Title: The Crucible

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: I randomly decided to turn this into a song fic. The song is 'Breaking the Habit' by Linkin Park. This chapter is kind of long, so bare with me on that-I named it The First Endless Day for a reason... :) Also, I put times in front of each new section (for the sake of the story, pretend that the each day is the same length as an Earth day-24 hours), but they are all in military time. If you don't know how to read military time, it is very simple. The numbers are the same up until 12:00, then instead of starting over at 1:00, they go on to 13:00. So, if you want to know what time it is on the American time system, just subtract 1200 from any number at noon. (i.e. 1500 1500-1200 3:00 pm). They also all have four numbers, and don't have the colon between hours and minutes (i.e. 6:30 0630, 13:45 1345). Also, I just want to check to make sure that everyone has read Prologue: Checkmate first, since this is the second in my Salvation series, and that story was the first... You could probably read this story without having read Checkmate, but it will help in later chapters if you know what happened between Max and Tess in the pod chamber.

Re: Ellethiel: First, I want to say that I love your reviews, and you are always more than welcome to rant as much as you want. I also am interested by ideas of what society on other planets will be like, so don't worry, there will be more of that. At some point, I am even planning on delving into government issues. But of course, I have to have a balance of action and emotion in there as well, since it is a story. As for the end of this story, well, I obviously don't want to give anything away, but I can tell you this: I actually already have the final story in the series (which is a one-shot Epilogue the way Checkmate was a one-shot Prologue) written because I knew exactly how I wanted it to end. It won't all be happy and it won't all be perfect, and it most definitely won't all be like the show. Some is the same, some is changed, but I can't say any more than that. And hopefully that bit of information was tempting enough and you will stick with me through the entire series...yes, I know I am evil.

Re: Mony19: Can I just say that I love the fact that you consistently review every chapter in both my stories? The idea to make Rath and Khai brothers was a really last minute addition that happened right before I posted the chapter. I didn't have time to really think it through, so I am glad that you like it. I am going to play with it a little more in other chapters because I suddenly realized that it has a lot of really good potential for the story. As for Khai being hostile to Tess, he isn't the only one who feels that way. As you will see in this and later chapters... She has to really prove to everyone that she can be Queen, and she has to start by proving it to herself. Larek believing in her gives her some strength, but eventually all the motivation is going to have to come from within her.

Emma: Thanks for the review. I am always glad to find another person who likes Tess. She was villianized way too much on the show, and I thought it was just catering to dreamers and taking the easy way out. You can't just turn your back on an entire planet of people who are counting on you because you are in love with someone. I also happen to be a hopeless romantic, and I love the idea of soul mates. If Max and Tess were in love in one life, they should be in love in this life as well. Then again, I don't really like Max (which if you haven't figured that out by now, you will see it in later chapters), so sometimes I'm perfectly fine with Tess and Max not being together. But Tess is very cool. Which is why I decided to write this story. Sorry, that was a really long answer to your review.

As always, read and review. Although if I keep answering this much to reviews, my respose are going to start being longer than the story itself... :) But what can I say, I like comparing ideas and rants with people. Now, on with the story!

crucible: an object made stronger as it is passed through fire

The First Endless Day

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

Day 4

0600

Sunlight streamed in through the window, falling across Tess' bed. She opened one eye and stretched slowly, feeling her tired muscles strain slightly. She ran a hand over her stomach, feeling for the life force inside, making sure her son was okay. Then she smiled softly to herself, curled into a ball under the warm covers, and shut her eyes again.

Before she could drift off to sleep, however, a sharp knock resounded through the room, and the door swung open. Khai strode into the room, his arms crossed over his chest. Without even a civil greeting, he said curtly, "Be dressed and ready to go in fifteen minutes. You will eat on the way." Then he turned and was gone, shutting the door behind him with a snap.

Tess stared at the spot where he had stood, then pulled herself into a sitting position and mentally cursed herself for agreeing to accompany the General throughout the entire day. She slipped from the bed and walked over to her closet, opening the door and looking at her clothes.

What was she supposed to wear?

