Hi there! this is our first story on this particular fandom--we're usually in the Escaflowne group. anyhow, we hope you enjoy!
This story was inspired by and more or less based on L-chan's "Shadows" and "The Greatest Power" and Peacewish's "Scattered Blossoms." You can read this as a stand alone one-shot, but we do highly recommend all of the above mentioned fics.
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"How about this?"
"No. I think it looked better down. What you think, sweetheart?"
"Down was better. Definitely down."
"Hmmm... how about we try this?"
"Hey, this is pretty. What do you think, Mother?"
"A definite possibility. But don't use that clip, Meiling-chan. It's too plain. Use the red one."
"But I was thinking we could use this with a spray of flowers..."
A contented smile spreads across my face. They've been at this for a least an hour now, but I could watch the girls all day. No--not girls – they're women. Still, it seems incomprehensible. It seems like just yesterday that Sonomi was at this very vanity doing Nadeshiko's hair, and now she's doing exactly the same with her very own daughter, Tomoyo.
Tomoyo -- soon to be a bride.
Somehow, in the blink of an eye, Tomoyo's gone from a toddler making daisy chains on the front lawn to the accomplished young woman before me. She's seated on the vanity seat as she, with her mother and friend, tries to decide, of all things, how to do her hair on her wedding day.
My, how time flies. It's enough to make a man feel a hundred years old. Though that's not too far off the mark for me. I'll turn 90 next year.
The topic changes from hairstyles to hair accessories, and Sonomi excitedly dashes off to return with an enormous box stamped with a designer insignia. She removes the top and pulls out a seemingly endless length of heavy white fabric practically dripping with lace and beads. It's a wedding veil, she explains proudly. She got it from a European business acquaintance, who said it was made in a centuries-old style used by some royal family.
Meiling, Tomoyo's vivacious and outspoken friend, gapes as if Sonomi has just pulled a fishing net out of the box. "Don't you think that's a bit --er -- old-fashioned?" she asks, making a valiant attempt to be tactful.
"It's not old-fashioned, it's traditional. There's a difference," declares Sonomi. "And since Tomoyo wants to have a Western-style wedding dress, we might as well do this right. After all, according to tradition, the veil was to completely cover the bride's face until the very end of the ceremony."
"Cover, not smother! The wedding's in August. She's going to suffocate in that!" The corners of Sonomi's mouth turn down, but Meiling's apparently not the type to be easily intimidated. "And, Western dress doesn't necessarily mean traditional. There's modern styles as well." Meiling pulls out a bridal fashion magazine from a stack on Tomoyo's bedroom dresser. "Look here and here. See how this one 's so sheer. This one 's short, and this one is more of an accent piece than anything else." She flips through the pages rapidly. "And some of the models don't even wear a veil at all. Styles change. There are a lot more options."
Sonomi's brows furrow as she voices a dissenting view. A few more words, and the two look on the verge of an all-out catfight.
"Great-grandfather, what you think?" Tomoyo asks sweetly. Three pairs of eyes shift in my direction.
How like Tomoyo to defuse the situation like this, I think to myself as the three women expectantly await my response.
"I think," I say, looking directly into Tomoyo's clear lavender eyes, "that a girl's best feature is her smile, and I should like everyone to be able to see it when I escort my beautiful great-granddaughter down the aisle on her wedding day."
In unison, Sonomi and Meiling give a sentimental sigh. Without further argument, Sonomi relents, commenting on how they'll need to get tulle and lace swatches from the fabric store to experiment with some of the magazine styles even as she packs away the ornate veil.
As for Tomoyo, she practically beams at me. I catch the twinkle of gratitude her eyes before she joins her mother and friend to huddle around the stack of magazines.
I smile to myself, glad to have made the right decision. I could tell when Sonomi pulled out that enormous veil that Tomoyo thought it was as dreadful as Meiling did. It was very subtle, but it was there. You just have to know what to watch for. Sonomi has never been good at subtle. Neither was Nadeshiko for that matter. And apparently my great-granddaughter Sakura is so dense that it's legendary among her friends. But Tomoyo is different, and it is part of what makes Tomoyo Tomoyo. So I have learned to look for it -- for her sake. Tomoyo has always been eager to please her mother, and she would have willingly gone with her mother's veil selection to make her happy. However, Tomoyo also knew that her mother would defer to my judgment with no arguments. Tomoyo can be very sneaky behind that demure facade.
I get the feeling that Tomoyo is going out of her way to let her mother take the lead in much of the wedding planning, and I suspect it's not just because she's trying to make her feel included nor because Sonomi has a knack for planning such events, though that is certainly part of it. But something tells me that there was a lot of damage done to their relationship, and this is Tomoyo's way of making it up to Sonomi. They haven't shared the details with me, but the fact that Tomoyo is marrying a man who was her high school teacher—there's enough coincidence and irony in that alone to cause the entire Amamiya family to convulse from the flashbacks.
