A/N: (the first) I updated again! I'm on fire this month! -sheepish- Please don't persecute me, I'm trying! Anyways, I just wanted to warn anyone who actually reads these things in advance that this chapter constantly fluctuates between random humour and ANGST... In fact, there is more angst in this chapter than I ever thought I'd be able to write... (honest, I have already come to termswith the fact that I am indeed a fluff-master, so I'm quite proud of my angstiness, go me!) Anyways, from this moment forth, the fluff is being locked in a small pirate chest, and will only be taken out again when I feel like it... Nah... I'm kidding... but there will be a distinct absence of warm and fluffy feelings for the next few instalments.I'm not saying that I'm going to focus on the angstinstead, though, as my epic saga in the making -snorts- will first and foremost, ALWAYS be a romantic comedy. I've just lost the romance for the time being... lol...
"..." speech
-italics- thought
DISCLAIMER: Seeing as I haven't recently acquired a large amount of shares in Square-Enix, I'm going to hazard a guess that I don't own FFX OR X-2, or its characters... Don't own Uncle Ulty either if you're asking... which is rather depressing... oh well...
-Jezzi- The update was... relatively soon-ish, ne? -laughs nervously- Hope you like!
-Rikku SWiRLS- HARVEST MOON! WOOOOOT! -sighs- Oh, the nostalgia... I was so sad when it came to that game... I'd play whack-a-mole on the rainy days... and then make the poor little bloke jump in and out of the hot-spring until the sun went down... lol... Silly little farmer, he never took off his lame hat... Anyways... Go me for updating again! I'm so speshall! And heeeeey... what happened to that other rev-? -AMNESIA- Huh?
-K-Jaye- -gasp- 50th reviewer! I have 50 reviews! Eeeeeeeeee! -huggles to near death- But you poor thing! Swollen eyesare no fun at ALL... I remember one time... my little brother stabbed me in the eye with a stick... and I couldn't see out of it for WEEKS... and it was all... leaking pink jelly and yucky... -BLEUCH- So I feel for you... Really... It's painful, awkward, and I don't know if I speak for the both of us, but I REALLY missed having depth perception... Anyways, enough of me grossing/freaking you out with stories of sticks and eye-jelly... Thank you so much for being my devoted reviewer! -squees- This chapter is dedicated to you, as 50th reviewer (I know, I can't really get over how COOL that is...) and I hope you feel better already! Heh heh... Dickens... love it... Enjooooooy!
Chapter Thirteen: Unlucky for some... (but mainly me...)
I'm not actually being melodramatic for once, either… The world literally STOPPED… no movement, no motion, no twiddling about on its merry little axis, nada.
Nhadala was firmly ensconced in Gippal's embrace, still in the process of peppering soft kisses across his forehead as the man himself smiled indulgently at her actions.
Forgetting that I probably should have been having the mother of all wig-out sessions, I stormed over to the clandestine affair in process, peeling the hussy's goggles from her stupid, home wrecking face and leaving them suspended tautly in position, the elastic straining as far as it would go without snapping. It would serve the vicious wench right when time stopped being wonky and she ended up with a migraine and panda eyes.
Gippal, on the other hand, was in far more trouble than his little floozy, and a simple slapstick, time-abusing punishment wasn't going to cut it.
It'd probably make me feel better for a few minutes, but I believed I was entitled to phenomenally planned, mortifyingly vindictive vengeance.
"We had ONE deal breaker, asshole… ONE!" I screeched, clenching my hands into fists. "Should I have carved the fact that infidelity is morally WRONG into your forehead?" I demanded furiously, not caring that no one could hear me. It wouldn't give the game away, so I could throw the biggest temper tantrum in the history of ever if I was so inclined. Slapping him soundly, internally delighting in the whip crack of my palm against his flesh, I cradled my tingling hand to my chest. "How DARE you do this to me? You… you… promised me… I… We…" I posed a flurry of questions, each becoming less coherent and structured as I grew more enraged. "Do I really mean so little to you?" My last demand came out sounding broken and tremulous, despite my efforts to the contrary. I felt my anger draining away as it gave way to helplessness.
I crept forward to trace the reddening lines left by the flat of my hand, staring into the emerald eye, completely unaware of anything other than the woman in his arms.
"Why am I not good enough?" I asked softly, curling my fingers around his jaw to tilt his face to mine. "Am I too young, too immature, too inexperienced? Am I really still just a little girl to you?" I questioned forlornly. How could one measly year create such a large, unbridgeable gap between two people? "You said you SAW me Gippal… You know I wouldn't have forced you to settle… I think I… care… too much to let you lose true happiness… Even if it's not with… me…" I stuttered, wondering how this was so hard to admit even to myself.