She looked down at her nightgown. It was made from white cotton, and hung to her knees. The top was trimmed in a type of lace that was so detailed and so exquisite it must have been made with more advanced technology than what they had on earth. Surprisingly, the cotton of the dress itself was rough, as though it had not been properly woven. Both the synthetic and natural materials of Earth were much more refined.

Except for syrk.

Tess reached out and touched one of the dresses hanging in her wardrobe. It was made entirely from a deep blue syrk fabric. It was smooth as silk, and so light that it almost floated in the air, but it glowed with a faint iridescent luminosity.

"I wouldn't wear syrk, if I were you," a voice said.

Tess spun around to see Sria standing by the door, watching Tess quietly. She ran a hand through her red hair and shifted from foot to foot, as though not sure of her standing with this new Queen. Her green eyes betrayed her apprehension.

"Why not?" Tess asked, glancing back at the dress.

"You are going to meet with members of the Resistance, my Lady. Syrk is a very expensive material, and they may perceive you wearing it as a sign that you care more for extravagant luxury than for financing the battle against Khivar," Sria explained. She took a few hesitant steps into the room, gaining some confidence once Tess did not rebuke her for intruding. "I don't deny that that is a beautiful dress, but syrk is generally saved for weddings, coronations, and balls."

"Good to know," Tess mused. She turned back to her clothes.

"Well, my Lady," Sria began, but Tess cut her off.

"We were really good friends, you and I?" she asked softly, trying to remember as much as possible about her past life. She blinked once, frustrated that the memories did not come.

"Yes," Sria answered, a little disappointed. She had been so excited when Larek had informed her of Ava's return, but it appeared that this hybrid did not remember her. She had not gotten her best friend back after all.

"Did you call me my Lady then?" Tess pressed.

Sria, caught by surprise at the question, stammered, "N-no. I called you Ava."

"Then call me that now," Tess said. "I may not remember you, but that does not mean that we have to lose our friendship. I am awfully alone at the moment, and I would appreciate knowing that there are at least a few people on my side."

"I was always on you side, Ava," Sria said honestly. "You are my best friend, and the Queen."

Tess slanted her a look through unreadable eyes and murmured somewhat despondently, "Khai thinks differently."

"Don't get too upset by Khai's reactions to you," Sria advised. "He may seem harsh now, but he is a fair man. Prove to him that you can do this, prove to him that you truly are the Queen, and he will respect you. Once you earn his trust and reverence, he will follow you loyally until his death."

Tess accepted the advise in silence, then said, "Was he really Rath's brother?"

Sria raised an eyebrow at the question and nodded. "Yes, he was. They were inseparable. Rath's death was a horrible loss to him." She walked over to Tess and stared at the hybrid Queen seriously. "I suppose that is part of the reason he is cold towards you. You don't feel that… favorably…towards the hybrid version of his brother…Michael, is it?"

Tess narrowed her eyes and said, "Well, if Michael had betrayed Khai to his sworn enemy, Khai would probably feel unfavorably towards him as well."

"I don't deny that you have a reason to be angry with Michael. Or with the others. But you have to bear in mind, Ava, that the people here…we grew up with Zan. With a Zan who was an extraordinary man and a very beloved King. To hear you speak so unfavorably of them… it hurts us. They were the soul if this planet, and…" She let her sentence drift off, unsure of how to finish.

But Tess understood what she was saying and sighed. "I'm sorry, Sria. I know I shouldn't… I need to be careful of what I say, especially around the Resistance members… I need to keep in mind that Zan, Rath, and Vilandra were very different people than Max, Isabel, and Michael are. It's just…so hard, sometimes, not to hate them. All six of them…"

Sria said nothing, not knowing how to comfort her hurting friend. At last, she said, "I know how you feel. We all know how you feel. And Khai should be a little more understanding of what you have been through."

"Thank you," Tess said, realizing, to her utter horror, that tears were forming in her eyes. She wiped them away hastily and continued, "You have no idea how much it means to me to be able to talk to you."

