Chapter Thirty Eight-Rowers Without Paddles

The days flew by as I acclimatized to my new role as wife of Glorfindel. Suddenly I had gained a new status within the close knit community of Imladris. Instead of being an outsider/guest who had come to Imladris and overstayed their welcome (according to those who felt I was usurping them for some odd reason), I was now a bona fide citizen and had all the rights and privileges as such. I was asked to sit in on meetings regarding events in Imladris, was given certain authorities, and was the highest ranking female within Imladris now that Arwen was living in Minas Tirith. Glorfindel said that since Elrond's wife had sailed and Arwen was gone, and due to Glorfindel's second-in-command ranking within Imladris, I had become a de facto first lady, as it were. I assumed the duties of an executive responsible for the running of Imladris. I would oversee the organizing of any gatherings, seeing to visitors' needs, planning supply requirements for upcoming seasons and other duties as they came up. Luckily the financial responsibilities were handled by Erestor, as I had my fill of Banking back on Earth. I had been in Retail and Business Banking for nine years before I moved on, and I did not have fond memories of my experiences.

I was kept very busy, learning my new job and enjoying my marriage. Glorfindel hardly ever left Imladris, and when he did, it was for short periods. I would be alone for a week or less, and even then Elrond and Erestor would keep me quite busy with things around the community. Melima had finally become betrothed to Erestor, and I was ecstatic. I threw her a Bachelorette Party, and Arwen had attended, as Estel had brought her out to visit while he inspected Arnor. Arwen had learned some rather bawdy jokes she had overheard from listening to folk in Minas Tirith. I laughed so hard, I nearly had a coughing fit. Elrond was of course, overjoyed to spend time with his daughter. I gathered his time to sail was coming soon, but he made no allusions as to when. I couldn't help wondering if Glorfindel would sail too. I had found out that all Elven kind would sail to Aman once they heard the call, and as the time of Man had descended upon Arda, the sailings would increase in frequency. A huge part of me didn't want him to sail ever, instead forsake Aman and stay with me until I passed; but then the part of me that is stupendously ethical overrode that urge. Ethics-R-Us bullied me into accepting that one day Glorfindel would hear the call, and I would need to let him go with love. The part of me that disagreed with that sentiment really hated my ethical self. It was a conundrum of gigantic proportions.

One day after Glorfindel and I had made love, I was studying his naked body. I examined every angle, the smoothness of his skin, the way his skin dipped over his pelvis and how his arms were sculpted sinewy perfection. I loved how his eyes were so blue, the colour popped against his creamy epidermis. His blonde hair was the colour of honeyed wheat and was silky soft against my skin. I memorized the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, which he was doing right at that moment.

"What are you doing?" he asked me, smiling softly.

"Memorizing you," I answered.

"May I ask why?" he countered.

"Because when I have passed into the afterlife, I will need something to brighten up the place. Even the memory of you would be brighter than the brightest star in the galaxy. You light up Arda with your presence and I want to bring a part of that with me when I go," I explained.

"You will not pass for many years melamin," he chided.

"Call me a crazy nut, but I like to be prepared," I shot back.

Truth was, I was worried about being separated from Glorfindel. The dream I had in Eryn Lasgalen had been on a steady rotation, being repeated every three to five nights. Needless to say, I was getting a bit tense. I had become hyper-aware of everything in my environment and was jolted out of my sleep regularly. Glorfindel knew something was wrong, but I didn't want to say anything to worry him until I figured out what was going on.

Glorfindel watched me examine him for a few more minutes before he spoke.

"Karyn, I do not believe this is about your passing. I have noticed how your sleep is interrupted every few nights, and how something is bothering you. I need you to tell me. I am your husband and I want to help you resolve this issue. Please, let me in," he pleaded.

I was torn. I wanted to tell Glorfindel everything, the repeating dream, the odd feeling of panic treading just below the surface. I didn't want to worry him, but I also wanted a fresh pair of eyes to look at the issue. I decided to be judicious about what I said. It wasn't that I was trying to keep things from him, but I also didn't want us both feeling tense. I work to protect the ones I love from feeling my pain. I like everyone safe and happy.

"Don't panic," I warned, "I've just been having this…dream." I trailed off, unsure how I wanted to word this.

"What kind of dream?" Glorfindel prodded gently.

"It sort of repeats. Every three to five nights, the same thing happens," I explained, "I'm back on Earth, in my apartment. I'm looking for something, but I can't find it. Then the scene changes and I'm walking around town, still looking for whatever it is. I can't find it, so I fall to the ground crying, except no sound comes out of my mouth."