But...
Somehow, somehow, somehow, things have worked out. And from the looks of it, despite some rocky beginnings, our family will become closer for it.
I only wish a certain someone was still alive to see it.
"Grandfather? Grandfather?" A concerned Sonomi puts down the box of jeweled hair adornments she's been rifling through and kneels beside me. "Are you all right?"
Oh. I guess I've gotten a bit misty eyed without realizing it. "I'm fine, fine," I insist, swiping away the moisture from my wrinkled face. I really have become maudlin in my old age.
"Are you sure?" Sonomi seems unconvinced. Ever since my stroke almost two years ago, the family's treated me as if I need to be handled with kid gloves and packed in cotton wool. I appreciate the concern, but I'm not that fragile. And I'm certainly not going to die before this wedding. No way.
I nod and give her a reassuring smile. "I'm happy. That's all there is to it," I say firmly. "It's been a long time since there was such a joyous event in the family."
And an even longer one since that joyous event was a wedding.
I can't even remember being at a happy Amamiya wedding. And that includes my own. While they are respectful, formal affairs, they're not what you would call merry occasions. Marriages are arranged, and while they are successful in terms of increasing the family's power and influence, they are dreadful in just about every other respect. Nadeshiko was the only one to break out of that mold to follow her happiness, and we punished her for it, to my everlasting regret. Now Tomoyo is following in Nadeshiko's footsteps, and I'm glad that things have changed, that we have changed, so we can all celebrate together.
I've decided that I like this type of wedding much more than the old kind. Instead of the enormous burden of obligations to be met, there is an excitement of promises yet to unfold.
Yes, indeed. This is much better.
Maybe Sakura's sweetheart will get a hint and propose to her as well. Speaking of her, shouldn't she be here by now?
I voice that question aloud, and the girls -- ladies -- glance at the clock on the wall. That worried look creases Sonomi's forehead again. "Oh dear, she should have been here half an hour ago. Maybe I should call --"
"Nah, don't worry about it," says Tomoyo's friend airily. "Shaoran jokes that Sakura-time is always at least 20 minutes after when she says she'll be there."
The words are hardly out of her mouth when there's a knock at the door. "Pardon the intrusion," says the uniformed maid, "but your other guests are here, Madam." The Chinese girl grins at the announcement with a "see-I-told-you-so" look in her impish eyes while Sonomi instructs the maid to escort the newcomers in.
Newcomers? I thought that Sakura was the only one missing from our group. Perhaps her boyfriend escorted her here. That gives me the opportunity to check the young man out. Though from what I have gathered from his sophisticated, self assured cousin so far, they come from a very wealthy, very respected heritage.
I'm startled out of my thoughts as the door practically bursts open. "Ho-e-e-e!"
"Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo exclaims as her friend flies across the room and throws herself onto Tomoyo's lap.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm late, Tomoyo -chan!" Sakura's panting and apologizing all at once.
Tomoyo reassures her friend that everything is fine and there's still plenty of time for us to make it to the city for a full day of shopping even as Meiling rebukes her for her tardiness. Meanwhile, Sonomi's eyes have lit up brighter than a 10,000 watt bulb, and she gushes out a greeting to the breathless girl.
I can't blame her. Looking at her, it's just as if Nadeshiko has come back. Certainly, I know it's Sakura, not Nadeshiko. Nadeshiko was never that energetic, nor quite that loud. But her face, the similarity is uncanny.
"Can't you walk into a room without making such a racket, kaijuu?" A tall young man leans against the doorframe with a mildly amused expression on his face.
Sakura shoots him a death glare and growls back that she is NOT a kaijuu. Tomoyo glances back and forth between the two and giggles behind her hands.
Kaijuu? Wait. That's not Sakura's boyfriend --
Meiling clears her throat pointedly, alerting Sakura to my presence.
"Ho-e-e-e!" Sakura turns the color of a ripe tomato and is instantly on her feet. "I'm so sorry! I didn't even realize someone else was here!" She bows repeatedly, embarrassed by her less than graceful entrance in front of a stranger.
"It's okay, Sakura -chan." Tomoyo, still giggling, gently puts a halt to her emphatic bowing. "Here. Let me introduce you. This is my great-grandfather. Our great-grandfather," she says, stressing the last words meaningfully.
Sakura's green eyes go wide as saucers. "Great-grandfather?" she breathes before exclaiming, "Great-grandfather! It's so good to finally meet you!"
She knocks the wind out of me as she throws herself into my arms. I hardly care though and return her embrace fiercely. "It's good to meet you, too, Sakura-chan."
She pulls away to get a better look at me. Her pretty face screws up in intense concentration. "Why is it -- somehow I get the feeling that we've met before...but that can't be right…"
"Maybe it's because we've been trading letters for so long, you know me already."
