Project Restoration Chapter 3: Let's pray we stay together

Author's Note: Thanks again to reviewers, I'm seriously so grateful. I'm at home for a few weeks for Christmas break and am loving writing inthe downtime. I've already filled an entire notebook with starts to a variety of fics (mostly Jackie and Hyde, but they are just so darn fun to write about). I think my growing obsession may be dangerous to my health and GPA, but oh well. Let me know what you think of this chapter, and as always, please enjoy.

Disclaimer: Still not mine…if they were it would be like Africa, what? Stripper, who?

SECRETS:

"Secrets don't make friends." Kelso had heard it often, and had to agree. In recent years he had grown to hate secrets. Secrets had ruined him and Jackie, partly because he had never been very good at keeping them and thus was always getting caught.

And he had learned from the Jackie and Hyde summer fling ordeal that secrets can hurt deeply and leave lingering wounds. And so he absolutely positively detested secrets, especially when he was the one left in the dark.

Yet he felt right now as if secrets were everywhere, swirling about his visiting friends, tainting the very air they breathed. He had a few specific ones he'd like to get to the bottom of.

Secret #1: Jackie was not fine. Sure, that's what she had said. But Kelso knew better. The talkative beauty he'd loved and lost almost too many times to count was seated on his couch, silent, and looking exhausted. She seemed to barely hear him as he told the story of Prince's first encounter with the mailman, complete with aphysical reenactment of the poor man running with the tiny, but persistent, dog attached to his heal. Her smile had said, "I'm happy to see you," but her expressive eyes looked anything but happy. And he couldn't help but worry. He wondered what on earth could have done this to his Jackie, but he realized the better question was probably who. Which lead directly to his thoughts on Secret #2.Hyde was acting strangely preoccupied, he had his paranoid face on and they had yet to touch the stash. Kelso was sure he'd said at least 6 unbelievably stupid or inappropriate things sincehis friends had arrived, but Hyde had yet to verbally burn him or frog his arm even once. Something was definitely up with Hyde, something big.

And Secret #3 was the worst. Every time he asked a question about Eric, Donna would evade it like a pro while the other 3 would just look down at their hands or feet, quiet. Fez had mentioned things were less than perfect back home, but as their phone conversations quickly turned to TV babes and fun things to do with firecrackers on a subway, he hadn't gotten to deep into the issues. But something wasoff with Donna, and apparently everyone but him was in on it. And boy did Kelso hate feeling out of the loop. Feeling as if he knew less than he should was a fact of life for Michael Kelso when it came to most things, he was aware it was a good thing indeed thathe was pretty. Butwhen it came to his friends he wanted to know everything. He would not tolerate secrets.

And that was his main motivation for asking if anyone else wanted another round of beers. Secrets were no match for the lip-loosening effects of alcohol.

CANDY:

Most people wouldn't have thought combining Tootsie Rolls and Milwaukee's best brew was a good idea. Yet Fez sat there, happily stuffing his mouth completely full of the sweet, soft chews, and then washing them down with a long gulp of beer. He'd swallow only to stuff more candy in his mouth and repeat the process all over again. Heliked the beer. It made his cheeks feel warm and magically seemed to lesson the tension in the room a bit. And the sweet taste of candy was something he could always count on to make him feel better. Sweet, sweet candy, the love of his life.

He used to think he could count on his friends for that too. Like when Donna pretended to be his girlfriend because Caroline was a psycho, or when the boys stuck by him in Canada when he temporarily thought he'd lost his green card and the threat of imprisonment was horrifyingly real.

But lately he had seen them all fail each other,and that didn't taste so sweet.

Donna had kept her break-up with Eric from them. What was that about? She hadn't told any of the Group, noteven Jackie who was supposed to be her best friend. Thethoughtleft a bitter taste in his mouth.

He heard Jackie cry herself to sleep most nights. The walls of the apartment were thin and he could hear her sobs well into the hours of twilight, just before dawn, when she'd finally fall, exhausted, into a restless sleep. Then she would wake only a few hours later, in time to make his breakfast. But she never asked for his comfort. And he never offered it. And he was ashamed that heknew her so well hecould sometimes finish her sentences, but he could no longer attempt to hug away her pain, if only for a minute.

And Hyde, well, he could have just tayed in Vegas for all the help he was being.

And Fez bit into another tootsie roll, expecting the taste of the candy to relieve him from just a second of his inner frustration and sadness. To his shock and dismay though,the sweet taste was suddenly sickening. And for the first time in his life he didn't want any more candy.

And hesighed. Maybe he couldn't count on anything anymore.

CIRCLES:

They were a group based on circles. They drank beer in circles. They smoked pot in circles. And since they had hung out in the same place with the same people everyday for years and years, it often felt like they talked in circles. So Hyde was generally a fan of circles. But as he looked across from him at Jackie sitting cross-legged on the floor, downing the last of her beer with a familiarity that scared him, he saw dark circles under her gorgeous jewel-like eyes and his heart broke all over again. She still wasn't sleeping.

Cycles were circles. They went around without end. And her and Michael had always worked within a cycle. They were making out, he was cheating, they were fighting, she was crying, they were breaking up, he was chasing, she was caving, they were making out. When Kelso and Donna returned from California and Jackie had stayed with him, Hyde had hoped he had finally broken the cycle.In his heart he wishedhe hadstopped that circle from spiraling out of control. But then she slipped. She calledKelso her boyfriend. And even as they made up, as Jackie claimed she loved him again and again, his confidence waned. And soon he went to bed with a nurse because the circle hadn't been broken, he hadjust become apart of the cycle. So what if she hadn't really cheated. So what if she had really loved him. Who was he to compete with geometry? From then on it was always just a matter of time. And so in this case, he hated circles.

