Project Restoration Chapter 5: And if we're gonna go down…

Author's Note: Thanks again to the reviewers, so many of you are so talented that the fact you keep reading my lil' fic blows my mind. I am sorry this update took a little longer than I expected, I spent quite a bit of time debating whether to include some Eric pieces. Ultimately I decided to put him in, hopefully no one will hate it. I'm hoping to get Chapter 6 written and up tonight too, in case any of you are night owls like me. I can't decide how I feel about this chapter, but it was all stuff I had to get out for plot purposes.I'll keep my fingers crossed that you like it. Enjoy!

Also, I'm relatively new still so can anyone enlighten me as to what a beta is? I read a lot of authors who reference them, and I have no clue as to what it means. You can all point and laugh at my ignorance, I'll try not to cry.

Disclaimer: Not Mine. Damn it.

FIRST DATES:

Donna knew that by acknowledging Randy during their earlier conversation, Eric was giving her his blessing. He loved her, but he had let her go, and now he was showing her their friendship would not suffer if she actedlike it and moved on. It was touching really. Sure, she hated that Eric had ended things. It tore at her soul to think for a second they would be losing all they had built together, all they shared. But she knew, though she again hated his means, Eric was doing what he did when he ran from their wedding: he was sacrificing the "them" for the good of "her." He wanted her to be happy, no matter the cost. And that was Eric's love. And feeling his love never not make her smile, even in this case as it also broke her heart.

But she decided she needed to take him up on the freedom he offered her. She suspected she'd hate it. That in the end it would only prove she would never love anyone like she loved the scrawny neighbor boy. But Randy made her laugh. And he had good taste in music. And they never ran out of conversation. And he was there, in Point Place, with no hints of leaving any time soon. So she concluded that she would find him when they got back and ask him out. On a date.

Her first date without Eric in years.

First dates were always special.

Every little thing on a first date felt life defining. Every look was charged with meaning. Every word was carefully selected. Every hair flip was symbolic. It was ridiculous really, but it's the way things were. And she was preparing to go through it one more time. She'd loved Eric so long she'd honestly thought she would never have a first date again.

While she made sandwiches for everyone's to eat later for lunch, she daydreamed a little about where Randy might take her, about what she would wear, about what they would say.

And she wondered if she'd let him kiss her goodnight.

And she pretended it didn't feel like betrayal.

And she told herself, no matter how much fun she had or how nice Randy would be, it wouldn't really matter. So that way, when Eric came back, they could go out on another first date.

And it would be her last.

PRIVACY:

Fez didn't believe in privacy. Not between friends. He found nothing wrong with his hiding out in Donna's closet or the tree outside Jackie's old bedroom. He felt that he wasn't out of line sitting in the basement when important conversations went down between couples.And he was certainly gladtoday when hecracked the door open a bit as he left the room for Donna's call to Eric. He had beenecstatic to hear them laugh together.

Because friends weren't like the familyhe got stuck with, his friends were people he had chosen to love, support, and care for. Andhe had every right to know the whole story of what he was getting himself into.

And besides there was no room left for much privacy when you had 5 best friends.

So he felt completely comfortable opening the door to Kelso's bedroom knowing Jackie was inside sleeping. And he felt completely justified when, seeing the tear stains on her cheeks, he gently wiped at where they had fallen as if to go back in time and take them away. And to Fez it was no invasion of privacy as he laid himself down on the bed beside her, looking at her beautiful face, and wrapping his arm around to softly rub her back. She wandered out of slumber at the contact, and her voice wasn't angry, only surprised as she asked what he was doing there.

"Hopefully, making my good friend Jackie feel a little less sad."

She smiled slightly at his answer, and snuggling in to him she closed her eyes once more to return to sleep. He kissed the top of her head before closing his own eyes.

In private, too often, his Jackie was shedding countless tears. In private, she stayed awake all night and stared vacantly all day, heartbroken and lonely. Too long had he let this go on, respecting her privacy.

And he decided in that instant, if it was privacy that allowed doors to close and left friends alone to cry behind them, wellthen privacy was his number one enemy.

LONGING:

Eric hung up the phone with Donna feeling like an emotional mess. She ended with "I love you" so he was stuck grinning so big it hurt. She'd implied she liked Randy so his chest was tight with jealousy, and that hurt far worse. And he could feel tears stinging at his eyes, and he bit his lip hard to try not to cry. But as he felt his lip begin to bleed, yet another hurt, he decided to hell with it, Red wasn't there, and he let himself sob because he missed her so badly.

He looked around the tiny room he stayed in. He really loved what he was doing. He taught 5 classes a day, middle-school aged children mostly. And they adored him. And the feeling was mutual. He'd spend a large portion of each day interacting with these amazing kids, who, even though grew up with suffering and chaos all around them, were not unlike he was at their age. They wanted to have fun. They couldn't wait to grow up. They loved their friends.

And when he was there, in the classroom, surrounded by them all, he was happy with the decision he made.

But later, alone in this tiny room. Neat and clean, but silent. He would long to be back in his town, in his house, in his basement. Sitting with an arm around Donna, watching the small TV. Or listening to Hyde and Jackie bicker. Or laughing at Fez as he scrounged for chocolate. Or mocking Kelso's Master Plans.