Revenge was petty and solved nothing, and I doubted that I could go through with it… Gippal had been pretty much threatened into this sham-marriage anyway, and it was nobody's fault but my own when I stopped realising that playing house was always going to be a game and nothing more.
Soothing the rising welts by brushing an open-mouthed kiss across his marred flesh, I lowered myself from my tip-toes.
"I'll see you later…" I smiled sadly, waving half-heartedly as I turned, mentally fortifying myself to fix the sands of time…
-Just how did one go about doing that?-
"You didn't put her goggles back, I see…" A childish voice hissed to me, barely concealing amusement from its tone.
"I'm a romantic, not a saint…" I snorted, feeling momentarily guilty for NOT feeling guilty about my split second of puerility. "And speaking of which, don't you usually show up to brighten Yunie's day?" I asked sardonically, knowing full well that the little boy hadn't called round just to catch up cos he was in the neighbourhood. I could almost feel the air distort as he flinched.
"You were not supposed to be aware of our… connection to your cousin." He hedged, retreating further into his cowl as I pinned him with an accusing glare.
"People talk AT me, never thinking that I may just about understand what the hell they're saying. They don't want a sounding board; they want a brick wall that nods in the right places. I know far more than you'd think, Fayth…" I hissed out the honorific like it was an insult. Regardless of his physical appearance and unbroken voice, this was no child that stood before me; it was apparent merely from the golden wheel emblazoned against a royal purple milieu. He opened his mouth to speak and deceive, but I cut him off with a vicious swipe of my hand. "You'll speak when I'm finished, Dragon King…" I growled, tempted to wrap my fingers about its slender throat and squeeze. I was only deterred by the notion that the little monster probably wasn't even corporeal.
"Indeed… I have not been of genuine flesh and blood for over a millennium." He answered somewhat bitterly.
"Rule one: Don't speak unless I ask you a specific question. Rule two: Stay out of my damned head!" I shouted, trying to restrain my flaring temper. The Fayth were responsible for Yuna's pilgrimage, and consequently the deaths of every Summoner and guardian that had gone before her. They had plucked Tidus seamlessly out of an illusion and done nothing to dispel the notion that the Dream was real. "Why Zanarkand? Why didn't you tell him sooner?" I asked, curious as to why they had left it so late, or even told him at all.
"His fate was not cemented until the incident at Macalania. We had not been previously aware of the sheer extent of his devotion to the Summoner." He elucidated, as if his actions had been commendable.
"You waited until they had fallen in love to decide which of them was going to die?" I fairly roared. "Regardless of race or faction, humanity as a whole is not there merely to cater to your every whim! I was not raised to be a pawn or a sacrifice to some long deceased RELIC!" I shouted so loud it felt like my lungs were burning, as if friction from every irate breath I inhaled began to erode the sensitive tissue within.
"That would lead us to why I am here… You are of too much value to us for your life to be wasted." He stated calmly, having regained his composure quickly after our brief round of 20 questions.
"Wait a minute… I'm going to DIE? Well, d'uh… but… I mean… soon-ish?" I pondered nervously, eyes slightly too large and fearful for my own liking.
"You have wandered off the ingrained path of your own destiny; I am here to put matters… back on track…" He replied, and I had to bite back a snide comment about riddling me something that involved a fist to the face.
"What do you want me to do? Who is going to take my… place?" I asked, barely holding back a shudder. We were weighing up real people's lives; the survival of possible millions was in the balance. Did I really deserve someone else's second chance?
"You are a vital facet, one of those who are instrumental in regards to the fall of Vegnagun." He answered, probably attempting to be somewhat cryptic, although I really wasn't in the mood for the mumbo-jumbo crap.
"Right… You need me to dismantle the most fearsome machina unknown to man..." I drawled, wondering if I'd be going too far if I suggested tea and biscuits after the smack-down. "Why didn't you take care of it years ago? Why didn't you get rid of Sin with the circuit-based colossus?" I queried, mentally entertaining a giant monster battle for a few scant moments.
"We are not at liberty to answer your questions… yet… but in time; you will be sufficiently informed of Vegnagun's purpose, and its cataclysmic failure to fulfil that task." He verbally countered my question, and I accepted it, even if the excuse was rather flimsy.
"Fine… How can I keep myself not dead?" I asked tiredly… all this talking in the first person plural was beginning to do my head in.