That answer seems to placate her, and she resumes hugging me. Tomoyo giggles some more, and her mother winks conspiratorially at me. As far as Sakura is aware, all of our interactions have been through letters and messages through Sonomi since Sakura first sent me a birthday present eight years ago. And while the identity of the man at that summer house will stay a secret between Sonomi, Tomoyo, and myself, I'm thrilled that Sakura still has memories of him, hazy though they may be.
"And Great-grandfather," I look up to see Tomoyo linking arms with the tall young man. "This is Touya. My fiancé," she says proudly.
Sakura steps back, and Tomoyo leads him to stand before me. His initial shock upon learning my identity has worn off, but I can still see a hint of trepidation in his brown eyes. He's poised enough to hide it well though. He bows respectfully. "Great-grandfather," he says smoothly, as if first-time encounters with his family's patriarchs are an everyday occurrence for him.
"Touya-kun," I say warmly. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"And you as well. Though," he says, giving Tomoyo a pointed look, "if we had known you were going to be here we would have brought Dad as well." Sonomi's eyes narrow briefly at the mention of Fujitaka Kinomoto. Despite the fact that things have mended miraculously between them, some things never change.
"But we had no idea you were coming either. We were only expecting Sakura today so that makes us even," counters Tomoyo with a smile.
"Touché," he concedes.
"Please don't worry about it. In fact, I didn't decide to come to Tomoeda until last night," I assure him. And that's the truth. I had dropped everything to be here, wanting to be involved in this wedding as much as possible. But I had had no clue whatsoever when Tomoyo and Sonomi came over yesterday that they were there to announce an engagement. And Tomoyo was so coy about it.
"Grandfather, Tomoyo has something she'd like to ask you," says Sonomi after the maids have brought us our tea and biscuits.
"Certainly, dear. What is it?"
Her eyes sparkle mischievously. "Great-grandfather, would you take me for a walk?"
"A walk? Of course. I'm not so old that I can't go for a walk with my beautiful great-granddaughter. Just as long as you don't mind being seen with a slow old man with a cane."
"No, I want to be seen with you. I want everyone to see me with you. Though I think Mother would like to get you a new cane for this particular walk. As for going slow, that's fine. I'll be going slow as well. You can't go too fast when you're wearing a dress with a long train. But it's not that far a walk from one end of the aisle to the altar anyway --"
And that's when I realize it and my tea is spilled but it doesn't matter because my lovely, precious great-granddaughter is getting married and she wants me to escort her on her wedding day.
I embrace her and Sonomi and gasp and laugh and choke out my congratulations.
"Darling, I'd be honored. Oh, so honored. Are you sure you want me to escort you? Not someone else?"
"Very sure," she says with a determined set to her jaw. In a way though, it makes perfect sense. I'm the only male relation she has any connection with. Sonomi separated from her husband when Tomoyo was just a baby. While Sonomi is constantly in touch with the Daidouji family in business interactions, she has nothing to do with them outside the office, and Tomoyo has had no contact with her father, let alone any of the other Daidoujis. As for Sonomi's father, my son Yukifumi, regrettably he was largely absent in Sonomi's upbringing and so he was with Tomoyo's.
"So who is he? What is his name?" I ask once we've settled down. I make a mental note to contact a private investigator first thing tomorrow morning. Sonomi's no fool, and I know she is very protective of her only daughter. This man must have been very exceptional to gain Sonomi's approval, especially with Tomoyo being just 19. However, I'm not taking any chances, and I mean to sound him out thoroughly. If he's going to marry my great-granddaughter, he's going to have to explain all of his intentions to me fully.
Tomoyo glows with that beauty unique to an expectant bride-to-be. "I'm marrying Touya Kinomoto. Fujitaka and Nadeshiko's son."
And I realize that I, not he, will be the one that will have to explain himself.
Sonomi claps her hands. "Well, now that we're all here, why don't we get going? I'll notify the chauffeur," she says, stepping out of the room.
Tomoyo, her arm still linked with Touya's, smiles up at him beatifically. "Since you're here, Touya, why don't you come with us?"
Sakura's dismay is plain for all to see. "Tomoyo, I thought you said it was just going to be us girls!" she whines.
Touya arches an eyebrow. "Oh? And that's the thanks I get for rushing you over here? Maybe I should tell everyone the reason you're late and how—"
"Nii-chan!"
He smirks at his younger sister, obviously entertained by her reaction. "Don't worry, kaijuu. You go on and have fun without me. It'd be odd being the only guy in the group anyway. Besides, isn't there some tradition about the groom not being allowed to see the wedding dress until the wedding day?"
"You silly, we're just getting the fabric for the dresses and that doesn't count." Not surprisingly, Tomoyo will be making the dresses for her bridesmaids and herself for the wedding. "Besides, you won't be the only guy. Great-grandfather is coming, too."
"He is?" Sakura brightens at this.
"Actually," I say, "I'm thinking that I probably should stay behind."
