A/N: Here is the next section. Thanks to all of the readers and reviewers! Your words continue to be encouraging and quite helpful. Thank you all for taking the time to read my story. It means so much to me. :-)
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Chapter 3: Part 4:
The pang in Chloe's heart, which began as a distant urge that could easily be forgotten in the heat of the moment, quickly became more of an inconvenience among the lust, something that needed to be ignored in the interest of fulfilling what both she and Clark have wanted for two years. Actually, ever since we've met, Chloe thought distantly, vaguely, her mind a cloud of desire. And though the pang strengthened in intensity, her body continued to succumb to Clark's advances, especially when his lips moved to the curve of her left shoulder, as his hands moved up from her waist to the small of her back. With evermoreinsistence. More desire and lust.
And just as quickly, Clark left her shoulder, his trail of wet kisses in his wake causing her skin to tremble. Lightheadedness and incoherency invaded Chloe's consciousness as he captured her lips passionately once again. She responded to his kisses, slipped her hands to his neck, initially content with the urgency, speed, and desire taking control of the situation. Content her ill feelings were only a dark ship that merely passed by the harbor of her heart at a random moment in time.
But that something inside, the more Clark kissed her, the more his hands roamed her body, the more she melted to him, only pushed harder. Once a dull, faint ache, it now turned into a relentless, constant pain. Despite her desires for Clark, despite the two years she spent craving his kisses, caresses, and love, and despite her innate need for everything he was and wants to be, nothing could shut out what she knew must be done. Nothing could cancel out the truth. What should never be forgotten.
Only when she ended her quiet debate did Chloe finally realize how far Clark began to take their stolen moment of passion. And realized further how automatic it was for her to follow his lead to the unknown and desired place they both wanted to be. With unresolved, mixed emotions, Chloe suddenly felt him nuzzling her neck, caressing her skin there with soft lips. Felt her own hands threading through his hair. Felt him move them towards the bed that was now only a few feet behind her. Felt a hand reach to one of the shoulder straps of her dress.
If she was going to stop this, it had to be now. Because the point of no return started to cast its shadow upon them.
And her will would soon break.
With her newfound and unwanted sensibility, she pushed Clark away slightly. "Clark …", she breathed, a bit flustered, his breath still warm on her skin. Chloe then cupped his face and lifted his eyes to hers, and saw lust, for her, burning there.
"Chloe …", he whispered in return, his face only millimeters from hers.
Chloe struggled to fight the regret that turned her stomach into knots. Struggled the intense urge in her heart to forget the past and give in. To give Clark anything he wanted, and to get everything she wanted in return.
But in a whisper, she said with difficult, but needed conviction, "Clark … we can't do this."
Clark stilled a bit with her words, though he did not release her from his arms. The only place he wanted to be right now was with her. A need to so powerful, so lush and intoxicating. As if he could live no longer until Chloe was finally his once more. A desperate feeling that was born the day they separated, stayed dormant throughout their two-year hiatus from each other, survived the destruction of his own anger, and now engulfed him completely when fate allowed them to meet again. Despite his outright claim two years ago, he never really wanted to leave her. So consumed by anger and pain, Clark knew those feelings drove them apart. Feelings he could not control, nor ignore or forget.
They were the same feelings that led them both to loneliness and despair for much too long. To a dark time neither would discuss with anyone, despite how much they craved for someone to understand. Not just someone … but the one. The only one who could.
And at the moment, the one he craved stood in front of him, in his arms.
He wanted to forget their shaky past, and instead focus on the future. Let her be his savior – a role only she could play. A role reserved only for her.
But when she looked into his eyes, and he looked back into hers, Clark saw the same pain from two years ago. Saw the unresolved tension that still lingered around their relationship. And knew, with unbelievable regret, that his willingness to forget was actually a hollow promise to himself. He wanted Chloe again. He wanted to be with her. Be until they resolved the issues between them, the resentment they had for each other would always be there.
I only hope she still wants to be with me …
"I know," Clark finally whispered.
Chloe sighed deeply before she bent his forehead to her lips, kissed it tenderly, and then broke away from his embrace. "There's still too much between us."
Clark looked away from her, and stepped back a bit. "I know," he stated quietly again, and continued further, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have …".