"Your love blinds you; your eyes close ever more tightly shut with every betrayal." He clarified, again, as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.
"Love? Please… I've been with him less days than I have fingers on one hand, give me some credit…" I sulked; pouting like a petulant child as I vehemently denied that I was in love with Cap'n Backstabbing Jerkass… Wait… 'every' as in there was a plural? "As in there's more than one?" I shot a horrified glance in Gippal's direction. True love was excusable, but this was too damned much. "Vengeance is right back at the top of my 'to-do' list, and Yevon knows, it's not going to be pretty…" I managed to growl out from pursed lips and a locked jaw. The Fayth's expression remained blank and concealed, as was the norm.
"Use your rage to heal your emotional wounds, and fortify your fighting spirit." His words were leading, but a crimson haze had swathed and enveloped my vision and I was too bitter and rancorous to pick up on it.
"Feeling type thingies shall NOT bring about my ruination… My disillusionment shall prevent my undoing…" I acquiesced, still refusing to speak the 'l' word aloud as I steeled myself against the flood of remorse that came with taking a life to sustain my own.
"Would you like to know whose fate you have irrevocably altered?" He asked maliciously, as I saw the scales set around a fearsome maw curve upwards in delight in my mind's eye.
"I don't believe in the preordained…" I replied, keeping my voice tranquil and disinterested as I clawed at the skin encircling the knuckles on my left hand.
"Then I hope you'll enjoy your surprise…" He concluded; terminating the conversation as his silhouette vanished into the ether.
Exiting stealthily from the tent, I stifled a guffaw as I heard a high-pitched yelp escape its tarpaulin walls.
"He had company…" I shrugged nonchalantly as one of Paine's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. Yuna didn't appear to be following the inevitable tack of our conversation, so opened her mouth to demand the ABC picture book version from whoever was willing to break out the sock puppets. The pilot seemed to sense the growing tension that was resultant of our three-way stalemate, and coughed to distract us. I merely glared at the poor man, before stomping slightly away from the group hide in the shadows cast by one of the Hovers.
Paine seemed to be going through the motions of recording, manipulating and filing the information away for future analysis, while Yuna merely plastered on her eager-beaver expression.
"I forgot to introduce you ladies to your partner… He's got a bit of a mouth on him, so please try and be patient." He fairly begged, giving me a reasonable idea as to the identity of our new companion.
"Hey, sweet-cakes, nice to meet you!" The perverted little robot drawled; buzzing around excitedly as Yuna promptly blushed from head to toe. "Ma'am…" He acknowledged, upon hearing me sigh in a long-suffering manner.
"Picket…" I ground out by way of a less than thrilled greeting.
The journey to the Oasis was mercifully short, as Picket had gone ahead to peruse our surroundings and Paine was preoccupied with slathering SPF 60 lotion over every skin cell that could see the sun. Yunie was chatting merrily away at the pilot, who was desperately trying to fix his concentration on anything but the scantily clad High Summoner. He wasn't faring too badly, but I'd heard the Hover's wails more than once as he changed gears and missed.
Otherwise, the silence had gone unbroken, if Paine's muttered curses directed at the source of her no doubt painful sunburn were exempt from what is normally accepted as basic conversation.
As we skidded to a squealing stop, I dismounted with as much grace as a person such as myself could possibly possess. An iridescent shimmer niggled at me from the corner of one eye, so I was obliged to turn to its origin, squinting slightly to diminish the intensity of the painfully bright mirage.
"Look! Look! It's a sphere!" I cried jubilantly, before I remembered that I was pissed off at life in general… and Gippal if anyone felt like being specific. Yuna had already pounced on the small globe like a kitten on a rubber-mouse, so I lowered my pointing finger and fought the urge to roll my eyes.
"Well, fancy meeting you here. You can lead a Gullwing to water, but you can't make it drink!" An exasperatingly familiar called out from no perceivable direction. As I was busy pondering as to what the hell that particular phrase actually meant; Logos arrived on the scene, with two Fem-Goons in tow.
"I don't get it…" Yunie answered, and probably for all of us, if Paine's confounded expression was anything to go by.
"I agree with Yuna… especially seeing as you're the one that looks like the horse…" Paine quipped, smirking slightly when graced with a scowl from Logos.
"Awwww… why the long face?" I added for good measure, laughing off Paine's respect-point threatening glare as Logos turned an intriguing shade of enraged maroon.
