Normal Monday's Chaos

By: Solar Hawk

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, duh!

Chapter 2 - Maes Hughe's POV -or- Oh Snap!

I dared to open my eyes. A bright light flooded my vision and temporarily blinded me. "Urk...," I groaned and stood up shakily, "What a day..." I felt my way out of the library carefully. "Darn you, Ed!" I groaned and collapsed on the floor.

"Is he awake?"

"I dunno...Sir?"

I opened my eyes and groaned again. "Urgh...what happened?" I saw a smiling pair of young State Alchemist smiling at me.

"You were collapsed on the floor, so I brought you to the hospital quarters!" one said with a huge smile. "Um, Sir!" he added after remembering I was a higher rank than him.

"Whatever, go away," I moaned and put my head in the pillow. I feel like I just got hit by Armstrong on one of his bad days..WITH the pink sparkles.

They both saluted and left quickly because I probably looked like Elysia had tried to "make-up daddy" again.

I sighed and looked in the mirror Roy kept on his desk for some weird reason to make sure I looked presentable for the two women in my life. I gasped and almost fainted at the face staring back at me.

Mustang smirked at me from the mirror and I fell over in my chair. I got up really quickly and turned the mirror face-down. "Oh great! Now my eyes are messed up, too! Thanks a lot Ed! Maybe I should go home for the day...Yeah! That's what I'll do!" I strolled out of Roy's office whistling.

People were staring at me for some freaky reason or another.

I strolled happily into the house and closed the door loudly. Gracia called out from the kitchen, "Maes? I'm in the kitchen, dear."

I grinned and walked into the kitchen up to Gracia. "Hey honey! Where's Elysia, darling?" I placed a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Why you silly! She's at school, Mrs. Appleorange was going to bring her hAAAAAA!" Gracia turned and looked at me, screaming. "ROY! I'M MARRIED!"

I sighed, she was in one of her moods. "Yeah, to ME!" She slapped me, which hurt a heckuva lot considering she's never done it before.

"OW! What's wrong with you?" I whined.

"Roy Mustang, Maes said you were a womanizer, but I didn't believe him! Now I certainly do! Wait till my husband hears about this!" Gracia said in a very stern tone.

"Roy? B-b-b-but I'm Maes Hughes! What the heck is going on? I'm Maes!"

"What's wrong with you, Roy? Maybe you should rest?" Gracia seemed worried, like I was mental or something. Shyeah right.

"I'm Maes!" I insisted.

"Roy?" Gracia seemed really worried now. "Maybe I should call Ri-"

"Mommy! I'm home!" Elysia walked in happily.

"Elyisa!" I squealed and hugged my little girl. But for some reason she looked very confused.

"Mommy? Why is Mistah Kernel Woy Pony hugging me?" she wondered.

"Mistah Kernel Woy Pony? Doncha mean Mr. Colonel Roy Mustang?" I asked her. She nodded and smiled at me.

"So Mistah Pony, why are you hugging me? My daddy says you're not good enuff with kids! An an he says that you are a womaniser! An an he says you are a Narsissy!" I covered her mouth quickly. "You not Daddy!" she grumbled through my hand.

I started to cry. "What? Elysia, don't you recognize Dad-" I stopped as I looked in the mirror. This was definitely not a trick of my eyes. I froze solid.

"Whatsa mattah Mistah Pony?" Elysia looked at me with those big round eyes.

I gulped visibly. My hand went to my head. "Sexy black hair?" I touched my chest. "A well built chest?" I composed myself. "Hey, what am I thinking? I have sexy black hair and a well built chest!" I laughed and I reached in my pocket and pulled out two gloves. "And Flame Alchemist's gloves?" I shuddered and plopped on the floor. "I-I-I'm Roy! And the worst part is...I CAN'T SNAP FOR THE LIFE OF ME! WAAAAH!"

Gracia backed against the wall. "Roy! You're starting to scare me! Get away from my daughter!" She hugged Elysia and kept her away from me. "Get away!"

"But Gracia my love!" Then she started to throw things at me. Which hurt. A lot.

"Stop! Don't hurt Hughes, Mrs. Hughes!" Al rushed in front of me and a picture bounced off his armor.

"Whew! Thanks, Al!" I patted his shoulder, avoiding those weird spiky thingies. "How'd you get in here?"

"I'm not Al!" he growled at me. "I'm Ed and I came through the door, duh!"

"Ed?" I cocked my head.

"The transmutation backfired," he sighed and sat on the ground dejectedly, "It seems I'm in Al's body and you're in Mustang's. The only other people, Al, Riza, and Mustang, are possibly in mine, yours, or Riza's body." Then he sounded sheepish and I'm sure he was trying to grin, too. "Or..."

"Or what?" I sighed.

"Or..I may...have..sent their souls to purgatory." He grinned sheepishly.

"What?" I stated in disbelief. "Noooo! This cannot be happening! Ack!"

"Maes, dear?" Gracia ventured from against the wall and put her hand on my shoulder. "Is that you?"

I swept her off her feet and kissed her long on the lips. Elysia made a face of disgust. "Eww! Daddy's bossy's kissin Mommy!"

"Sick," Al/Ed grimaced and curled up on the floor. "That image will never get out of my mind. Thanks a lot. Ugh...NASTY!" We ignored him as he rocked back and forth trying to suck his thumb.

When she came back up she smiled lovingly at me. "Oh Maes! I'm sorry, I didn't know! No one but you kisses me like that!"

"It's okay baby," I said sweetly and ruffled her hair. Then we were about to kiss again when...

Armstrong came in. "Ah...Colonel Mustang's body and Alphonse's body! You're needed back at the library." He blushed when he saw Gracia and I about to kiss. "Oh please tell me you're Lt. Hughes..." Armstrong whispered so we couldn't hear him. But we did hear him and ignored him.

"Why?" I asked the sick looking Major.

"So I can fix the transmutation, probably," Al/Ed muttered from his cringing postion on the floor.

"That is right, young Elric!" Armstrong said, flexing his muscles. The pink sparkles blinded us, but Elysia went up to him and smiled.

"Pretty pink!" she exclaimed and grabbed one of Armstrong's...er...arms and held on to it, trying to catch the pretty pinks.

I started to laugh and unlatched her. "Now Elysia, daddy has to go to work, all right?

She smiled at me. "Okay Mistah Pony! I'll be swure to tell Daddy tat you was kissin Mommy!"

I started to cry and fell on the floor. "Nooo! Elysia, why? Why did you betray Daddy?" Armstrong and Al/Ed dragged me away from her.

"Bye Mistah Kernel Woy Pony!" Elysia waved from the porch.

I glared daggers at Al/Ed. "Ed, you have no idea how much I want to hurt you right now. And how badly I wish I could snap...burning you to a crisp and thus giving me peace in my mind."

He snickered. "I get that a lot. Why don't you get in line behind Scar?"

"There shall be no killing until your rightful bodies are returned to you!" Armstrong said. "In fact, preventing death has been passed down in the Armstrong line for generations!" He flexed his muscles, ripping off his shirt again.

I rolled my eyes at Al/Ed. "I hate Mondays." He nodded and we listened to Armstrongs bragging about his family ALL the way to the library.

Solar Hawk: So do you like it now as well?

Sorry I can't review in the chapter anymore, that's how Alchemy At Hogwarts got deleted.