Touya wouldn't give me the time a day. He chose his stupid book over his own lover and--"
Touya glared. "Jin, that's ridiculous," he interrupted.
Jin cast his own glower in Touya's direction. "Is not. S'all ya ever seem ta care about," he said accusingly.
Within another moment Touya and Jin were at each other's throats.
Meanwhile, Genkai's eye began to twitch from irritation and her already present frown deepened.
When Suzuki and Shishi began their own quarrel for one reason or other, the elderly woman had decided that she had heard quite enough.
"Shut-up!" She shouted sharply.
There was no disobeying that tone, and it was all that was needed for an abrupt silence to encompass the room. All guilty partisans stared wide-eyed at their former sensei.
"I don't give a damn what lead up to this or a flying fuck about who started it, but you brainless excuses for fighters had better get this shit fest cleaned the hell up, do you understand me?" She said calmly, but the underlying tone in her voice was threat enough.
"Yes, sensei!" They said unison.
Genkai stared each of her former students down, solidifying her threat, before she turned to her companions.
"Urameshi, Kurama, let's find some place that isn't covered in filth and sit down. We're going to observe, and each time one of these hopeless slackers strays from the task at hand, I get to practice one of my new techniques on their respective asses," said Genkai. There was sadistic humor laced into her scratchy voice as she pulled out a cigarette and chuckled wryly.