"I still don't get it…" Yunie pouted, which, while adorable, was just too funny for words. "It's hot… I'm thirsty… Why would I not drink?" She demanded sulkily, directing a stare dripping with venom, which still didn't look all that intimidating, Logos' way. "You poisoned the water, didn't you?" She accused; hands at ready position on her hips, itching to break away so she could wag her finger chidingly at his sheer lack of sportsmanship.
Paine screwed her eyes shut and groaned, and I wished I could join her as her lips traced a litany that hopefully would remove her as far as was mentally possible from the escalating situation. Upon failing to do just that, I doubled over laughing. The Fem-Goons just looked to each other, attempting to take solace in the other's utter bemusement.
"Say… those are nice uniforms…" Paine pointed out, obviously not having managed to reach her happy place.
"Enough of this nonsense!" Logos relatively shrieked, fingers flexing before they shot up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
-Funny how so many people we knew all had troubles with headaches; I should probably refer them to a specialist-
Using the back of my hand as an impromptu sun visor, I glanced across the crystalline surface of the tranquil waters of the Oasis. Paine seemed to have recovered from the emotional trauma that was shockingly bad punch-lines and even worse amateur detecting denouements, as she was already sprinting towards the enemy, blade shrieking as it was torn free of its scabbard. The High Summoner herself was already staring Leblanc's Syndicate sidekick down; both training a pair of pistols on the enemy.
It was only then that I realised that it would probably look slightly suspicious if we turned up in Guadosalam in torn, bloodstained garments. Making another split second decision, I turned up the inside of my left wrist, analysing the small sphere embedded in the fabric like an extravagant pommel adorning a battle gauntlet.
"You've got to be kidding me…" I muttered bitterly before closing my eyes and attempting to smooth out the ever-present furrow in my brow.
Invoking the power of a dressphere was one thing, but if you were even slightly lacking in natural aptitude, there was always a pretty good chance that you were gonna finish your little experiment either dead, on fire or, if you're really lucky, both. Like that time Yunie had tried her hand at being a Warrior and attempted to cast Flametongue on a water-based sword…
Seeing as I swear she's not dead, I'll leave you to guess who got the added fire element… Suffice to say, she's not strayed far from her Gunner outfit since…
Falling backwards, time seemed to slow as my arms curled behind my head. Fingertips grazing the sand beneath me, my back screaming in protest as it bent at a rather unfortunate, unnatural angle, I kicked off the ground and prayed that the feline grace that I was genetically lacking would kick in sometime in the near future.
The sand held under my grasping hands as I watched my legs flickering over my head out of the corner of one eye. Curving my body, my right palm left the sand as I whipped my legs about to follow the anti-clockwise motion that inertia demanded I follow. Planting the hovering hand behind me I almost chanted the directions the sphere had given me.
-Left leg over, right leg under, right hand backwards, left hand forward, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall…-
Each revolution sped up until I could barely even hope to count them, although I'm not too sure if it was because to the obsolete human eye, I was quite possibly blurring, or whether I was too dizzy to do basic maths anymore.
Suddenly, one leg flew up far too high and my balance was sorely compromised. Slamming the heels of both hands into the sand, I straightened and cart-wheeled my way out of a particularly nasty fall.
Breathing hard, resultant of a mixture of fear, exertion and exhilaration, I punched the air triumphantly, squealing all the while.
Logos was peering over Yuna's shoulder, quirking an eyebrow at me in obvious confusion and no small amount of distaste. Yuna herself was grinning rather wickedly, small flames licking at her gun muzzles as the bullets exploded outwards. One Fem-Goon was actually in the midst of an uproarious round of applause, while her compatriot just appeared mildly perturbed, probably because Paine's sword was caught in a perilously gleaming arc that had stopped inches from her masked visage.
"That was you, this time… right?" A confused voice asked from seemingly thin air. Giggling slightly to myself, glad that I could at least still smile at the bum hand life had dealt me this sweltering afternoon, I nodded my affirmation. "I'll be off then… Er… see you…" The deceptively ingenuous King of Dragons murmured; tossing me a distracted wave as he again retreated back to the Farplane.
Swiping the bullets from their destructive path, they hit the sand, harmless once more. I completed my child-proofing of the immediate area by slipping Yuna's guns daintily into their holsters. Paine's sword was confiscated soon after.
Releasing the pair from the spell, I beamed as Yuna's index fingers got trigger happy with empty space. However, even unarmed Paine was still far too lethal for her own good, as the poor Fem-Goon got an elbow in the face as she followed through.
"Rikku…" Paine commenced warily, seeing as no one else seemed willing to start.
"What exactly did you just… DO?" Yuna completed the open-ended question, looking rather fearfully towards Logos, who was doing a damned good impression of a statue.