"No, it's okay," Chloe insisted immediately, hoping Clark did not sense how okay it actually was. How often she dreamt of such a stolen moment over and over again throughout the past two years. "It was just getting a little crowded with the huge elephant in the room."
Clark huffed a bit. "Right." He then turned from her slightly before he stated blatantly, with unshakable confidence in his words, "So tell me. Why did you do it?"
"What?" Chloe asked, watching as he turned back to her with eyes clouded with a hint of annoyance.
"You wanted to talk, right? So let's talk," he said, moving closer to her, his hands at his hips. "Why did you kiss Lex?" The very same question that pulled at his heart every time he thought of it. Every time he imagined the scene before him. His Chloe with Lex Luthor. In his office. In his arms. Kissing passionately.
Even now, the image made him sick to his stomach.
Chloe, however, decided to finally give him the full answer. The answer he never listened to, that he always interrupted and ignored. Admittedly, she knew she neglected to tell him everything that happened two years ago. Once he reacted with such outrage, something inside of her snapped completely. If he was not willing to give her the chance to explain, so clouded with jealousy, then why should she? Since he obviously believed she was capable of such a horrific act, why tell him anything more?
So two years ago … she left it as it was, angered that their love did not seem to be strong enough. Angry with Clark for defining their relationship so weakly, refusing to stretch their ill-fated love any further. If this was how it would be between us … then I don't want it, Chloe remembered saying to herself then.
But this time … I'll make him see the truth, Chloe vowed silently. This time nothing will be left unsaid. I should have said it all before. I should not have let us suffer. But this time … this time, whatever happens with our love afterwards, we'll know everything.
Chloe folded her arms and stated, "It's always been that simple for you, hasn't it? Black and white? You never believed me when I said that something else happened that night."
"I don't know, it's pretty clear. You kissed him. What else is there to know? That you loved him? That you cheated on me?" Clark said angrily, as he stepped that much closer to Chloe.
But Chloe insisted strongly, "I never cheated on you." When Clark shook his head and began to look away, she reached her hands to his shoulders and forced him to look at her. Forced him to see the raw honesty in her eyes, in her features. In her heart. Because only that would convince him otherwise. Rid him of the stale version of the truth that has plagued him, and her, for far too long. "Look at me, Clark."
He sighed and then let his eyes fall on her face. Gave in. A silent agreement to give her a chance to explain exactly what happened. But honestly, Clark wasn't sure he even wanted to hear it. Already this conversation brought back more than he wanted to remember. Only a way to sour him slightly to the idea of forgiving Chloe altogether. Of giving her a second chance. Despite how much he needed her.
Can I really ignore the pain? What she did to me?
Before he could brood further, however, Chloe said, "I went to Lex Luthor's office that night to thank him."
"Well, you certainly did that," Clark replied wryly, glancing away, only to have Chloe reach a hand to his right cheek and turn his face back to her.
Chloe said angrily, "Clark, will you stop with the side comments? Please? I need you to really listen to me this time."
Clark remained silent, but nodded.
"I went to Lex Luthor's office that night to thank him for giving me a second chance with The Daily Planet," she began, paused a bit before she continued with a hint of sarcasm to stress her point, " I didn't go to his office thinking, 'Today is a great day to hurt my boyfriend'. Or 'I think I'll cheat on my boyfriend with Lex Luthor, because our love doesn't mean much to me'. You know I would never do that to you."
Chloe sighed, paused to catch the running thoughts in her mind. In a way, her curiosity arose quickly once she realized exactly what she would tell Clark. Especially after what just happened between them only minutes before. Such a thought only pushed her further to tell him. Because he deserved to know.
"When I said thank you to him," Chloe began, "that didn't seem to be enough for the great Lex Luthor. Before I knew it, he kissed me. I tried to fight him off, but … I certainly wasn't going to be able to force him off of me easily. If you hadn't of come …". But she trailed off, for the first time realizing that maybe, just maybe, Clark's role that night was deeper than just the hurt boyfriend who saw something he would never forget. Maybe he did, in some way, save her that night. Because who knows how far Lex would have taken it? Against her wishes?
Instantly, Clark looked crestfallen. His forehead furrowed slightly as the seconds ticked by, seconds of complete silence as they both took in exactly what happened. And when he did not say anything, Chloe decided to add for further emphasis, "What I'm saying, Clark, is that Lex made a pass at me. He tried to take advantage of me."