Sria laughed gently, and replied, "We talked a lot in the past life. About everything. Hopes, dreams, loves, fears, frustrations…everything." She smiled, remembering. "Trivial things, also. Jewelry, fashion, clothes…"

"Well, we have to keep up the tradition, don't we?" Tess answered, her face breaking into a wide smile. She turned and gestured back to her closet. "Because I have no idea what to wear."

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

0630

Khai paused outside a door and turned to Tess, his eyes serious. "You are about to meet General Radim. He is one of the leaders of the Resistance, and one of the few loyalists that Khivar does not yet suspect. As such, he is often able to travel to other worlds a conduct meetings with those of us who have had to flee the planet."

"Oh," Tess commented, unconsciously fixing her hair. She ran her hands over the material of her shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles.

"Although you do not look like Ava did, Radim should be able to sense who you are," Khai continued brusquely. "He has not yet been informed that you will be joining us, so we will see what his reaction to you is." And with that, he pushed open the door and stepped into the room.

It was a small room, and the walls were made entirely on glass. Only it was a heavy glass, thick and strong. Somehow, Tess suddenly knew that the glass was stronger than metal, than stone. And she knew that it worked like a one-way mirror, she could see out into the gardens around them, but nobody in the gardens could see in.

Tess blinked, wondering where the information had come from, and stepped into the room.

The floor was carpeted in a deep cherry red, and in the center of the room was a oak table. It was covered in maps and stacks of paper. There were four chairs at the table, each made of a dark wood, so dark Tess thought it must be blacked. She knew instinctively that it was not dyed, that the tree itself was naturally dark, and wondered, again, where that information had come from.

A man was standing at the table, and he looked up as the door opened. He had dark hair and tan skin, and his eyes were a deep topaz yellow. He was tall, taller than Khai and Larek, and muscular. His face was wrinkled and weatherworn, the face of a man who has seen one too many battles.

His eyes widened in surprise as they fell on Tess. He stood still for a moment, then whispered, "Queen Ava?" He swallowed and abruptly lifted one hand, banging the fist into his chest the same way Audin had done.

Tess, unsure of what she was supposed to do, shot a look at Khai. The General stared back at her, offering no help, and she grimaced inwardly. Turning back to Radim, she said, "General Radim," and inclined her head.

This seemed to satisfy Radim, and he gestured for the two to approach. "I did not know you were coming, your Majesty," he said gruffly. "I did not know you had arrived on this planet. Are the others with you?"

Tess bit her lip and shook her head slowly, not wanting to explain why she was alone. Instead, she said simply, "They were unable to come, General. I am…sorry."

Radim seemed to sense that there was more to the story, but he did not press the issue. Instead, he turned to Khai and said, "Sir, I have news to report. Shall we begin?"

"Yes," Khai replied. He nodded for Tess to take a seat, and once she was seated, the other two sat down as well. "Report," Khai ordered.

Radim turned to one of the maps. It was a map of part of Antar, of the Southern province of Tel'ai. A long mountain range, labeled the Fel Mountains, twisted through the center of the map like a hissing serpent. To the east of the mountains, a great desert stretched out. The desert bore the name Triaji. It was bordered on its east side by a jungle (the Cortai), and on the north by swamps and marshes. The south of the desert was bounded by the mountain range which curved to form an L shape. To the west of the mountains, the land sloped away into grasslands. A great river, named the Landra river, ran through the grasslands, curving in towards the mountains and disappearing into the hills. On the other side of the river, the great capital of Antar stood, rising above the other, much smaller, cities that surrounded it like satellites.

Radim placed his finger on the map, at one of the small cities that sat close to the Landra river. "Khivar has taken the city of Sab," he said glumly. "His army attacked two nights ago, and the citizens were woefully unprepared."

"What was the casualty rate?" Khai demanded.

Radim was silent for a moment, then said softly, "All the men and most of the women where killed. Some of the women and children escaped during the battle and tried to flee to the next town, but most of them were caught and killed by Khivar's army the next morning."

"Did Khivar leave anyone alive?" Khai asked, his face paling.

"Some children…" Radim answered. He lifted his head from the map and turned to Ava. "He is an abomination to the throne," he snarled. "He has murdered countless innocent civilians."