"Great-grandfather, are you feeling alright?" Tomoyo asks, concern plain in her lavender eyes.
"Fine, just fine. Just a little tired." That's a lie. I haven't felt this energetic in ages. But there's something I need to take care of first, something I've left undone for far too long. "But perhaps, you might keep me company for a little while before you go, Touya-kun."
Touya and Tomoyo exchange a look. "Certainly, Great-grandfather. I'm in no hurry," Touya replies finally.
"Wonderful."
The next few minutes are a rush of activity as the girls -- women -- collect their things and prepare to leave. I noticed Touya pulling Tomoyo to the side for a whispered exchange. Tomoyo appears to be reassuring him about something, and I catch her glancing once in my direction.
My guess is that he's worried.
But he needn't be.
With shouts of "Goodbye!" the girls -- ladies -- bustle through the door and down the stairs.
Leaving me alone with Touya.
I'm keenly aware of how awkward it is for him, though he probably doesn't realize how awkward it is for me as well. Tomoyo's bedroom is huge, and the immense space isn't helping any.
"Come sit with me." I gesture towards the seat across from me. He accepts my invitation readily, crossing the room in long strides.
The corner where I sit has been arranged to create a cozy spot in the large room, and I hope it puts him at ease somewhat. Plush furniture in pastel fabrics and honey colored wood cluster companionably by a window. It's unseasonably warm, and the window has been thrown open to let in the sweet-smelling breeze.
"Tea?"
"Yes, please. Thank you."
I reach over to pick up a cup and saucer from the tea service on the end table. My hands tremble, and the fine porcelain rattles as I set it before him.
Touya notices right away. He probably thinks my unsteadiness is due to some sort of infirmity because he immediately says, "Here, let me." He takes the teapot to fill his cup himself and refills mine as well.
As he does so, I take the opportunity to look him over thoroughly. After all, although he has been the topic of many a discussion, it is the first time I have met Nadeshiko's son in person.
He is strikingly handsome and, like his sister, possesses the physique of an athlete. The body beneath his denim shirt and khaki slacks is lean and muscular. But there the resemblances end. While Sakura's delicate features declare clearly to the world that she is Nadeshiko's daughter, Touya does not look anything like his mother. Come to think of it, he doesn't look much like Fujitaka either. If not for the exchange between Touya and Sakura earlier, I never would have guessed they were brother and sister.
He's tall, much taller than his father. And dark -- thick black hair, dark intelligent eyes, and tanned skin in contrast to the fairer coloring of the rest of his family. I wonder if perhaps he is a throwback to some obscure Kinomoto relation.
His large hands are steady and sure as they handle the fussy porcelain and silver utensils. He strikes me as a very mature individual -- responsible, dependable, not easily ruffled. He's very similar to Tomoyo in that respect. No wonder they were drawn to each other.
"Thank you," I say as he hands me my cup.
Despite his admirable composure, the atmosphere is decidedly tense so I begin right away. "Touya-kun, before I say anything else, I want you to know that both you and Tomoyo have my blessing for your marriage." Touya visibly looks relieved at my words and allows himself to relax as I continue speaking. "I talked for a long time with Tomoyo and Sonomi yesterday. From everything I've heard, you seem to be a capable young man, and while perhaps Tomoyo might be a little on the young side to be getting married, I have no objections to your union. In fact, I've already told her that I will be proud to give her away at the wedding ceremony."
Touya respectfully inclines his head from where he sits. "Both of us will truly be honored." His voice is warm with gratitude.
"However." My voice falters as I broach the subject that has been haunting me ever since I learned the name of Tomoyo's fiancé. I clear my throat. "However, there is something I need to discuss with you. It's something I should have done a long time ago." Touya stiffens ever so slightly.
I cast my eyes downwards, fixing my gaze on the wisps of steam rising from the gold-rimmed teacup in my hands. "I've wronged you." Touya's expression is a mixture of surprise and bewilderment.
"I've wronged you and your whole family," I continue, my voice quavering. "But especially you. And though I've no right to do so, I beg you now for forgiveness."
"Great-grandfather, it's OK," Touya says quickly. There's no need for you --"
"No!" I interject so forcefully that Touya is taken aback. "No," I repeat firmly. "Your forgiveness means nothing until you are aware of the full extent of my sins. Will you please hear me out?" Wordlessly, he nods.
I slump against my seat and close my eyes. "Your mother, Nadeshiko -- I don't know how much she shared with you about your grandparents, but for the most part it was very ugly. The marriage soured well before she was born, and by the time she came along, neither wanted to have anything to do with the other. And their daughter suffered for it." The misery that she had to live with, it hurts just to talk about it. "She was such a beautiful girl, wanting to love and be loved, but her parents were so blinded by their hate they couldn't see it. For them, she was just another reminder of someone they couldn't stand."
"And that's where I came in."