But as they sat around now, he heard Kelso telling a story about a street musician he'd met last week who'd tried to teach him to break dance. The story ended with Kelso on his back, attempting to spin in a circle without getting rug burn. He failed. They all laughed.

And Hyde looked at Jackie and she smiled back at him, one of her smiles that could light up a room. And for a moment, a split second really, everything felt normal. Like it always had before. Kelso was laughing at himself but whining that his back hurt. Fez was drunk and giggling, tootsie roll smeared around his mouth. Donna was laughing while saying something about "the King." And his eyes were locked on Jackie. And hers were on him.

But then the moment passed. The tension returned.

And not even another beer had any promise of relief.

And not long after they settled in the smoke-filled circle, with Hyde desperately hoping they could get that moment back.

SISTERHOOD:

Donna didn't know what to make of the night. There had been times when Kelso was being so silly that they had all laughed like the last few months hadn't happened. And when Fez got the hiccups from the beer, well Hyde's sense of humor rose from the dead and he mockedthe smaller bi-lingual friend,leading them all into a round of "Burns", just like old times.

But then the laughter would die down. And they'd look around. And this wasn't the basement. And Eric's absence wasn't just because he was helping Kitty unload groceries or something. And there would be a few moments, or 20, when everyone just drank their beer and hoped the silence would break soon.

And one by one the boys fell asleep, leaving her and Jackie to talk into the night. And she thought back to all thetimes they'd stayed up talking when they'd lived together, talking about Hyde and Kelso and Eric. About the futures they both hoped to have. About family and loss and love and regret.

That was why Jackie was her best friend. Because sure they had their differences, sure they could bicker and fight and shout lumberjack and midget all night. But they could also talk about anything. And somewhere through it all, though exactly when Donna couldn't place, Jackie had gone from Kelso's bitchy girlfriend to a confidant, a sister.

But she'd been a horrible "sister" lately. She knew Jackie wasn't taking things with Hyde and Sam well. And Donna couldn't blame her. In fact Donna wasn't sure she herself wouldn't have been doing far worse in that situation. She also knew that she had hurt Jackie by becoming friends with Sam. And that when she had neglected to tell everyone but Randy about Eric, it had been a slap in the face to her best friend. Donna knew and Donna felt guilty. But that's the great thing about sisters. They're permanent. No matter what, a sister is a sister. And anything can be forgiven. Or at least she hoped so.

So Donna did her best, despite her intoxicated state, to bridge the gap that had been growing between them.

"Jackie?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think things will ever feel right again?"

The look Jackie gave her seemed to be say she was surprised by the serious turn in conversation. But she answered anyway. "I certainly hope so. Cause this is downright miserable."

Donna nodded."You know, I was going to tell you about Eric eventually."

"I know, I just hurt at the idea that you didn'twant me for support. Or need me.I feel like I've been leaning on you for years."

Donna smiled. Jackie had changed so much, the princess she'd first known would have never confessed to needing anyone else. "Do you ever feel like we aren't like normal friends?"

Jackie laughed. "All the time. I'm convinced we're more like-"

"Sisters?"

"Yeah."

"Me too." Donna smiled. She still didn't know about the boys, but she and Jackie were gonna be just fine.

SLEEPLESS:

Jackie hadn't slept more than a few hours a night since Mrs. Forman opened the door to reveal the surprising Mrs. Steven Hyde. Sleeping more than that would lead to nightmares, terrible dreams where she'd have to watch her Steven marry and make love to that horrible wretch and they would laugh at her as they watched her cry. She knew it wasn't healthy, and it wasn't helping her looks either. But if she couldn't even escape the loneliness in her sleep than she'd rather go without it.

So after Donna finally conked out, and the boys had been asleep for hours, Jackie remained awake, if not alert, in the quiet and unfamiliar apartment. She was happy her and Donna had gotten a chance to talk, their brief conversation had covered much more than what was said aloud, and it resulted in her feeling better than she had in quite some time.

But she was still lonely. Without love, without purpose. And the shallow girl who had thought being pretty was enough simply didn't exist anymore.

But as she looked around the room, dark save for the light spilling in from the kitchen, she couldn't help but smile. She knew for a fact they all felt the distance. Hell, you could have filled a canyon with all the uncomfortable silence that had plagued the car ride there. But Jackie watched as in their sleep, all hurt was forgiven, all pain forgotten. Kelso had fallen asleep on the couch, his long legs curled curiouslytight into the fetal position, leaving enough room for Donna to lean a pillow against his legs before falling asleep too. Fez was asleep on the floor, slouched where he had sat in front of Kelso, Hyde's coat as a blanket from when Steven had noticedtheir friend shivering in his sleep. And Hyde himself slept a few feet away, laying with Prince curled at his side, his shades removed for the first time that day. And to Jackie they didn't look like people struggling to save their friendships, they didn't look like they had grown apart at all. They slept like they had never been anything but close andconnected. And she was afraid if she closed her eyes for a moment, she would miss it.

So Jackie went without sleep yet again, but she felt this night it was for a far better reason.