Tess nodded and replied calmly, determinedly, "I will stop him."

Radim seemed extraordinarily comforted by Tess' reply, and he turned back to the map. He ran his finger across the paper, tracing the twisting of the mountains. "We believe that Khivar has sent troops along the outskirts of these mountains."

"Why?" Khai demanded, confusion written on his face. "Why would he send an army to uninhabited mountains?"

Radim shrugged. "That is what worries us. As well as the attack on Sab. There was no Resistance activity in the city, in fact, most of the civilians there were loyal to Khivar. Or, at least, ambivalent. We see no reason why he should have wasted time attacking there, or why he should station troops along the mountains, but or sources confirm that he is doing exactly that."

"Could it be random?" Tess asked quietly, studding the map.

Khai snorted and shook his head. "No, Khivar does nothing without an ultimate goal."

Radim nodded his agreement and studied Ava for a moment. "You should know that," he said gruffly. "Don't you remember any of what you learned in your past life?" His tone had changed, as though he suddenly realized the woman standing in front of him was not the Ava he knew.

Tess bit her lip and swallowed. "I don't remember much…" she admitted, looking away from Radim's piercing yellow gaze. "But if there is no pattern in Khivar's movements…"

"There is always a pattern," Radim replied quietly. "We just haven't found it yet."

Tess pointed to a spot on the map and asked, "What is that?"

Radim looked at the map. Tess was pointing to a spot where the Landra river curved, drawing close to the Fel Mountains. In between the Landra and the Fel sat a single, lone mountain, one that rose much higher than the others around it. It's base was covered in a labyrinth of rocky foothills.

"That is Mt. Sinai," Radim answered.

"Sinai?" Tess asked, surprised.

Khai and Radim turned to her. "What of it?" Khai asked quietly. "You seemed surprised by its name."

"In a few of the major religions on Earth, there is a Mt. Sinai," Tess explained. "It is an important mountain, it is…" she let the sentence drift off, deciding she really did not want to have a discussion on Earth theology with either of the two generals.

"Oh?" Radim asked. This seemed to interest him. He turned and stared back at the map. "Sinai is an Antarian word also," he mused. He turned and looked over at Tess. "It means fate."

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

1015

Tess felt sick. She turned away from the young boy who sat in front of her and looked up at Khai, who was pacing the ground angrily, his footsteps reverberating through the otherwise silent room.

"And then what happened?" Arya coaxed the young boy as she knelt down beside him. Her face was extraordinarily pale and her eyes were filled with horror, but her voice was calm and gentle.

The boy was covered in blood. His entire body was covered with gashes and wounds, his hair was matted with blood, sweat, and dirt.

"There was a crash," the boy answered in a high pitched squeak, "and I screamed. Mommy… she was… I couldn't wake her. And she was bloody, and I tried, but… And then a man grabbed me and yelled something, but I wanted Mommy… and I couldn't find my sister… Mommy said that I had to always watch out for her, and I couldn't find her." The boy's voice rose in panic and he sobbed, "I couldn't find her! Do you know where she is? Do you know?"

Tess opened her mouth to say something, but Khai grabbed her arm and pulled her to the other side of the room. "You can't speak," he hissed. "The boy can't see you right now, you are out of his hologram's field of vision, but he would be able to hear you. And you cannot let anyone know of your presence!"

"Can't you…can't you not question him?" Tess asked softly. "Can't you talk to an adult?"

"Ava, no adults survived the attack on Sab. He did. And we need to know what happened, we need to know. He can answer our questions, perhaps shed some light on the mystery of why Khivar attacked that city."

"But he is hurt and scared! Someone needs to comfort him," Tess hissed back, her eyes filling with tears. Her maternal instincts were taking over her logic. She knew that she was only looking at a hologram of the boy, a rare communication device set up in between Larek's palace and one of the many resistance bases on Antar. The little boy was on a completely different planet than she was, and there was nothing she could do to help him right now.

But she wanted to so badly.