"The whole situation was just so wrong. It wasn't long before I made up my mind to do something about it. I was semi retired by then so I would arrange to go on trips with her, go to school events, and spend summer vacations with her. I tried to give her the attention that her parents withheld from her, to make up for their indifference. It started off as an act of duty and obligation towards a granddaughter, but it was not very long before I truly loved and cared for her deeply."
"She and Sonomi were the same age and attended the same schools so the three of us ended up spending a lot of time together. And Sonomi ended up following my lead of looking after Nadeshiko as well. After all, Nadeshiko seemed to need our protection. She was so clumsy and scatter brained, she was always getting into all sorts of accidents. Meanwhile, Sonomi was responsible and very capable, a natural leader and always excellent at academics and sports."
"But as much as we acted as if Nadeshiko needed us, deep down, Sonomi and I knew that, really, it was the other way around. Nadeshiko was love. She was light and beauty. She was the person in our lives that made us feel special, important, and cared for."
"So when she chose to marry your father, it was the worst kind of betrayal."
Memories resurface along with an almost overwhelming swirl of emotions as I speak. "It seemed impossible, that Nadeshiko, who had always been so eager to please us and never took the initiative in anything, would suddenly become so deaf to our objections."
"And it hurt. That she would ignore us -- the ones that had loved and cared for her all her life -- throw us aside for some -- stranger."
"Nothing worked... reasoning with her, begging, threats. I couldn't understand it, and I couldn't bear it. So I decided that if she was going to turn her back on us, we would turn our backs on her."
My voice is tinged with regret. "I didn't attend the wedding. No one in the family did, except for Sonomi. And the only reason why she went was because she was, up to the very last minute, trying to convince Nadeshiko to change her mind."
"After that, I thought I would never hear from her again. But I was wrong. Nadeshiko sent letters every week, and she always sought Sonomi out at school. She acted as if there was no rift, that nothing at all was wrong with the situation." I sigh heavily. "She was trying to make us see that she had not abandoned us in favor of your father, but wanted to have all of us."
"Despite my pride, her efforts to reach out to us touched me, and I would have reconciled with her then, except... except..."
"Except then she got pregnant with me," says Touya in a stilted voice.
My eyes snap open. Touya's leaning forward, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands. His eyes and voice are distant as if he is speaking to himself and not me.
"I saw Sonomi when I was 14. We'd just moved from Tokyo to Tomoeda. It was completely by chance and only because I remembered her from Mom's funeral. I had no idea who she was then, but I remembered that she caused a scene there, and slapped Dad before storming out." My insides wrench. It's the first I've heard of this. It's clearly an unpleasant memory, and I hate myself for dredging it out of his past.
The corner of his mouth twists into a sad half smile. "When I told her who I was, she didn't treat me like a long-lost relative. Instead she looked at me like I was some sort of awful disease my father had inflicted on her best friend." He sighs and tilts his head up to me. "But Sonomi and I have made up our --"
"I hated you." The softly uttered words catch him offguard. He stares, shocked to silence by my blunt confession. "I was angry for her for rebelling. I despised your father for what he did. For taking her away from us. And for being so careless as to get her pregnant while she was so young. But I hated you even before you were born. Because your existence turned her into something other than what I wanted her to be."
I feel sick, disgusted with myself, but I continue. "She wrote me about it right away. She told me that she was thrilled about it. About you. But I didn't believe her. I was sure it was an act, that she was just pretending because she didn't want to admit she had made such a big mistake."
"There was a huge scandal, but to me that was almost incidental. Nadeshiko was only 16. She was supposed to be carefree and happy. She wasn't supposed to be weighed down by the worries and responsibilities of parenthood. Not when she was barely more than a child herself."
"To hear that she was pregnant, it was watching her turn into something I didn't recognize and didn't want to see."
"So I cut her off. That was the last letter of hers that I ever read. After that, everything she sent me, letters, birthday and Valentines Day presents -- I threw them all away without opening them."
"And when she died, I thought that would be the end of it."
"But then Sakura came and changed everything."
"When Sonomi told me that Tomoyo's best friend was Nadeshiko's daughter, I could hardly believe it. But Tomoyo showed me her videos of her, and I wanted so much to meet her. But I held back. After so many years and so much resentment, I did not feel as if I had the right to intrude upon your family. But Sakura made things easy for me."
"I never expected her to take the initiative to try and contact me. But once she did, it was as if we had been doing it all along. I must confess, it was as if a link to Nadeshiko had been reopened. The joy she brought me and realizing how happy she was with your family, made me realize how foolish I had been. It wasn't long after that that I met with your father to make amends."
"But I had no idea what to do with you."
I'm ashamed now, unable to look him in the eye. "I favored Sakura over you. I couldn't help it. She's so much like her mother that everything I felt for her naturally flowed out to Sakura. But what I am guilty of is worse than that. It goes beyond mere favoritism. I realized that I had done exactly to you what I had despised Nadeshiko's parents for doing to her -- I blamed you for simply being alive."