Glorfindel's brow furrowed as he thought for a moment. "Do you have any idea about what it is that you are looking for?" he asked.

"None. All I know is, I need it terribly and I can't find it. It kinda spooked me. I'm sorry for worrying you," I said.

"No no, I am not worried. I am merely concerned for you. Has anything been bothering you as of late? Something perhaps that has been pressing on you?"

"Nooo…" I said slowly, but the thoughts I had been mulling over occurred to me. I wasn't sure I wanted to share it. "Umm, I guess I have been thinking about something a bit more than usual."

Glorfindel just looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

I shifted on the bed, feeling a little uncomfortable. "Uh, I'm kinda worried about being separated from you. I dunno, I guess it's a little foolish."

Glorfindel stroked my cheek, "You are not foolish. I can understand your anxiety, but you will not be separated from me. Eru brought you to me, and I do not think he would see that bond dissolved."

I nodded, but the nagging feeling didn't abate. I put my head down on his chest and closed my eyes. "Then I guess you won't fault me for taking a little extra sleep now."

Glorfindel's chest rumbled as he gently laughed, "No melamin. Sleep. I will be here when you wake up."

I was gently lulled into rest by the steady beat of Glorfindel's heart and the soothing hands that stroked my bare skin.

It was early in November when I had started planning the Christmas/Winter Solstice celebrations. Glorfindel had returned from a jaunt to Bree, and had brought me back some unusual trinkets that I had yet to figure out. Glorfindel did that quite a bit. Bringing me unusual things. I think he got a kick out of me trying to figure out their uses. We had settled into a comfortable life in Imladris. I had become proficient at pulling the proverbial rabbit out of a hat; what with all the surprise visitors and formal meetings I had to deal with. I had gotten up close and personal with how a community like this was run, and I was pleasantly surprised as how well I coped with the stress. I think it had a lot to do with my happy marriage and how Glorfindel supported me in everything. I knew I was damned lucky to have him, and I let him know how much I loved him every moment I could.

Glorfindel and I had talked about having children, but my menses still had not come back fully. I had been on Depo-Provera for about seven years before I had been transported to Arda, and I didn't have a period the entire time I was on the shot. That's what I loved about the shot. No mess, no breakthrough bleeding, no mental anguish. My kinda birth control. I didn't get a period for about the first six months I was in Arda, and then when I first began to bleed again, it was only for a day or two and then nothing for a couple of months. Not that I was complaining. I hate my periods. When I first got them, I was a heavy bleeder for two weeks before the well finally dried up, and that was every period. That's why I went on birth control. But now we were planning for a family, and my period wasn't stable enough to indicate how successful our attempts would be. Glorfindel told me about how Elves get pregnant. He said all they had to do was both agree to have a child and then their love making would be fruitful. He also said they could feel the moment of conception, and that was why they celebrated their conception day as opposed to their birthday. I told him that even with the modern science available, humans couldn't get an accurate conception date. The closest we got was the week of conception. That was why we celebrated birthdays, because you sure as hell don't forget that experience. Okay, women don't forget that experience. Men? Not a good track record there.

Elrond had gotten wind of our family plans and told us to just move into the wing he was going to give us when I became pregnant. He justified the move by saying I shouldn't do any heavy lifting when I was pregnant, as I was a delicate human and he didn't want anything to happen to me. I am not delicate. Let's just say that right now and get it out of the way. I survived my battle with cancer and twenty years of migraines, and if that couldn't bring me down, nothing would. I also knew that Glorfindel wouldn't let me lift a finger when we moved, so no worries on any front. True to my suspicions, when we actually did move into the new suite, Glorfindel had me just directing where things went. The twins helped us move, and kept patting my tummy, saying daft things like, 'Room for Rent', and 'Under Renovation'. Silly gits. Soon, we were completely moved in, and I was admiring our new home. Glorfindel snuck up behind me and swept me into his arms saying, 'New home, new inauguration', and took me into the bedroom to 'inaugurate it'. Needless to say, I didn't get anything done for the rest of the day. Not that I'm complaining or anything.

December had finally arrived and Glorfindel and I were still waiting for my period to return to normal, but were having fun 'practicing' for conception. Christmas was just around the corner and I was about halfway through my list, having made a good deal of the gifts I planned to give, already in my spare time. Glorfindel obviously had been planning something for me, as when I would unexpectedly walk into a room, he would look a bit guilty. I figured he was buttering me up for something, as he was the only person I knew who could keep a secret and would never be so blatant to drop mega-hints like that.

I could hardly wait for the Christmas celebration; I was so intrigued by Glorfindel's behaviour.