Dear New Readers, please and thank you for reading my latest fic, Ten Thousand Yen! Please do not be alarmed... I won't kill anybody or anything... It's merely for your enjoyment of watching Naraku as a zookeeper.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha characters. Oh man... I'm going to get really bored of writing this soon, aren't I?

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The bird glared at its captor with freakishly blue feathers flopping over one side of its head. It fanned navy tail-feathers in every direction, hoping to appear larger.

"Are you mad at me?" asked the obstacle smoothly. "I wouldn't do anything to anger such a beautiful... Stop that." The bird clapped Naraku on the head with its beak repeatedly. Any regular person would have collapsed with traumatic head injuries by now, but no... This man looked at it calmly with sparkling red eyes, frowning. "Do not disobey your zookeeper," he said tiredly, "or I won't give you any... Euhm... Dinner." He waved a large plastic container, roughly the size of a moving box, filled with an enticing mixture of something which resembled puke. The bird turned its head quizzically. Food! Without waiting for the man to even put it down, the emu launched forwards and buried its head in the disgusting slop. Naraku sighed and put the container down as carefully as possible. He couldn't tell why he liked these stupid birds so much.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha was just finishing up for the day.

"So cute," said a voice behind him as he tossed some fish into the Platypus pen.

"You wouldn't think they were so cute if you had to feed them this crap every day," he snarled.

"I didn't mean the platypuses... I meant the fact that you were feeding them," said the voice.

"I know it's you, Kagome," Inuyasha sighed.

"Whoops, it looks like I'm busted. You better call the cops."

"I thought you had elephants or something to deal with."

"I did, and then I handed them over to Kikyou. And they're not elephants, they're giraffes."

"Elephants, giraffes, same difference."

"That's an oxymoron."

"You're an oxymoron."

"You're just a moron."

"Do I hear bickering or did the emu peck the sense out of me?" Naraku asked, drifting up behind Kagome and grabbing the back of her neck.

"AIEEEE! Oh... It's you... Don't... Do that..."

"Do what?" Inuyasha asked, without turning around. He hurled another fish into the water. It struck a platypus square between the eyes. The animal stopped moving and the boy seized up laughing.

"That's not funny," Kagome said in horror.

"It is in my eyes," Naraku answered, letting go of the girl and sliding up next to Inuyasha. "Oh dear... It appears to be dead."

"It's not dead," Inuyasha said, standing up. Apparently he'd collapsed laughing. "I do that all the time."

"It could have been fatal. You could be arrested for abuse," Naraku stated.

"Don't lie, it's not good for you."

"I never lie."

"Don't you wink at me."

"I never wink... It's an eyelash."

Inuyasha watched the Emu-Man disappear.

"I hate that guy," he said, and launched another fish. "Bombs away..."

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The veterinarian's office was all the same. Black desks with black counters and black instruments piled next to black pencil cases filled with black pens. The place was so black you would think somebody died. Somebody entered the room wearing stark-white robes, shocking against the lack of colour, and walked over to another white blob.

"Hey, Kikyou, how's life?" From the burning glare Miroku recieved, life wasn't all that good. Then again, Kikyou hated life in the first place... Which made the question so worthwhile. She appeared to be in a particularly bad mood today, though.

"It sucks," she said menacingly. "I just had to deal with a giraff and an unconcious platypus... And a stupid emu with a chipped beak."

"How does an emu chip its beak?"

"Pecked something too hard... Probably that thick-skulled Naraku."

"I'm laughing like a fool," Naraku answered from the next room.

"Oh, Naraku, I'm so sorry for your loss," Miroku called. "I didn't realize your sense of humor died in such a horrible-"

"Silence if you know what's good for you, or you'll join my sense of humor," Naraku replied calmly.

"So smooth, Naraku. You're such a ladies man," Kikyou teased.

"You're such a colourless slob," he answered her.

"People, people," Miroku said tiredly. "Let's not start a feud..."

"You started it in the first place," Kikyou reminded him. "Now, listen, Doc. We're both vets here, so why don't you buck up and do some work around here?"

"You seem to be doing so well on your own," Miroku said, before Kikyou glared him down. "Okay, okay... What do I need to do?"

"You need to help me poison these fish before I hand them to Inuyasha to feed the platypuses."

"Don't answer for me, Naraku," Kikyou sighed. "For your information, there's an ostrich that needs its claws clipped and I'm not doing that job if you paid me."

"You are getting paid, that's why it's called a job. In fact, you're the head vet, so you're getting paid thousands."

"Clip the stupid bird," Kikyou growled.

"If there's a bird in trouble, talk to the bird man," Miroku replied.

"Oh, yes. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's... Bird Man," Naraku interrupted.

"You're still listening?" asked the Head Vet. "Haven't you stopped eavesdropping?"

Naraku stepped through the door, dressed in his usual khaki-coloured zookeepers outfit.

"I never eavesdrop."

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The day was coming to a close. The Bird Man had just changed into something more comfortable- complete with white, fake-fur cloak- when he saw that girl again. Kagome was just finishing her day, too.

"Aw, gross, I smell rank," she complained to herself, when just at that moment Naraku slithered up behind her oh-so-silently and grabbed the back of her neck. "AIIIII-ack..." He clapped a hand over her mouth and dragged her backwards.

"Quiet," he snapped. Kagome struggled and made a muffled noise which sounded like 'kidnap'. "I'm not kidnapping you." Kagome started to clamp down on one of his fingers. "I just spent the day with rampant emu birds trying to knock my brains out... I can assure you that doesn't hurt." She only bit harder. He sighed and let go.

"What was that for?" Kagome gasped.

"I felt the urge to surprise you."

"You don't feel anything! You don't even notice pain!"

"Pain? What is this Pain of which you speak?"

Kagome narrowed her eyes, clearly annoyed.

"I just had a long and stressful day dealing with giraff poop. Never let a giraff get diarrhea. So do not try and stress me out any more..." She turned on her heels, about to march away, when Naraku flung out a hand and grabbed her wrist, dragging her back again. "What are you doing?"

"I'm doing what is called putting a plan into action. Do you know what this is, Kagome?"

"A hankerchief?"

"No... Sedative."

"Wha... Woah." Kagome slumped. Naraku picked her up and carried her daintily back towards an empty pen.

"You look stressed... Have a good night's sleep." He flung her into the pen. She rolled down the side and onto a grassy turf. There was no way she would be climbing out fifteen feet of steep concrete. Naraku put the hankerchief back inside an inside cloak pocket and continued on his merry way. This was going to be the greatest attraction the zoo had ever seen...

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Oooooh, semi-cliffhanger! Poor Kagome, Naraku's so mean to her - but that's okay! Coming up next: Naraku's fiendish plot is underway... Plus, never try to clip ostrich claws without the help of everybody's favorite half-demon. Reviews PUH-LEEZE, or else how will I know how to make it better?