Khai shook his head in disgust. "Don't be so weak, Ava! This is hardly the first child to be hurt and orphaned by Khivar's rule. And he will not be the last. But there is nothing you can do!"

Tess nodded and closed her eyes.

"Just be thankful it is a hologram or you would have to smell the blood on him as well," Khai commented callously.

Tess felt her stomach twist and knew she was going to be sick.

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

1345

"He was so cold," Tess breathed in an undertone to Sria as she stared at yet another map of Antar. "Like he didn't even care about the boy."

They were in yet another meeting, this time with Larek, Khai, and a Antarian loyalist named Trell, discussing, yet again, the attack on the city of Sab. Larek and Khai were deep in conversation in the far corner of the room, while Trell was pouring over the maps spread out on the table.

"He cares," Sria whispered back. "More than you could know." She paused and pushed one of the maps away from her, pulling another closer. She peered at the twisted lines and tiny dots of cities that filled the map. After a moment of silence, she straightened up and rubbed her tired eyes. "I still don't see a pattern."

Tess shrugged and replied, "If there is a pattern there, I am sure we will find it."

"Yes, but will we find it in time?" Sria questioned softly. She ran a hand through her hair, then turned to Tess. Her eyes were serious as she said, "Look, this war has been going on for a long time. And Khai has seen many wounded children. But he understands the importance of stopping Khivar, and he understands that it must be done at any cost. So if he appears cold or uncaring… He's just being realistic. He knows what will happen if we fail."

"We'll have many more children like the one you interviewed today."

Tess and Sria looked up, neither of them having heard Trell's approach. He was standing next to them, his kind face full of sympathy as he stared at Tess. He was old, much older than any of the others Tess had met. His face was covered with lines, deep groves etched into his skin. He walked with a slight limp on one leg, the result of a hip injury several years ago, an injury that only got worse with time.

"That is what will happen if we fail," Trell continued heavily. "Many more deaths."

Tess' gaze hardened as she replied, "Then we had better not fail."

"Easier said than done, my Lady," Trell replied. He turned and nodded to the map Sria had been looking at. "I think I see some pattern, however."

"Really?" Tess asked quickly, as Larek and Khai hurried over at Trell's comment "Where?"

Trell traced a circle on the map. "He's been taking cities around the capital." He paused for a moment, then pointed to several dots on the map, each a city that had been capture. "Sab. Drasu. Lorai. Ethelial. Le'sor. Mry'el. All cities that have no particular importance except that they form a circle around the capital."

"But he has the capital already," Sria frowned. "A circle like that is a tactic for offense, not defense. Why would he be doing that?"

"Maybe he fears an attack on the city?" Tess suggested quietly. "Maybe he thinks he will have to recapture it?"

"But why? The Resistance would be fools to attack the capital. It is too well guarded, it would be suicide," Sria pointed out. "He must know that we would never take it."

Khai stared at the map for a long time, then said wearily, "He's preparing."

"For what?" Larek demanded, turning to the General. "What does he expect to happen."

Khai shrugged. "I don't know. But he must be preparing for something. This circle that Trell saw…it is too much of a coincidence not to be the pattern. Something is going to happen in that city. Something big."

A silence fell over the others in the room, then Tess said in a tiny voice, "What does Landra mean?" She nodded to the river and continued, "Is it related to Vilandra?"

"You don't remember the meaning of your sister-in-law's name?" Khai asked waspishly. He ignored the reproachful glare Sria sent him and explained, "Landra means 'gift.' Vilandra means 'God's gift.' Although…" he snorted slightly at the irony of the name and pointed out, "…she didn't turn out to be much of a gift to us."

A ripple of anger ran through the others as they nodded their heads in agreement.

Tess turned back to the map and stared at the dot that represented the capital of Antar. The place that she had once called home, the palace that she had lived in with her husband and his family. Where she had confided in Sria, where she had agreed to marry Zan, where she had…

Where she had been happy.

What horrible thing was Khivar planning for the city?

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

1730

Tess' eyes burned. How long has she been on her feet? It could not have been much more than twelve hours, but it felt like a lifetime. She had been to so many meetings, where they discussed the plans for battles, tallied the losses from recent skirmishes, debated courses of action. And she had met people, so many people, so many Resistance members.