"This is your dressphere, and you haven't even checked out its move list yet?" I queried dubiously, eyes widening almost comically as Paine started to strip one of the poor Goons down to her skivvies. Yuna followed my gaze and blushed furiously.
"Rikku, just give the girl a straight answer…" Paine sighed, holding the suit flush against her shoulders in order to judge the size.
"Fine… Leblanc's Syndicate have been stunned into awed silence by my fantabulous BRAKE Dancing…" I elucidated, chuckling at the atrocious pun.
"I never thought I'd see the day when little Rikku, -who is the only person I've ever known to trip over something as pathetic and innocuous as a dust bunny; when she's not stumbling over her own feet of course- managed to pull a flap-jack into flares combination out of her ever-expanding bag of tricks…" Paine drawled, unable to mask the almost impressed spark in her ruby eyes.
"When did we start talking about baking with black magic? Cos that's probably not a good idea…" Yunie interrupted, still wearing a rather distressed expression. Paine hid a chuckle behind a gloved hand as I stared in disbelief.
"When we get back to the airship, I swear I'll make you street-smart; even if it ends up being the last thing I ever do… which, knowing my luck is pretty likely…" I vowed, before plucking my now trusty biro from my pouch and brandishing it with a devilish smirk. "Honestly Yunie, before I came and kidnapped you, were you living under a rock?" I asked distractedly, ripping the cap off the nib and stalking up to the still glowering Logos.
"I was living with Wakka and Lulu…" She answered in a puzzled manner. "They have a house…" She added, as if the information was meant to be useful.
"Wakka?" Paine asked with a snort; recalling the flame haired ex-Blitzer with some amusement, probably in response to his inverted fish hook hairstyle, possibly due to the fact that he looked a bit like a suntanned barrel with limbs, wrapped up in fluorescent yellow fishing waders. "Much as it pains me to admit this in public, Rikku's probably right on the mark with the rock comment." She decided, rolling her eyes with aloof scorn when she realised just what I was up to. "What are you, five?" She practically spat, although her tone carried little by way of animosity. Paine was either getting soft in her old age, or I was just learning to overcome the mind numbing fear in order to read her better.
"In a few months, yeah! I'll be a big kid!" I squeaked with mock-pride. It was something that often amused me, not that I thought often on the quirky antics of the daft little lemmings, I'm not that creepy, I promise…
It's just that… for the first decade of their silly, immature existences, children would arrogantly puff up like a pissed off Bomb and declare to anyone within a five mile radius in their squeaky, helium infused voices that they were turning six in precisely twenty twenty twenty three days. Well, they would if they couldn't count to sixty yet, and I haven't seen many five year olds achieve such a feat… Well, except Shinra, but, as has been frequently aforementioned, he's kinda too clever for his own good.
Anyways, as I was babbling merrily away; as soon as a person hits about twenty or so, they start rounding down, and will do so and vehemently deny that they've turned twenty one for the ninth year running until they're so senile they start rounding up again.
Pops is still denying that there even is an anniversary of his birth, instead favouring to occupy himself with delusions of grandeur that he was, is, and always will be indiscriminately between his late twenties and early thirties. To snap the cantankerous old git out of it, I'm planning his fiftieth birthday party as we speak. There shall be silly hats and much gaiety… well… at least until Brother passes out in the punch again…
Realising that I'd tuned out of my own conversation, I pretended to be avidly interested in a rather non-descript sand particle at my feet.
"Rikku? I just asked you a question!" Paine grumbled; irritation apparent from her defensive stance, arms folded imposingly over her chest.
"59?" I hazarded a random guess based off of an even more arbitrary number, praying she hadn't asked me something like how many sides there were in a triangle. Judging by the awkward silence that descended, which was really rather eerie, to be brutally honest, I was no more informed of our topic of conversation than I had been seconds prior.
"Lucky guess…" Paine muttered suddenly, her muted voice still managing to make Yuna and I fairly jump out of our respective skins.
Once we'd managed to regulate our breathing, and the High Summoner appeared to have gotten over the brunt of her angina attack, I clapped my hands delightedly in the harrowing face of my handiwork. Standing before us, cutting a dashing, if utterly foppish figure was little Lord Logos; holding his pose like a professional model at a photo shoot.
Sure, he was being significantly magically aided in that respect, but I doubt he would have hired me as a prospective makeup artist under different, less coerced circumstances. You see, I had this niggling feeling that if he was conscious, he probably wouldn't approve of me blacking out his teeth with a pen. I doubt he'd be too fond of the monocle either, but in my humble opinion, everyone loves monocles… He who dares disagree with me shall be subjected to mandatory torture, all in affable monthly instalments!