Clark backed away from her then, his face a mix of emotions that Chloe could not define. "Tell me what you're thinking," she whispered, unable to press away her need for his thoughts. The silence was too much to handle right now. He needed to say something, anything.
But Clark couldn't. All that came to mind was how stupid he was the past two years. Why didn't he see this before? Why did he let this go for two years? All this time, he was sure Chloe cheated on him that night. Because it seemed blatantly clear the night he saw her with Lex. But what he confused for passion may have actually been stress and fear. The look on her face laced not with love, but with true distress. And at the moment, two different feelings surged through his veins like electricity. Anger … with Lex for taking advantage of his girlfriend. A need to find him and forget all his inhibitions. Give him exactly what he deserved.
However, he also felt shame. Because he realized with ice-cold truth what his out of control emotions brought both he and Chloe. Two years of pain, suffering, loneliness, and despair. That all of it was actually his fault, and his alone. If I had just listened to her … let her explain … where would we be? What did I let slip away? How much time did I waste? How many nights did I need her? Her arms around me, her kisses, her love … her strength.
And how often did she need me?
All Clark wanted right now was a place to be alone with his thoughts. He could not face the love of his life right now. He could not face the mistakes he made. Not with her here, watching him. When he backed away far enough from her grasp, he said quietly, "I have to go. I can't … be here right now."
"What?" Chloe asked in disbelief, certainly the words she did not expect from him. And when she walked closer to him to pull him to her, to discover his true feelings, he evaded her. And turned away.
In seconds he sped out of the room.
And suddenly Chloe stood there alone.
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Where are those happy days
They
seem so hard to find
Clark walked the streets of Las Vegas slowly and in silence, quite the opposite of the crowds that hurried passed him tonight. The lights on the main strip were extravagant and luscious, a different kind of beauty than anything he has ever seen before. And on any other night, he would soak it all in, and enjoy every minute of his time here. But instead, his attention was taken completely by Chloe. By his shame. By the missed opportunities he would give anything to have back.
I try to reach for you
But you
have closed your mind
He wondered then how he could have made such a huge mistake. Especially considering how much he loved Chloe back then. Perhaps, in some respect, love was blind. A concept often able to birth a jealousy so severe as to take all rational thought from his mind. Despite how strong his love might have been. Despite the confidence he had in it throughout the short duration of its life.
Well, the life of their relationship …
Whatever happened to our love
I
wish I understood
The love itself seemed to keep going, carry on further.
It used to be so nice
It used
to be so good
And maybe such love never left either of them completely. But it did hide. Especially when he saw Chloe and Lex kiss, his love for Chloe seemed to drown itself completely in his outrageous jealousy. A love so utterly lost as to convince him it never existed in the first place. A concept so foreign at the time as to scare him away from the real truth that evaded him for two years.
So when you're near me
Darling,
can't you hear me, S.O.S.
Though he initially felt his love for Chloe failed him …
He now considered the possibility that maybe, just maybe, the love was so strong that he never learned how to control it.
The love you gave me
Nothing
else can save me, S.O.S.
To see through it, and apply it to everything he knew.
When you're gone
How can I
even try to go on
When you're gone
Though I try,
how can I carry on
Chloe stood quietly at the window and looked blankly out on the night sky of Las Vegas. The vision before her was amazing, yet her eyes looked passed it, through it to the something that left her speechless just a few minutes before. Clark … why do you leave? Where are you?
You seem so far away
Though
you are standing near
Though, she knew the truth could often be sour to taste, especially something as sensitive as what she told Clark. Yet Chloe could not help but curse herself, knowing full well that even though she did not actually cheat on him, she did lie to him. That maybe, perhaps, she was really the culprit all along. Maybe she was actually the one who did not have enough faith in their love. Because what if I fought his anger two years ago? Told him the truth? How much different would our lives be?
Why did she convince herself that Clark had no faith in their love?
You made me feel alive
But
something died I fear
What if he caught Clark kissing Lana under the pretenses that everything in their relationship was supposed to be wonderful?