And all of them, like Radim, had been thrilled to see her, right up until they realized how much she did not know about her past life.

God, she wanted to go home.

But she didn't have a home anymore. This was her life now, and she had to see it through. For good or ill, what happened, happened. She couldn't go back.

God, she hated Max.

But that hatred was slowly being replaced by an even stronger loathing, this time directed at Khivar. She had seen one too many death tolls, heard one too many reports of the injuries and causalities from a recent conflict. And every time she briefly closed her tired eyes, she could see that young boy's terrified, sheet-white face as he begged for someone to find his sister.

How was she supposed to do this? For the first time since meeting Khai, she suddenly had the wild idea that maybe he was right. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be Queen. Maybe she was just a burden, maybe all she would ever be was a burden.

"What do you think, Ava?" Larek asked.

Tess stared at him and shook her head, unsure what he was asking about. "I'm sorry," she said slowly, "my mind was elsewhere."

Khai snorted and exchanged darkly significant looks with another man who stood in the room, a diplomat from some other planet who Tess thought might have been named Zyith. She wasn't entirely sure, having lost track a long while earlier.

"About whether or not we should send a spy into the capital to see what Khivar is up to," Zyith replied with a sneer. "Do you think it is a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Tess asked slowly, rubbing her tired eyes and trying to think straight. How could she be this tired? How could she be this weak?

"What if the spy gets caught?" Khai snapped. "We don't have that many spies as it is, Ava, and we cannot risk losing another. Besides, Khivar has many…advisors who are adept at mind-rape. Who knows what information they could pry from our spies mind?"

Tess looked back and forth between the two men, sensing that this was a test. One that she desperately need to pass. But she had no idea what the trick question was.

"If Khivar is planning something big, we need to know what it is," Tess answered slowly, painfully aware of how much damage one wrong word could do. "Do you…do we…have any spies you think are adept enough to avoid capture?"

"There are some," Khai said, "But it is still risky. We can't foresee all the trials they will face while in the city."

"We can never foresee all the trials of a war," Tess replied, and sensed instantly that she had said the right thing.

"I agree with Ava," Zyith added. "This is a gamble we must take. We have no other choice."

Khai grunted in agreement, and said, "Very well, we shall do as Ava has ordered."

And Tess suddenly realized in a wave of horror that Khai and Zyith were acting on her orders. Sending a spy into the city on her command. Putting that spy's life at risk on her instruction.

Which meant that if the spy died…

That was on her orders as well.

She would have killed someone…

And unlike Alex, it would truly be her fault.

What had she done?

Khai met her eyes, and saw the worry and fear in them. His gaze hardened, and she understood instantly what he was telling her.

This is what it meant to be Queen.

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

2045

"I can't do this," Tess murmured, her eyes filling with tears as she her body began to shake. She wrapped her arms around herself, tired, worn out, and beaten. "I can't do it."

Khai stopped and looked at her. They were standing in the hallway, having come out of one meeting, and heading directly to another. The last meeting had been about the appropriate spy to use. They had agreed on… was the name Tunia? Tess was so tired, so confused, that all the information swam around in her head, and she could make nothing of it. She just wanted to collapse to the floor and burst into tears.

"I know," Khai snapped. "I've said that all along, and you keep saying that you can be Queen. That you are strong enough."

Tess looked up at him, expecting a smirk to be firmly planted on his face, but was surprised to see a frown. And a look of…despair?

She realized abruptly that, although he did not think she could so this, he had been holding on to a sliver of hope that he was wrong. They all had been hoping that. Larek, Audin, Arya, Lotho, Sria, Kani, Radim, Trell, Ziyth… She was the only hope they had left.

Tess swallowed and shook her head. "I can do it," she replied, wishing that she believed the words she spoke.

"You just said you couldn't," Khai shot back angrily. He turned away from her and walked over to the room they were supposed to have entered. "Stay here until you can gain control of yourself. I will send someone out to stay with you." And then he was gone, and the door closed behind him with a sharp snap.