"There's something missing…" I muttered pensively, wondering how I could improve upon near-perfection.
"May I do the honours?" Yuna asked shyly, playing up to my newly created theme of fair, if slightly underdressed maidens and lords with appalling dental hygiene by offering me a dainty curtsey. Handing my cousin the pen with a dramatic flourish and a bow so deep I almost ended up with a mouth full of sand, she made quick work of our life-size plastic playmate.
"Magnifique…" Paine's drawl was infused with so much sarcasm that I couldn't help searching the skies for a flash of forked lightning that had no doubt come to smite her down for her blasphemy.
Taking the time to admire the High Summoner's stroke of artistic genius, I stifled a giggle when I caught sight of the snazzy goatee the hired help was now sporting.
"This may be the Ithyphallophobia talking…" I started amusedly, but fell short when I took in Yuna's distraught expression. I decided that it would probably be best to ask after her personal wellbeing when she started to stare with an intent kind of morbid fascination at Logos' crotch.
"Try again, Rikku…" Paine growled, tracing the creepy looking vein throbbing in her forehead with the tips of gloved fingers. Screwing up my face in consternation, I went over the goings on of a long passed cram-fest with Shinra.
"Beards on pogo sticks!" I cackled triumphantly, before recalling that I'd got the terminology for beard-fearing people confused with… well… seeing as it wasn't coming back to me, something to do with the crony's bottom half, if Yunie's panicked glances were anything to go by. Maybe it was an irrational fear of trousers?
-Hey! It could be real… I mean, if there was actually an accepted piece of terminology for fear of the colour YELLOW, then trousers had to be on the list somewhere!-
Having just forgotten my own punch-line, I sighed melodramatically and began the short trudge back to the Hover. I was walking perfectly contentedly, and then I was practically concussed by something damp, cumbersome, and possibly possessing tentacles.
Analysis over, the minute, rational side of my brain quickly went back to sleep, allowing panic to start whacking the crisis gong for all it was worth, effectively evacuating common sense into a fallout shelter nestled somewhere within my mind. Hence, I take no responsibility for what happens next. I could run it by you, frame by frame, even employ a big nifty pointing stick just to highlight the ensuing embarrassment some more… I could turn it into a vast cinematic experience, maybe even supplying my guests with popcorn (salted, no compromise) if I was feeling slightly charitable…
However, that would imply that I was an utter masochist, so I would do everything in my considerable power in order to ensure that this memory in the making never saw the light of day. Then I remembered that I had an alien arachnid or cephalopod wetly clinging to my head, probably attempting to suck my brain and other vital fluids from the brittle fusion, resembling the crosshairs of an all too visible target, which marked the crown of my cranium.
"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH! IT'S GONNA SPLIT MY HEAD OPEN LIKE A COCONUT!" I screamed, somewhat inarticulately, proceeding to run in growing concentric circles, flailing all the while like a mental patient after being confronted by some buttons, dripping ragged thread from their open plastic maws. "Albeit a coconut much learned in the art of facial waxing, but… where was I? Oh yeah… skull smooshing… eeshk…" I distracted myself somewhat with the quietly uttered psychobabble, until I remembered that a mutant octopus or something from another dimension was trying to crack my head into jagged fragments like the remnants that had once made the shell of a hardboiled egg. "IT'S GONNA SUCK OUT MY BRAIN WITH A STRAW LIKE IT'S DRINKING AN OVER-EXTRAVAGANT, UTTERLY EXTORTIONATE COCKTAIL! I AM NOT A PINA COLADA!" I resumed my almost habitual bellowing, now at least having the sense to claw at the monster, which seemed to still be conducting its full frontal assault on my juicy grey matter. Unfortunately, that brief instant of constructive action was overridden as I commenced the mortifyingly graceless jumble of sprinting, flailing and contorted facial expressions to facilitate the screeching. "THE ALIEN INVASION IS COMING! SAVE YOURSELVES AND WARN THE GOVERNMENT WE HAVEN'T MANAGED TO ESTABLISH YET!" I continued to yell, almost going into cardiac arrest when a sinuous magenta limb swept my fringe out of my eyes.
"D'you think we could risk the Zuu tranquilisers without… well… killing her?" I barely heard the Hover operator put the anxious question to my two compatriots, who should have been escaping from the giant apocalyptic doom octopus.