"And so I hung back. By then, you were nearly an adult. I told myself it was better to not intrude into your life, not when I had held out against you for so long. But I was simply rationalizing the actions of a coward."
My hands clench the fabric of my trousers. "By marrying Tomoyo, you will be taking a place in this family. But you should have been a part of it all along. And…you should have had my love all along."
I bow my head. "Touya-kun, I have nothing but regrets for what I have done to you. I cannot change the past, but if I could I would do it. I was proud, self righteous, foolish, and blind, and I'm sorry, so sorry..."
I lurch out of my chair and fall onto my knees. My joints creak in protest as I press my hands and forehead to the ground before the great grandson I have neglected for so long. But even dogeza is not enough to put things to right. I'm not worthy of forgiveness. Everything I suffer -- the sorrow, the regret, the pain that tears me from within -- I deserve it because I was fully aware of the power I had to change things for the better, but let pride and my own selfishness get in the way.
"Great-grandfather," Touya stammers. In a flash, he's out of his seat and beside me. "Please don't. You'll hurt yourself. You don't have to do this."
I shake my head fiercely, ignoring his entreaties. Somehow his kindness makes my burden heavier. Guilt overwhelms me; I can feel it crushing my very soul. And I wonder how I will ever be able to make it up to him... and to another long gone.
Touya grasps me by the torso in an effort to bodily pull me up. I stubbornly resist his efforts.
He pleads with me. "Great-grandfather, stop this. I --"
Suddenly, his body goes stiff as a board. There is a sharp intake of breath, and Touya's hands grip me painfully.
Something's terribly wrong. I glance up. All the color has drained from his face, and his eyes are wide and staring.
As if he's just seen a ghost.
Alarmed, I cease struggling and sit up straight, grasping him by the shoulders. "Touya-kun? Touya-kun? Are you all right?"
His body jerks beneath my hands, and he blinks, somewhat dazedly. "Great-grandfather?" He's short of breath and seems completely disoriented.
"What's wrong? Are you feeling ill?" I ask urgently. I had taken for granted from his appearance that he was in perfect health, but perhaps that was a poor assumption. Even young, seemingly healthy people fall victim to all sorts of maladies.
"No, I'm fine. I-" Another startled gasp. His eyes are fixed at a spot by the open window.
But there's nothing there.
This can't be normal. I panic. "Wait here. I'll get an ambulance," I say, getting to my feet.
That snaps him out of his trance. "No!" I freeze at his choked cry. "No, please…I'm fine, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong. Please believe me."
His dark eyes plead silently. There's more here than he's letting on, but I want to believe him. I nod slowly, and his shoulders slump with relief. After a few shaky breaths, he says, "I agreed to listen to all you had to say. Will you listen to me now?"
I nod again.
He offers to help me up, but I wave off his proffered hand. He looks ashen, and despite his reassurances, I'm still afraid he might collapse. I manage to pull myself up and drop into the seat cushions. I pant slightly from the effort of getting off the floor. Touya's breathing hard as well, but from what I still can't guess.
He runs a hand restlessly through his thick hair. His mouth opens as if to speak and immediately snaps shut in a frown. He obviously has something to say but seems not to know where to begin.
On impulse, I take one of his hands in both of mine. It's a forward gesture, one that surprises us both, but I want him to know that he doesn't have to be afraid to be frank with me. "Whatever you have to say, just say it. You don't have to mince words with me. In fact, I'd prefer that you didn't."
He stares at our hands for a moment. Finally, he lifts his eyes to meet mine and nods.
Hesitantly, he begins. " What I want to let you know is that-" He stops in midsentence as if distracted by some sort of disturbance, and his eyes break contact with mine to drift to the left.
He gives his head a little shake as if to clear his thoughts and continues. "There's no need for us to bring up the past anymore-"
Again he stops. And again his eyes stray to the side.
Something's odd, and I can't figure it out. He's distracted. He's acting as if someone's interrupting our conversation. But, how can that be? There's no one in the room save for Touya and myself.
And seemingly out of nowhere, a nadeshiko blossom wafts languidly before my eyes.
That's strange…it's too early in the season for them to be blooming…
Suddenly, I find myself awash in a sea of memories. Images flash in mind's eye -- a serene smile, a tiny hand in mine, an angelic voice calling my name. And then… I feel it. It's brief, heart-rendingly fleeting, but I feel it--a presence so well-loved and familiar that it can't be anyone else but--
"Nadeshiko," I whisper breathlessly.
Touya starts as if struck by lightning. He looks at me sharply. "Did you--?" Our eyes lock.
"You feel it!" I don't need to ask, I know he does. And I sense he's aware of more...
My hands tighten over his desperately."You... you know something. Tell me what you know!"
Touya pulls away. "Touya-kun, please!" I beg.
He murmurs wistfully, "You wouldn't believe me, even if I told you."