The longing would eat away at him in the middle of the night. Missing Donna so much he ached, and burned, and could not sit still. And he wondered if she missed him half as much.

Deep in the wild of Africa, surrounded by danger. If he didn't make it out alive it would not be disease or lions or the elements that killed him, if anything it would be the constant longing for home.

CHOICES:

Kelso returned with Hyde to find the living room empty. The kitchen too was vacant and still. And it wasn't until he went to change his shirt and wandered into his room that he found any signs of life in his apartment. On his bed, curled up together, were Jackie, Fez, and Donna, peacefully asleep. He smirked at them, Jackie curled up, face buried against Fez's chest. Donna lay on her side, back against Fez's, sharing the blanket. Kelso thought it just might have been the cutest thing he'd ever seen. And if had had a bigger bed, he'd have jumped in to cuddle and nap with them. He really loved his friends. He shut the door to his room as quietly as he could and returned to the kitchen where Hyde was helping himself to a beer.

He was glad they all felt so comfortable in his home. Except this wasn't a home. Or at least it hadn't beenuntil they'd shown up yesterday. And Kelso felt a hard choice coming on.

On his outing with Hyde, among the various of other serious and important topics they had discussed, he'd found out Donna's secret. And he was both mortified that Donna and Eric were over, and that he hadn't been there to offer his shoulder for one of his oldest friends to cry on. He hadn't been there then, and what if he was never there again? Kelso didn't like the idea of that at all.

But the idea of going back, while it would initially send warm fuzzy feelings all over his tall, and handsome, body, would ultimately leave him sad and disappointed in himself. What kind of father would he be if he moved back to Point Place? He couldn't help but answer, not a very good one.

Maybe he could drive down to Chicago every other weekend. Maybe Brooke could bring Betsy back to Wisconsin for Christmas and Easter and her birthday. But Kelso knew that wouldn't be enough. What if he missed it when she started walking. What if he wasn't there when she said "Daddy" the first time. Not to mention he would miss her. He still felt he didn't see her enough with her living only 10 minutes away.

He would never forgive himself if he left Chicago without her. But he'd never be happy if he stayed.

And he wondered, feeling stuck between choices, what it would take to convince Brooke that Point Place was great for raising babies.

ANSWERS:

Hyde sat at the kitchen table, third beer in hand, staring at the clock on the wall. She'd been gone for 20 minutes.

Not long after he and Kelso had gotten back the slumbering trio had started to stir. Donna came out jabbering about her conversation with Eric. Fez was gloating about sleeping sandwiched between two beautiful girls. Jackie had just looked nervously at him, and then quickly announced she was taking a walk and left.. And Hyde had been staring at the clock since. He knew she knew he wanted to talk to her. She was stalling. Smart girl.

After his interrogation on the way to the park his mind had been working overtime on some answers to Kelso's surprisingly difficult questions. He had been working hard, and coming up empty. And so he had concluded that the only way he was going to get any answers was to talk to Jackie. Really talk. About everything they hadn't been saying for months.

He needed some answers from her. Like what really happened with Kelso? Like what had she been thinking giving him an ultimatum? And why wasn't she sleeping? And could she ever forgive him for marrying someone else?

Now she'd been gone for 35 minutes. And he was on beer number four, silently willing her to get back soon. He needed her to shed light on all this. Because really, his answers depended on hers.

AVOIDANCE:

Jackie woke up with Fez's chest in her face, his cologne mingling with his own exotic scent and then rushing to her nose. It was familiar and comforting. It still hadn't been much sleep, but it was the best she'd gotten in a while. She moved her head slightly and saw red hair over Fez's shoulder. She smiled to herself, Fez had never been so lucky. Her and Donna were both hot and in bed with him. She giggled quietly. Extracting herself carefully from Fez's arm she rolled over and swung her feet to the floor. It was late afternoon, she could tell from the organge-ish glow that the sun was pushing through the window's closed blinds. And after washing her face in the bathroom, she came out to find Michael, Steven, and Prince back from their field trip. She smiled at Kelso as he teased her about sleeping with Fez, and leaned down to pet the puppy as it nuzzled against her legs. Braving it, she glanced in Hyde's direction only to be taken by complete and utter surprise. He had a definite expression. It was his "We need to talk" face. And for a moment she couldn't breathe. She felt the panic buzzing in her ears. She was sure her eyes were wide, deer caught in headlights style. And instantly she was deathly afraid of what he had to say.

"Jackie, you sicken me. I can't be around you. You are pathetic."

"Jackie, really, you look like shit. Get over me."

"Jackie, I never really loved you. How could I? You are repulsive."

"Jackie, you do realize this is all your fault, right?"

And the next thing she knew her fight or flight response had taken over. She was all about the flight. She couldn't handle Steven right now, his confrontation or his presence. So she opted to avoid. Making up something about needing fresh air she had bolted from the apartment before Kelso could offer to go with her. And she could have sworn Steven's face said he knew exactly what she was doing.

But she didn't care. He could wait to tell her she was worthless. Avoidance had always been a trick of his, and she had always been a fast learner.