Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter or any other characters. Also mentions of Mills and Boon books later on, which i don't own either.

This is a repost because it got deleted off about a year ago for having script form in it. It got over 180 reviews last time, so enjoy...

The Moanings of an Overgrown Dungeon Dweller

I'll kill the little bugger.

Guess what! Great news, Harry Potter is coming to Hogwarts. I am going to make his life HELL! I have even sorted out my welcoming speech:

"There will be no foolish wand- waving in this class."

(Bang door. Note to self- Make sure you wear the cloak that is three sizes to big so it swishes out behind me. Scowl at everyone, but especially Potter.)

"I do not expect many of you to appreciate the subtle silence that is potion- brewing. But for those select few."

(Look at Malfoy. Share a sneer at Potter with him)

"I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory and even put a stopper…"

(Dramatic pause. Draw cloak around yourself)

"In death."

(Make sure Potter gets in trouble)

"Ahhh."

(Super sneer. The one I have been practising in the mirror)

"Mr Potter. Our new celebrity."

(Snigger from Malfoy)

"You are a big- headed insolent wretch not to listen in my lessons!"

(Reach over desk and strangle him, not before taking five- hundred points from Gryffindor)

Okay. So maybe I need to work on it, I think McGonagall may get me fired for killing off students, but it'll be worth it. I'm just drafting out some lesson plans. The second years can boil frog's eyes, nice way to start the year, third years can make a horn- growing solution and fourth years can pickle dragon livers. I love my life; well I love my brilliant imagination, my life is absolute crap. Maybe I should write a book?

How crap is my Life? By Severus Snape.

Everybody would buy it just to laugh at me. I feel so unwanted. I'll feel better after torturing Potter. Hahaha haha ha hahaha.

I am going to go and practice my super- evil laugh.

Bathroom

Dumbledore made me sit next to Quirrel at dinner. I am still trying to get the smell of onions out of my cloak. That man is really disgusting; his pet iguana is called something like Erwin and all he did all the way through the main course was talk about how it can fetch sticks. Maybe Quirrel should write a book?

My Pet Iguana (who is called Erwin) and me! By Onion smelling Quirrel.

I don't think it'll catch on really. Damn! I have just covered my cloak in bleach. It'll go grey and grey so badly doesn't suit me. I like black and only black. You can never look too happy in it. Potter (Ahahahahaha!) got sorted into Gryffindor, I half wanted him to be put in Slytherin, just to spite him, but then I wouldn't be able to take hundreds of points of him and his little friends. He has made friends with Weasley. I'll get them all! That Fred and George, I'll get them back for what they did last year.

I hope this year goes really quickly, and Quirrel doesn't insist on sitting next to me at dinner.