"Try me!" I say with every bit of determination I can muster.
My emphatic declaration startles him. For what seems an eternity, he studies me, his eyes indecisive, deliberating. Then his gaze drops to the nadeshiko, which has drifted to rest on the coffee table between us. And somehow, that tiny pink bloom makes up his mind. He looks up with a small smile. "All right, but this might be a bit much to take."
A long moment passes as he gathers his thoughts, but at least his earlier agitation is gone. "This is going to sound crazy, but I have an…unusual ability. I thought it was gone for good, but—' His eyes flicker back to the out-of-season blossom on the tabletop. "I guess it's back."
He licks his lips nervously. "I see things that most people can't. Spirits…and ghosts. And
I can see Mom." My breath hitches in my throat. "She's with us right now—standing right behind you actually."
I twist about in my seat so quickly I nearly throw out my back. But of course I don't see anything. Nothing except the girlishly papered bedroom walls. I want so much to believe him though.
"She's smiling," Touya continues. And she's very glad to see us together finally. And –" He pauses a moment. "She wants me to tell you that --that your tie is crooked?" he finishes confusedly.
And with those last words, the last vestiges of doubt are eliminated. I collapse giddily against the seat cushions. My old body heaves with sobs. And laughter.
"Great-grandfather, are you alright?" Touya's looking at me as if I'm about to seize up and die on him.
"I'm fine," I say between uneven breaths. "I've never been…better."
Several moments pass before I can pull myself together enough to explain. "Nadeshiko, she was a darling girl. She always put her heart into everything she did. But even though she did her best, the results were…she was usually…well…"
"Inept?" suggests Touya.
A single look, and immediately we understand. I smile, knowing that he and I share this in common. "Yes, exactly. I can't tell you how many fires we've had in the kitchen from her baking attempts---"
Touya grins. "Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea."
"But even though she was terrible at many things, there was one thing she was excellent at, and that was tying bows. Gift ribbons, hair ribbons, and—" My hand reaches up to finger the velvet tie at my collar. "--bow ties."
"Those she could do perfectly, and even Sonomi couldn't best her at it. So that was what she did for me whenever I wore a bow tie. It was her way of showing she cared for me. She'd look at me and say, 'Grandfather, your tie is crooked, let me fix it for you,' and I'd lean down, and she'd retie it for me. Then I would thank her and say, 'This is perfect. This bow is the best' .And she'd reply—"
"'That's because my grandfather is the best.'"
My eyes mist over. "Yes, yes, that's exactly it."
Somehow, all the questions that I had earlier, I can't think of a single one. Though I'm still in awe over this, I'm content to enjoy what I've discovered and rediscovered in this moment.
Touya expression softens. "She wants you to know that she bears no grudges, against you or Sonomi. She loved you both, and always has." He pauses and adds somewhat reluctantly, "And she wants me to be completely honest with you. About myself."
He looks so uncomfortable about it that I say, "Touya-kun, I promise to listen to anything you have to say, but if there are things you'd rather not share, you don't have to."
He shakes his head. "She—insists. And she's probably right, too. You've been forthright with me and that's the least I can do for you."
He takes a slow sip of tea and begins. "That chance meeting with Sonomi when I was a teenager. It came at a very difficult time. Those days it seemed like I was always angry. Angry because Dad was always busy so I had to take care of Sakura. Angry because Sakura was so carefree while I was miserable. Angry because Dad favored her over me. Angry because Mom was dead. And angry …because no one understood me. When Mom died, she was gone, but she wasn't. I could still see her sometimes, but I was the only one. And, of course no one believed me."
"It was crazy. I felt like a complete misfit, like I didn't belong anywhere. Then when I heard what Sonomi told me…" He stares down at the empty cup in his hands.
I dread what comes next. I am fully aware of the extent of Sonomi's bitterness towards the Kinomotos. After all, I had shared it.
"Till then I'd never realized that she, that any of you existed before. Mom and Dad told us that we had no living relatives. It was a shock to learn that all of that was a lie. And to learn on top of that that you hated us. And WHY you hated us. And to find out that my birth was…an accident…a scandal."
"It was a lot to take at once."
"Things blew up after that. Badly. I felt abandoned by Mom, deceived and used by Dad, rejected by you…and so I hated everyone right back."
"Including myself."
"It was a very bad time in my life to be me."
"But…there was someone, one of my teachers, and she told me some things that turned me around. She reminded me that even if I wasn't planned, even if my parents had never intended to have me at all, that it didn't make me any less of a person. And she also told me that, despite anything that was done to me in the past, that I do have power, power that no one else has. I have the power to make choices. I can choose to obsess over the past and let that rule me. Or I can choose to forgive and move on."
I have no idea who this woman was, but whoever she was, I thank her fervently from the bottom of my heart.