Tess sank to the floor, tears flowing freely from her eyes. She let the sobs wrack her body, not carrying who saw her or what they thought.

"Ava?"

Tess looked up to see Larek standing over her, concern in his eyes. She cursed herself fro appearing so weak in front of him and pushed herself to her feet. "Larek," she whispered, her voice sounding hoarse and constricted. "I can't do this. I think Khai was right."

"He wasn't," Larek answered seriously, his voice filled with comfort. "I know you can do this. I believe in you."

This brought a bitter, choked laugh from Tess, who replied, "I don't even believe in myself." She began to pace back and forth across the floor, her eyes filled with desperation and misery. "You don't understand what it is like. I see it in their faces. They see me and they think they have the Queen back. And then they realize I don't know, I don't remember…And I see the despair, the gloom, the fear… I saw it with all of them."

"They don't know you, Ava," Larek replied softly. "Give them time to see you, who you really are, and they will know. They will believe."

Tess bit her lip and turned to look at him, blinking back the tears. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words died silently on her lips, and she looked away. After a moment of silence, she said, "I sent a spy into the capital today. A spy who could die because of me. And that boy who Khai and Arya spoke to…I could never do that. I couldn't be so… And then… all those plans and talks and everything… Khai knew what he was saying, he knew how to fight a battle. So did Radim, and Trell, and Zyith, and Sria, and Arya. I don't know that. I don't know any of it. Larek, I can't do this! I don't have any experience with war."

Larek reached across to Tess and took her by the shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eye. "No," he said gravely, "you don't. You aren't the same person you were then, regardless of her essence in side of you. And I know how you feel, that you don't want this responsibility of trying to be this other person, this woman that everyone revered as a goddess. But whether you want it or not, you have it. For good or ill, you are the Queen, and it is up to you to decide what you do with that."

Tess looked at him for a moment, then swallowed and nodded slowly. "Yes," she said quietly. "Yes, I am." She reached up and ran a hand over her face, instantly erasing all signs of her earlier meltdown. "Let's go into the meeting." And she turned, and lead Larek back to the conference room.

Because Larek was right. For good or ill, she was the Queen. Max, Isabel, and Michael may want to deny their heritage, but she did not have that luxury. She was here, on a different planet, far away from everything she had known, and she couldn't go back. She had to stay and fight, because that was who she was.

It wouldn't be easy. She knew she would have many days where she broke down. Days that seemed endless, like the one she was in right now. And she knew she would struggle to earn the respect of the Generals, of the Resistance, of Khai. Every day would bring a new hardship, and new struggle, and every day she would want to give up. But she wouldn't, couldn't, give up.

She was the Queen. She carried the Heir to the throne. She was the only one who could bring hope back to the Resistance, who could give them the will and strength to fight and win the war. She could bring Khivar to his knees. She had the opportunity to change it all, to make it better.

It would never be right, nothing in her life would be right. But she could make it better than it was right now. She could find peace and happiness. She could move on from the pain and sorrow that had followed her everywhere from the first moment her hybrid family had rejected her. She could find her salvation.

And she was not going to waste that.

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

2130

Tess suddenly doubled over as a wave of pain ran through her body. She gasped, her lungs constricting painfully. Twisting, she looked up at the others who had dropped to their knees around her. Through the haze of pain that clouded her vision, she could just make out the concerned looks on their faces, then the worried voice of Larek reached her ears.

"Ava? What's wrong? Are you ill?"

Tess swallowed the scream of fear that rose in her throat and shook her head. What was going on, what was happening to her? Her body felt as though it was on fire, her skin was sweating, tears jumped into her eyes. Her stomach constricted, a dull throbbing ache spreading through her abdomen.

…stomach…abdomen…constrictions…contractions…womb…child…birth…

Her sapphire eyes widened with realization, and she turned to Larek, whispering "He's coming. The baby…he's coming."

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Next Chapter: Birth

Due: Sunday 11/27

Please let me know if you have any problems with my use of the word God (in the section where Tess is thinking that she hates Max). I know it may offend people, and if it does, I can change it to G-d or take it out all together.