"If your life insurance covers 'acts of Cid', go right ahead…" Yuna replied harshly. I knew without looking that she had turned condemning, mismatched eyes on the poor pilot; but then again, why should I have pity for a bloke that was willing to fire until the end result was a comatose pincushion?
"Especially seeing as your boss will make sure that you'll never find another job, so you'll probably need the cash." Paine added judgmentally, shooting a concerned glance my way when I winced violently at the reference.
-Wait… giant… purple… octopus?-
"THERE IS NO YEVON! Possibly cos we well… you know… killed him… but…" I paused for a second, awkward, sheepish expression pasted across my features. "THE HEAVENS SHOW NO MERCY! They've sent the Dread Octopus King Ultros in His place!" My shouting was punctuated by some particularly violent flailing at this point, for added emphasis so I could continue my baffling tirade. "His rancid breath promises death in my ears! His rotting, yellowing fangs glisten as he prepares to make Seafood Soup out of mere mortals! The burning, hungry red eyes! There is no pity as they stare into your very SOUL!" I concluded, drama queen that I was. You could hardly blame me though, I mean, I was not going to go out with anything less than a bang… or, in this case, an eardrum shattering scream, cos who was remembered for whimpering quietly in the face of grave peril?
Unfortunately, or maybe not, cos I kinda like being alive most of the time, my last, guttering scream was cut mercifully short as the demon Fiend was brutally ripped from my head, the hand of my saviour fiercely battling His almighty suction cups of despair and managing to gain the upper hand.
"KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!" I babbled noisily, not daring to open my eyes, which were screwed so tightly shut that I'd probably come away from the encounter with crow's feet.
"You sure? I was thinking that you'd look rather fetching… all dressed up in your glorified purple body-sock. I'm afraid it doesn't quite flatter your girlish figure as much perched on your HEAD though…" A male voice chuckled amusedly, and I could practically see the mock-pouty-face behind closed lids. Opening my eyes, I turned to the discarded terror of the deep, blanching in a suitably mortified manner as the garment collapsed feebly under all of its nylon-threaded majesty.
"My… hero…" I managed to grind out; barely refraining from twitching before exploding into a full out hissy-fit. Gippal chuckled at my humiliated gruffness, oblivious to how close I was to tearing his throat out with my teeth. Smiling benignly, he ruffled my hair in a manner eerily reminiscent of affectionately torturing a little kid sister. This proved to be the final straw broken over the disgruntled behemoth's back, and not solely due to the fact that incest scared the bejeezus outta me…
Silently, I removed the hand from my hair, placing it firmly to his side before gracing him with the mother of all death glares. If his flinch was anything to go by, I'd guess that Paine had taught me well.
"If you've completed your business transactions here, then you're welcome to a hitch a ride back to Djose Temple." I narrated tonelessly, making sure that I was out of his immediate reach as he turned a worried countenance my way. Reaching out to brush stray strands of flaxen hair that I was glad were masking my watery eyes, I back-pedalled sharply, hearing Paine's faintly uttered growl as she caught a swift glimpse of the distrust and anguish saturating the spirals in my eyes. Gippal dropped his hand back to his side abruptly, and it felt like my heart was screaming for causing the hurt that flittered over his face; which was still sporting the memories of my earlier handiwork.
"That'd be nice… thanks Rikku…" He replied despondently, causing the wailing distortion in my chest to intensify.
"Cid's Girl…" I corrected, the tense lines of my face expressing firm insistence, more like a desperate plea to let the matter drop… letting the impersonality of the old nickname hang in the dead space between us.
I didn't speak another word during the Hover journey back to camp, and found myself unable for the first time in my life to make even the feeblest of pretences to suggest that I had returned to my usual happy-go-lucky demeanour when Nhadala congratulated us on a job well done.
It was unnerving to say the least, as I had acted my way through one scene to the next for as long as I could remember, and not being able to fake even the lowest wattage of one of my patented smiles was almost frightening.
I had maintained an unseeing smile as my cousin's final embrace was denied, smiled in the face of the crystalline tears that rained from her eldritch eyes as she sobbed so hard I could see the tremors wrack her frame. Those tears had possessed a shimmering clarity, a transparency only rivalled by that of my fading friend. I had kept it together, I hadn't said goodbye; because I had to be the one to believe that he was coming back, and what was the point of saying goodbye to someone you were going to see again so soon, it was like you were never even apart?
I was the one who wore the brave face at my mother's Sending; I was the one who could forgive the most grievous of offences, I was the one who grinned in the face of adversity… What made today more awful than the end of the world?