"It took a while. But that was the start of letting go of all the anger and resentment that had built up since Mom died. Eventually, I forgave Dad and reconciled with him. And I made my peace with Mom, and learned to love Sakura. And," he says, raising his eyes to meet mine. "I decided to forgive you and your family as well."
"I never expected to run into Sonomi again, and it was a complete surprise to find out that Sakura's best friend was her daughter. At that point, with both Tomoyo and Sakura involved, Sonomi couldn't help but have a change of heart. I can't say it didn't hurt that she took to Sakura so quickly and easily and barely exchanged words with me. But I was more glad than anything else because our families weren't enemies anymore, and at least Sakura might get the chance to know Mom's family the way I never got to."
"I sort of assumed things would stay politely distant between me and the Amamiyas. No one seemed interested in me, and to be honest, by then, my life was full without you. Not to mention, I never had any real connection with any of you to speak of. That is—" A shy smile graces his lips."—until Tomoyo showed up in my chemistry class."
"Tomoyo's changed everything for me. After we met again, I couldn't help but be attracted, and even though there was a lot going against us being together, I knew she was worth it. She makes me feel like I can achieve anything, and now I can't imagine a future without her."
"Sonomi didn't exactly …approve when she found out about us. She was so adamant, we seriously considered eloping at one point, but we didn't. Mainly because I didn't want to drive a wedge between Tomoyo and her mom the way Mom's marrying Dad had. Even though things got extremely difficult for us, I'm glad now that we didn't elope. Otherwise, Tomoyo wouldn't have been able to share our happiness with her mother, and I wouldn't have had the chance to move beyond just mere speaking terms with Sonomi."
"And I'd like to move beyond that with you as well."
He looks at me earnestly. "I would really like for us to be family and not just people who happen to be related. And not just for Tomoyo's sake, and not just for Mom's sake. Not just because you're important to people I care about, but because I want to know you as well. Yes, there was a lot that happened before, but I'd like for both of us to not just let go of it, but to move beyond that—to something better."
I have his forgiveness…and Nadeshiko's, too…The heaviness, that weight on my soul lifts and I feel freer than I have in years. "I want that as well," I say, my voice quivering with emotion. Tears spill over, and I have to excuse myself to dry my eyes.
As I dab my face with my handkerchief, I chuckle like the foolish old man I am. "I guess I've a lot to thank Tomoyo for. It's through her that Sakura came back into my life and because of her that I'm speaking to you now."
Touya smiles warmly. "You should tell her that. It'd make her happy to hear it."
I hesitate a moment and add, "And thank you, Touya-kun, for sharing…so much with me."
He shifts his gaze away from me. "Actually," he says softly, "you should thank Mom for that."
"Can you still see her? Is she still here?" I ask hopefully.
"Yes." He tilts his head and pauses for a moment, clearly enjoying a sight only he has the ability to see. "She's ecstatic. She says she's been waiting a long, long time for this, and now, there's only one thing that could make her happier."
"What is it?" I ask eagerly.
"To see you, me, and Dad, the three men most important to her, celebrating together at our wedding."
I grin broadly. "I think that can be arranged."
---
Authors' notes:
dogeza: the most formal way of bowing down to someone in Japanese culture
hS: ahhh…the power of plot bunnies. This fic came started to rattle in my brain after reading L-chan/mellowcandle's "Shadows," and I put it aside because we were working on other projects, and I decided not to touch it until we finished with my current Escaflowne fic. That was 2 years ago. Anyways, due to life issues, we had to stop writing for a bit, and when things freed up for us to start on our Escaflowne fic again, the plot bunny came out with a vengeance and demanded to be written.
Ron:I'll say. What a racket.
hS: hey, you enjoyed writing this, too.
Ron : the only reason why I helped is because you were being a pest and I thought the Touya/great-grandfather interaction was interesting. But I am really not down with the TxT paring. squick
hS: the pairing works! And it's not like they're first cousins or something.
Ron : family trees are meant to branch out, not go straight.
hS: ANYWAY, I like the pairing and the story's done. So there. And here's a few final notes…
1.Don't own any of these characters.
2.if u don't like the pairing, u can blame L-chan/mellowcandle and flame us all. (Ron : hey I don't like this pairing—don't include me in on this.)
3.this story in no way reflects our own personal spiritual beliefs. while we do believe in a spiritual reality and that angels and demons really do exist in a conflict between the ultimate good and ultimate evil, we don't believe in ghosts (or reincarnation for that matter). As far as we're concerned, when you die, you stay dead until the ultimate Final Judgement (and trust me, Yue ain't the Judge). however, (as Ron is continually reminding me) this is fiction and because we're sticklers for canon ,we're staying within the parameters set by CLAMP.
4. we really think that CLAMP did a disservice portraying Sakura's first meeting with her great-grandfather the way they did. I'm sure they meant for it to be cute, but if he had really been a stranger, that could have easily been the setting for the "Sakura gets molested" episode. However, it's their story, and again we're sticking to canon so we're not changing that.