Chloe remembered with a sting of her own brand of jealousy that Clark did go to Lana with the full intention of cheating. Perhaps as an instinctive reaction to what he just saw me do … but still … could I have just looked the other way if they did go through with it? Would I have forgiven him? Listened to him above the hurt and agony I probably would have felt at the time? What kind of reaction did I expect? Maybe I should have been flattered that he was hurt that much by what he saw. Maybe …
I really tried to make it out
I
wish I understood
Maybe I should have had more faith in our love. In him. In … everything.
With sorrowful eyes, Chloe wondered why her own faith failed her two years ago. Or perhaps, further, why she was blinded by her love.
What happened to our love
It
used to be so good
Clark's blind footsteps lead him to Caesar's Palace, only another variation of exquisite beauty and Italian glamour. Just ahead, a small drink bar still stood open, a temptation Clark gave into quickly. And while he automatically walked to the counter, asked for a cup of coffee, and watched the small, petite woman pour his drink, Clark's mind traveled back to the love of his life. Traveled back to everything he missed with her throughout the duration of their time apart from each other.
So when you're near me
Darling,
can't you hear me, S.O.S.
Traveled back to the recent month of torment, when every night he would lie awake and wish Chloe would walk back into his life.
And Clark realized instantly how much he suffered. He remembered lonely moments of time, when he was soaked in his tears, soaked in pain. Pain that Chloe could have driven away completely with her love alone. He wondered then how he ever did it. How did I ever go on with my life without her? How did I survive?
The love you gave me
Nothing
else can save me, S.O.S.
Even as these words slipped past his consciousness, Clark knew he never really moved on. That he continued to crave her. Continued to love her. Continued to wish that she was back in his life – as if she never left him.
When you're gone
How can I
even try to go on
Because in a way … she never did.
And she never will.
When you're gone
Though I try,
how can I carry on
Chloe began to concentrate on the last two years without Clark. Honestly, the time had been dreadful for her. So much happened to her, so much pain and despair that often, she wondered how she ever survived it. Even now, as her eyes bored into the bright lights of the strip below her, Chloe could not help but think of him. Perhaps set him in the equation of the past few problems in her life, and ponder the difference he would have made.
So when you're near me
Darling,
can't you hear me, S.O.S.
When her
partner died a year before, Chloe seriously doubted she would ever
bounce back from such tragedy. Nights and nights she sat up, her
insomniac state riddled with tears of grief. Tears that took months
to dry up, and only so soon because Lana did help her through it.
And though Lana was a wonderful friend, she could never replace what,
or whom, she really wanted. Nothing could do that. Only the
one she craved could save her, the one she dreamt of night after
night. The arms she wished would encircle her, dry her tears, and
ensure her, despite everything, all would be okay.
And the love you gave me
Nothing
else can save me, S.O.S.
All would be okay because I'm here … because I would never leave you …
How much pain could she have saved herself if Clark would have been there?
In fact, even now … Chloe could not shake the question of how she ever survived the past two years without the love of her life.
Whatever made her believe she could go on without him?
When you're gone
How can I
even try to go on
Clark sat down on a small bench by himself, content to watch the people who walked by him. His eyes quickly landed on two people, who also sat on a bench just across the way. A man and a woman, dressed casually, but nice. Holding hands and giggling, intimate and tender. Sharing small kisses every now and then as they talked, and drank their cappuccinos. A love, seemingly so pure, that even Clark could see it, forced to smile in spite of himself.
When you're gone
Though I try,
how can I carry on
Yet his smile turned to an exhausted sigh. A look of loss and sadness.
And in his mind, Chloe was sitting next to him. Holding his hand, whispering in his ear loving endearments. Sipping her coffee, laughing … and loving him.
Only three words seemed appropriate, and he said them aloud, but in a soft whisper.
"I need you."
When you're gone
How can I
even try to go on
Chloe closed her eyes against the world. Imagined she was on this trip with Clark because they were in love. Because they finally found time to be together among the chaos of their schedules. Because they could not wait any longer, could not go one more second without spending the night in each other's arms. His kisses, though ghostly, felt wonderful, exciting, yet loving and tender. Her troubles melted under the shine of his care. Her tears wiped away by the warmth of his love.
Tears, now in cold reality, began to slide down her crimson cheeks.
Tears that begged for him, craved him.
When you're gone
Though I try,
how can I carry on
And nothing else seemed to describe her feelings … save three words that she uttered in the darkness of the room, of her soul.
"I need you."
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more to come ... :-)