My feet had subconsciously led me back to the Cabin in the Celsius, where I sprawled across my cramped, rickety bed, trying to ignore the folded heart print boxers, gazing up me, mocking me from the corner of one eye.
"You know… sometimes… it's alright if you don't feel like smiling… It doesn't matter if you don't feel up to acting the part…" A deep, soothing monotone washed over my senses and I bristled, startled at having been caught being distinctly un-Rikku-like. "Sometimes, we can't have all the answers, we can't explain why bad things happen to good people… but we don't have to pretend to be happy about it either…" She continued, closing her eyes in an equally un-Paine-like display of concern and regret when I flinched at the tentative contact as she brushed one of my bangs behind my ear. "But no one ever said that you had to grin and bear it for them… It's not your responsibility, Rikku, it never has been and it never should have been either. You're a person, not a consoling shoulder or a listening ear or a one-man pep rally." She informed me, a kind, heartbreakingly sad smile playing about her lips. "No matter how much I may manage to find fault with your harebrained schemes, I have never once meant to hurt your feelings in the process. Very few people have been able to tolerate me in my lifetime, let alone willingly call me friend, especially when I've knocked them down to a rather pathetic 59 respect points." She chuckled slightly, and it felt like deep down inside me, something laughed with her. However, my expression sustained the blank contrast to the limpid infusion that had always been associated with my expressive emerald eyes. "I guess… what I'm trying to say, in a horribly roundabout way, is that, despite the ridiculously overdone 'ice queen' act, I enjoy your persistence when you try to convince me to open up. I'm astounded, but grateful nonetheless that you always make sure that I'm not excluded from a group that's still probably too scared of me to make the effort to get to KNOW me.
It makes me… happy to know that you will never abandon me to wallow in debilitating self-pity, that you're always walking every step with me, whether I want you there or whether I'm telling you to go fall down a hole, and that you never leave the fallen behind.
I admire you for your kindness, your dedication and your compassion. I never thought I'd say this either, but your deranged antics and stupid puns actually amuse me, and it takes all the restraint I have not to laugh at your irrational fear of creatures with more than four legs.
But most of all, I like you for being Rikku… Not for being a Princess, or a super-hero, or a hot piece of ass, cos let's face it, Baralai's all the eye-candy a girl with such a limited imagination can cope with." She laughed, half at her own conditioned reaction to never mention such frivolous things as candy and asses, and half at the stunned expression I was undoubtedly wearing. "I'm not hitting on you by the way, so don't flatter yourself…" She drawled, smirking as I managed to weakly stick my tongue out at her.
"Sure thing… but if I catch you peeking at me in the shower, I'm gonna chase you down, brandishing that big plank that Barkeep hides behind his merry oaken partition of supreme shininess." I replied, feeling the ice that had frozen the emotions in my eyes begin to melt as she laughed. Paine had a surprisingly wonderful laugh, a deep, rich, comforting noise, enhanced as her crimson eyes flashed with poorly suppressed mirth, causing her to toss her head back, silver streaks of hair dancing in the light seemingly resultant from her luminescent grin.
"Just remember that some people do understand you, and all of them like what they see, ok?" She asked, locking her eyes with mine until I tilted my head in concordance. The laughter was suddenly extinguished from her carmine eyes and she became serious and almost visibly deflated. "I'm so sorry he couldn't…" She murmured; voice so soft it was barely audible.
The ice holding all of my unwanted emotions in place vanished suddenly, replaced by streaming, inelegant tears that voiced the inaudible screams of my heart as the pain seemed to increase tenfold.
Delicate arms that contained a surprising strength wrapped awkwardly around my shoulder blades, holding me up as I fell to pieces, patient and consoling as I screamed out my fears and failings to the silent room.
A/N: (the second) Seeing as random trivia amuses me so, (and it might get me more reviews, which would be really, REALLY appreciated, y'know?) I've got some questions for my lovely readers:
"In which Final Fantasy title did we first come across the fantabulous specimen of "octopus royalty"-snickers- Ultros?"
"What the hell does 'Ithyphallophobia' actually MEAN?" (not for the faint of heart... or just plain squeamish... lol)
"What is the correct terminology for 'beards on pogo sticks'?" (phobia of people with beards or fear of facial hair in general)
Whoever gets the most questions right... or... can actually be bothered to ANSWER them... gets... er... I dunno... what do you guys want? One-shots? Song lyrics? Pocket lint? Winner (or sole applicant) gets to run their one wish by the uber-charitable authoress, who will do her best to fulfil said wish (as long as it doesn't get her arrested) or at least stop talking in the third person...
-insert-amusing-name-here-